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#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

"as you can see, when it comes to manhood, i can hold my own"

#monsterdon

These are usually either bad, good bad, or genuinely good. This is enough bad that it surpassed good bad and wrapped around into just regular bad.

#Monsterdon

Lol

#Monsterdon

this movie is what you get when a porno writter rips off star wars and lord of the rings, and then they edit out the sex #Monsterdon

The special effect in this movie are all over the place in quality.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

The Suicide Cavern?

Well, it's not a great name, but it's better than the Unalived Themselves Cavern

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

"and that kid, is why you don't raise the Dead...it's a Consent thing"

#Monsterdon

NO REALLY WHAT THE SHIT!?
tHIS MOVIE HAD AN EFFECTS BUDGET?
Then explain the walking carpet?
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Top 5 worst #Monsterdon movie ever.

HORNER. IT'S OVER. YOU CAN STOP NOW. PLEASE GOD STOP.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

#monsterdon Wizard battles are always like this.

Just make your hands glow and then direct the glow at the other guy.

It's really boring, actually.

OMG, it really is the music Corman used in The Fantastic Four! #Monsterdon

Simon is a moron. #Monsterdon

Dorkiest looking phantom warrior ever. #Monsterdon

It's okay, everyone can relax, I'm here.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

i think this movie might nail the upper limit things that happen spike in the film theoretical optimal number of things happening distribution, if it keeps the current pace of things happening or accelerates it #monsterdon

https://neuromatch.social/@jonny/114611450127136368

Soundtrack seems to think something heroic is happening.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

I've granted you a swift passage across the falls, and a lifetime supply of Skittles™

#monsterdon

See if Simon had ever studied necromancy he would know you ALWAYS have a pot of coffee ready for the dead

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Kor passed out drunk again

"Firefox! Firefox!"

One of the ancient browsers...

#Monsterdon

Do you have a wife? a girlfriend? a family?
No
How about a Huey Lewis and the News cover band?
Well, yeah.

#Monsterdon

there's no point in being mad at this movie, that would just mean you care more than they did

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Our swordless hero now has a surprisingly large sword! Oh, now it shrank again.

Puberty is like that.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

The thing about the kid is that he's terminally petulant.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Okay, gonna be diving into Wizards of the Lost Kingdom. I suspect this will be so bad that the only explanation for it, is that the entire production is actually money laundering.

So the kid fucked off from his castle, then fucked back to his castle. For no apparent reason.

#Monsterdon

Wait. I blinked and Shurka died? Whut?
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Like I said before.

What.

The.

Hell.

#monsterdon

Plot twist: Kor is captured by the bad guys and forced to join the evil king's backup band.

#Monsterdon

a) what is anything
b) what is anyone doing
c) who is anyone

#monsterdon

I hope you learned a lesson about our dry ice budget, Simon

#Monsterdon

This same ruse fooled the CEO of Nvidia...

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon You see Simon, I'm a functional alcoholic…

"An age of narration...." #monsterdon

yes, let a teenager with magic powers rule a kingdom, he'll have the experience in civics obviously.

#Monsterdon

This climactic battle makes no sense whatsoever. Which is par for the course, so 🤷‍♂️.

Also, Kor is the slowest swordsman, ever. And yet .., every bad guys wear black in black seems somehow compelled to place their blade in front of his.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

"What are they doing now?" is the burning question throughout this movie. #Monsterdon

Before Snow White turned their lives around the seven dwarves had to get work where they could.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Just remember that in every scene he appears in the man in the walking carpet is sweating to death. His boots are filled with buckets of sweat.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

What.

The.

Hell.

#monsterdon

Oh I know this place - it's the Castle Anthrax!

#Monsterdon

"This is ridiculous."

THE BOY SPEAKS TRUTH AT LAST

#Monsterdon

THE SWORD IN THE ~STONE~ TREE

#monsterdon

"I'm a warrior boy"

At least until the HRT kicks in.

#Monsterdon

Waved IcyHot under his nose.

#Monsterdon

"Wizard fought against wizard"

But none fought more wizardly than the English! Yah boo!

#Monsterdon

It was an age of random bullshit pulled from Corman's other sword and sorcery films. Don't get too attached to these twerps, the film's not about them.

#Monsterdon

Gong'd in the first second, well weird movie but at least it was short, good work everyone

#Monsterdon

log onto Ye Olde Fediverse, and what's the first thing i see?

i think i'm READY.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingsom1985

This is Alpha Control

Zero minus 10 minutes and counting

Bingo cards are UP

@LuciaG - https://bingobaker.com/#6af10ad332270ef7

@Cherizilla base collection - https://monsterdonbingo.neocities.org/

Archive dot org link is ]] UNAVAILABLE [[

Extended source list is UP - https://eggplant.place/collection/6ICD4rDFsYEIcTpY8UTpdk

@miru livestream is UP - https://miru.miyaku.media/

Downrange stations are UP AND RUNNING

All section heads, prepare for final pre-launch checks

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

If you're reading this, you survived WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM (1985). Congratulations!

Now. Was it the WORST #Monsterdon film of the year?

Wait wasn't he not a prince?

Aura should be the one ruling, at least she had the sense to not appear in most of the movie

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

@north unrelentingly and unapologetically bad #Monsterdon

I have heard that triumphant music in atleast two other movies. I think one of them was in space.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

"Any last words?"
"..." *henchman quickly covers her mouth*
"Oh none. Well okay then. Moving on with you execution."
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

no, I've seen what happens on the Rainbow Bridge, you don't come back!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Okay Quick someone what's this waterfall named and _how many_ sword and sandal flicks can you name featuring it. I mean about 3/4 of them in the 80's but is there a list somewhere is what I'm getting at...

Every movie that gets made is a miracle, they say.

Do we have evidence to the contrary, here.

#monsterdon

Jeez, did they really fly them to Victoria Falls for a five second scene? There's a good tax write off.

#monsterdon

@jonny But "headbutt-centric goon" and "spiral spinning sword goon" are a modern combined arms military! Those are two types of arms that you must combine, headbutts and spinning swords. #monsterdon

#monsterdon You know I was going to make a Blues Brothers Carrie Fisher joke about this Monty Python bucket-knight type but then the film went and just-about did it for me #wizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

And now we have graduated to

What.

The.

Fuck.

#monsterdon

30% of the budget went to hiring little people. #Monsterdon

Hello cheap T Rex puppet with shit glued on.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

DIRT ON CLOTHING CONFIRMED POSSIBLE IN THIS UNIVERSE #monsterdon

tbf, that peasant farmer was pretty badass, not a coward like the others

#Monsterdon

They certainly spent no expense on anything. #monsterdon

Bro I'm sorry but you look weird to me without white feather hair and big black feather eyebrows.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Okay make up your minds. "Join us" or "leave us be"??

#Monsterdon

For any good thing this movie does, then it does something bad. Like Mr Jealmet here.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Why won't this giant squelchy spider die no matter how many times I stab it!

#Monsterdon

Kor the Divorced not really helping the kid at all...

#Monsterdon

I have a feeling there was less a script written for this movie and more a weekend D&D session from which somebody kept notes.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Aaaand the plot has well and truly ground to a halt. Anybody want a drink? More popcorn? Now's the time, you're gonna miss *nothing*.

#Monsterdon

So far I'm rooting for the villains in this #monsterdon, because they are both hotter and better dressed than the forces of good.

Special shout out to evil wizard man and his horned hat.

"Kor the Conqueror!?" Sure, he finished off the Double Triple Burger Challenge down at Sally's Diner ten years ago. Famous throughout the district. Didn't know he had a sword.

#Monsterdon

*drops the ring* YOU HAD ONE JOB

#Monsterdon

WELECOME TO THE RENAISSANCE FAIRRE!!!

#Monsterdon

The Vincent Price-athon was fun, but it feels as if we’re back in our wheelhouse with a terrible 80s fantasy flick. I have no idea how I didn’t see this one back in the day, but it’s time has come.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

AND NOW:

the ADVENTURES of SIR NOT APPEARING IN THIS FILM

#Monsterdon

⚔️ TURN DOWN YOUR WIGHTS ⚔️

(no necromancers allowed)

#Monsterdon

Just opened a can of cheddar cheese Pringles and a bag of late night loaded taco Doritos. Bring it on Wizards of the Lost Kingdom. #monsterdon

You would think Tokyo in Ultraman world would be mostly devastated, with constant construction to repair damage from monster fights. You would also think some people would resent Ultraman. He's a monster magnet. #Monsterdon #Ultraman

#monsterdonalert

IN 30 MINUTES

IT'S #MONSTERDON

we will be watching

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985)

hit play right on the hour to hopefully stay in sync with everyone and post your posts with the hashtag #Monsterdon

https://tubitv.com/movies/466918/wizards-of-the-lost-kingdom

I see that my timeline is going to be full of David Carradine jokes. #monsterdon

that was so low energy, lol

#Monsterdon

I watched on Tubi and yeah, it just kinda stops. #monsterdon

That final wizard battle was pretty good. Fine pre-CGI animation with direction that left me entirely confused about what they were doing.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

"Will you be my new dad?"

"Nope"

#Monsterdon

Methinks the rules on child actors were a little lax in 80's Argentina.
#monsterdon

Did Shurka just roll his eyes at the camera? And them magic his problems away?
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

@RachelThornSub You have not missed anything of substance that would contribute to any wellbeing or positive feelings about film/cinema history. #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

This is some of the lowest-energy sword fighting I've seen in modern filmmaking.

#monsterdon

Wasn't sure this could go any more off the rails, but here we are.

#monsterdon

"Do we marry you or marinade you?"

Best line in the movie!

#Monsterdon

That’s DEFINITELY poison ivy, kid

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Ghosts hate musical theater. Everyone knows that.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Wait is that helmet made of jeans or is it bejeweled? I don't know what the fuck it's supposed to look like other than wrong.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

the worst fate a yeti chewbacca can receive is to be exiled to candyland #monsterdon