@xerozohar That's how you know it's EVIL!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 🧛‍♀️ 🧛‍♂️ 🏖️ 👙💪 🫣 😱

But why was there suddenly NO music at all? Nothing was(n't) happening!

Oh gosh, why show this girls behind? It's not she has anything to show there.
#monsterdon

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
They couldn't afford a vampire costume so they had a guy wear a black hoodie. OMFG. I'm dying. 😆💀😂
#Monsterdon

@Louisa That line was neither written, nor shot, nor edited out. It all just failed to exist in the mind of the entity that created this monstrosity.

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

More ass! just like more of this movie! #monsterdon

Yeah, I have that same reaction when my spouse sneaks up behind me and starts chewing on my neck. #Monsterdon

lol, the moonlight butt stroll was not as erotic as they intended it to be.

#Monsterdon

there, fine

ASS

happy now? here's your M rating.

#monsterdon

These are the lamest vampires EVER good thing there are beaches and bikinis and butts #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 🧛‍♀️ 🧛‍♂️ 🏖️ 👙💪 🫣 😱

the 'vampires' are just extras in hoodies cavorting in the shadows, I guess.

[audio removed from this scene]

#Monsterdon

We learn that the Ominous Phone Call was made to a priest who we visit in his priestly beach mansion. He explains he has sworn an oath to fight evil, then his staff ushers them out.

After that we return to more hot people talking about vampire murders on the beach. Then the boy and the girl decide to run off, startling some seagulls.

Then we get another implied vampire murder scene in an alley somewhere.

#monsterdon

NOT MORE VOICEOVER. Please, no, Movie.

#Monsterdon

Butt!

#Monsterdon

oh! it's those L-shaped sheets!

#monsterdon

@Violinknitter That was the entire scene.

#Monsterdon

Did that vampire just kill Father Asimov by grinding his forehead into the priest's neck?

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

@nev You called it right! #Monsterdon

pink bed in a black room, they totally had a porn cut

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

The book is fire. And summons the vampire?

#Monsterdon

Nice pink sheets man.

#Monsterdon

Turns out one should be afraid of evil and its books #Monsterdon

that murder... for a moment i thought they were trying to make him look like he folded in half

#monsterdon

That priest didn't last long
#monsterdon

#monsterdon So close to Killer Klowns from Outer Space with the vampire attack scene there with the pedopriest.

That evil book is pretty great though.

#monsterdon

My god, the book's full of LEDs #monsterdon

@Violinknitter no #Monsterdon

Well, so much for the priest. That was kinda random.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Um…
#monsterdon

Later that night...
#monsterdon

oh no big fire, he just got goinked

#monsterdon

Priest 0
Book 1

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

#monsterdon

Sorry sir, the sign clearly says "No Gallumphing in the Alleyway".

@LuluHelle well, they clearly have habits

#Monsterdon

like whoa #monsterdon

LOL

LMAO

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

@wohali Yes I recognised so many scenes!. I especially loved the scene with the car with many people coming out filmed at Strathcona park below the Russian embassy...
#Monsterdon

Renfield? #monsterdon

I recall "Psycho Beach Party" featuring Nicholas "Xander" Brendon being much more tolerable than this…hell, this makes "Catalina Caper" look like "Citizen Kane".

#monsterdon
#VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Kim always runs pell mell at the beach when she is scared. It's her way.

#Monsterdon

Okay, they got an actual actor for the bookshop guy. Kudos for that, I guess.

#Monsterdon

@cocaine_owlbear It's socal, we over air con everything.

#Monsterdon

Back on the beach.

What is with their glee about the bikers death?
#Monsterdon

Artful use of 100% totally dead air while they were waiting at the door earlier; clearly an important motif to the auteur behind this film.
#monsterdon

"how should i be taking it?"

you tell me..... #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

"the hell was that all about?"

this is a question we've all been asking ourselves for the last half an hour.

#monsterdon

"What the hell was that all about?" Exactly what I want to know

#monsterdon
#VampireOnBikiniBeach

"Did you see what Cindy Jacobs was wearing last night? She looked so stupid!"

Which differentiates her from literally everyone in the 80s how, exactly?

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

now, back to describing gruesome murders at the beach!

#monsterdon

MEANWHILE, IN THE ADR BOOTH
#Monsterdon

Squished together like jelly? That's totally radical bro!
#Monsterdon

@Dianora and also filmed in Ottawa!

#monsterdon

"Their heads were squished together ... like jelly"

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Meanwhile in a more interesting corner of the interwebs. #monsterdon

Those decors, tho.

#Monsterdon

"I think we can put an end to these evil happenings." What evil happenings? Someone knocked the lady on her butt and that's basically the only thing anyone saw happen!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

You lot watched "Jesus Christ Vampire hunter" yet?

Oh that movie was actually decent. Never mind.

#Monsterdon

Almost Father Guido Sarducci #Monsterdon

I feel like Neil Breen could show up in this and it wouldn't make it much worse #monsterdon

they're not sideburns. they're like...head..burns? #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Oh yeah, I love listening to a radio tuned between stations!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Oh wow, creepiest priest I've ever seen. Nice casting!

#monsterdon

The old folks in this movie are acting so shittily that they are making the kids acting look good.

oh, this is Doctor Priest.

#monsterdon

Priest is a goner, calling it

#Monsterdon

"leave this book with me tonight"

He's selling it kids and you just got hustled

#Monsterdon

Leave this book with me tonight, I want to lick its pages
#monsterdon

so this guy's whole house is gonna burn down if they leave the book huh

#monsterdon

@wohali A creepy old bookseller needs to upsell other books. That’s how you get addicted to buying used books. What do you think that shop is, a library where librarians just tell you stuff for free?

#monsterdon

This priest looks like a child molester if you ask me.
#monsterdon

again scary
is she in a film that differs from the one we are watching???
#Monsterdon

Okay, but a catholic priest knowing a bunch of plot-relevant demonology is a fun bit.

#Monsterdon

There's a lot of actions in here where the sound is nonexistent. No car noise, no doorbell... Just synth behind EVERYTHING. #Monsterdon

I'm getting tired of these bikinis on the beach

#monsterdon
#VampireOnBikiniBeach

So is this the required real estate scene? Oh, no, just a priestly encounter #Monsterdon

If you took an oath to fight evil, why are you appearing in this fillm? Checkmate, father. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

"This stuff is really scary"

...is it? #Monsterdon

Ok that's enough for me, goodnight! #Monsterdon

[meta note: Miru keeps glitching out on me every so often but it gets fixed by a reload] #monsterdon

"...how would a priest know about evil?"
"You're kidding right?"

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

#monsterdon Whenever I meet a priest, I greet him by angrily shouting "YOU'RE A PRIEST?!?"

they went upstairs to a ground floor room. neat!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

i might take a break from this movie to fold some laundry lmao

#monsterdon

(16 minutes in) Is that the James Bond chord progression I hear in the background while the vampire is talking

This vampire is practically the opposite of Bond in every way

#Monsterdon

Yes, I am a very wealthy priest

#monsterdon

"We feel that this book represents something evil. How would a priest know about this?"

lmaoooooo

#Monsterdon

@strangefour oh my God that's why it seems so familiar! It has that exact feeling! When does Tex Murphy show up?

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

oh dig that exterior house door though. bring back non-rectangular doors.

#monsterdon

"I'd like to uh, take it in the back."

Sir!! This is a family film!

#Monsterdon

@Violinknitter

You would think. But who knows..?

#Monsterdon

oh but the firey cursed book just wants to be loved! let's take it home and feed it martinis.
Logic
#Monsterdon

AUUUUGGHHH!!! #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

@cherizilla Exactly!

https://don.monster/@ramsey/115523022834163414

#Monsterdon

"So I really want the film to kinda brush along the surface of the story. Depth is for people who have more than 65 minutes to tell a story. Spend plenty of time focusing on the driving. Parking. Plenty of it. Moving the plot along is for movies shot on film."

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

What a creepy priest.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

#monsterdon Those jeans are so tight you can make out the grand canyon of boy-cheeks. LOL

Coming in late from a podcast session and I can already tell from the line reads that this is a winner.

#monsterdon

@jivens it's better than playing baseball with them in a thunderstorm, like they do up in Washington.

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach