oh noes a shopping montage
#Monsterdon

Stock surf footage.

#Monsterdon

Had to step away for a call. Was this whole thing shot on an RCA camcorder? #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

WHY IS THIS HERE #monsterdon

Being a fun summer/horror crossover flick, it’s looking like the only pregnancy we’ll have to worry about is the pregnant pauses
#monsterdon

Oh boy, more Great Value Stan Bush music.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Some theaters were defiled in the making of this film..

Oh they could have made this into a musical! That would have been an improvement. I think.

#Monsterdon

@Dianora It’s impressive how uniform their (lack of) skill level is! #Monsterdon

"I have to get you over to the bikini shop."

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

@CactuarJoe

But... how are the audience supposed to see it then?

#Monsterdon

"If I have enough food, and you, I'll take over the world."

Dude's an early Techbro. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 🧛‍♀️ 🧛‍♂️ 🏖️ 👙💪 🫣 😱

do you think they even licensed the music for this movie?

This music is worse than crap.

#Monsterdon

really? we're doing this?

#monsterdon

uhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #monsterdon

“Green lights over here. Green lights all the way!”

The movie has just turned into a slice-of-life romcom, and I’m digging it.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon I'm surprised they waited so long in that alley without resorting to making out.

this IS the result of a porn movie with clothes on, isn't it.

#monsterdon

Burger-flavored kiss

#Monsterdon

victoria jackson's first screen appearance #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

I'm getting tonal whiplash here…

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

What is Weird Harold even trying to do with the symbols aside from putting them in a computer?

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

kinda want a burger thoz

#monsterdon

It's filmed like they didn't have anyone else to film so one actor had to hold the camera while the other was talking.

#Monsterdon

@klu9 @amyfou At her parents? #guessing #Monsterdon

I'm getting very tired of the #tubi ads ​:neocat_sad:​
#Monsterdon

#monsterdon This exposition is so clunky that even good actors would have trouble pulling it off.

This cast didn't have a chance.

Mullet man is worried.

#Monsterdon

Who is the narrator again? Is it this teen?
#monsterdon

We went to the hot dog place to get hamburgers.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

this film brought to you by FIDELITY FEDERAL

#monsterdon

NO AUDIO, BECAUSE FUCK YOU

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

@Lazarou 😆
#Monsterdon

"You know, Judy, I'm getting really worried about this murder business," is an Oscar-worthy line.

#monsterdon

Release the attack kittens!! #monsterdon

did anyone study drama in this film?
#Monsterdon

“You know, Judy, I’m really getting worried about this murder business.” #Monsterdon

like the book was evil. and now the movie is just about getting burgers

#monsterdon

aw man now i'm hungry #monsterdon

Ok, the black beret with loose ponytail is a very cute look #Monsterdon

I think the car rental budget for this movie was bigger than anything else in the production.
Why are we having an extended let's get food, drive to food, and order food sequence?
#monsterdon

This movie is like you woke up after a coke binge in LA remembering that you had to deliver a softcore porn to mgm in 24 hours or they were gonna ruin you #Monsterdon

"Its a hot dog, Michael, what could it cost? $10?"

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

look, sometimes you just NEED a HOT DOG

#monsterdon

I like the fake Huey Louis and the News
#monsterdon

And now for a completely different movie...
#Monsterdon

"Food helps me release."

So he fucks holes in watermelons or puts cucumbers in his butt. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Five hours in, and is there any end to this movie?!

I think this is the first point in the movie we actually get a good look of the vampires
#Monsterdon

#monsterdon SONG BREAK and MONTAGE!

@himbovoorhees thank goodness nothing is going on then isn't it? #Monsterdon

i'm actually going to do a bit of laundry. doubt i'll miss TOO much

#monsterdon

@amyfou

Well, where do YOU get your bikinis repaired???

#Monsterdon

Jesus Christ, buddy, you want a free stroke to go with the sodium you just ordered?

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

#monsterdon Did she say "I have to meet Kim at the bikini shop?"

Looking forward to a hilarious mix-up with a vampire in the changing room.

#monsterdon

Did we have suspenders? If so, I think we have a full 80's/90's clothes bingo.

Whaddya say we... release? Unbelievably, this is not a double entendre

#Monsterdon

I just thinking this movie really needed a driving scene.

#Monsterdon

I actually kind of like Harold and Judy.

#monsterdon

Is there a making-of documentary for this shitshow? I bet that would be way better than the actual movie.

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

(43 minutes in) Is Bob the one I'm supposed to feel happy about getting killed? I seriously cannot tell any of these people apart

#Monsterdon

Movie, you are 45 minutes in, this is your second song, and NOTHING IS HAPPENING!!! #Monsterdon

OK, so Renfield pulls a scimitar out of the head of a desiccated corpse and threatens one of the girls with it, only to get kicked in the balls so Bob(?) can take the scimitar, All while the vamp(?) in bad makeup makes vague gestures. That's not even mentioning the set dressings ...

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Time for the 80s pop tune tie in.
#Monsterdon

@neia At least it's not a page! #GoingStraightToHell #Monsterdon

“All right. Let’s hit the road and… RELEASE!”

Cue 80s sitcom closing credits song.

#Monsterdon

Time for some generic synth pop!

#monsterdon

Sooo many bikini shops where I live, I’m always passing bikini shops
#monsterdon

OH NO NOT THE HOUSE BAND AGAIN #monsterdon

She is totally an expert with this sword and they should all be terrified of her.
#monsterdon

wasn't there a book or something

#monsterdon

pure movie magic.
these are the most lames vampires ever!
#monsterdon

@whiskeysailor something tells me this isn't the kind of movie where "things" "happen" #Monsterdon

why is this car tho #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Release me from this garbage #monsterdon

Yep, this song fits right in to the aesthetic of this movie. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

This film reminds me of the acting, budget, scriptwriting of Cocaine Shark

But at least in Cocaine Shark they gave us some silly stop-motion kills

#Monsterdon

@Taweret And who was that carrying the coffin in the opening credits? #monsterdon

Perfect place for THE END

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

(41 minutes in) 7.2/10 for the screaming in place

#Monsterdon

Weird Harold has a tapeworm
#Monsterdon

did the car get a title credit?

#monsterdon

a bikini shop, you say?

#monsterdon

Okay genuinely who wrote this mess? This is *awful* #Monsterdon

Pro tip: if you don't want your movie to be boring you should probably edit out the scenes where the cast is just laying around being bored #Monsterdon

Did anything happen? I mean has much actually happened outside the book?
#monsterdon

Why is that girl cosplaying as Cammy from Street Fighter?

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

@apLundell So have these "actors"

#Monsterdon

It's only been 45 minutes.

#Monsterdon

I have no clue what is going on… #monsterdon

Where'd they get this roadster?

#Monsterdon

Literal ass Gilbert Gottfried mask as the vampire
#Monsterdon

@tuckerm ...wow you're incredibly not wrong, I could buy it.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

#monsterdon Love the lady just 'reclining in terror'

@davesdogmaggie It's Christmas Eve. #Monsterdon

what happened to the first vampire tho?

#monsterdon

It is kind of fun seeing old LA in this montage.

#Monsterdon

What's the deal with the sword? I must have blinked and missed the Chekhov's scimitar setup. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

#monsterdon I have a confession. I've lost track of which pair of teens is which.