I plugged my book into the wrong kind of USB charger and it started smoking.
#monsterdon

As much as the narration is keeping the plot stitched together, I wish it would stop
#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

he sounds like chuck woolery

#monsterdon

Well, this movie is bad for sure, but it's still a few orders of magnitude better than Dracula Prisoner of Frankenstein.

I think…

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

I look away for 10 seconds, and look back just in time to see a the head of a screaming woman slide off the screen

Was that important? #Monsterdon

omfg the levels on this narration mic are a crime against humanity #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

what the hell is with the narrator voiceover

#monsterdon

who is the narrator supposed to be telling this to?? #monsterdon

#monsterdon Yeah, let's leave the unnaturally hot book to its devices.

Oh, that was the vampire?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon If you weren't paying attention, you could almost think that was a scream you hear in the primate den at any major zoo…

Wow, I think they were going for a gothic "headstones" effect with those surfboards. Points for ambition? #monsterdon

That's totally me when uh..... um..... what just happened there?
#Monsterdon

@Louisa I was thinking the same thing! The "Please hurry" really meant, take your time and swing by after morning coffee.

#Monsterdon

I looked down, was it a shark attack?

#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

At least that was an original and not a Wilhelm. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

California beach sand flies do not mess around.

#Monsterdon

Wait, was that vampire attack on the beach in BROAD DAYLIGHT?

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

this video-game-ass horror scene music.

#monsterdon

Ahh apparently the murder victims had neck puncture wounds, so it wasn't totally arbitrary that people were panicking about vampires after all

#Monsterdon

Are they going to explain the surfboards that look like tombstones?

#monsterdon

I'm with Rhea Seehorn ...
#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

"Can you believe it?"

#monsterdon

Wow!! Guess they're gonna get drained in the worst way for being rude to a good Samaritan #Monsterdon

wth, they are gonna do it in the surfboard graveyard?
#monsterdon

And yes, the blanket is also flammable. This is from the 80s.

#Monsterdon

That's it, Thing! Lend a grope!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Actors speaking directly into the camera like it's a '90s point-and-click adventure on CD-ROM

#Monsterdon

Discount Chris Sarandon isn't really carrying this film.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Back at the club, we go outside for some reason, find a tome of vampire knowledge or some shit, and encounter some mean people. The mean boy threatens the main characters with a knife so they wander away nonchalantly.

Then the mean boy and the mean girl start having sex in an alley, until they are ambushed by a vampire who kills the mean boy with a Vulcan Death Grip.

#monsterdon

"Well there's definitely something weird here"
Yes it is your stupid haircut
#Monsterdon

lol, we live in a time where books can get really hot and burn you, yayy! /s

#MOnsterdon

Wait, WAIT, did he come right over or not?! It's like 8 hours later??

#Monsterdon

don't look at the camera, doofus #monsterdon

@Taweret@timeloop.cafe yes! And other lies! #Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

Surfboard graveyard nookie... Wups! That was fast.

#Monsterdon

“Bob! The book that I set right next to the fireplace spontaneously caught fire! It's evil!”

#Monsterdon

If the book is close enough to the fire to burst into flames, then don't just leave a flammable blanket on it, move it away from the fire. #Monsterdon

Surfboardhenge

#monsterdon
#VampireOnBikiniBeach

so, evil book

let's do THE STUPIDEST THING POSSIBLE

#monsterdon

2001

#Monsterdon

@paco yarrr matey #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Lady's got Necronomicon, Volume 2 #monsterdon

#monsterdon Ladies just loooove being shoved up against brick alley walls, right? Also, foley guy? Do you exist? If so, I hope you're ashamed of this film.

"We don't usually get weirdos like that around here..."

Were these two the kind of weirdos you usually get?
#monsterdon

They didn't hire any actors eh?

#Monsterdon

nice parking, jackasses #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

waking up from a nightmare and doing a booty call

#monsterdon

Suddenly the book looks strapped down ? #Monsterdon

You didn't say the words before picking it up! Klaatu verata nobadmovie! #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

"Something bizarre happening, I almost set the book on fire by leaving it next to the fireplace I lit on the middle of the summer! "
#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

OH: "This movie is a mess. I'm mad now. I want the 'gator movie." #monsterdon

The book smokes.

It also watched bad movies and stays out too late. Get rid of it.

#Monsterdon

Who puts an antique book right next to the fireplace??? #Monsterdon

oh no the ashtray is smoking? is that an ashtray? was it supposed to be scary?

#monsterdon

the book is a SPICY PILLOW!

#monsterdon

Oh no. I'm late for #Monsterdon

Okay. Cued up. Skipped a bit, playing 2X.... I shall catch up...

Okay. We've had bikinis. Also vampire.

Wow, that was sort of quick...

18 min More beach...

Camera flash effect. That was a such a trope.

19:30...

20:00...

20:30.. back to normal>

Um, this sex scene was kind of sudden...

Why did you leave the book right next to the fireplace?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon The Necronomicon gets a Pee Wee's oh-oh-ohhh-no sound effect. EXCELLENT.

@SnoopJ lol sounds about right, I'm quickly working up to that

#Monsterdon

@moira

and "tits"

Subs said "I'm gonna rip off your tits", audio changed to "face"

#Monsterdon

"I feel spooky."

You don't look Goth enough to feel spooky, Honey. #Monsterdon

Being perfectly honest, I find an old book like that, yes, I'm reading it
#monsterdon

"Hello, room service?"

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

YOU MUST NOT READ FROM THE BOOK #monsterdon

@apLundell shh I know, just for the joke... also thanks, i think #Monsterdon

@sean 🖕

;)
#Monsterdon

The book is smoking.

I hate it when books smell like smokers.

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

not the fucking voice synth choir 😭

#Monsterdon

It's the mission impossible book in self destruct mode
#monsterdon

#monsterdon Perfectly normal for a "street thug" to just stab a guy as soon as he comes around the corner.

That's how they do things On The Street.

#monsterdon What the hell? Just walking around with a six inch dagger?

worse, that's not the vampire. that's PG&E here to fix the meter.

#monsterdon

That's a great looking couch. Super comfortable and not at all scratchy I guess.

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

He was gently guided out of frame to death

#Monsterdon

Stabbing makes no impact. No sound, no physics, nothing. Are vampires made out of hot butter?

#Monsterdon

lol, David Harbour's weird stabbing action

#MOnsterdon

That is the quietest stabbing I think I've ever heard in a movie
#Monsterdon

I gotta admit, I, too, would think stabbing someone twice in the dick would be effective.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

I'm rooting for those crazy kids. By which I mean the street pirate and his foul mouthed lady friend. #Monsterdon

@otheorange_tag He clearly was turned before that was a thing. #Monsterdon

stab him in the dick. completely silently #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

I want to see a whole movie about the escapades of knife guy and “rip-off-your-tits” girl.

#Monsterdon

Everyone is so friendly here #Monsterdon

is this fucking jaws music

#monsterdon

Yeah, stand right There. I LOVE it when you stand in a flashing red light!

#monsterdon

Ah, mustachio'd vampire bait and his girlfriend.

#Monsterdon

late to #Monsterdon today

So far I have determined there is not, repeat NOT, any action happening

.... my file censored those curses. huh. #monsterdon

are some people about to be killed? finally???

#monsterdon

and I was getting invested in these two
#monsterdon

The subtle background scream while they were talking was actually the camera crew realizing what movie they were working on.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

@kshernandez Biology class, it's important! #Monsterdon

Oh wow, she self-censored. How thoughtful?

#Monsterdon

Why did I half expect them to show the cover and it said "The Vampire Bible"?
#Monsterdon

My boyfriend always takes his kitchen knife when we go out for a stroll on the beach #Monsterdon

That is why Vulcan mind melds must only be done by professionals, not wannabe mall goths!
#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

I always be dropping my grimoire, relatable
#monsterdon

that was incredible #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

At least the weird couple lnew a little acting
#monsterdon