@yatsu

Somehow, I don't think these people read Chekhov

#Monsterdon

hook hand car door

#monsterdon

Discount Val Kilmer #monsterdon

is... so is the vampire we met earlier with the Mexivania accent? what happened to him?

#monsterdon

Not calling for backup, right
#Monsterdon

Be on the look out for a huge-balled man.

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

@wohali Methane. This guy definitely smells his own farts. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

OK that "hook hand" story really did go around a lot of the 1980s.

#Monsterdon

Weird Harold? Like, from Fat Albert?
#monsterdon

I keep expecting the killer here to be in a Scream mask.

#monsterdon

Hoping Weird Harold is going to save this tragedy....

#MOnsterdon

"What we're gonna say will sound crazy…'

To Harold? I doubt it.

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

"and that's what's been happening" LMFAO #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Bob: “The book is the key to what’s going on. I’m sure of it.”

Bob, the one who previously treated Kim as overreacting about the supernatural stuff, now makes it sound like it’s been his idea the whole time.

He’s just turned into Fred from Scooby-Doo.

#Monsterdon

Just patiently watching this guy's model rocket launch while people are getting killed by vampires.

#monsterdon

Weird Harold is far too normal they don't stand a chance #Monsterdon

Harold finally got a position in military defense research only to be laid off in the 90s when the Soviet Union fell.

#Monsterdon

Insert dragging a dead priest scene here.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Weird Harold is considered “weird” because he knows how to read

#monsterdon

(31 minutes in) Priests take an oath to fight evil, TIL

#Monsterdon

Just some fireworks, okay

#Monsterdon

... why did we need to see harold's balloons? are those coming back? can they not, actually?

#monsterdon

Harold is an INVENTOR, you know

#monsterdon

Working title for the film #monsterdon

@otheorange_tag or bare one.

#Monsterdon

That chipper narration is much too much.

A little light breaking and entering?

"Bob, get up here...quick."

Forget the dead body. Let's visit the sci-fi guy.
#monsterdon

The Star Wars Defense System is PEAK Reagan ‘80s #Monsterdon

This is how that rocket guy on Skinwalker Ranch got started #monsterdon #ancientaliens

It doesn't take three weeks to build a model rocket, or fill garbage bags with helium.

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Ronald Reagan wishes.
#Monsterdon

#monsterdon "This is a job for weird harold."

It's not a good line, but it's the only interesting one so far.

R/C kiiiit!!!

#Monsterdon

"This is a job for Weird Harold" is a line in a motion picture. It exists #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Movie has some Jeans Puppies, those are shapely man-bottom-cleavage in denim.

This is a job for Weird Harold. The trash bag exploder guy. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

Like, I love this movie. Every single take is like, "Nope, perfect. Beautiful. Next!" #Monsterdon

gawd you can feel the budget of this shrinking as it goes on #monsterdon

@littlemiao They didn't use actors so that explains it.

#Monsterdon

I'm actually more interested in which computer weird Harold uses than I am this movie.

#Monsterdon

Checkov's... Star Wars Defense System?

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

#monsterdon Uhm, that vampire bit the priest's shoulder, not his neck. What an amateur!

@Dianora You'd think a priest would be able to bear a cross better?! #Monsterdon

star wars defense system? two trash bags full of helium?!

#monsterdon

Old Weird Harold? Weird Al's Weird brother?
#monsterdon

@whiskeysailor I wish I could forget there was a narrator

#Monsterdon

Who up busting their code? Weird Harold, of course
#monsterdon

Old man Doctor Gower.

#Monsterdon

(29 minutes in) So there was this cult of demon worshippers in the Middle Ages.

That is all.

#Monsterdon

It was too much for the priest ... this is a job for Weird Harold!

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Who you gonna call? (Not the ADR director apparently!) #monsterdon

This movie has the most outstanding(ly bad) acting I’ve seen in a long time 🏆

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

"Our vampires are different! They just kind of.. snuggle you to death."

I can’t tell if this is a vampire flick or ninjas with bad fingernails. #Monsterdon #vampiresonbikinibeach

Oh, good, now the vampire took the book.

#Monsterdon

@moira Please tell me it was the script?! #Monsterdon

Maybe they'll find some Traysure!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

She's nervous, so she's picking up the murder scene.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Thank goodness they finally hung up that phone

#Monsterdon

"Weekend at Dr. Gowar's"

#Monsterdon

I definitely got spoiled on October's freight movies with production and acting, and... everything else that makes compelling movies... 😂

#Monsterdon #VapiresOnBikiniBeach

The phone should have rung as soon as it was hung up.

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

@whiskeysailor ..with insects called the human race... oh sorry wrong film.

#Monsterdon

"Bob, get up here, quick!"

… Why? That dude ain't going anywhere.

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

#monsterdon Anyone else feel like this director took the Ed Wood approach and only ever did one take? Or...are all these readings the BEST takes they got?

I'm sort of wondering what they used for their music. I swear I'm getting MT-32 vibes or something here. Like this actually sounds like MIDI, but like it has gone through some serious post-processing or something.

#Monsterdon

We can't do that ?!?

#monsterdon

he is SLEEPING at his DESK

#monsterdon

I really get why Who's Who? & Christopher Saint turned down this film.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

And that noise for those of you youngsters out there is called a Busy Signal. See, in the days before cell phones and a thing called 'Call Waiting', when you called someone and they were on the phone, it made that noise and you had to try again later after they hung their phone up. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon "But what about Bob!?!?!?”

If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try your call again.

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

I guess people really were doing a lot of cocaine in the 80s. Certainly explains what we are witnessing tonight.

#Monsterdon

@ramsey @arrjay Doctor of divinity is a thing. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

#monsterdon *Runs along the beach in mild panic*

(26 minutes in) OK some of this is positively comical at 1.5x speed

...maybe "positively" isn't quite the right word

#Monsterdon

This narrator is getting on my nerves #Monsterdon

"...I'm gonna find a fuse box"
"But do you have a penny?"

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

"the lights are out"

🎶 but you're not home 🎶

#monsterdon

“There’s something wrong here.”

“The lights are out.”

Yes, Captain Obvious.

#Monsterdon

so does the narrator become the vampire's lover because that was a very chipper way to talk about a guy being dead in his house

#monsterdon

People die so quietly in this film. #Monsterdon

why do we have this narration!? #monsterdon

I’m telling you, you could get an English undergrad to write a paper on how much time they spend forgetting to put in audiotracks that are doing anything
#monsterdon

I keep forgetting there is a narrator
#monsterdon

I just happen to carry a box of wooden matches around.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

was anyone sober at any point in conceiving, making or editing this project?
#Monsterdon

Oh yeah, I forgot she's narrating it
#Monsterdon

Wait, did the vampire not take the Necronomicon? There's still a book in the priest's hands!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Soak in the atmosphere of a beeping phone
#monsterdon

That scene implies she’s too stupid do get a blanket when cold.

Also “it’s a piece of paper” is literature, not just dialog but LITERATURE!

#Monsterdon

Me, listening to busy tone ad nauseum:

"Whatever fucking douche is hogging this one-line BBS better hang up and go to bed soon, I have a flame war to catch up on."

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

I keep forgetting these are the main characters and thinking the real ones will be along shortly after these two die

Oh the priest is dead btw.

#Monsterdon

@wohali it looked like he was being attacked by his own frock #monsterdon

Ahhhh! Attack of the random narration!

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

that's not an abandoned line tone, my dude #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Yea let's go outside nude to read.
#Monsterdon

if this movie was remotely competent they'd've saved that shot for her being a vampire

i mean, literally second almost-decent shot in the film and they wasted it on a burnt piece of paper

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Woah...

NICE BUTT.JPG #Monsterdon

(23 minutes in) MacGuffin acquired

#Monsterdon

@arrjay Father Doctor.

#Monsterdon