Oh, good, I would not have mistaken that for a pipe bomb without the narration. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

is the voice over lady watching the movie with us? like, in the hospital waiting room?

#monsterdon

oh I guess they found the...matches?

#monsterdon

she just PIPE BOMBED THEM!?!?!?! #monsterdon

"My friends call me Dick."

Who wrote this script a middleschooler?
#Monsterdon

Why did everyone stand back and not rush out?

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Me, still.

"Excuse me I gotta go take an eyedropper full of blood thinner"
#Monsterdon

Ms McGyver!
#Monsterdon

Dick wants to take the slut to the mud room--this is an actual movie #monsterdon

@lytta ah, I remember when we had standards

#Monsterdon

Aww, he’s bring his twink along to watch.

#Monsterdon

what

she exploded them

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Even Monster Chiller Horror Theatre is better than this. #monsterdon

what the fuck is happening

#Monsterdon

Oh, he is doing some McGayver stuff
#monsterdon

Now I get to see Harold's computer! I've been waiting for this the entire movie!

#Monsterdon

My partner just walked in and said "I've only seen 2 minutes of this and I feel like I've seen 2 hours of it!"

#monsterdon

what is going on

#monsterdon

Leather jacket, high water pants and white boat shoes.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

i just noticed his pants. omg #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

“My name is Richard. My friends call me Richard. The ladies call me Dick. You get what you ask for.”

Okay. That's the best line in the whole movie, and I bet it was ad-libbed.

#Monsterdon

and by 'good' i mean i'm still laughing about it

#monsterdon

"So, who was holding the boom mic?"
"What's a 'boom mic'?"
#monsterdon

[muffled noises]

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 🧛‍♀️ 🧛‍♂️ 🏖️ 👙💪 🫣 😱

wut.

Um... yeah, I'll take my chances with the vamps, "Dickard". #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

ALL YOU DO TO ME IS TALK TALK

TALK TALK

TALK TALK TALK TALK TALK

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

None of this vampire stuff is actually happening. It’s just a mass hallucination caused by carbon monoxide poisoning.

This entire film is just a PSA about carbon monoxide detectors.

#monsterdon

“Oh I’ll open the door… with my deeyuk!”

#Monsterdon

**clap on** #Monsterdon #vampiresonbikinibeach

How much is left? 5 minutes?
#monsterdon

Oh - I'll open the door alright

#monsterdon
#VampireOnBikiniBeach

@moira Well, we're all paying #Monsterdon

"the ladies call me dick" that was the only good line in this movie lmao

#monsterdon

David Harbour being foul again...

#Monsterdon

and now, for some bdsm porn...#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

LEATHER JACKET GUY WAS BOTH #monsterdon

What the fuck was that line, Richard? 😂🤣

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

@strangefour Buffy wouldn't even consider it worth driving a stake through the heart of this movie

#Monsterdon

I kinda feel this thing must’ve been funded as some sort of cocaine money-laundering project in which they embezzled the budget and then counted on a “The Producers” style flop. But I still wish they had paid at least one professional sound person.

#monsterdon #vampiresonbikinibeach

Also, we need more bikinis.

Have the vampires (the ones with capes, fangs, etc) actually been on the beach at any point? Or just gray people wandering around and grabbing teens

Starting to think this title might be false advertising

#Monsterdon

We wander into the tunnels and reach the vampire temple, which now has a bonfire in the middle of it. The vampires turn off the lights and scowl at them, making everyone scream and run away. The one vampire with a mask decides to teleport around to spook them, explains the evil vampire plan and then fucks off because he has work to do. I assume he means spreadsheets. He was on his lunch break.

#monsterdon

@chris @paco hahahahaha

#Monsterdon

i'm dying and full of love about the fact that like 7 other people made this exact same joke #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Well at least she's at peace with going to hell. #Monsterdon

...wait, the master's name is Voldo? The leather freak from Soul Calibur? #Monsterdon

Y'all, I'm beginning to think maybe these folks don't know how to do audio at all.
#Monsterdon

Just when we thought someone involved in this movie had better sound engineering ability

#Monsterdon

Falto? The dog?
#monsterdon

"Oh great, there's another moron we gotta find" he speaks for the audience #monsterdon

He can’t speak through the mask. I want to wipe his mouth. #Monsterdon

I couldn't understand a thing that 2nd in command vamp said. It sounded like he called the Master "Frodo" #monsterdon

I am starting to believe that whoever was in charge of this movie has just never seen a movie before. #monsterdon

#monsterdon His master, “Voldo”? **heavy breathing** LOL

It's almost interesting that makeup decided to try to make the vampire look vaguely batlike.

#Monsterdon

I wish the narrator would come back and tell us what is going on

#monsterdon
#VampireOnBikiniBeach

something about finding waldo

#monsterdon

@trixter That many?

#Monsterdon

"...you think the camera microphone will be good enough?"
"Yeah, sure."

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

Y’all, every single high school drama group within an hour drive of me could do better than the “actors” in this movie #Monsterdon

“Why don’t you just kill us now and get it over with?”

“Bitch STFU!”

#Monsterdon

Vampire tonsils. Ew.

#Monsterdon

@msh

LOL

"audio guy"

LOL

#monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Will the mask disintegrate if he doesn't look up? #Monsterdon

probably just as well I cant understand what they're saying

#monsterdon

this movie is not for the hearing-inclined.

#monsterdon

Oh my god this is so spectacularly bad... 😆

#Monsterdon

If Spirit Halloween was a film maker. #monsterdon

"Where'd he go?"

He's ducking out of camera, dipshit. #Monsterdon

today the part of the film camera will be played by my vcr #monsterdon

Boss vampire mention? #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

Too much garlic making the vampire throw up?

#monsterdon

Is it bad I kind of hope a cave in kills the all?
#monsterdon

“Hey! The waiver I signed said the performers wouldn’t touch me in this haunted house!”

#Monsterdon

@ramsey Yes, but with a fake accent.
#Monsterdon

BWAhahahahahhahaha. You immortal fool! I have control of the mod wheel!

#monsterdon

Narrator talks about everyone she knows getting murdered(? I assume?) like she’s writing a fond “What I Did Last Summer” report in 6th grade
#monsterdon

@Dianora It might have gotten them TWO gigs!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Bob Fosse would be indignantly insulted from this vampires awful wooden acting.

ADR was clearly not in the budget
#monsterdon

A coffin. A swirled cape. Stage lights, and mumbled lines.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

Did they just put a single mic in the hallway outside?

#Monsterdon

They have a couple of clubs like this in San Francisco, too.

Better music, though.

#Monsterdon

make sure you mute it when nobody's talking to keep out the background noise #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

Can anyone understand what they're saying inside this echo chamber with muffled voices and a bad mic?

#Monsterdon

That entrance was the best part of the movie, hands fuckin' down.

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

BEHOLD, WE DROPPED THE MIC

IN A CAULDRON

#monsterdon

I witnessed the most unconvincing yawn in cinematic history #Monsterdon

Teens versus vampires, random music acts that go on too long, bad acting (esp. vampires)— was this the wet dream that Whedon had that led directly to Buffy? #monsterdon

#monsterdon This film would have been greatly improved if Y.K. Kim were involved in it.

Unless this has a batshit crazy ending, this is going to be the #1 movie that we collectively forget we watched come next year.
#monsterdon

It's a common trope that a vampire is searching for a descendant of his true love, or a woman who just coincidentally looks like her

But I have to admit this angle of "I'll just vampire bite a bunch of women and see if one turns out to be my true love" is pretty new

#Monsterdon

@bstacey I betcha that as lip-gloss would sell like hotcakes. #Monsterdon

@flowerpot I thought he said the “kiss” of eternal love.

#Monsterdon

"...people are confused in the test screenings"
"Okay, we'll add a narrator overdub."

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

WHAT? SPEAK UP! #monsterdon

clearly they diverted money away from the writers and toward purchasing Chains #monsterdon #vampireonbikinibeach

amazing audio. stellar

#Monsterdon

an after hours BDSM club, you mean

#Monsterdon