Back in the woods, Lord Buckethead has tied Kor to a tree. Simon justifiably asks what the fuck is going on. Kor explains that Lord Buckethead wants him to marry his sister and he wouldn't do that because the Bucketheads are all cyclopses and he's not into that. So they've tied him to this tree and will either marry him if he agrees or eat him if he says no, which also seems like a major red flag in a relationship.

#monsterdon

oh god this is a comedic bit

IT HURTS

#monsterdon

I’m trying to imagine under what circumstances that cyclops wedding party seemed like a good idea.

Failing.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

your stirry thing has to be a spoon not a stick if you're gonna use it to get little tasties

Simon has so much poison ivy.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon just call his bluff and say you'll get married!! Is the sister EVEN HERE

How the fuck they traveling around with that giant cauldron?

#Monsterdon

"do we marry you or marinate you"

it pains me to think how proud some writer must have been about that

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

"as you can see by looking at that saber tusked cyclops, he is getting married"
#monsterdon

Marry you or marinate you? Who thought that was a good line?

#Monsterdon

Oh, bin head has a face!

It's amazing what you can do with basketball and a heat gun!

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

WHO FRAMED THIS SCENE christ this is a mess

#Monsterdon

There is too much Star Wars in this #Monsterdon

Magnum PInt

#monsterdon

But kid, you practice necromancy so you really don’t have much of a right to criticize.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

@patioboater I should start pre-gaming a good Price movie before #Monsterdon main feature. 💜

I bet this Suicide Cavern is like 50 meters long and you could walk around it in a minute

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

So, the knights who say Ni are going to cook Kor? Why they have furry hands?
#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostKingdom

All he needs to do is bring them a shrubbery, surely he'd know!!

#Monsterdon

oh, Simon.

that might be poison ivy.

#monsterdon

After being trolled telepathically by the wizard, Simon is attacked by a tiny dragon puppet which chases him back and forth through the cave so we can scream.

Back in the castle, the evil wizard is bullying the house gnomes, which makes the evil queen mad because she's not the kind of evil queen who likes it when you bully her servants. But he keeps doing it anyway and vaporizes one of them for not finding the magic ring fast enough.

#monsterdon

we now return to Jelmet & co...

#monsterdon

more dwarf abuse!

#Monsterdon

Is her name Urea?

#Monsterdon

Oh you can *feel* the ring and still haven't found it? Weak-ass sorcerer

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

There's always a bigger fish.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Pterodactyl from Pee Wee’s playhouse

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Pterodactyl toy, okay.

#Monsterdon

A wise wizard casts Dispel Magic whenever they hear something strange

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

This kid needs to learn to ignore the voices in his head like normal people do

#Monsterdon

This is so, so awful. Svenson is awful. The boy is awful. They're all so awful. #Monsterdon

Definitely follow the voice, not a trap, definitely real person in distress #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

@amyfou an admirable way to sum up this movie.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Help me, Simon! I'm trapped in this film!

#Monsterdon

@pngwen #Monsterdon

"We are no longer the Knights Who Say Ni! We are now the Knights Who Say You Won't Escape Us Now Kor!"

We meet again my little whizzer?

I wouldn't want to hear that at the urinals.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

That cave is remarkably well lit. #monsterdon

Does canvas bucket head have a name?

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Buckethead!

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Kor the Divorced starts singing inappropriate songs

#Monsterdon

The city council should really rename "suicide cavern" if they ever want to get the local economy on its feet.
#Monsterdon

The dramatic needs of this film are far outstripping Simon's actors ability.

Which is a hell of a sentence to write.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

They should sing Disney songs. That'd summon an army of lawyers.

#Monsterdon

Okay, so Simon and Kor wander through the woods and find a gingerbread house, where a coneheaded hobgoblin is being harassed by normal goblins. They rescue him and the hobgoblin (who is also a wizard) rewards Kor with wine then tells the two of them to get on with the plot and go to the castle to rescue the princess.

They decide to go through "the suicide cavern, a place that feeds on fear" because that's the quickest way and probably the one where they'll level up the most.

#monsterdon

It’s a musical?

#Monsterdon

they're just ghosts you idiots, they can't harm you

#Monsterdon

GHO- GHO- GHO- GHO-

#Monsterdon #Ultraman

If the Cavern feeds on fear, it has surely starved to death from this movie

#Monsterdon

literally BOO'd at him

#Monsterdon

The music changed and now I can’t quick save

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

@diazona Gotta make sure you have the whole area surveilled!

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Suicide Cave, as represented by this quaint stone bridge over a tiny brook

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Watch out for the ROUSes
#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostkingdom

Suicide Cavern sounds like the opening act for that GWAR band that's pursuing them

#Monsterdon

@Taweret I'm going to show my niece and tell her it's Lord of the Rings
#monsterdon  

#monsterdon #wizardsofthelostkingdom1985

The suicide cavern is not the fastest way.

not sure if i'm going to make it 😴

#monsterdon

Didn't Luke go through that cave in tESB?

#Monsterdon
#WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Is this pos ripping off Star Wars now?

#Monsterdon

Suicide Chasm, that's just outside Vegas right?

#Monsterdon

take the suicide cavern, it’s quicker

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

The Hobgoblin is completely unhelpful. He should just shut up.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

"Bye, rug wookie!"

#Monsterdon

Gulfax must stay away while you face it. We can't risk getting this costume too dirty, and his actor is about to pass out.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

@Taweret lol, terribly cruel that lol.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

it's been 45mins of movie and both nothing has happened and all the things have happened

I can’t remember a movie with so many swords in trees.

#Monsterdon

That was not enough Big Goblin

😡🤬😡

#Monsterdon

Look out for... NINJA PEASANT!

#monsterdon

There’s always a bigger shurka

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

@jonny What kind of movie would this be if it did anything you expect

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Kor is drinking again....

#Monsterdon

they are pulling sound effects straight out of scooby doo for these weapons and they literally do not have to do that, nobody expects the weapons to make a zoinks sound effect #monsterdon

"What is the fastest way to the castle?" "The fastest way may also be the most dangerous" ah, the interstate #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

oh! the girl's name is Aura!

did that come up before now?

#monsterdon

More Red... white... or clear?
#monsterdon

Is this happening in the same movie?

NO.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Nunchucks make an appearance!
Everybody take a drink!

#Monsterdon

SPEAR (with real sound effects!)

#monsterdon

Vicious ADR hordes terrorized the lands

#Monsterdon

Jimmy, chill out. It's not worth all this.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

moar horsies they get to run in a circle and one gets to stand in the background and watch he's the cutest

Back in the castle, the evil wizard is raising his creep score by hitting on the princess who hates him. Then he has to meet some local elites who are dressed in tapestries but decides to turn them into mice, which excites his beastman sidekick who maybe eats the mice - I'm not quite sure what's going on because weird things keep happening.

#monsterdon

Bingo!

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #NowWatching #MonsterdonBingo

Sure, a "hobgoblin".

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

That is not a hobgoblin

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Boy summons up the undead! WE ARE SO LONELY! WE ARE SO VERY TIRED! JOIN THE DEAD! WE BELONG DEAD!

I love them so much.

How is this film so terrible but full of great segments?

Skerka hitting on the princess is nice character-building. Polymorphs 3 men into mice, & the dwarf monster stomps them, I LOVE HIM.

You're lost? Don't worry, there's a random encounter to lead us on. Lizardmen buillying a "hogboblin". Still no actual swordfighting.

#monsterdon #wizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

#monsterdon I love how in movies like this heroes just stumble across other interesting characters.

There's no need to write a plot reason for these people to come together. Just have someone say "Hey, what's that over there?"

I love places where the Little People turn the tables on those with average height

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon for the word cloud

(Gulfax grunts)
(creature grunts)
(Carfax grunts)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Grunts

Wine implies we have continuity!

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Great audio.
Mic budget ran out.
#Monsterdon

Kor: My reputation precedes me
Creatures: Yes! Do Huey Lewis's greatest hits volume 2!

#Monsterdon

Don't call me furball, you're really gonna hear about that at your intervention.
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

they made him dress as a garden gnome

Please do not the kobolds

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

oh, gnomes now, is it?

#monsterdon #WrongMovie #WizardsOfTheLostKingsom1985

Okay, I kinda like the… I guess kobold costumes?

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Meanwhile, at the Lollipop Guild Union Headquarters...

#Monsterdon