"please, the key to your own destruction, take it"

#Monsterdon

tuning back in in hopes that there is at least some good kaiju fights. not sure if they have even established some kind of means of fighting it, but my headcanon at least is just that this guy is walking up to it and going to try and fistfight it like every mediocre guy thinks they can win a fistfight with a bear and so on #monsterdon

Stephanie's only expertise after the interview was in meeting that hacker, right?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Dodge roll, Arthur! Dodge roll like your life depends on it! #Monsterdon

We get another scene of Zarkorr smashing up a city because the audience hasn't seen one of those for a while.

#monsterdon

Did they just drive from NJ to AZ and back?

#Monsterdon

Zarkorr hates cardboard miniatures!

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

Good to see they were thrown around the National Security thing before 9/11.
#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

I can't believe it!!!!

Zarkorr?!? In A Zarkorr movie?!?!?!

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

LOL when the dumb cop asks the sheriff "What are you, some kind of question asker?"

#monsterdon

I wonder what the tiny lady is up to

#monsterdon

Holy shit. It's a 4th of July movie. #monsterdon

This scene didn't age particularly well, though

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

The Arizonans discover a giant metallic looking space egg that crashed into the roof of a diner, but its harder than diamond and no one figured out how to open it.

Because a weird idea is better than no idea, Tommy decides that we should move it into their car.

#monsterdon

This came out before Men in Black.
#monsterdon

It’s time to penetrate this thing

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

"nothing harder than the diamond", now *that* is kind of a 90s deep pull

I don't think I've seen it in very many movies or shows, but boy was it a thing in the popular mind

#Monsterdon

How did they get matching Men in Black costumes so fast?

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Maybe this will have some super clever twist ending. I'm not holding my breath. #monsterdon

"Monster Report" was a jazz fusion outfit out of Tokyo...

#Monsterdon

I've never been so grateful for a commercial break

#Monsterdon

Authentic Yuma, Arizona accent

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

He's not just a hacker, he's a travel agent.
#monsterdon

Zarkorr needs to lean in and shake some hands

#Monsterdon

uh-oh, the cop is an Evangelical...

#Monsterdon

Midnight clothes change into federal suits. #Monsterdon

One of those 24/7 Internet FBI suit stores I guess...

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon What if Cris Carter's The Lone Gunmen but even more repulsive (Zarkorr! The Invader)

I think character actor in this movie means you have to use a funny voice. #monsterdon

“You ever see that movie with Linda Blair? The one where she turns her head around and vomits pea soup?”

#Monsterdon

if letting the monster destroy humanity is the only way to shut this guy up then we don't have much choice

#monsterdon

The pop culture quotes are definitely accurate for the character

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

Too bad there weren't enough microphones for all the actors.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon I think the wheelchair guy has Tourettes.

this is one of the hells isn't it?

#Monsterdon

I wonder what Newark's up to

#Monsterdon

Gonna get access to the top secret military weather forecasts.

#monsterdon

@combatwombat noticeable, wasn't it? #Monsterdon

Maybe we got this Zarkorr guy all wrong. Maybe he just hates miniatures made at wildly inconsistent scales.

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@Anima and the smell, my gods, can you imagine?

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

#monsterdon What's with the male and female symbols rotating on that screen... I don't care, but it's odd. Like... everything else.

This is like some late-arriving Reagan-era fuck-the-EPA-ism

#Monsterdon

At this rate, Zarkorr will have decimated an entire rural area within mere months

#Monsterdon

@ohiofi "Hot Kaiju Singles In Your Area" #Monsterdon

@bunnyhero I've been called wo$$@@÷#!××1101011//53#@×<>]]<< #monsterdon

I get the impression this guy is ad-libbing all his lines, and the rest just have to go along with whatever he says.

#Monsterdon

Wow this hacker is a Scum Bag™

#Monsterdon

Good news: this movie knows that New Mexico exists

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Commercial break?

#Monsterdon

He’s going to weaponize cyber bullying against Zarkorr

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

MORE SPINNING MARS AND VENUS SYMBOLS
#monsterdon

To visualize the hacker character, just imagine the phrase "We have Dr. Stephen Hawking at home."

#monsterdon

Oh good it's been all of ten minutes since I experienced contact embarrassment >_> #Monsterdon

I'm feeling seen... #Monsterdon

This is one of those rare movies that doesn't have a single character you're rooting for. #monsterdon

@CactuarJoe Budget Lone GunMAN.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

And we're in the backrooms of the old MST3K set.

#Monsterdon #XarkorrTheInvader1996

Do cop cars normally carry explosives with them?

"I'm not dangerous, and I'm not crazy"

that's an opinion

#Monsterdon

The postal worker knows the word "tautology"?
#monsterdon

Ah yes, *the* warehouse district in New Jersey

#monsterdon

@wyatt_h_knott @bunnyhero True!

Do you know how long it takes to make one of those?

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

I appreciate how Dr. Steph is just in survival mode for this movie and realizes that she has to just pretend to agree with whatever weird thing Tommy and the dumb cop say.

#monsterdon

@blue It wasn't said clearly the first time, but I think the explanation they inserted later is that it's a test of humanity, so the test has to be passed by the median person

#Monsterdon

When you see “Quincy” show up on screen, that’s Ben Ramsey, the screenwriter, who wrote the live action Dragonball Z movie.

Edit: and he’s most definitely not me!

#Monsterdon

This movie is holding me hostage

#Monsterdon

Cost saving tip: Just play a recording of someone describing really expensive special effects.
#monsterdon

WHY ARE YOU KEEPING THE HOSTAGE YOU HAVE A COP JUST WHAT I MEAN WHAT

...I wonder if Zarkorr's weakness is plot holes

#Monsterdon

Yeah Movie 'Tell, don't Show"

#Monsterdon

Oh fuck yeah Zarkorr has laser eyes.

#monsterdon

"Larry, I love you like an older brother" pretty shady George

#Monsterdon

Wait, why does the kaiju need to be defeated by the person with the median ability to defeat it?

#Monsterdon

oh, hey Mulder

#monsterdon

No, professor, I didn't watch the film, but I did read almost all the #monsterdon posts the last time they watched it!

For a monster that can't be defeated with guns there are sure nothing but guns in this movie

#Monsterdon

No Larry! I want to believe!

#Monsterdon #TeamZarkorr

Zirconium The Invader

#monsterdon

You won't believe me (just like nobody believes this guy) but I've had an idea for a story about a dead average human for a while. But the dead average human is female, yo. or maybe intersex.

#monsterdon
#zarkorrtheinvader1996

Finally I understand why all the Godzilla movies have journalist characters

#Monsterdon

Some cops show up to back up the news station security and apprehend Tommy. They stand outside the bathroom door with a gun. Steph explains that he's a postal worker, which gives the cops pause. Tommy almost-politely asks if he can use the doctor as a human shield and has her open the door so he can point a gun at a cop.

#monsterdon

I only listen to Zarcore 👾🎸

#Monsterdon

I wonder what Zarkorr is doing right now...

#monsterdon

Not saying anything but usually postal workers don't have a reputation for being homocidal maniacs, not in other countries at least...

#Monsterdon

After a baffling standoff, Tommy gets a gun from the news station cops and kidnaps a screaming Dr. Steph, then hides in a bathroom. She tells him to please remain clam. He has a mental breakdown because he keeps making bad decisions and the audience agrees. She pretends to believe him about him being chosen to save the world because she's trapped in a bathroom with a guy with a gun.

#monsterdon

The military should hire this guy as a recruiter.

"I want to use you as a human shield! PLEASE!"

#Monsterdon

Ugh, enough attempts at human drama, more model stomping please

#Monsterdon

I want that copfight to keep going because it's got big I Think You Should Leave energy

#monsterdon

#monsterdon I was going to post that this guy is the nicest guy in all the movies that we’ve watched. The world is being destroyed, and he has information that can help stop it, and finds exactly the right person to tell, but first he needs her permission to talk to her. That’s real politeness.

Then he calls the fairy a mall tramp. So much for Mr. Nice Guy 😒

I'm not sure I have that much to say about this movie

I'm not sure the movie does either

#Monsterdon

Where are the monsters, dammit. #monsterdon

A hostage situation with no tension or sense....

#Monsterdon

"Just shoot through my body"

Is this movie being serious or what?

#Monsterdon

Protip, if surrounded by news station security, try fending them off with a camera tripod, unless they have guns.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon This escalated oddly.

Tommy goes to the news station to ambush Dr. Steph because she's smart and knows monster science. She tries to get away because he sounds like a nut, which he emphasizes by explaining that an alien hologram told him that he has to defeat the giant monster whose name is Zarkorr. Naturally she starts screaming.

#monsterdon

Realistically stupid and violent security guards.
#monsterdon

@paco I think we have passed the point of there being a coherent answer to that question

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"HELP!" said the audience

#monsterdon

The monster is designed to home in on him, no weapon can defeat it, and the sooner he asks for help the better his odds, and the monster contains the seeds of its own destruction. I feel like this is a metaphor for something but I can't place it.

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Ohhh right the big zeitgeist joke in 1996 was postal workers snapping from job stress, hilarious

#Monsterdon

I saw you on TV and I'm not a stalker.
#monsterdon sterdon