Ni

#Monsterdon

No master? Not for hire? What does he do just wander around beating the snot out of people for the sheer fun of it?

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

@gblues not a single limb severed, is this really Fantasy?! #Monsterdon

Gulfax has eyes!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Mike Nelson? How'd you get _IN_ the experiment? :mst3k_silhouettes:

...Which children? Where'd they come from? Are those YOURS or...? #Monsterdon

Gulfax was played by seven different actors due to the repeated deaths from heat-stroke.
#Monsterdon

Look, Mr. Horner. James, may I call you James? Jimmy, we appreciate the effort, but c'mon. It's not worth it.

#Monsterdon

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

#Monsterdon

*creature yowls in pain, both physical and existential

#Monsterdon

He cast Transmute to Muppet

#Monsterdon

"You do wanna marry me, don't you!?"

My whole future's kinda riding on it, it's not like I have a lotta rights here :/

#Monsterdon

(there's no great sword of power in this film)

#Monsterdon

Is this the whole movie?

#Monsterdon

Gong! Gong!

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Header of thread
I have had no end of after-hours/on-call interruptions this weekend. I am optimistic that #Monsterdon / #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985 won’t be interrupted and that I’ll stay awake.

Inflation Fetish again...

#Monsterdon

Ten minutes until #Monsterdon! If you're sane, you best have your filters set up. The rest of us have a little dental work to do in the Mouth of Madness <3

what were they smoking when they thought up "Operation Autogyro?"

#Monsterdon

HAH! I was just guessing but I was right. I have seen enough Jissouji for spot his directorial fingerprints.
#Monsterdon #Ultraman

@RachelThornSub tonight's lecture "A GIFT FROM THE SKY!"

#Monsterdon

@allanb

Wonder if Roger Corman making films in Argentina in the 80s (after the fall of the junta) was an inspiration for Charles Band making films in Romania in the 90s (after the fall of the dictatorship)

#Monsterdon

Pre-show has begun on Miru

https://miru.miyaku.media/

#Monsterdon

Folks, it is now one hour until #Monsterdon, the weekly monster movie watch party. If you want to avoid it, best set up a hashtag filter.

If you'd like to join in, this week's film is WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM (1985), a Corman fantasy mash-em-up featuring an obnoxious kid and a boozy merc fighting a wizard with a ring fixation. It is truly lame. Sounds like a good time :D

The flick's available free with ads over on Tubi: https://tubitv.com/movies/466918/wizards-of-the-lost-kingdom

It's not on Archive.org, alas, but there is a YouTube option: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Usr4VpMQjQ0

Just hit play at the top of the hour and toot along! See you there <3

#Movies #cinema #cinemastodon #horror #scifi

What?

At least it looked/sounded okay and stuff happened. There was even a plot (sort of)

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

The good guys seem to win the sword fight, probably because the evil wizard was saving his magic points for the Final Battle. The final battle is Simon using his magic ring to duel the evil wizard in a technicolor magic battle, which he wins. The extras celebrate.

Kor goes to wander off. Simon asks him to stay, but he says no because he has to wander the wasteland, but he does give Simon a hug.

#monsterdon

Love how half the battle shots of Kor are just in a black void so they can be cut in wherever. He must have been tired. Me too. #monsterdon

So now the kingdom is ruled by a couple of preteens with no experience and barely any training.

What could possibly go wrong?

#Monsterdon

well, this may have been one of the dumbest Monsterdon movies we've seen in a while.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

#monsterdon everyone find a good spot, it's time for the 10pm Spectacular Wizard Duel Presented by Sears

I'm sorry, I was taking a drink and missed the evil dude's demise. Totally. Happened that fast.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo
#MonsterdonBingo
#Monsterdon 🧙🏾 🤺 #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

This is the worst game of Magic The Gathering I've ever played.

#monsterdon #wizardsofthelostkingdom

I don't dare look, PLEASE tell me the double feature isn't the sequel to this highly offensive dungheap #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

We now rejoin our regularly scheduled end-of-movie, already in progress.
#monsterdon

we know the fight is over because people started cheering

#monsterdon

i would personally appreciate it if this movie never showed that gnome again ever. thank you.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingsom1985

#monsterdon This is the one thing in particular about 80's movies and in particular kids films that does irk me. There's a sword and arrow invasion of the castle or something and you have the orchestra playing "wonder and folly" type stuff. French horn section rolling around major scales and tympani making happy sounds. People are getting impaled and you're laughing. Someone just got an arrow to the eyeball and

He has the Id from Forbidden Planet

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

Everybody just wave your arms around, and we'll figure out some magic stuff for this scene in post!

#monsterdon

Anyone remember Big Trouble in Little China?
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

Enemy reveals a new power at the end of the film

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

The lameness of this battle choreography is a distraction #Monsterdon

@diazona
I have heard this #JamesHorner soundtrack in SO many movies (well... maybe 4?) not including #StarTrek.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #NowWatching

#Monsterdon
Super close ups so you can't see how bad the fighting is.

I've not really seen any blood tbh...

#Monsterdon

I'm not sure that's how you use those spears/polearms

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

The ring is BUPKIS, I found it in a crackerjack box.
The schwartz is in YOU Simon, it's in YOU.
#monsterdon

@dogwelder wizards of the lost klingons

#monsterdon

Most of these guards aren't even ARMED this is absolutely the most clown-assed Evil Empire ever known.

#Monsterdon

freeing the children like they're Indiana Jones.

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingsom1985

They blew their head bandana budget on this scene

#monsterdon

At last, the only two kind of competent actors in the movie meet

But we can’t have them having scenes together

Chase time!!

#Monsterdon

"Seize him!"

Yeah, we sees him.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Pretty weak security at this place
#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostkingdom

So the mermaid lady tested Kor and if he failed then what? She's just a murderer?
#monsterdon

what if he just broke into a fetish dungeon and everyone was like "I'm fine, just leave me as I am, I paid a lot of money to have this done to me.."

#Monsterdon

@rebeld His manhood failed. That's why they had to do this.

#monsterdon

ahh, mermaids, of course

#Monsterdon

Don't get the brown water in your mouth, Kor

#Monsterdon

Wait! Did I just see a bare boob in the midst of this? I was *not* expecting that.

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom1985

is that lady naked? I didn't think it was that sort of movie?

That water is almost pink
#Monsterdon

Back at the castle, the evil wizard is hypnotizing the princess to convince her that she wants to be his queen, then the real evil queen walks in holding metaphorical pizza and is like "wtf that's my daughter or something you creep" and then he has his Fremen henchmen arrest her.

#monsterdon

Wait a minute, did we just get a glimpse of nipples on that girl?
#monsterdon
#wizardsofthelostKingdom

Is she inexplicably nude?

#Monsterdon

Is she swimming naked in Wonka’s river of chocolate?

#Monsterdon

The perfidy! Backstabbing the backstabber.

#Monsterdon

the Guards don't want to be turned into mice

#Monsterdon

Niagara Falls but brown? Why is it brown?
#Monsterdon #WizardsoftheLostKingdom

ooo, are those the big falls in Argentina?

#Monsterdon

@apLundell #monsterdon we have to assume he had sex with her. We HAVE to assume that

Hey look, it's the argentinian raw sewage falls!

#monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Kor the Gaslighter

#Monsterdon

What? Are they a married couple, and now they’re having an argument about whether Kor cheated on him?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Maybe the cyclops sister is really nice.

Maybe Kor is the jerk here.

GOSH IT SURE IS GREAT OUR PROTAGONIST IS A WHINY LITTLE TWERP

#Monsterdon

this has been a movie about NOT LYING

#monsterdon

So the lost kingdom is somewhere beyond Benny's Hill

#Monsterdon

POCKET SAND!!

#Monsterdon

RIGHT IN THE EYE

queue music!

#monsterdon

This errant branch is my favorite character 🌿

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #wizardsofthelostkingdom1985

If you remove a costume there is a costume underneath. It's costumes all the way down.

Oh - I know how this scene ends. There's going to be some missing limbs

#monsterdon

tying somebody up, with a branch tickling their face is some subtle sadism

#Monsterdon

I'm not completely clear what the magic ring even does in this #monsterdon . Did they ever explain why the evil wizard needs it?

Kid, that's poison ivy

Get outta there

#Monsterdon

Dammit this cavern is off limits to drones.
#monsterdon

@ottaross what an actual coherent plot development? We couldn't possibly have that

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Even Gollum declined to show up in this cave with Simon #Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

Muppets are so much better animated than these cave monsters.

#monsterdon

We wander through the suicide cavern, which is a cave full of skeletons and then are attacked by flying invisible ghosts, at least one being the ghost of a bewitched muppet. They cannot be defeated in battle but are vulnerable to several seconds of off-key singing, which leads them to NOPE out of here.

After leaving the cavern Kor is captured immediately but Simon is still lost in a cave somewhere.

#monsterdon

@raederle I watched “House of Wax” and “The Tingler” this weekend, just for good measure.

#Monsterdon

To be fair, with how badly they were singing I don't blame the ghost for running away

#Monsterdon #WizardsOfTheLostKingdom

I don't care if Simon lives or dies, but the sheer volume of costumes and whimsical nonsense is great. I'm like a baby with those colorful plastic keys shaking in front of my face.

#Monsterdon

He's got a jean helmet. Jelmet.

#Monsterdon

The abominable snowman finally did something when he hugged the main character. 10/10, everyone needs a hug now and then.

#monsterdon

I'm not saying they should get their faces melted a la Raiders of the Lost Ark, but I'm not NOT saying that. #monsterdon

they sang away the ghosts??

#monsterdon

The point in Oblivion where you learn to carry a silver weapon

#Monsterdon

The thing is, this film was clearly intended for the preteen set, and yet it's nowhere near intelligent enough to be anything but insulting to kids of that age group.

#Monsterdon