We go to visit Weird Harold, who has a child as a greeter, who explains that Weird Harold is launching rockets. Weird Harold explains that he's launching a "Star Wars Defense System" (a reference to a cancelled missile defense system in the 80s), by which he means a balloon that lights itself on fire.
Remember how coke in the 80's could make you feel like you could do anything? Like, make your own movie? Yeah, neither can I.
Sorry if this is my fault
This is a shit beach party, who's freaking out on drugs? Boring!
dear lords....double denim....and the hair.....fucking white people (and I say this a white people) ....it's too much....they have to stop!
Worst campfire story ever.
Fancy symbols in a pre-unicode computer. Okay.
WHAT USE could the vampires have for doctor father's body. i have never heard of vampires just harvesting bodies and not either draining them or turning them. are they going to make the doctor father a vessel for something!?!? #monsterdon
This movie sponsored by an Estes rockoon?
"This is a job for WEIRD HAROLD."
This movie has the most outstanding(ly bad) acting Iβve seen in a long time π
THIS IS A JOB FOR WEIRD HAROLD.
@jonny I think the fuckoff-gigantic moon or the red light in that one scene are the extent to which we will be having "effects" in this movie
To fix his power issues, apparently.
Like seriously, this voiceover sounds like it was recorded with A. with someone who doesn't know how to do voice acting at all and B. by someone who doesn't know how to do sound engineering at all.
Not a good combo for something you have to hear over the whole movie, lol.
Narrator, please now say 'Itβs just a jump to the left.'.
Wait, did the vampire not take the Necronomicon? There's still a book in the priest's hands!
#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini
For anyone not watching this, the lack of acting is maybe the most notable feature of this movie. They needed to hire a few more theater kids.
lol, the moonlight butt stroll was not as erotic as they intended it to be.
We learn that the Ominous Phone Call was made to a priest who we visit in his priestly beach mansion. He explains he has sworn an oath to fight evil, then his staff ushers them out.
After that we return to more hot people talking about vampire murders on the beach. Then the boy and the girl decide to run off, startling some seagulls.
Then we get another implied vampire murder scene in an alley somewhere.
This definitely feels stitched together from all the footage they had, with voiceovers to try and patch the gaps
Are you kiβthis is competing with The Room for pro filmmaking level
@Taweret lol, they're so bad #monsterdon
why is there circus music during this attack???
I suspect that this was a completely different movie that they just re-dubbed into this amazing piece of shit.
so far all the vampire attacks are shot so they're just confusing? like I assume that was a vampire attack????
Okay, the budget means we're not going to get any of those cool 80s practical effects, and just get told about the head-squishing etc.
Did, uh, did you just skip a line there, ma'am? #Monsterdon
Priest: What??? You want me to read more than one book? You crazy kids⦠Reading is evil!
Vampire pretends not to be a native English speaker. Priest pretends to be a native English speaker. I call miscasting #monsterdon
Grandma said we can film on the stairs but we can't go into her room
I think this #monsterdon could have been more creative in naming its vampire tome. Also "the book of the dead" is already taken by that anthology of Egyptian Tomb Prayers.
Of course the only non-white character we've seen so far is the maid, that's why there's so much denim around...
Librarian Gameshow Host explains that the burning book was the "Book of the Dead" that was used by a cult of demon worshipers in the Middle Ages and that it's worth a lot of money.
The kids decide not to sell it and instead wander off, while Librarian Gameshow Host makes an Ominous Phone Call.
It's Isaac Asimov as... The Priest!
There's so much fucking denim in this movie....
and now! TELEPORTED TO SUBURBIA!
That was an absolutly terrible history of the necronomicon. I object.
(for heaven's sake, no one worships demons)
You know kids thereβs some *else* who was undead and walked the Earthβ¦ his name was Jesus.
@Taweret Technically we did watch a movie where the vampires were aliens.
Excuse me, "Life Among the Space Visitors" is NOT creepy, it's important literature #monsterdon
"oh, this book? i've read it. it sucks." #monsterdon
that was more confusing than scary
my ebook is on fire!
hey, who stole Gile's VAMPYRE book
Vick's Vaporub from Before The Dawn of Time #Monsterdon
That couch looks like it smells so bad
This is the worst acting by vest-ware man that I have ever seen.
I'm actually preferring the Mosterdon films with less plot and character development at this point.
#monsterdon Sex in alleys, that's how you get Syphilis PAM.
Holy ADR, batman
We got side butt and man boobs, but I don't think we got women boobs yet. Did I miss 'em?
#monsterdon
#monsterdon Okay, I'm gonna go, got mononucleosis to spread, ta ta!
After our cancelled vampire wedding, we watch a boy silhouette and a girl silhouette walking on a beach and being romantic or something. Then the girl goes home with the boy.
Then we cut to a photo shoot of a girl for some reason. The photographer is boy. The soundtrack gets um... soft rocky. The boy explains he makes his living doing photography but his music is a hobby. This makes the girl horny.
#monsterdon Ahhh, cowgirl position. Watch out for low ceiling fans. Oops, too late. There goes her hair⦠Vrrrrrmmmmm *splatter*
The music is the real villain of this film.
I wonder what the denim budget was for this film
"Wanna see my place? Real quiet, no room mates. I have a box fan, a backdrop, a big light and a camera."
I swear, if this guy ends up being the 7th son of a 7th son for reasons related to dealing with that vampire...
I love how all these characters talk like video game characters delivering plot
#monsterdon She's married in the east, and lesbian in the west. As you do.
"Let my lips touch yours."
Bites her neck
You're aim's a little off, my dude. #Monsterdon
"Director, I stumbled on that line should I"
"KEEP ROLLING"
This was the best take #monsterdon
Listopher Cambert
the budget Christoper Lambert
#Monsterdon
She's crying because she just got done reading the screenplay.
Is the Vampire Inigo Montoya?
being a 7th son of a 7th son makes you a witch, not a vampire
I'll have what she's having
"Boy oh boy, what's with the atittude problem of the LAPD"
these people are like 45 lol #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach
The people responsible for the sound in this movie should be drained of all their blood.
we're watching california goths come out in real time #monsterdon
This movie is fine as long as no one ever speaks
...."Sucker"? Really? REALLY? #monsterdon
...Is he saying "suffer" or "sucka"? #Monsterdon
No keyboard guitar though...
Hey, it's my boss from that job in Chicago at 18 :D #Monsterdon
Next we get stock footage of windsurfing and also surfing, increasing the audience's longing for the sea.
The other girls have drove off and found a car by the side of the road. Because its a classic car, I suspect its driver is a vampire.
Turns out he has a mullet and is named "Harold", which seem like non-vampire traits, but who knows. One girl leaves with him.
"There sure are some sickies around, huh?"
Yes, we've met the cast. #Monsterdon
Good thing she pulled up her bikini bottoms. They were definitely too low. #monsterdon
Girls love chatting about cars, it's clear a lady wrote this
@Bluedepth The movie can't kelp it! #monsterdon
Tubi: "Please turn of your ad blocker......oh, never mind." #monsterdon
This dialogue is really happening. It is words.
#monsterdon No kelp hanging off the cast? I call oceanic shenanigans. LOL
@klu9 Well, there's still time. I'll keep abreast of changes :3 #Monsterdon
Do vampires have to diet each Spring to fit back in their bikinis?
Oh my this film has The Room quality, doesn't it?
Is there a sweaty pervert who's in every scene?
That synth score is making me question my desire to live forever.