@Dianora You'd think a priest would be able to bear a cross better?! #Monsterdon

star wars defense system? two trash bags full of helium?!

#monsterdon

Old Weird Harold? Weird Al's Weird brother?
#monsterdon

@whiskeysailor I wish I could forget there was a narrator

#Monsterdon

Who up busting their code? Weird Harold, of course
#monsterdon

Old man Doctor Gower.

#Monsterdon

(29 minutes in) So there was this cult of demon worshippers in the Middle Ages.

That is all.

#Monsterdon

It was too much for the priest ... this is a job for Weird Harold!

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Who you gonna call? (Not the ADR director apparently!) #monsterdon

#Monsterdon

"Our vampires are different! They just kind of.. snuggle you to death."

I can’t tell if this is a vampire flick or ninjas with bad fingernails. #Monsterdon #vampiresonbikinibeach

Oh, good, now the vampire took the book.

#Monsterdon

@moira Please tell me it was the script?! #Monsterdon

Maybe they'll find some Traysure!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

She's nervous, so she's picking up the murder scene.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Thank goodness they finally hung up that phone

#Monsterdon

"Weekend at Dr. Gowar's"

#Monsterdon

I definitely got spoiled on October's freight movies with production and acting, and... everything else that makes compelling movies... 😂

#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

The phone should have rung as soon as it was hung up.

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

"Bob, get up here, quick!"

… Why? That dude ain't going anywhere.

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

@whiskeysailor ..with insects called the human race... oh sorry wrong film.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Anyone else feel like this director took the Ed Wood approach and only ever did one take? Or...are all these readings the BEST takes they got?

I'm sort of wondering what they used for their music. I swear I'm getting MT-32 vibes or something here. Like this actually sounds like MIDI, but like it has gone through some serious post-processing or something.

#Monsterdon

We can't do that ?!?

#monsterdon

he is SLEEPING at his DESK

#monsterdon

I really get why Who's Who? & Christopher Saint turned down this film.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

#monsterdon "But what about Bob!?!?!?”

If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try your call again.

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

I guess people really were doing a lot of cocaine in the 80s. Certainly explains what we are witnessing tonight.

#Monsterdon

@ramsey @arrjay Doctor of divinity is a thing. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

#monsterdon *Runs along the beach in mild panic*

(26 minutes in) OK some of this is positively comical at 1.5x speed

...maybe "positively" isn't quite the right word

#Monsterdon

This narrator is getting on my nerves #Monsterdon

"...I'm gonna find a fuse box"
"But do you have a penny?"

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

“There’s something wrong here.”

“The lights are out.”

Yes, Captain Obvious.

#Monsterdon

so does the narrator become the vampire's lover because that was a very chipper way to talk about a guy being dead in his house

#monsterdon

People die so quietly in this film. #Monsterdon

why do we have this narration!? #monsterdon

I’m telling you, you could get an English undergrad to write a paper on how much time they spend forgetting to put in audiotracks that are doing anything
#monsterdon

I keep forgetting there is a narrator
#monsterdon

I just happen to carry a box of wooden matches around.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

was anyone sober at any point in conceiving, making or editing this project?
#Monsterdon

Oh yeah, I forgot she's narrating it
#Monsterdon

Soak in the atmosphere of a beeping phone
#monsterdon

Me, listening to busy tone ad nauseum:

"Whatever fucking douche is hogging this one-line BBS better hang up and go to bed soon, I have a flame war to catch up on."

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

That scene implies she’s too stupid do get a blanket when cold.

Also “it’s a piece of paper” is literature, not just dialog but LITERATURE!

#Monsterdon

@wohali it looked like he was being attacked by his own frock #monsterdon

Ahhhh! Attack of the random narration!

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

that's not an abandoned line tone, my dude #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

if this movie was remotely competent they'd've saved that shot for her being a vampire

i mean, literally second almost-decent shot in the film and they wasted it on a burnt piece of paper

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Yea let's go outside nude to read.
#Monsterdon

(23 minutes in) MacGuffin acquired

#Monsterdon

@arrjay Father Doctor.

#Monsterdon

@xerozohar That's how you know it's EVIL!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 🧛‍♀️ 🧛‍♂️ 🏖️ 👙💪 🫣 😱

But why was there suddenly NO music at all? Nothing was(n't) happening!

Oh gosh, why show this girls behind? It's not she has anything to show there.
#monsterdon

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
They couldn't afford a vampire costume so they had a guy wear a black hoodie. OMFG. I'm dying. 😆💀😂
#Monsterdon

@Louisa That line was neither written, nor shot, nor edited out. It all just failed to exist in the mind of the entity that created this monstrosity.

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

More ass! just like more of this movie! #monsterdon

Yeah, I have that same reaction when my spouse sneaks up behind me and starts chewing on my neck. #Monsterdon

there, fine

ASS

happy now? here's your M rating.

#monsterdon

These are the lamest vampires EVER good thing there are beaches and bikinis and butts #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 🧛‍♀️ 🧛‍♂️ 🏖️ 👙💪 🫣 😱

the 'vampires' are just extras in hoodies cavorting in the shadows, I guess.

[audio removed from this scene]

#Monsterdon

NOT MORE VOICEOVER. Please, no, Movie.

#Monsterdon

Butt!

#Monsterdon

oh! it's those L-shaped sheets!

#monsterdon

@Violinknitter That was the entire scene.

#Monsterdon

Did that vampire just kill Father Asimov by grinding his forehead into the priest's neck?

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

@nev You called it right! #Monsterdon

pink bed in a black room, they totally had a porn cut

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

The book is fire. And summons the vampire?

#Monsterdon

Turns out one should be afraid of evil and its books #Monsterdon

that murder... for a moment i thought they were trying to make him look like he folded in half

#monsterdon

Nice pink sheets man.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon So close to Killer Klowns from Outer Space with the vampire attack scene there with the pedopriest.

That priest didn't last long
#monsterdon

That evil book is pretty great though.

#monsterdon

@Violinknitter no #Monsterdon

Um…
#monsterdon

Later that night...
#monsterdon

oh no big fire, he just got goinked

#monsterdon

Priest 0
Book 1

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

#monsterdon

Sorry sir, the sign clearly says "No Gallumphing in the Alleyway".

@LuluHelle well, they clearly have habits

#Monsterdon

like whoa #monsterdon

LOL

LMAO

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

@wohali Yes I recognised so many scenes!. I especially loved the scene with the car with many people coming out filmed at Strathcona park below the Russian embassy...
#Monsterdon

Renfield? #monsterdon

I recall "Psycho Beach Party" featuring Nicholas "Xander" Brendon being much more tolerable than this…hell, this makes "Catalina Caper" look like "Citizen Kane".

#monsterdon
#VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Kim always runs pell mell at the beach when she is scared. It's her way.

#Monsterdon

Okay, they got an actual actor for the bookshop guy. Kudos for that, I guess.

#Monsterdon

@cocaine_owlbear It's socal, we over air con everything.

#Monsterdon

Back on the beach.

What is with their glee about the bikers death?
#Monsterdon

Artful use of 100% totally dead air while they were waiting at the door earlier; clearly an important motif to the auteur behind this film.
#monsterdon

"how should i be taking it?"

you tell me..... #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

"the hell was that all about?"

this is a question we've all been asking ourselves for the last half an hour.

#monsterdon

"What the hell was that all about?" Exactly what I want to know

#monsterdon
#VampireOnBikiniBeach

"Did you see what Cindy Jacobs was wearing last night? She looked so stupid!"

Which differentiates her from literally everyone in the 80s how, exactly?

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

now, back to describing gruesome murders at the beach!

#monsterdon