Don't push the throuple, technomancer, c'mon. #Monsterdon

OMG, he is inventing Google?

#Monsterdon

Arthur the Hacker, er, Cybernaught, is probably the worst side character of all time. #monsterdon

Illustrated. I'm so sorry if this awakens anything in you.

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

...Budget Lone Gunmen? #Monsterdon

It's a crisco-tautology

#Monsterdon

I am really concerned for this lady in the car with these two dudes....

#Monsterdon

@xerozohar Pretty rare for the mid-90s, honestly. #Monsterdon

💯 that the warehouse they are hiding this car is where the news studio was. #monsterdon

holy shit he said Nuclear correctly

#monsterdon

Zarkorr can be defeated by the power of looooove. You just have to tell Milla Jovovich that you love her while in Egypt.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon The entire world pends on a USPS employee. This is quaint and amusing.

@bunnyhero I think you're right. Also, I don't think they could afford blanks, which why guns are just for pointing.

#Monsterdon #TeamZarkorr

Oh thank god, more miniature sets blowing up :D If they can keep this pace up with the lazer eyes we might survive this film yet!

#Monsterdon

I can believe a White Cop would do this....and obviously let a fellow white dude take a woman hostage....this movie is darker than it intended to be...

#Monsterdon

“Why did the alien pick you?”

“Because I’m average.”

That’ll cause anyone to put down their weapons. No one claims delusions of mediocrity.

#Monsterdon

"I know how bad this looks" is definitely the way to lead a conversation with a cop that you are pointing a gun at when you are holding a woman hostage in a bathroom.

#monsterdon

"I didn't say I was any good at it!"

We can tell.

#Monsterdon

By all means please repeat to the police all the things that we the audience already saw. It makes for riveting cinema.
#monsterdon

This is what happens when you let the guy who thinks he's a riot at parties write a film.

#Monsterdon

ACAB means ACAB

#Monsterdon

I know the Average Dude has to save Earth but I really don't like him

Shoot him

#Monsterdon

The crisco-zoologist was about to be interviewed on the air, and she was bringing her purse to the stage because....?

#Monsterdon

I'm late to #Monsterdon and trying to catch up by jumping forward occasionally but THERE IS SO MUCH I NEED TO SEE.
Like, WTF is up with the tiny woman?
#zarkorr1996

lol, watch out, he's got a hat stand!

#Monsterdon

You're projecting all right

#monsterdon

This is concerningly realistic

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

protagonist's first challenge: speak normally to and act normally around a woman

Results:
❌ try again later

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou at least he's most average in the sense of "being able to defeat a giant alien monster" #monsterdon

@CactuarJoe Unless you're on the other side of the mississippi, then it's KRRP

#monsterdon

As a child I used to imagine myself as a monster stomping through a city, and I suspect most of you are the same..

#Monsterdon

@brouhaha After this he has to chop down the tallest tree in the forest wiiiiiiiiiith

a herring.
#monsterdon

"I thought superior beings were supposed to be morally superior"

yea that isn't a thing, buddy. but that sure is some """enlightenment""" jabber you just dropped on us. [jazz hands] the 90s!

#Monsterdon

"We're superior beings." said the valley girl alien

#monsterdon

Sharp sticks won't work. What about dull sticks.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon We have an Emilio Sheenstevez and some fairy that's more kojikin than shobijin.

And wow, our Protag is exactly average, we're officially in the Idiocracy universe. that's it, I'm off to the Museum o' Fart...

(catching up at 1.23 speed bc my sound daemon went to hell causing a reboot)

"SWORDS" she said "SWWWORDS"

#monsterdon

Pay attention. This will be on the test.

#Monsterdon

Oh hey, boring Max Headroom.

#Monsterdon

oh god the racist caricature, it burns

#Monsterdon

Mount Aurora in Aurora County with Aurora Valley?
Is it in Aurora County? With Aurora Valley?
#monsterdon

It's a tiny girl! Just like my anime figure collection! She'll look so good next to Madoka!

Are they really intelligent if they chose Tommy?

"How come you look like a tiny teenaged mall tramp?"

Meaning of life & afterlife denied 5 minutes in. That's philosophy done for.

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

Chekov's lack of an afterlife

#Monsterdon

World's most average guy getting bullied for watching Cartoon Network

shobijin-chan might be the baddie

#Monsterdon

50th percentile hero

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Hardcore atheism

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"Tiny teenage mall tramp"

"I'm only working with what you're giving me....you perv"

#Monsterdon

"Am I supposed to believe this?"

Hey, that's MY line chief. #Monsterdon

"A minature mall tramp, LOL! 🤣

#Monsterdon

@diazona @CactuarJoe lol 90% of caprica was SFU campus xD

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

I think I’m a no, the only kaiju movie I’ve ever really liked is the video for Intergalactic. #Monsterdon

Oh wow, 'New Jersey'

#Monsterdon

@moira I'm hoping! It sure FEELS like it would be scheduled opposite Stargate Atlantis for forest usage. #Monsterdon

Promising Time To Monster for the film, tho <3 #Monsterdon

Prediction: the plot will be pointless. And the monster stuff is gonna be hilarious. #monsterdon

This is some real Wing Commander-ass music

#monsterdon

omg here we go again. #Monsterdon

Does Star Trek Voyager know you are using their title font? #monsterdon

Zarkorr-core

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

LANGUAGE! You might be a criminal mobster but there's no need to swear.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

It feeds on electricity! Oh it really is a thunder serpent. Cool giant puppet.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

Oh no! The snake knows kung fu! Our gang is finsihed!
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

This almost reminds me of the movie with a kid who gets a magic rock that's an alien and it all ends in kung fu fighting with Cynthia Rothrock.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

The music is "What if the Sisters Of Mercy were getting beaten up by Cocteau Twins?" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

If either the government or gangsters get the "formuler", they'll corner the market in giant snakes who love little girls.

… I have rarely been so bored as by this gangster plot. There was ONE chase/execution, and it was pointless. Where's the fun, Godfrey Ho? You're usually good for constant adventure, spliced in from other movies!

Why is there a map of the US here? Do they do a lot of US operations from Hong Kong?

Oh, finally another random shootout!

#monsterdon #thunderOfGiganticSerpent

Meanwhile in footage added to pad the run time. Ted Fast runs from some white guys unrelated to the serpent action.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

Mozler dragged her out of danger, and ended up in more danger, so has to break her back out of a collapsed burning building. This snake is a guardian angel protecting a cursed child.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

@floatybirb yeah, that hacker character....as a somewhat of a geek I feel like I'm the victim of something....

#Monsterdon

@ramsey Hey, at least they had a budget to work with. Lets hope they didn't blow it all on the rubber snake.

#monsterdon

YES! EXPLOSIONS!

"Let's see what Billy comes up with!"
This is a weird thing in Chinese movies in particlar, they treat first names as more respectful than they are in Western movies. If we call a guy "Billy" he's a fuckup. You gotta use a nickname or last name. "Tango & Cash" not "Raymond & Gabriel".

"Go away!" No, your little Mozler loves & understands you.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty_rat_snake

MOZLER, YES, eat the bad children!

#monsterdon #thunderOfGiganticSerpent

Name's Fast. Ted Fast. *puts on sunglasses*
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

@strangefour Yu Yu Hakusho, but it's aliens harassing a postal employee <3 #Monsterdon

Mossland? Wait what is she calling the snake? Moslap?
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiantSerpent

Random white guys? Hello new pointless footage Godfrey Ho added. Sadly no Ninja bandana or Garfield phone in sight.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiantSerpent

Dr T? Dr Ti? Dr Tea? Dr Teeth and the frog mutant mayhem?
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiantSerpent

PUT THE FROG INTO THE CHAMBER.

APPLY THE VOLTAGE.

YES! IT IS A BIG FROG NOW!

Well, that's the movie sorted. I could just watch that all day.

Oh, we're back to recycled mob/ninja footage.

There's a couple extra lab geeks now, so you know they can die.

"OH DOCTOR T! WHAT ABOUT YOUR THOUSAND FINGERS‽"

#monsterdon #thunderOfGiganticSerpent

For more information on the people making this horrible dub... there is very little really. But we have a web page about their perversions of Transformers dubs atleast.
https://tfwiki.net/wiki/Omni_Productions
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiantSerpent

lol, you've succeeded, but why?

#Monsterdon

@apLundell wasted character, but obvious the Writer's fetish #Monsterdon

@JoeWynne they have an OnlyFans account now #Monsterdon

RE: https://me.dm/@kshernandez/116830774248064480

Well I'll be darned!

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

I did not actually know that we'd be watching a kaiju flick for #Monsterdon when I wrote my "Daria and Jane survive Godzilla" #fanfiction series

https://archiveofourown.org/series/6256076

Anyway, this concludes my #monsterdon thread for Zarkorr. Until next time, um... remember not to kidnap anyone even if a holographic faerie from space tells you to. Unless doing so will save the world I guess. But usually doing that probably won't save the world.

#monsterdon

RE: https://retro.pizza/@CactuarJoe/116830968846249935

Us Monsterdon voters always bully ourselves with movie choices.
#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

I would love it if Zarkorr actually got teleported away, not killed, and now becomes the star of a weekly cartoon where he has to go around the universe fighting evil

As long as nobody involved with this movie has anything to do with it

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

This was a movie thrown together by one of the "Completion Bond" companies you see in credits listings, right?

#Monsterdon
#Zarkorr1996

@srol

🏹

What to tell newbies

Welcome to the #Monsterdon channel.

ZARKORRRRRRRRRRRR ~/o

#monsterdon

Whenever we watch schlock we seem to bifurcate. Expectations mismatch I think.

That was not cinema, but I liked it. I also hated some of it, but overall I liked it.

#Monsterdon

Felt like we needed more of the unhelpful mall tramp alien

#Monsterdon

@gblues lol, more hostages... #Monsterdon

The end credits plot summary song isn't even a rap? What was the point of any of this??

#Monsterdon

President? Could be worse. Thanks #monsterdon ers. Tomorrow #mondayactionmovie has some top shelf 80's Canadian film making. I don't know if it's in 4K, but can dream.....Take care. See ya soon.

I can think of worse presidents

At this point I'd vote for Zarkorr! tbh

....also, this Zarkorr theme song was the best part, hands down

hands shaking

🤝

pleased to meetcha

#Monsterdon

So the superior aliens basically found a beta and sent him on a scavenger hunt, am I understanding that correctly?

#Monsterdon

Well that was delightfully short. It's got a pretty groovy closing credits song too. Thanks as always to @Taweret for hosting. Have a great week Beautiful Mutants. #monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"Hi, I'm Zarkorr. I'm still in this movie, but I don't know why! I'll just keep eatin' buildings until they stop me. It's real dark in my scenes, but I assure you I'm here! Just listen to my roars!"

Why did this guy just grab a woman & carry her off?

Finally, they meet. Giant monster. Tommy. Love at first sight. Well, laser vision at first sight, which is just like love but HOTTER.

OK, so now Tommy can lift an entire half a pod by himself. Sure.

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

♫ Zarkorr! Zarkorr! ♫

#Monsterdon

I called it 10 minutes ago. #monsterdon

Actual denoument? What a rare treat for #Monsterdon

I think some of y'all were too mean to this, it was pretty good for a direct-to-video joint IMO