This dude is pretty convincing as a ranting lunatic. #monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

#Monsterdon 👽️👾👦🧚‍♀️🥊🫣 😱

This is the most convincing speech ever!
I would totally put down my gun.

Cop fight? #monsterdon

yeah this don't sound crazy at all
#monsterdon

Wow they are so polite while doing criminal acts: Excuse me, please, after you, sorry, it's my fault.

I SAID, "EXCUSE ME"!!!!

#MONsterdon

"Visited? Were there anal plobes?"

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

I think "using a person as a human shield" might be an HR violation.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

#Monsterdon 👽👾👦🧚‍♀️🥊🫣 😱

No, Tommy. You're just a *median* guy.

@xerozohar Mmmaybe not THAT bad. #Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe uwe boll?

#monsterdon

"Don't try anything, I'm armed! Twice!"

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@paco No, he said he had to go TO the postal office.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

Use the postal worker thing as alibi. #Monsterdon

@kenguzik Eh I think acting exactly like a crazy person and taking a hostage makes it difficult to consider him the nicest guy in all the movies

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

OH GOD NOT A POSTAL WORKER!

#monsterdon #zarkorr

"no, because you're a reasonable person!"

okay, i mean this movie is dumb, but like, i am laughing.

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

#monsterdon We found the first cop who could have stopped the snakes on that plane…

How is this cop even worse than the guards? #monsterdon

I hope the "holding a woman hostage with guns" thing falls apart sooner rather than later, though. It's uh, a lot.

#Monsterdon

Directing this movie consisted mostly of telling people to yell more.
#monsterdon

cringe is maxed out

#Monsterdon

Arguing jurisdiction is item 1 on the checklist when responding to a hostage situation

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"this is a disaster"

...nah, too easy.

#monsterdon

Wonder what Zarkorr is doing.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

WELCOME TO ZARKORR.
WHERE EVERYONE SNARKS AT MAX VOLUME.

DOES THE WORD 'ACTING' MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

#monsterdon

ACAB means ACAB

#Monsterdon

So his plan to talk to a normal woman ends up in a violent hostage situation because.... HUH?

Dude! Not cool.

#Monsterdon

@ohiofi lol

#Monsterdon

@Newpa_Hasai ahhh, shitty films do stuff like that.... #Monsterdon

#monsterdon I feel like this is going to turn into an adult film any second. (Definitely NOT a film for adults or multicelled organisms right now)

Never did the course of true love run smooth #Monsterdon

Oh my god, is this movie a secret classic of bad cinema? Is the Owlbyhaving fun?

By Pharasma, the Owlbear IS!

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

This whole "he's going postal" gag is honestly rather distasteful for 1996, but it has aged reasonably well as a bit with distance from a time when "going postal" was a reference to recent events.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon this movie thinks it's very funny

Come on, just start shooting already.

#Monsterdon

Was This Trip Really Necessary?™

#Monsterdon

Can we go back to the condescending miniature mall tramp? She was less problematic.
#monsterdon

That escalated randomly

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

The 90s was a rough decade for postal workers.

Probably because of this movie.

And murders.

#Monsterdon

zarrkor!s defeated: 0

#Monsterdon

"this isn't turning out like i'd expected"

every man who's ever tried to corner a lady in an elevator. (T_T)

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

Look out! He has a hat rack*!!

*my mistake, he has a "C stand"

#Monsterdon

It appears that if someone is trespassing you just pull out a gun and kill them.

#monsterdon

What's gonna kill Zarkorr?

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

The real monster was Tommy all along.

#Monsterdon

I need Zarkorr to eat this guy so we can get a backup protagonist

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

Yeah shoot him! #monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Everyone in this universe is exceedingly terrible at their job

#Monsterdon

I just got the stream started (lots of tech troubles tonight). And the first line I hear is "Can someone tell me what's going on around here?"

Yes, that's what I'd like to know.
#monsterdon

"We've got a problem down here." Boy howdy. #monsterdon

I ate the mushrooms and then the tiny people contacted me.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

I like how the one security guard is just wandering around in a state of confusion

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

I'm not crazy but I will run you through with this flimsy lightstand.
#monsterdon

Writer was like, "What if Mulder, but Scully? 🤔"

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

The incidental music is sooooooooooo bad

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

The Cryptozoology Department has a whole course on dealing with creepy guys..

#Monsterdon
#Zarkorr1996

(he's gone "Postal")
#Monsterdon

He’s a conglomeration of Sheens

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Mall tramp? Whoa buddy, way to objectify your space hologram. I think you need to talk to HR.
#monsterdon sterdon

“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor doom of kaiju stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

Smart man. Heading straight for the lady scientist who knew what she was talking about. #monsterdon

Crisco zoologist? Did I hear that right?

#Monsterdon #XarkorrTheInvader1996

Wow, actually smart tactic. Look like you belong!

#Monsterdon

@xerozohar @CactuarJoe I would have killed for a WKRP reference instead… Zorkarr’s downfall will be a turkey drop from a helicopter. #monsterdon

Contains the key to his own destruction? This is easy! We just gotta trigger that autoimmune response and he'll be bedridden in no time.

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@ohiofi Um hm...

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

"Don't anybody mind me, I'm just a perfectly normal mailman, now let's see maybe I can defeat Zarkorr with this basket? Or a stapler? How about these paperclips?"

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Not exactly the walk of a man in a hurry. Didn't you hear the mall tramp?!

Actually, I'm sensing poor lighting as a theme. #Monsterdon

I'm shocked that any trash was removed from this

#Monsterdon

This Hollywood kaiju has good abs. Japanese kaijus often have a flabby core.
I think that's the key difference.

#Monsterdon

This would be so great* as a video game though

*terribly hilarious

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Zero attempt at any kind of starry sky. Just black studio bg. Coo, coo.

#monsterdon

where' the Guyver when you need him

#monsterdon

@ohiofi IT's gonna die on accident

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

@Binder “whatevs”

#Monsterdon

Ahhhh yes, the explosive radio stations of the 1990s.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

yay more monster footage!

#monsterdon

If you can't knock over the Tokyo Tower, use this. #Monsterdon

A-bombs, H-bombs, and anthrax bombs are ineffective. But truth bombs always hurt.

#Monsterdon

“We’re superior beings, so our moral code allows us to do whatever we want to do to you.”

Sounds like humans wrote this.

#Monsterdon

"We're superior beings, so our moral code allows us to do whatever we want to do to you!" is definitely a line! 😂

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

"We're superior beings, so our moral code allows us to do whatever we want to you"

Very straightforward, I respect it

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Noooooooo. We're back to plot. #monsterdon

This is a terrible version of Dungeon Crawler Carl

#Monsterdon

This is your mission, should you choose to accept it. This tiny woman will self-destruct in 10...9...8... #monsterdon

"here's your quest. bye!"

#monsterdon

It's all a test. You aren't supposed to kill it. You're supposed to sway it from its destructive path using the power of love.

Happy pride.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon none of woman born shall harm Zarkorr, you get it

"We're superior beings. So our moral code allows us to do whatever we want to do."

GEE, 1996 MOVIE, timely much?

#monsterdon

So… Zarkorr is basically the Terrasque?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

The snail that chases you across the Earth and kills you if it touches you. Only the snail is 300 feet tall.
#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

He's coming for you, but take heart, if you fail there is no punishment. Only eternal oblivion, and that's your fate anyhow, so.... might as well try, or don't. Your call.

#Monsterdon

OMG this is all an alien reality show isn't it

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

No convention weapons. Check. Godzilla rules, check. #Monsterdon

Damn, can't even use a sword? Guess we can't break out the Jaegers for this one then.

#Monsterdon

I swear, if USPS HR isn't involved in this...

#Monsterdon

Characters in this #monsterdon so far

Giant Monster
Mailman Tommy
Teen Girl Hallucination
Dr Stephanie, Knowledge Lesbian
Reporters
Movie Rednecks

wait, is Zarkorr the killer snail that never tires???

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

She’s a republican. A tiny republican.

#Monsterdon