Woo hoo horny #Monsterdon on main already!

No no, just record it at double speed it'll look big. Promise.

#Monsterdon

I will give it this: They do *not* waste time introducing the monster.

#monsterdon

Monster is pretty decent. By 1960's standards. #monsterdon

At least they aren't taking their time with the monster.

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

The Gojira scream, this ain't

#Monsterdon

Granted what monster effects we get in this movie are good, for being as cheap as they are There is a really good short film about Zarkorr to be had. HOWEVER...
#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

Woken from probably a good sleep and cranky as hell. #Monsterdon

Oh well no waiting for a kaiju here, just bring them on in act one. #Monsterdon

We really did not waste any time getting to the kaiju. #monsterdon

burninating the countryside

burninating the feed stock

burninating the TAR ROOF GARDEN SHAAAAAAACKKKK! GARDEN SHACACCKKK!!!!!

#monsterdon

they all got explosive diorama

#Monsterdon

Well here's your problem. This entire mountain is made of Styrofoam. #monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

One might think if one knew an avalanche was coming, one would run away

Tells you something about the humans in this movie

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

CRISIS on the MODEL TRAIN

starring

NO ONE

co-starring

NO ONE

and featuring

ABSOLUTELY NOBODY

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Fonts so stock even Tekwar wouldn't touch them.

#monsterdon #zarkorr

Seems an awfully calm way to announce an avalanche.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

Volcano induced avalanche?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Oh please tell me this was filmed in British Columbia <3 #Monsterdon

@onepuntoomuch

Luke Skywalkerton is in it though

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

Wasting no time getting to kaiju I see

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Right to blowing up a train set. #monsterdon
#Zarkorr1996

This makes me hope one day #monsterdon will do Alien Nation as a movie. Maybe.

Mark Hamilton, huh?

End that name three.letters sooner, and this would've been a better movie.

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

I saw “Mark Hamilton” and got excited for a moment before I read the “ton.”

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Mark Hamil(ton) is in this?!

Wait, so the music was composed by a guy named Band? Nominative Determinism much? #Monsterdon

Always a good sign when there's an exclamation point in the title.

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

At least this trailer seems very aware of what the people want

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Come on, no one is going to be afraid of a Cessna on a wire #monsterdon

Ok they have to get the lease on that studio apartment now #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

YAAAAY!! It's like Gamera only better #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Oh, y'all fucked now #monsterdon

If anything bad happens to the precious baby angel snake I am going to hunt down everyone involved in this film #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

This is the most Y2K prepper garage I've ever seen #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Ricky tingy tavi no sa rembo #monsterdon

"This is my pet, Mahler" "HIT IT!!!!!" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Mauzler seems more reasonable than the crazy mom

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

Oh no, no formuler! :blobdisapproval:
#monsterdon #thunderofgiganticserpent

Yes, police often take witnesses to wind-swept oceanfront bridges to have heart-to-heart conversations. Not, say, drab boring police stations with tile-floored rooms.

Are you just going to keep having this political conversation in a random family's living room?

Oh, FINALLY the plots connect again. Can you just edit this to be faster?

#monsterdon #thunderOfGiganticSerpent

In the category of "Movie betrays its contempt for the median man but shows a curious respect for police officers" I give #Zarkorr1996 5 out of 5 stars. The movie wants us to believe that the average person can succeed on a quest to defeat a Kaiju. But our chosen representative is so friendless and clue impaired, he doesn't seem to know how to ask for help. Instead, his demands lead to an incredibly uncomfortable sequence that destroys all audience sympathy. Weirdly enough, the various security officers and police are competent and sensible despite the bizarre situation they're thrown into. It was a simpler time, I guess.

Having dug itself into a hole, the movie stumbles along convinced that things are going to work out. The actors mostly do a good job with the material they're given. Zarkorr the monster looks good in its rubber suit and smashes cheap miniatures with brio. Somehow the puzzle pieces handed us by the fairy tale quest structure of the plot get put together and the monster is dismissed from the stage.

THE END

At least this #Monsterdon was short. Better luck next time?

Thanks @Taweret for hosting, thanks @cherizilla for the bingo card, thanks @miru for the stream and Ultra Q!

"They must be talking about that box I found, I'll have to get rid of it tomorrow. And I bet a giant snake is going to take WAY longer to flush down the toilet than my past few pets" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

"How can you say it's got nothing to do with The Police Force?" you think this movie could have afforded even a second of Leslie Nielsen?? #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

After her mother died I'm sure her father had lots of strokes #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Meanwhile on a bridge in a different movie altogether #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Slomo death again! #monsterdon #thunderofgiganticserpent
Damn auto-correct!

Fake Mac-10, fake scorpion, fake Thompson, somebody had fun. At least they're not using the same gun over an over in every shot.

#monsterdon

Looks like a 3D printed Tommy gun! #monsterdon

@SocialCommentaryBot Those Taiwanese, so crafty.

@cptbutton #monsterdon

Somebody just discovered the use of a drum machine #monsterdon

@cptbutton yeah, totally made of wood #monsterdon

Solomon death again! #monsterdon #thunderofgiganticserpent

@cptbutton impressive number of open bolt autos here - makes me wonder.

That Thompson is a fake though.

#monsterdon

The death of a machine gun wielding Neil Tennant #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

wait, aren't they supposed to take their hats off indoors?

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

Ted is smarter than the average bear #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

"She'll confess later on" I've read what passes for the script #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

pretend you got amnesia, Miss Lin!

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

"You don't have to act" "I have no idea what you're talking about" yeah we can tell #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

@cocaine_owlbear Honestly I would have bet on more than 50% being worse

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Oh gawd #Monsterdon is covering a Pierre Kirby movie, the giant snake one

@ramsey the bad guy's gang came to the lab to try and get the formula #monsterdon

"I will NOT search your area, sir!!" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

"Don't forget to turn every stone!"

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

Fun fact, uzis aren't actually easy to use as firing prop weapons safely because they are an open bolt design. Some movie teams have actually converted them to semi-auto so they could be run safely.

What do you think they did here?

#monsterdon

I wonder what Muzzler's doing now.

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

All machine gun wielding villains drive kei camper vans, that's just science! #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

I like they're doing the work to establish the snake as cool so we'll root for it as a kaiju.

#monsterdon

@maddy@thegayagenda.fans i love the 🥺
and i have a hacker progress pride on my meshtastic card 📻 #monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

Evil boss: "But this is adorable! I've been wasting my life!" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Please tell me there's a spinoff sitcom series where the girl and snake share a studio apartment and accidentally solve crimes #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

"I bet you're hungry, aren't you? Remember that boy you just tripped?" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Again with the grass skis? Starting to feel like product placement. #monsterdon

"His name is Ted Fast" he's a high velocity stuffed bear #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

The #Monsterdon movie tonight starred Ben “Killa" Ramsey as Quincy.

Yes. *That* Ben Ramsey. The guy who wrote the DragonBall Z movie.

#Monsterdon

America is going to beg him for help! #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Giant snake: "This is for the bow!" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Hey, isn't that the snake from Conan? #monsterdon

"Does this smell like ozone to you?"

#monsterdon #MiruMonsterdon

Snek uses The Force

#Monsterdon #WrongInvader

"I believe they've informed you of my coming" oh no this guy looks like the male lead from Zarkkor! #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

I think I can see where the giant snake is coming from....

#Monsterdon

Remember, the Bechdel test isn't about good movies. This one passed for the same reason Alien did: the two women talked about the monster. #Monsterdon

"What a strange box! It appears to be a first generation iMac" #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleDeature #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Car blows up spectacularly for no reason... and I'm not even mad.

Objectively, this movie ought to be easier to make fun of than Zarkorr! because this one seems like it's taking itself seriously, yet somehow it's not. It feels... earnest.

Plus, the dubbing is actually not badly done. And that's hard.

#monsterdon

@cainmark @srol
Rock out to Zarkorr! 🤟

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

*jumps out of a moving car*
*car immediately explodes*
#monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 #Monsterdon #WrongInvader

Mr T > "I PhD the fool!" > Dr T

@mdhughes Yeah we haven't done one of the long running decreasing budget/quality movies yet. Subspecies and Puppet Master will be great Monsterdon fodder in the future.
#Monsterdon

@Dr_Bombay You shall not turn a blind eye to the infection that is #Monsterdon!

(Also, you can mute the hashtag if it bothers you. 🙂)

@Dr_Bombay@mstdn.social #Monsterdon is people! Its people!(and bad movies)

Oh classic death shots, fall from roof, leap the chain ... perfect

#monsterdon

Well obviously the terrorists are here for the giant frog

#Monsterdon

"You get rid of the frog right away" another indication you may have made mistakes, career-wise #Monsterdon #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

@emily_rugburn

Yes, his character's stolen FBI badge in Midnight Run (1988)

#MOnsterdon

Violent machine gun death! Sponsored by your local Honda dealer! #Monsterdon #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent

Hey, they're making an effort at least.

Oh hey look, exciting bad guy action!

This movie is great.

#monsterdon

@crowbriarhexe #Monsterdon #WrongInvader

I was thinking: Kentucky Fried FrogLegs

"...or, it shouldn't be"

famous last words

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"Let's open a french restaurant!" #Monsterdon #ThunderOfGiganticSerpent