@CardboardRobot #Monsterdon #UnexpectedVideodrome

Long Live the New Flesh!

Your greatest test is yet to come. Gulfax must stay here because union rules forbid wearing a carpet for more than eight hours of filming per day.”

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Count Binface rides again!

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

“The power of good is fading.”

Obviously this movie was set in 2025.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

KOR DEFEATED THEM

BY GRUNTING

#monsterdon

This is the only #monsterdon movie so far that was made by rolling on an AD&D random encounter table multiple times and then stitching the results together with a narrative.

Apparently I never actually saw this movie. Or a version that edited out the insect woman. All I remembered was the walking carpet and hawk the Grand Vizier.
I miss insect woman.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

lol, Kor the Divorced day drinking again

#Monsterdon

Oh great, now his variable length sword has led him into the lair of suspiciously hot women.

Again, puberty is like that.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

@RachelThornSub @kcarr2015 I've read one and a half John Carter books and saw the movie (it was fine), yet I have no idea what the villain was called.
But no I don't think Thom Christopher was still acting by then.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Don't worry, kid, a little shrinkage is normal.

#Monsterdon

Wikipedia quotes the author of the script as saying:
"I don't think this movie was so much shot as it was beaten to death."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wizards_of_the_Lost_Kingdom
#monsterdon

WHOA okay that was an ACTUAL explosion FEET from the performers :X

#Monsterdon

oh it's LIMITED-AREA-ONLY magic.

like a magic learner's permit.

#monsterdon

@kshernandez supercuts of course

#monsterdon

Imagine some evil wizard being able to spy on us all around the world....

#MOnsterdon

What's that Gulfax? We shouldn't have a character whose whole personality is high functioning alcoholism? Yes Gulfax, it is lazy writing but this is the 80s.
#Monsterdon

ah yes, let's backstory AGAIN

#monsterdon

Gulfax knows all the celebs on this planet

#Monsterdon

A GOLDEN AGE of hand-drawn special effects

#Monsterdon

Crab hats for wizards never really caught on.

#Monsterdon

Subtle. The bad guys wear black. And look! They’ve already kidnapped the useless princess.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

The thing that old Sword and Sorcery movies always get wrong is the lighting. Why is this Wizard's Lair lit by 10k candlepower halogen?

#Monsterdon

He's got a Carpet Golem.

#Monsterdon

I see I should really light some incense for this one but I can't stand up any more!

#Monsterdon

"The sword was lost, but the ring was saved."

They put it in the fridge to keep it fresh.

#Monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom, because all good movies have wizards in them. This one should be good too, right?

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie every week and make fun of it, as is tradition I will be summarizing the movie badly and with many mistakes. Mute the hash tag if you want to avoid seeing all the posts about it, follow @Taweret if you want to join us and vote on the next movie to subject ourselves to.

RIGHT INTO IT

No production companies wanted to claim this

#Monsterdon

@bunnyhero Is it shorter? #monsterdon

🎶 It’s the mooooost monsterooouuuus tiiiime of the weeeek 🎶

You could mute me

You could mute the tag

Or you could join in!!!

#Monsterdon

Ok found ‘em.

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonPreshow #Ultraman

That rocket tranquiliser dart is what they used to bring down Oliver Reed in the 80s

#Monsterdon

Find and probe it's cloaca Ultraman, degrade the giant

#Monsterdon

The Miru stream for tonight's Monsterdon is up and running, a little music, a little pre-show (Nietzsche's Ultraman), the main event (Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985) ) and the after show film staring David Carradine (The Warrior and the Sorceress) for the hardcore.

https://miru.miyaku.media

#Monsterdon

Is this an "aura battle"????
#monsterdon

That's it? Was there a storyline I missed in all of that?

#Monsterdon

Little friend betrayed Shurka!? Noooooo!
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

And of course Kor shakes hands the wrong way. #monsterdon

"Where are you going, Kor?"
"Well, I've got a gig for this whole Huey Lewis thing in Las Vegas"

#monsterdon

you very rarely seen gnomes in film

#Monsterdon

@Taweret One can hope.

#monsterdon

loving these wizard poses from the villain

#Monsterdon

That magic fight will be remembered for nothing whatsoever. #monsterdon

Run little friend! It's not safe near the walking carpet.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

So who is fighting for who now?

#Monsterdon

this is a lot of Theatre kids having a fight

#Monsterdon

"I'm leaving and taking the dwarfs with me"

#Monsterdon

@RachelThornSub we had a surprise mermaid distributing rainbow bridges and causing the audience to wonder how well a suburban-dad coded mercenary can build rafts.

#monsterdon

Kor has the imposing demeanor of a shift manager at a Bass Pro Shop

#Monsterdon

Kor the Divorced drunk and partycrashing again...

#Monsterdon

Eww

#Monsterdon

Sweet merciful Golfax, there is only 10 minutes left. #monsterdon

Gulfax making a plea video to go out on the interstellar hyperwebs, "Please donate. Get Me Off This World"

#Monsterdon

The kobolds and Shurka's little friend are at the fancy table? This evil grand vizier is a class act.
Ya know aside from the betraying the queen who betrayed her husband and all.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Roger Corman: “The children can see a little nipple, as a treat”

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Wikipedia: “Horner was criticized on many occasions for reusing passages from his earlier compositions and for featuring brief excerpts and reworked themes from classical composers. … Much of his score from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan was reworked yet again for his musical score for 1983’s Krull.[41][42] The action ostinato from Aliens is originally from Wolfen.” #Krull #Wolfen

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

THIS MOVIE IS PLAYING THE GRATUITIOUS NUDITY CARD.

#monsterdon

@moira #Monsterdon

No! Don't remind us of a better movie!

did she say she rules asshole?

#monsterdon

Beauty fades but stupid is forever

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #wizardsofthelostkingdom1985

Justice and honor.. they live forever.
Sorry, this movie cannot support that line.

Fuck the lady cyclops, it's what you came here for Kor

#Monsterdon

The Knights who say Ni mock Kor the Divorced's middle aged spread and its time to destroy these one eyed fucks

#Monsterdon

I can see why the knights who say Ni keep their helmets on

#Monsterdon

Puppet on puppet violence

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Don't worry, they can't hurt us, they're not real, they're an optical composite.
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon ⚔️ 🧙 🏰 🌲 🇦🇷 😱

Sir Binface has no pronouns in his lingo

Was one of those ghosts Professor Bobo?
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

But Spooktober was last month. Piss off ghosts.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Just looked it up on IMDB. It IS a James Horner score.

#Monsterdon

I think the Kor character was supposed to be read as a hardened mercenary with a heart of gold vibes (maybe Han Solo crossed with Conan the Barbarian). But he really gives extreme shoe salesman energy.

#monsterdon

End Of Level Baddie

#Monsterdon

ALL THESE SWORDS ARE CRAP

#monsterdon

Fucking Tom Bombadill? This movie is giving me mood whiplash.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

WTF are we doing in Santa's village?
Are those kobolds?
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Dude. I can't hate an evil villain who actually likes his weird underlings.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

what in the Gingerbread Fairytale is this

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "Debbie, I can forgive anything, but… Pastels?”

Is this going to get amusing? #monsterdon

If they're doing the princess's hair, they may as well just give her a Leia hairdo and be done with weak ripoff.

#Monsterdon

@ramsey Insect woman and the Mantiore were pretty good effects. I like Shurka's grand vizier scenery chewing.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

#monsterdon Simon and Kor are farming XP. Pass it on…

Lonely horny single Deadites in your area.
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

What the fuck is this movie every time I type one post some new random incomprehensible nonsense happens.

Like "OMG here's a girl who turns into a spider. also she gets a vision of an exploding two faced head at a wizard party." Then I blink and there's a guy in a giant barrel helmet threatening the main character from afar. Then simon does a magic to um... summon zombie warriors? what?

#monsterdon

Oh, the kid is now a necromancer. Maybe it’s just as well that he doesn’t have the ring of power.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Forces of evil in this #monsterdon (so far):

Evil Wizard (best dressed, cool fucking hat)
Evil Queen (wearing a teal tablecloth dress for some reason)
Joxer the Barbarian (bad at sword fighting. also imaginary, I think?)
Phantom Temptress (tries too hard at her job then turns into a giant spider)
Harmonica Satyr Guy (dispenser of lofi tunes)
Goons (many, some with horses)
Super Sentai Beastman sidekick: main job is to cackle
Gnome Man: main job is to get vaporized

There sure was a lot of unabashed smiting in those days

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon The wet stabbing sounds are almost disgusting.

This movie has the logic of an NES game

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon You have to hand it to the bongo drum players, they don't even flinch.

Mmmm, a pitcher of lime Kool-Aid, just what every 12 year old wants after a fight to the death

#Monsterdon

This is about Teenagers and the Internet, isn't it?

#Monsterdon

It's... It's green.

#Monsterdon

INCREDIBLE, he pulled a sword out of a TREE

#Monsterdon

you've killed a phantom, +1 xp and you get to KEEP THE SWORD

#monsterdon

The prince has breeder hips.

#Monsterdon

Butterfingers, Apprentice Wizard

#Monsterdon

I think the evil Queen is riffing on Joan Collins in this Space 1999 episode, only ever more ridiculous!

#WizrdsOfTheLostKingdom1985
#Monsterdon

Star Worse

#Monsterdon

Ni

#Monsterdon