Cost saving tip: Just play a recording of someone describing really expensive special effects.
#monsterdon

WHY ARE YOU KEEPING THE HOSTAGE YOU HAVE A COP JUST WHAT I MEAN WHAT

...I wonder if Zarkorr's weakness is plot holes

#Monsterdon

Yeah Movie 'Tell, don't Show"

#Monsterdon

Oh fuck yeah Zarkorr has laser eyes.

#monsterdon

"Larry, I love you like an older brother" pretty shady George

#Monsterdon

Wait, why does the kaiju need to be defeated by the person with the median ability to defeat it?

#Monsterdon

oh, hey Mulder

#monsterdon

No, professor, I didn't watch the film, but I did read almost all the #monsterdon posts the last time they watched it!

For a monster that can't be defeated with guns there are sure nothing but guns in this movie

#Monsterdon

No Larry! I want to believe!

#Monsterdon #TeamZarkorr

Zirconium The Invader

#monsterdon

You won't believe me (just like nobody believes this guy) but I've had an idea for a story about a dead average human for a while. But the dead average human is female, yo. or maybe intersex.

#monsterdon
#zarkorrtheinvader1996

Finally I understand why all the Godzilla movies have journalist characters

#Monsterdon

Some cops show up to back up the news station security and apprehend Tommy. They stand outside the bathroom door with a gun. Steph explains that he's a postal worker, which gives the cops pause. Tommy almost-politely asks if he can use the doctor as a human shield and has her open the door so he can point a gun at a cop.

#monsterdon

I only listen to Zarcore 👾🎸

#Monsterdon

I wonder what Zarkorr is doing right now...

#monsterdon

Not saying anything but usually postal workers don't have a reputation for being homocidal maniacs, not in other countries at least...

#Monsterdon

After a baffling standoff, Tommy gets a gun from the news station cops and kidnaps a screaming Dr. Steph, then hides in a bathroom. She tells him to please remain clam. He has a mental breakdown because he keeps making bad decisions and the audience agrees. She pretends to believe him about him being chosen to save the world because she's trapped in a bathroom with a guy with a gun.

#monsterdon

The military should hire this guy as a recruiter.

"I want to use you as a human shield! PLEASE!"

#Monsterdon

Ugh, enough attempts at human drama, more model stomping please

#Monsterdon

I want that copfight to keep going because it's got big I Think You Should Leave energy

#monsterdon

hahahaha the whoosh sound effect edited over him waving the gun around

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon I was going to post that this guy is the nicest guy in all the movies that we’ve watched. The world is being destroyed, and he has information that can help stop it, and finds exactly the right person to tell, but first he needs her permission to talk to her. That’s real politeness.

Then he calls the fairy a mall tramp. So much for Mr. Nice Guy 😒

I'm not sure I have that much to say about this movie

I'm not sure the movie does either

#Monsterdon

Where are the monsters, dammit. #monsterdon

A hostage situation with no tension or sense....

#Monsterdon

"Just shoot through my body"

Is this movie being serious or what?

#Monsterdon

Protip, if surrounded by news station security, try fending them off with a camera tripod, unless they have guns.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon This escalated oddly.

Tommy goes to the news station to ambush Dr. Steph because she's smart and knows monster science. She tries to get away because he sounds like a nut, which he emphasizes by explaining that an alien hologram told him that he has to defeat the giant monster whose name is Zarkorr. Naturally she starts screaming.

#monsterdon

Realistically stupid and violent security guards.
#monsterdon

@paco I think we have passed the point of there being a coherent answer to that question

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

I love that we have established that this guy is such a dope that he's bumbled his way into this.

#Monsterdon

"HELP!" said the audience

#monsterdon

The monster is designed to home in on him, no weapon can defeat it, and the sooner he asks for help the better his odds, and the monster contains the seeds of its own destruction. I feel like this is a metaphor for something but I can't place it.

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Ohhh right the big zeitgeist joke in 1996 was postal workers snapping from job stress, hilarious

#Monsterdon

I saw you on TV and I'm not a stalker.
#monsterdon sterdon

I do not like the Protagonists hair, it reminds of that awful Supreme Court judge who's a drunk

#Monsterdon

I'm not a mailman, I'm a postal employee. There's a difference! #monsterdon

This feels like the movie #monsterdon viewers would make if someone gave us enough money.

The holographic girl asks Tommy to take notes and exhaustively explains that Zarkorr is immune to Earthly weapons but Tommy can defeat him somehow. Also Zarkorr is headed toward Tommy to squish him but contains the key to his own destruction.

Tommy tells the hologram girl that her species is being a bunch of dicks, she replies that they are superior being so they can be assholes. Then she tells him to hurry up and vanishes.

#monsterdon

"So how do I defeat Zarkorr?"

"That's the neat part. You don't"

#monsterdon

Nice, just when I was wondering what Zarkor was up to

is this pacing? 🦋

#Monsterdon

@xerozohar

It was the 90s. Tiny holograms & gangster rappers from Houston were all saying "sWords"

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

Love a movie with commercial breaks built-in

#monsterdon

"We can offer you no assistance what so ever"

How Western of them, the irony

#Monsterdon

Hot Zarkorrs rapidly approaching your location.

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"Zarkorr cannot be defeated."

*roll credits*

#Monsterdon

"Are you ok?" asked the tiny woman alien buffy

#monsterdon

I appreciate that the movie is just doing pure exposition to explain absolutely everything to avoid any kind of storytelling. That means I don't have to pay attention. #monsterdon

Once again, this is Debbie Downerson, reporting live.
#monsterdon

"Are you functional now?"

FULLY functional <3

#Monsterdon

he big

#monsterdon

You'll notice the human like arms, and the foam latex head.
#monsterdon

"Literally knocking buildings down" as opposed to the well used metaphor

#Monsterdon

I love the reasoning that the aliens selected Tommy because he had a completely average chance to defeat the invader relative to all other humans.

#monsterdon

Stan, Elizabeth, I'm here live in my Columbo cosplay

#Monsterdon

You think they got the actual local news to these scenes? Sure feels like it. #Monsterdon

"Is there Life after Death?"

Confidentially says NO.....this IS an advanced civilisation!

#Monsterdon

A lot of factors are combining to make this seem a lot like an episode of Power Rangers

#monsterdon

on the plus side, hell yes movie with a protagonist who is a postal deliverer but also this is a whole lot of nope

#Monsterdon

Now he can channel all that postal rage into something beneficial.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

Could we get a rewrite on "tiny teenage mall tramp"?

#monsterdon

is it still called shobijin if it's a murican movie

#Monsterdon

"Why are you here?"

And when is the walrus due?

#Monsterdon

Am I the only one who thought that TV was a miniature until dude stood beside it?

I'm still skeptical.

#Monsterdon

That's not one of the fairies!

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@CactuarJoe @moira Little known fact: 94% of outer space is in British Columbia

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Not a bad miniature city, actually. I'm kinda shocked. #Monsterdon

Meanwhile in the nearby opening to an HBO movie. #monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

the dude looking at his can of booze for a moment looked like he was getting his phone out to take pictures

#Monsterdon

Goodness, what a quick reveal

I hope he doesn't trip over the opening credits

#Monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for Zarkorr! The Invader! A movie that I guess is about a guy named Zarkorr who invades something. It's from the 90s.

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie every week and make fun of it. As is tradition, I will be unreliably summarizing the entire movie. Mute the hash tag if you don't want to see millions of posts by everyone about this Zarkorr movie.

#Zarkorr1996

Avalanche is about. Business continues below.
#monsterdon

The Avalanches Since I Left You

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

It's gonna be a movie filled with minatures alright. #monsterdon

@trixter a sign of quality #Monsterdon

This is some good music and interesting title font.

Are we sure this isn't going to be a space/robot movie?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

90s Star Trek font.

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@aspeed superbad!

#Monsterdon

Why do you have so many boxes of oranges? Are you a fruit resaler? I thought that was your garage.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

"I'm sure that's just a coincidental gigantic snake that's always with her" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

LOL, she came back for the end of #Zarkorr after all. She couldn’t stay away from this fine film. #Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@diazona #Monsterdon #WrongInvader

They should have used more of the budget on the screenplay.

@diazona the magic rock movie was better, but this one is keeping my interest. Which is more than I can say for Zarkorr.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

this movie was making sense but all of a sudden it got confusing.

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

@strangefour Puggle Kaiju #monsterdon

Yellow coat dude really dragged out that death

#Monsterdon

This guy really WALKS down concrete walkways....like a PRO

#Monsterdon

If I'm ever a gangster, my hideout's gonna be somewhere that people feel comfortable slow-dancing.

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

@WastelandWandrr he make think being a giant is cool but has he thought it through? what about the toilet situation? what clothes would he wear? He will regret taking the formuler #Monsterdon

wait, why doesn't Muzzler get its own Fing food, it's big enough now

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

@Terencio exactly! Everyone would be at your door, you'd never get any quiet....it's a monkey's paw situation

#Monsterdon

Kinda want to go grass skiing now......

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou #Monsterdon #WrongInvader

with Infinite Power come Infinite Responsibilities

"I must have infinite power!"

Ah, you'd only waste it, they always do....

#Monsterdon

Noticing a theme of "Children irresponsibly unleash kaiju on the Adult world" tonight

#Monsterdon #Miru

Giant snakes sound like crows, that's just science #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Is she asking the snek if its muslim?

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

@wyatt_h_knott #Monsterdon #WrongInvader

The movie's actually pretty entertaining so far...