Wow, that's quite the strawman they're building up against the Endangered Species Act.

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

is the animal rights guy really being presented as crazy for being against the use of napalm?

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

That guy is typing "j" a lot.

Must be a vi user.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon WHY DOES THIS GUY GET A SOLILOQUY ABOUT BEING IN A WHEELCHAIR IN THIS KAIJU MOVIE

Okay, Zarkorr is a (technobabble) hologram?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Cybernaught is introduced: All right, lets go, cool hacker in a 90s movie

After he starts talking: Lets burn this entire movie to the ground

#Monsterdon

When the 1960's minature effects are BY FAR the best part of your 1996 film. #monsterdon

y'know in the trailer all that model footage looked terrible but in the context of this movie it actually looks pretty good

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Zarrkor! you're one cool dude

#Monsterdon

I am uncertain if the film understands how problematic its problematic character is being with the problematic things he's saying and the problematic things he claims to have done.

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

...Why are we getting this guy's tragic backstory?

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

Ha ha ha biphobia and homophobia is so funny, good thing it's never going to stop being the '90s 🙄 #Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader
#ZarkorrTheInvader1996

#monsterdon "we don't care what any schmuck has to say about Zarkorr"

Don't you? If someone online knows the name Zarkorr, you wouldn't care about that?

wow—I’m late to the party by about 46 minutes. Two minutes in and counting and pretty sure I’ve got the complete picture. And not because of the writing.

#monsterdon #zarkorr1996

#Monsterdon 👽👾👦🧚‍♀️🥊🫣 😱

Thank goodness we're back with Zarkorr!

What even was hacking in 1996? staring intensely at a progress bar while your mom yells at you to get off the phone?

#monsterdon

Every scene of this movie screams "we didn't have the budget for kaiju stuff so lets make all the dialogue excruciatingly long and pointless." #monsterdon

Was this environmental part leading up to a "totally not a spotted owl" bit?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

please remove the manic pixel nightmare boy

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"any combinations of?"

i mean, he's a dumbass and i hope the film moves on from his character as soon as possible, but at least he seems open minded.

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

This dude Arthur:

"Your wife, is she a goer? Huh? Huh? Know what I mean, know what I mean? A wink's as good as a nod. Know what I mean? Wink wink, nudge nudge."

#Monsterdon

He wants a threesome. #Monsterdon

This wheelchair dude is just a complete waste of screen time. So random.

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe sameeeee

#monsterdon

"I prefer cybernaut"

Okay, fam, the Owlbear has been to DefCon and… I don't remember any hackers calling themselves that.

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

⏳ WATCH PARTY VIBE POLL

Choose

#Monsterdon

I'd say I'd expect Hackerboi to start chortling about his Precious, except Gollum is way more coherent than this guy, and probably also has better body odor.

#monsterdon

well we have a new low

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"Shut up." PLEASE! #monsterdon

How long is it going to take Zarkorr to find this guy?

#monsterdon
#Zarkorr!TheInvader

I, too, am a sailor through cyberspace.

#Monsterdon

wow, ick

#Monsterdon

God he's like Ned Fulmer on wheels

#Monsterdon

how is a hacker supposed to help us with an alien???

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

Umm, an ordinary schmuck is the key to defeating Zarkorr, remember!

#Monsterdon
#Zarkorr1996

the camera operator - there is no cinematographer, I insist - hated this guy, that's why they keep letting us see him not be able to type

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

“Arthur can get anything. He’s a hacker.”

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

ok, I'm now also calling myself a "cybernaut" 😎

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👽👾👦🧚‍♀️🥊🫣 😱

University chit-chat???

“The NET”

Oh 90s, you were so adorable.

#Monsterdon

"I prefer cyber-naught"

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

...oh dear 🫣

#Monsterdon

www.apollo

oh yeah

that's the stuff

#monsterdon

Tell Zarkorr you love him. Look into his laserbeam eyes and don't hold back.

#Monsterdon

@cd0 it's how they handle change of address cards changed to the same address? #monsterdon

I know I kidnapped you, now help me or there’s no point in me dragging you around. I promise I won’t kill you but you need to start helping. #Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

Oh, wow. They *did* define it. They totally did.

These writers are clever. Clever!

#Monsterdon

Nope, I think it's an IBM Model F or similar.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Help him or not, that is the central question. That keeps coming up over and over again. We all want them all to die. Get 'em monster. Crush all the model sets and eat the hero and then throw an End Credits card and release us from this... noise…

So far our chosen one has found two quest tokens: a cryptozoologist and a cop.

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

"Well, is there such a thing as an Arkor...
... that sounds like it could work?"

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

two dudes expecting the woman they abducted to save them....

#monsterdon

"What could it be? Only I can find it!"
Stamps. Zarkorr is allergic to stamp adhesive.

#monsterdon

Cybernaught! #monsterdon

@GeoffWozniak good question, I'm watching shitty ads

#Monsterdon

You're all I've GAWWWT

#Monsterdon

If a giant monster was chasing me to squish me I'd probably had to some remote area to reduce collateral damage.

#monsterdon

“What the hell is a tautology!” … “what the hell could it be?” #Monsterdon

Something only he can find. Maybe it's covered in counterfeit postage? #monsterdon

Oh, god, it's a committee meeting.
#Monsterdon

Maybe he has to deliver mail to Zarkorr to defeat him?

#Monsterdon

"Warehouse district, New Jersey"

wow, really narrowing it down there

#Monsterdon

"The rest of my life is going to be just like this?"

because it's about to be over? 😬

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👽️👾👦🧚‍♀️🥊🫣 😱

This movie should have been titled
Zarkorr?

Why is it daylight all of the sudden?

#Monsterdon

Pick a place by putting all your keys in a bowl!

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

Ah yes, the EXPLOSIVES trunk.

#monsterdon

A cop, a postman, and a scientist walk into a garage....
#Monsterdon

Cop IMMEDIATELY suggests torture, zero hesitation.

#Monsterdon

"I could probably force her" #Monsterdon

Musical number?

🎵 Let's find out more
🎵 about Zarkorr

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

ooh, the warehouse district. :sparkles_fiery:

#monsterdon
#zarkorrtheinvader1996

meanwhile, at laura kamph's new workshop

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Now that the monster is known she’s over it

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

#monsterdon The cop is... compliant?

That radio broadcast is like War of the Worlds minus Orson Welles.

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Skeptical Cryptozoologist

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

GEORGE!

#monsterdon

Ah. Sweet, affordable exposition. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon if this was a Choose Your Own Adventure I would have flipped back to the choice in the kitchen already

#Monsterdon 👽️👾👦🧚‍♀️🥊🫣 😱

Ask your doctor is Zarkorr is right for your planet destroying needs.

Good thing Zarkorr isn't from Earth then

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

HUGE

BALLS of

FIRE!

#Monsterdon

You rejoin us now with the War of the Worlds.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

…this coverage on the radio is quite possibly the ·cheapest and most pathetic· cover-up for a lack of an effects budget I've ever heard…😛

#monsterdon

They wanted to say “great balls of fire” but legal made them change it to “huge balls”.

Of fire

Huge balls of fire.

#Monsterdon

Oh, the Terrasque has eye beams, that's nice.

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

I voted for this! I am the problem!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon so far?

Minutes 0-10, Zarkorr attacks and the hero gets his quest to defeat Zarkorr

Minutes 10-30 hero screams and cries and has a mental breakdown, then causes other people to scream and cry and have mental breakdowns; Zarkorr is not mentioned

Sadly despite her attempts the actress couldn't escape this movie #monsterdon

🎵 you can't hide your laser eyes #Monsterdon

Be gentle with that radio it's owned by the guy you just cuffed to a sink, and you don't want to upset him.

#Monsterdon

☑️ lazer eyes

#Monsterdon

I wouldn't have thought you could make a kidnapping boring, but they did it

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Chekhov's ball gag.

#Monsterdon

so what's the over under on Crypto-Lady and Hero-Dude making out before the movie is over despite *gestures at movie*

#monsterdon

Oh look, he's driving around in a cop car now, as if to hammer home my point!

#Monsterdon

All hail Zarkorr!

#Monsterdon #TeamZarkorr

Ooh laser eyes. #Monsterdon

@ohiofi 😂

#Monsterdon #TeamZarkorr