You're projecting all right

#monsterdon

This is concerningly realistic

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@Lazarou at least he's most average in the sense of "being able to defeat a giant alien monster" #monsterdon

@CactuarJoe Unless you're on the other side of the mississippi, then it's KRRP

#monsterdon

As a child I used to imagine myself as a monster stomping through a city, and I suspect most of you are the same..

#Monsterdon

@brouhaha After this he has to chop down the tallest tree in the forest wiiiiiiiiiith

a herring.
#monsterdon

"We're superior beings." said the valley girl alien

#monsterdon

Sharp sticks won't work. What about dull sticks.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon We have an Emilio Sheenstevez and some fairy that's more kojikin than shobijin.

And wow, our Protag is exactly average, we're officially in the Idiocracy universe. that's it, I'm off to the Museum o' Fart...

(catching up at 1.23 speed bc my sound daemon went to hell causing a reboot)

"SWORDS" she said "SWWWORDS"

#monsterdon

Oh hey, boring Max Headroom.

#Monsterdon

oh god the racist caricature, it burns

#Monsterdon

Mount Aurora in Aurora County with Aurora Valley?
Is it in Aurora County? With Aurora Valley?
#monsterdon

It's a tiny girl! Just like my anime figure collection! She'll look so good next to Madoka!

Are they really intelligent if they chose Tommy?

"How come you look like a tiny teenaged mall tramp?"

Meaning of life & afterlife denied 5 minutes in. That's philosophy done for.

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

Chekov's lack of an afterlife

#Monsterdon

50th percentile hero

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Hardcore atheism

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"Tiny teenage mall tramp"

"I'm only working with what you're giving me....you perv"

#Monsterdon

"Am I supposed to believe this?"

Hey, that's MY line chief. #Monsterdon

"A minature mall tramp, LOL! 🤣

#Monsterdon

@diazona @CactuarJoe lol 90% of caprica was SFU campus xD

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

I think I’m a no, the only kaiju movie I’ve ever really liked is the video for Intergalactic. #Monsterdon

Oh wow, 'New Jersey'

#Monsterdon

@moira I'm hoping! It sure FEELS like it would be scheduled opposite Stargate Atlantis for forest usage. #Monsterdon

Promising Time To Monster for the film, tho <3 #Monsterdon

Prediction: the plot will be pointless. And the monster stuff is gonna be hilarious. #monsterdon

You can tell by the intro music that it’s gonna be trash

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

This is some real Wing Commander-ass music

#monsterdon

omg here we go again. #Monsterdon

Does Star Trek Voyager know you are using their title font? #monsterdon

Zarkorr-core

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

LANGUAGE! You might be a criminal mobster but there's no need to swear.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

It feeds on electricity! Oh it really is a thunder serpent. Cool giant puppet.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

Oh no! The snake knows kung fu! Our gang is finsihed!
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

This almost reminds me of the movie with a kid who gets a magic rock that's an alien and it all ends in kung fu fighting with Cynthia Rothrock.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

The music is "What if the Sisters Of Mercy were getting beaten up by Cocteau Twins?" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

If either the government or gangsters get the "formuler", they'll corner the market in giant snakes who love little girls.

… I have rarely been so bored as by this gangster plot. There was ONE chase/execution, and it was pointless. Where's the fun, Godfrey Ho? You're usually good for constant adventure, spliced in from other movies!

Why is there a map of the US here? Do they do a lot of US operations from Hong Kong?

Oh, finally another random shootout!

#monsterdon #thunderOfGiganticSerpent

OK, on that cool shot of 1988 Hong Kong it's time to call it a night!

#Monsterdon

@klu9 @wyatt_h_knott King Of Snakes! https://youtu.be/z_j3fTedFA0

#Monsterdon

Funky jacket on the Lone Wolf

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

lol,. that looked more like a jizz strike than a gunshot

#Monsterdon

Meanwhile in footage added to pad the run time. Ted Fast runs from some white guys unrelated to the serpent action.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

Mozler dragged her out of danger, and ended up in more danger, so has to break her back out of a collapsed burning building. This snake is a guardian angel protecting a cursed child.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

@floatybirb yeah, that hacker character....as a somewhat of a geek I feel like I'm the victim of something....

#Monsterdon

@ramsey Hey, at least they had a budget to work with. Lets hope they didn't blow it all on the rubber snake.

#monsterdon

YES! EXPLOSIONS!

"Let's see what Billy comes up with!"
This is a weird thing in Chinese movies in particlar, they treat first names as more respectful than they are in Western movies. If we call a guy "Billy" he's a fuckup. You gotta use a nickname or last name. "Tango & Cash" not "Raymond & Gabriel".

"Go away!" No, your little Mozler loves & understands you.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty_rat_snake

MOZLER, YES, eat the bad children!

#monsterdon #thunderOfGiganticSerpent

Name's Fast. Ted Fast. *puts on sunglasses*
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

@strangefour Yu Yu Hakusho, but it's aliens harassing a postal employee <3 #Monsterdon

Mossland? Wait what is she calling the snake? Moslap?
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiantSerpent

Random white guys? Hello new pointless footage Godfrey Ho added. Sadly no Ninja bandana or Garfield phone in sight.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiantSerpent

Dr T? Dr Ti? Dr Tea? Dr Teeth and the frog mutant mayhem?
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiantSerpent

PUT THE FROG INTO THE CHAMBER.

APPLY THE VOLTAGE.

YES! IT IS A BIG FROG NOW!

Well, that's the movie sorted. I could just watch that all day.

Oh, we're back to recycled mob/ninja footage.

There's a couple extra lab geeks now, so you know they can die.

"OH DOCTOR T! WHAT ABOUT YOUR THOUSAND FINGERS‽"

#monsterdon #thunderOfGiganticSerpent

For more information on the people making this horrible dub... there is very little really. But we have a web page about their perversions of Transformers dubs atleast.
https://tfwiki.net/wiki/Omni_Productions
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiantSerpent

lol, you've succeeded, but why?

#Monsterdon

@JoeWynne they have an OnlyFans account now #Monsterdon

RE: https://me.dm/@kshernandez/116830774248064480

Well I'll be darned!

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

I did not actually know that we'd be watching a kaiju flick for #Monsterdon when I wrote my "Daria and Jane survive Godzilla" #fanfiction series

https://archiveofourown.org/series/6256076

Anyway, this concludes my #monsterdon thread for Zarkorr. Until next time, um... remember not to kidnap anyone even if a holographic faerie from space tells you to. Unless doing so will save the world I guess. But usually doing that probably won't save the world.

#monsterdon

RE: https://retro.pizza/@CactuarJoe/116830968846249935

Us Monsterdon voters always bully ourselves with movie choices.
#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

I would love it if Zarkorr actually got teleported away, not killed, and now becomes the star of a weekly cartoon where he has to go around the universe fighting evil

As long as nobody involved with this movie has anything to do with it

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

This was a movie thrown together by one of the "Completion Bond" companies you see in credits listings, right?

#Monsterdon
#Zarkorr1996

ZARKORRRRRRRRRRRR ~/o

#monsterdon

Felt like we needed more of the unhelpful mall tramp alien

#Monsterdon

@gblues lol, more hostages... #Monsterdon

The end credits plot summary song isn't even a rap? What was the point of any of this??

#Monsterdon

President? Could be worse. Thanks #monsterdon ers. Tomorrow #mondayactionmovie has some top shelf 80's Canadian film making. I don't know if it's in 4K, but can dream.....Take care. See ya soon.

I can think of worse presidents

At this point I'd vote for Zarkorr! tbh

....also, this Zarkorr theme song was the best part, hands down

hands shaking

🤝

pleased to meetcha

#Monsterdon

So the superior aliens basically found a beta and sent him on a scavenger hunt, am I understanding that correctly?

#Monsterdon

Well that was delightfully short. It's got a pretty groovy closing credits song too. Thanks as always to @Taweret for hosting. Have a great week Beautiful Mutants. #monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"Hi, I'm Zarkorr. I'm still in this movie, but I don't know why! I'll just keep eatin' buildings until they stop me. It's real dark in my scenes, but I assure you I'm here! Just listen to my roars!"

Why did this guy just grab a woman & carry her off?

Finally, they meet. Giant monster. Tommy. Love at first sight. Well, laser vision at first sight, which is just like love but HOTTER.

OK, so now Tommy can lift an entire half a pod by himself. Sure.

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

Okay, that movie was terrible, and I didn't like it, and it was bad and loathsome.

But.

BUT.

I kinda had a good time hating it.

#monsterdon

I called it 10 minutes ago. #monsterdon

@strangefour ABSOLUTELY wondering if the giant monster footage was some student project

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

#monsterdon So, Zarkorr just... fuckered off into space…

....And ACTION

#Monsterdon

"please, the key to your own destruction, take it"

#Monsterdon

tuning back in in hopes that there is at least some good kaiju fights. not sure if they have even established some kind of means of fighting it, but my headcanon at least is just that this guy is walking up to it and going to try and fistfight it like every mediocre guy thinks they can win a fistfight with a bear and so on #monsterdon

Stephanie's only expertise after the interview was in meeting that hacker, right?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Dodge roll, Arthur! Dodge roll like your life depends on it! #Monsterdon

We get another scene of Zarkorr smashing up a city because the audience hasn't seen one of those for a while.

#monsterdon

Did they just drive from NJ to AZ and back?

#Monsterdon

Zarkorr hates cardboard miniatures!

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

Good to see they were thrown around the National Security thing before 9/11.
#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

I can't believe it!!!!

Zarkorr?!? In A Zarkorr movie?!?!?!

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

LOL when the dumb cop asks the sheriff "What are you, some kind of question asker?"

#monsterdon

I wonder what the tiny lady is up to

#monsterdon

Holy shit. It's a 4th of July movie. #monsterdon

This scene didn't age particularly well, though

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

The Arizonans discover a giant metallic looking space egg that crashed into the roof of a diner, but its harder than diamond and no one figured out how to open it.

Because a weird idea is better than no idea, Tommy decides that we should move it into their car.

#monsterdon

This came out before Men in Black.
#monsterdon

It’s time to penetrate this thing

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

"nothing harder than the diamond", now *that* is kind of a 90s deep pull

I don't think I've seen it in very many movies or shows, but boy was it a thing in the popular mind

#Monsterdon

How did they get matching Men in Black costumes so fast?

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Maybe this will have some super clever twist ending. I'm not holding my breath. #monsterdon

"Monster Report" was a jazz fusion outfit out of Tokyo...

#Monsterdon

I've never been so grateful for a commercial break

#Monsterdon

Authentic Yuma, Arizona accent

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

He's not just a hacker, he's a travel agent.
#monsterdon

Zarkorr needs to lean in and shake some hands

#Monsterdon

uh-oh, the cop is an Evangelical...

#Monsterdon