awww, she just wanted a hug!

#Monsterdon

WORST

STABBING

EVER

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Okay. I have NO IDEA what is going on, now.
#Monsterdon

I looked down to type one comment and now I am totally lost what the fuck with the batlion and the floating head??????

#Monsterdon

Actually very cool scene. Whaddaya know?

#monsterdon

Where's Kamen Rider when you need him?

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

@saucerlost

What's the cheat code to make it end???

#Monsterdon #Ultraman

So, she was a black widow, I guess.
#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostkingdom

Am I stroking out or is everyone seeing this space fight?

#Monsterdon

@patioboater Notes? That might be a stretch

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

I gotta interject here with a very hearty "What the hell is going on"

#Monsterdon

the big magic head reminds me of Zardoz #Monsterdon

Is it possible that every character is a "comic relief character"?

#bingo
#monsterdon
#WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

@paco Every adolescent boy’s dream is to have some woman drop flower petals on them.

#Monsterdon

Spouse: If I was 10 or 12 years old and some lady wanted me to follow her into the woods, I'd be in trouble.

#Monsterdon

They had a fuel-air explosion budget and by golly they were going to use it!

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Editor: This thing is still too short!
Director: Here edit this random footage from another film in, I'll write some rhyming dialog to tie it together.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

ooo, genuinely fantastic beast! Furries would appreciate it perhaps?

#Monsterdon

Average #Monsterdon enjoyer

“Calgula”

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

anybody you kill near an evil altar counts as a sacrifice.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingsom1985

Meanwhile in a different movie #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Given that Simon seems to be about eleven years old, catering to his every desire seems like that should mean they'll offer him a 1985 Nintendo with unlimited cartridges.

#Monsterdon

Yes, with Black Magic you can put a green spotlight on a totem pole!

#Monsterdon

"see the power of evil."

this movie isn't that impressive.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingsom1985

Someone please arrest the woman drugging young protagonists.
#monsterdon

It's like this boy has never been a on a quest before....'Sirens' dude, 'Sirens'

#Monsterdon

🟦🟥🟥🟨🟩🟥🟦🟥🟥🟩🟦🟨🟥

.....SIMON!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon
Budget sirens

#monsterdon this is the second time we had a tag-along character who's name sounded like Carfax right?

It’s a trap !

#WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985
#Monsterdon

lol, the one dude in the harem...for those who might go for that..

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

kid was apparently equally allured by the pan flute guy, and now has questions

Back in the castle, the evil queen and the evil sorceror are having a chemistry (teasing each other over how "loyal" each of them were to their late king), while using a magic bird bath to spy on Simon.

Kor then asks Simon to do a magic trick. Simon says his magic only works inside the castle but tries anyway, and makes the campfire explode and also break the evil duo's birdbath from afar. The evil wizards takes this out on his as yet unseen gnome-like sidekick by vaporizing him.

#monsterdon

GO BACK TO PAN FLUTE GUY
I want to see more.
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon
Not Chewbacca

FURBALL

It’s a trap, Simon!

#Monsterdon

maenad spotted

#monsterdon

"I've been watching you, you really know how to fight."
"You're old enough to be my mother!"

#Monsterdon

"Simon! SIMON!"

Alvin! Theodore!

#monsterdon

I guess we can excuse him for falling for this. He hasn’t had a lifetime of internet scams to prepare him like we have.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Strange women in the woods distributing dinner is no basis for... wait a second

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

'Why must she laugh at my mighty sword?'

#monsterdon
#WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Lady this kid is like 12, all he desires is a cheeseburger

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

#monsterdon “My every desire? Even... fresh dental dams?”

"Who are you?"
Just go with it kid, barely anyone is ever introduced in this stinker.
#monsterdon

This is ridiculous!

Agree dude, agree.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

is this grown woman trying to appeal to this preteen boy??? ew???

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingsom1985

Oof, right in the carpet sample.

#monsterdon

Baby's first killing!
#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostkingdom

STOP PARRYING WITH THE EDGE OF YOUR BLADE, YOU FUCKING CRETIN

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

this is how kids dealt with nonces in the age of magic

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #wizardsofthelostkingdom1985

You must be brave, my son.. in your pink outfit with your center-parted and partly feathered hair..

"You must be brave my son… but not so brave that your hair gets mussed up at all."

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon The sword got bigger. More manly. Tumescent. Burgeoning…

By the power of Grayskull!

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Use the sword, Luke

#Monsterdon

I love his Spirit Halloween sword so much

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Wandering idiot hero just instantly murders a bunch of goons.

"Why not stay in Axon? It's a fine kingdom. Except when evil wizards rule it."

SIR BINFACE! Finally the bad guys have someone cool!

"OH NO I AM BEATEN!" said no evil wizard ever. He zapped Dingus, now Anakin (Skywalker?) has to serve him.

Why did the dead king have both good & evil wizard advisors anyway? PICK ONE LANE.

#monsterdon #wizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

@huronbikes classic Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

ah yes, you, with the weapon, lunge from within the trees.

uh. huh.

#monsterdon

Lamest training montage ever.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

the boy is doing a reverse hack on Shurka's spying

Imagine Peter Thiel throwing one of these rages....ah, just killed a dwarf in rage!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon There is red-eye and then there is whatever this is…

Wait, the Knights who say Ni are in this movie to?
#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostKingdom

I kind of feel bad for the vizier having to watch this too

#Monsterdon

Because the boy wizard, whose name is Simon, is bad at hiding the evil wizard's goons find him immediately and capture both him and his snowman (whose name is "Goldfax", because "Shadowfax" was taken already). They do this by capturing him in one of those Ewok net traps that he somehow just walked into.

#monsterdon

I think Kor the Conquerer also has a Huey Lewis and the News cover band on the side.

#Monsterdon

This guy inside Gulfax costume is really sweating for this movie!
#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostKingdom

@dogwelder The antihero’s journey.

#Monsterdon

GULFAX IS CURSING YOU ALL OUT

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "Warriors who stay in the same place for more than an hour usually wind up dead."

Which is why I started this movie just sitting on a stump.

"Who's your master" as we've established, wine #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

"Who's your master?" Kid, he didn't become Kor the Conqueror by bending the knee to others!

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

"Kor the Conqueror", oh he's a bargain bin Conan?

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

So this is where Spirit Halloween leftover costumes go.
#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

I felt a disturbance in the force. Like somewhere someone yelled 'action!' and I needed to stand up.

#monsterdon

SON OF THE GOOD DEAD WIZARD

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

The kid is still stupid.
The guards are stupider

This heros sword!!!

If this fight choreography were a color it would be meaty ocher

#Monsterdon

I think that guy installed my dishwasher #Monsterdon

okay the fight choreography is hilarious tho

#monsterdon

"Are you sure you want to take me on? I've got some very low-energy fighting moves the discount choreographer line up for me…"

#Monsterdon

The real power is the friendships we made along way. #monsterdon

a very odd battle sequence

#Monsterdon

"...Furry? Whatchamacallit? Remind you of anyone?"

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

The evil wizard is trying to get the ring that the boy wizard has because dark lords love trying to find their magic rings. He sends his horse goons to chase the boy wizard and keeps the children as hostages.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon free all-inclusive genital nickname: furry whatchamacallit

Gulfax, what are you? Is this even your home planet? Did you get stuck on this backward world and they all assumed you were a monster instead of the Content Creator you were back on Faange

#Monsterdon

I don't think Simon's old enough to have a furry whatchamacallit #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

#Monsterdon ers, meet annoying character number three.

I'm a furry whatchamacalit! #Monsterdon

This hero is very NOT Rutger Hauer #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Temu Rutger Hauer joins the chat...

#Monsterdon
#MonsterdonPreshow
#Ultraman

I think we've met our "lovable" rogue.
#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostkingdom

Keep Gulfax Weird #monsterdon

Was there… was there a ham trap?

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Cut-rate merc, contemplating his rock.

#Monsterdon

The boy wizard wants to fight to save the castle, but the adult wizard disapproves of child soldiery and so gives the boy wizard a magic ring and has him teleport away (along with his pet snowman).

Then the evil wizard arrives in the wizard room escorted by his super sentai-coded beast man assistant, who waves his hands and mumbles a lot. The evil wizard has a technicolor magic battle with the good wizard and wins.

#monsterdon