@Taweret "KEEP ROLLING!" #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

"Yes that's all.. Turns out books of demon worshipping cultists are a dime a dozen."
#Monsterdon

The sound mixing for this movie was done a Walkman ​:ablobcatheadphones:​ 😬

#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

Nice Jeep, at least.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

And now 2+ minutes of ads. Dang it.

#Monsterdon

This book sales scene is intense

Ooo, Giles is going to call the Watchers about this....

#Monsterdon

Man walks into the back of the book store and is gone for about 5 seconds.

“What’s taking him so long?”

The director hadn't yet taken the pacing course in film school.

#Monsterdon

This guy is the most tight lipped professor type I have ever seen. A real expositor would launch into a 45 minute ad hoc lecture on Necrronomiconica. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

This is like Antiques Roadshow but with butts and less exciting #Monsterdon

#monsterdon The Middle Ages?

That book is about a thousand years old?

Ah yes. Cults of demon worshipers. One of the most 80s horror backstories there is.
#Monsterdon

This music isn't helping the script and only annoys me at this point.
#Monsterdon

"It's what you call a book of the dead ..."

Why can nobody deliver their lines with a bit of feeling ...

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Tweed jacket and grey hair. Professor type. check!

#Monsterdon

Is he wearing a tweed jacket over a cardigan? How fucking cold is that library?

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

(15 minutes in) You know who could have a sense of humor when it comes to serial killers

#Monsterdon

I couldn't tell if he forgot his line or broke off dramatically

#monsterdon

Necronomicon in 'Cast a Deadly Spell' in #SundayFunnies this afternoon much spookier

#Monsterdon

i dig the jacket #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Whoever voted for this movie. #monsterdon

"Anyone can tell you a burning book is nothing for TWO FOOLS to deal with!"

Haha just lightening the mood a little, in my own personal reminiscing, about why the guy I like is in a hospital coma or something

#Monsterdon

Question: So, if a vampire drains someone in a house is that a break in or are they dinning in? #Monsterdon

A better monsterdon movie might have been "Radioactive Vampires from Bikini Atoll" or something 🧛👙​:godzilla:​
#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

well, it's what you call a book of the dead. But that's all I can tell you about it.

#monsterdon

Why are they even lying about how they got the Necronomicon?

Just seemed like such a weirdly random lie.

#Monsterdon

Ash is going to need that book.

#Monsterdon

why the hell wouldn't you just sell the creepy fire book that this guy is willing to pay good money for

#monsterdon

Why would you not want to sell the book? It's worth a lot of money

#monsterdon
#VampireOnBikiniBeach

A NECRONOMICON EX MORTIS?? #monsterdon

Wow, the Necronomicon can't even revive this dead film.

#Monsterdon

This scene I call “sexy antiques roadshow”.

#Monsterdon

no, fun is definitely not the word for anything that's gone on indeed in the last half an hour.

#monsterdon

Is this movie like English dubbed English? #Monsterdon #vampiresonbikinibeach

The voiceover is really elucidating the complex, nuanced plot for me—I would be soooo lost without it!
#monsterdon

Correct characher that I don't remember the name, this movie is weird, it gives me the creeps, not a good one.
#monsterdon

Was that a cemetery of surfboards? #Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

a very convenient seaside antique bookstore, that

#monsterdon

(13 minutes in) This is where things *start* to get pretty weird?

#Monsterdon

imhoteeeeep #monsterdon

"There could be something in all this."

"Yes. Pages. It's a book."

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

“Anyone can tell you that a burning book is nothing for two fools to deal with” #Monsterdon

That doesn't count! The biting was off camera!
Wait.
Did, did she just do a shitty voice-over?
#Monsterdon

I want to take it in the back and lick it's pages

be right back...
#monsterdon

why would you keep mentioning aliens in a vampire movie

#monsterdon

"Can you tell us anything about this book?"

"Well, it appears to be a photo album from 1969... I'll be right back, gotta stick it in the NMR to be sure."

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

*calls his vampire friends* "I don't know how but they got the fucking book!"
#Monsterdon

#monsterdon I want to run the kind of bookshop where teens bring their necronomicons.

The bookstore guy should really be played by Roddy McDowell #Monsterdon

@SnoopJ Oh, they never try fire! #stillBitter #Monsterdon

Movie stopped playing and I didn't notice because the feed was more interesting. Maybe time to call it tonight.

#Monsterdon

Wait we're back to the V/O?
#Monsterdon

why do we keep mentioning aliens?

#monsterdon

I don't know WTF is going on but I like the cars in this #Monsterdon

Finally, the nerd of the movie has arrived

#Monsterdon

Goiânia accident all over again.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

We are about to find out if The Californians can fight vampires on the beach.

There is definitely something weird here. We need the Scooby gang.

#Monsterdon

As much as the narration is keeping the plot stitched together, I wish it would stop
#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

I plugged my book into the wrong kind of USB charger and it started smoking.
#monsterdon

he sounds like chuck woolery

#monsterdon

Well, this movie is bad for sure, but it's still a few orders of magnitude better than Dracula Prisoner of Frankenstein.

I think…

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

I look away for 10 seconds, and look back just in time to see a the head of a screaming woman slide off the screen

Was that important? #Monsterdon

omfg the levels on this narration mic are a crime against humanity #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

what the hell is with the narrator voiceover

#monsterdon

who is the narrator supposed to be telling this to?? #monsterdon

#monsterdon Yeah, let's leave the unnaturally hot book to its devices.

oh christ that was a major voiceover impact - thank the gods it was short. Everybody okay out there?

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Oh, that was the vampire?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon If you weren't paying attention, you could almost think that was a scream you hear in the primate den at any major zoo…

Wow, I think they were going for a gothic "headstones" effect with those surfboards. Points for ambition? #monsterdon

That's totally me when uh..... um..... what just happened there?
#Monsterdon

@Louisa I was thinking the same thing! The "Please hurry" really meant, take your time and swing by after morning coffee.

#Monsterdon

I looked down, was it a shark attack?

#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

At least that was an original and not a Wilhelm. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

California beach sand flies do not mess around.

#Monsterdon

Wait, was that vampire attack on the beach in BROAD DAYLIGHT?

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

this video-game-ass horror scene music.

#monsterdon

Ahh apparently the murder victims had neck puncture wounds, so it wasn't totally arbitrary that people were panicking about vampires after all

#Monsterdon

Are they going to explain the surfboards that look like tombstones?

#monsterdon

I'm with Rhea Seehorn ...
#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

"Can you believe it?"

#monsterdon

Wow!! Guess they're gonna get drained in the worst way for being rude to a good Samaritan #Monsterdon

wth, they are gonna do it in the surfboard graveyard?
#monsterdon

And yes, the blanket is also flammable. This is from the 80s.

#Monsterdon

That's it, Thing! Lend a grope!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Actors speaking directly into the camera like it's a '90s point-and-click adventure on CD-ROM

#Monsterdon

Discount Chris Sarandon isn't really carrying this film.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Back at the club, we go outside for some reason, find a tome of vampire knowledge or some shit, and encounter some mean people. The mean boy threatens the main characters with a knife so they wander away nonchalantly.

Then the mean boy and the mean girl start having sex in an alley, until they are ambushed by a vampire who kills the mean boy with a Vulcan Death Grip.

#monsterdon

"Well there's definitely something weird here"
Yes it is your stupid haircut
#Monsterdon

Wait, WAIT, did he come right over or not?! It's like 8 hours later??

#Monsterdon

lol, we live in a time where books can get really hot and burn you, yayy! /s

#MOnsterdon

C'mon Bob, open the book and summon the dead. Or are ya chicken, baaaaawk bawk bawk #Monsterdon

don't look at the camera, doofus #monsterdon

@Taweret@timeloop.cafe yes! And other lies! #Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

Surfboard graveyard nookie... Wups! That was fast.

#Monsterdon

“Bob! The book that I set right next to the fireplace spontaneously caught fire! It's evil!”

#Monsterdon

If the book is close enough to the fire to burst into flames, then don't just leave a flammable blanket on it, move it away from the fire. #Monsterdon

Surfboardhenge

#monsterdon
#VampireOnBikiniBeach

so, evil book

let's do THE STUPIDEST THING POSSIBLE

#monsterdon

2001

#Monsterdon