No mice/courtiers were harmed in the making of this "film".
#monsterdon

In the next nonsense scene, Simon practices his wizard powers by raising some zombie warriors but he can't control them and they're about to attack him so Kor kills them and then tells Simon to not do a necromancy here because fallen soldiers deserve a goddamn break.

#monsterdon

oh wow, an actual gnone!

#Monsterdon

He's not doing a good enough job of being smarmy. I've met smarmier car salesman. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon You're lost? Of course you are... we're all lost! HA HA HA!

see how the dwarf takes the abuse from the wizard and unloads that pain upon the Wizards victims

So that's how the White House works now

#Monsterdon

half way, this is helping my sleep aids kick in.

#monsterdon

I missed what the yeti was even supposed to be

#monsterdon

this is pretty great considering it was written, filmed, and acted by like three 15 year olds.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingsom1985

Yesterday's gone, Simon. Don't stop thinkin' about tomorrow!

#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostkingdom

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

I believe that all human costumes on this show are made of polyester double knits of different weights (+/- a little lamé)

Gross.
#monsterdon

Dude's a walking "yes/maybe later" prompt how lovely #Monsterdon

Awwww, poor human mice ☹

#Monsterdon

the talkative one is going to get burned...

#Monsterdon

Closer…closer…NOT THAT CLOSE!

#WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985
#Monsterdon

He already has a queen! Chronic Backstabbing Disorder!

#Monsterdon
#WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

i guess she's doomed to just stare into the mirror forever then

Um, yeah, the creep factors are high on this one
#monsterdon  

"Spirit! Bravado! A touch of derring-do!"

#Monsterdon #UnexpectedLifeOfBrian

Bingo!

#Monsterdon
#WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

So wait a second

Simon reanimated these four corpses only for them to immediately wander into a pit of quicksand?

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

One more cliche and I'm gonna vomit

#Monsterdon

Well, that summoning was pointless

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Wait, their returning to their graves? This movie is all over the place and nowhere at the same time.
#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

#monsterdon Firefox is a browser, Fox Fire stars Jessica Tandy, and Foxfire is Clint Eastwood in a mind-reading Russian SR-71 Blackbird. OKAY.

okay you little magical twit, what did we learn? Oh, nothing? absolutely nothing?

what a little shit

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

30 minutes of new footage and 10 minutes of it is these zombies not sinking into quicksand. #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

I could be watching Zombi 2 right now.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Don't think I haven't noticed how few shots Gulfax is actually in, movie.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

OK, Mister Wizard, you gonna put the corpses back in their box? Or just gawk? Fucking dolt.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

#monsterdon #wizardsofthelostkingdom1985

This kid has 'kid from Star Wars Prequel' acting chops..

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

wait so he raised the zombies to be his zombie army but actually they just want to recruit him into the zombie but actually they just wanna go back to bed

And that's what happens when you do a necromancy.

#Monsterdon

Dead warriors: (arise and try to get stabby with the kid)
Simon: In hindsight maybe this was a BAD IDEA!
Kor: (gets stabby)

SEE? SEE, SIMON? I TOLD YOU!

#monsterdon

The chanting dead warriors. Instilling thoughts of stoned surfer dudes in all they meet.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

"one of us ... one of us"

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Honestly, a lot of the creature effects in this movie are not so bad.

#Monsterdon

oops

#monsterdon

Well if they're SO TIIRREDD then they won't be hard to fight

#Monsterdon

"We need blood! Fresh blood!"

Yeah, the film's a little dry.

#Monsterdon

Worst Slipknot cover band ever. #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Not exactly Ray Harryhausen quality. #Monsterdon

I'm tired too tbh

#monsterdon

Unfortunately he only awoke the Derps of the Dead.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Legendary warriors don't get buried deep, apparently.

#Monsterdon

ooh, terra cotta zombies, nice going kiddo.

#monsterdon

How old is this Simon guy? 8 and a half?

#WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985
#Monsterdon

@diazona Don't encourage them! :ablobcatgooglymlemjumping: #monsterdon

kid throws a woodland party so loud it raised the dead

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

Zombie battle but the zombies are the good guys!

Do not. DO NOT! Rhyme another spell! I beg you!

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

"An army that can't be killed because they're already dead!"

Kid, I hate to break it to you, that shit ain't gonna work because a) you do not have the Sword that Was Broken, and b) YOU ARE NOT ARAGORN.

Shit, you ain't even Aragorn as a teenager.

#monsterdon

Um, kid, this seems evil. Or at least unwise.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

This is who he wants help from?

#Monsterdon #Ultraman

“Writers, coming this way.”

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

@strangefour Has it done anything good yet?

#Monsterdon

If this kid does some necromancy my interest in this movie is going to go way up.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

7 Samurai only with dead people.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Dead bodies can still be hacked to pieces y'know

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Foxfire? Are the kitsune up to some mischief?

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

#monsterdon Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have a wife? Do you have several robot companions made by the last host of MST?

The movie that dares** to ask "what if they lazy trope that every sword and sorcery movie is a crappy lord of the rings movie met the lazy trope that every post-1977-to-mid-80's movie had to be some kind of star war?"
(**stoops) #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

That character looks like “Binface” that guy in the UK who ran against Nigel Farage. Who’da thunk!

#WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985
#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #wizardsofthelostkingdom1985

I've lost 'the plot'...

Okay, I don't know what knock-off Chewie was doing off to the side there, and I don't wanna know.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

why these man thighs, movie?

That’s not an OwlBear. This seems like a bad riddle, what has brown fur, horns, and wears a helmet. #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

#monsterdon gulfax can you do that privately please

Okay, so first Simon is attacked by a swordsman who is trying to take the ring. Then a random sword jams itself into a tree and Simon hears his father's voice telling him to take the sword and also that the warrior is invisible, so he takes the sword and beats the random swordsman who is bad at sword fighting.

#monsterdon

@ottaross I mean who doesn't have a Huey Lewis And the News cover band

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

So much of this plot depends on dropping things.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

OMG LORD BINHEAD

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon alright MANTICORE! and a half salamander lady for some reason

@apLundell it's the possibility of laying eggs in the prince, beauty standards or not lol.

#monsterdon

I heard "get the lead out, fuckface" #monsterdon

"You know what I think?"

I think this dialogue is insipid.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

GUARD HORSE

#monsterdon "You must have a home."

Kid, he's made it perfectly clear that he doesn't like being in the same place for "more than an hour".

Oh no. Another person is a bad helmet. #monsterdon

Kor doesn't have a girlfriend because he doesn't swing that way, kid.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

"do you like gladiator movies?" #monsterdon

she likes me even though i made an entire magical system for rating how hot girls are

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

He's GAY, dude, take a hint.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

wait he's not a prince?

Evil Vizier needs to talk to his evil vizier
#monsterdon  

@diazona Poor handwriting may explain a lot of this.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

SCRIPT:
Simon overcomes a bounty hunter with a sword fight, then we go into the standard insect-woman intoxication scene, yada, yada, fade to the next scene.

#Monsterdon

Insect woman, wizard boy, fighter man. All the characters

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

this guy is much worse without his hat

#monsterdon lol very anticlimactic when your monster fight ends silently after several weak stabs

"My insect woman."

You had an INSECT WOMAN!? How did you get one of those, is there, like, a rental office?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Oh, so just because she's not human, she's evil?

Insect standards of beauty aren't just as valid as ours?

My insect woman! Obviously!

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

We found the source of their weird, green Kool-aid.

#Monsterdon

Sorceresses, I think?

Sultry sorceress turned into a very large ... bed bug? That bleeds dirty water?

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Good stabbing pull up sound effect. *squish*

#Monsterdon

awww, she just wanted a hug!

#Monsterdon