They can't assign a death to vampires well before the first vampire appears! That's against vampire movie law!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

80s singers all had that signature “I gotta pee” move.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon They are performing their act from the inside of that red and blue smoosh color pop cup they used to have in the late 80’s….

Producer's buddy's band spotted!

#Monsterdon

this week's #monsterdon looks exceptional

ah, white people dancing, the real horror.

#monsterdon

oh no a band

#monsterdon

this is more 80s than all the 80s movies we just watched put together

#monsterdon

@bunnyhero #monsterdon
I’m almost certain you won’t.
Or at least won’t care.

What the fuck is a "Vampire-like wound"? What a weird way to say it.

Classic Harold!

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

we're watching a movie
of people *reading* about vampire attacks.

#monsterdon

I had a micromachine car like that around about then. You could open the boot and bonnet on it, and the doors.
#Monsterdon

These surfers (wind and other) are probably not going to be eaten by any octopi or sharks.

#Monsterdon

Don't worry we can fix everything with a little ADR

#Monsterdon

“I could make stopping a career in this car!”

Was this supposed to be a double entendre? They tried for one too many entendres.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Is this common for friends? Just people splitting off from the group every two minutes? Now that I think about furry cons, hmm, maybe it is.

Well, the Bikini Beach portion of the title is no lie.

#Monsterdon

On the beach, the girl and boy do a splash and then kiss in front of a blue screen.

#monsterdon

@Lazarou Bob can't drown, at least ... give it a minute #Monsterdon

@Lazarou Or... the final vampire? #monsterdon #plottwist

"headed for the sun?"

No, the moon, actually

#Monsterdon

She is going to narrate this whole movie. We are SO lucky!

#Monsterdon

10000 words per minute and all of them rubbish.
#Monsterdon

i hope i don't have to remember who any of these people are

#monsterdon

Don't drown her in the Sea Bob...

#Monsterdon

Impeccable audio engineering
#monsterdon

This #Monsterdon looks like what VHS porn producers do to kill time between their regular projects

@Lazarou Tommy filmed on like 3 different state-of-the-art formats. this is more like rollergator vibes #monsterdon

And then they all drowned and the vampires lived happily ever after. #Monsterdon

Bob is completely oblivious.

#Monsterdon

I just can't find anybody with that sort of hair titillating, I'm sorry....

#MOnsterdon

The dialog sounds very much like listening to a bad commercial? I think stilted is the right word?

#Monsterdon

Bikini spotted! #monsterdon

IF they try to drain this girl, they're gonna have to go back for seconds. My God, she's so slim. #Monsterdon

Hi Bob #monsterdon

"Nice car!"
"Thanks!"

#Monsterdon

I recognize this technique of film first and add dialogue later! That was the Dracula in some European backwater movie! #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

Did she say "we certainly didn't mean for this to happen" in her own inner thoughts? Lol

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon This has significant “Jim never vomits at home" energy.

Just like there's a "John Carpenter font," now there will always be a "Vampires on Bikini Beach font" in my heart #Monsterdon

@combatwombat i very quickly decided that the squished aspect ratio isn't going to make much of a difference in this movie experience

#monsterdon

Oh my god I'm having PTSD because all of the cool girls in high school had that exact VW. I never got a ride in it.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

Judging by the MOON we might need silver bullets after all..

@overholt Cold open -> title card -> short sequence -> opening credits, this is absolute filmmaking BRAVERY right here. #Monsterdon

THE EIGHTIES FASHIONS!!!

#Monsterdon

The message so far is that altogether too many people were involved in this

#Monsterdon

we've all been fooled, this is a 1h20m credit roll.

#monsterdon

These credits are the shit!

#Monsterdon

I really hope the incidental music is of high quality as this intro

#Monsterdon

Just checking, this isn't a prank, right? Like most of you aren't watching "the real movie" somewhere else?

#Monsterdon

@Taweret Pardon me, it's called Dollar General 80's music. #monsterdon 🧛🏾

this is about the moon hitting the earth??

#monsterdon

OBJECTION this is neither rock NOR music

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Un-original musical score by Steve Redundantly

#monsterdon

@xerozohar Indigestion'll do that #Monsterdon

Look I'm usually against taking stage names, but Falo there probably nedes one.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

To Live and Die in LA..

This is just the music video for Sunglasses at NIght.

#Monsterdon

Loving the soundtrack already. I listen to stuff like this when I drive long distances at night. #monsterdon

this is some generic 80s music

#monsterdon

They're doing something weird with the L/R audio channels - it feels lopsided
#monsterdon

OBJECTION no one is starring in this etc

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

That's the biggest blurriest moon I've seen in a while.

#Monsterdon

A Volkswagen cabriolet the ultimate beach car
#monsterdon

Every shot without dialogue was considered for time lapse

#Monsterdon

[Screams in terror at huge moon] #monsterdon

OMG, they're really doubling down with this 80s synthwave soundtrack. The soundtrack alone may make the movie worth watching!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

Now that is a cheap-ass font..

Wow. Shittiest. Beach. Ever. #monsterdon

dear lords the 80s Valley hair dos...

Wait, was she just vamped?

#MOnsterdon

"Starring in alphabetical order" seems like a GREAT sign #Monsterdon

Opening scene of this #Monsterdon appears to be "night scene shot at daytime with filter" we're off to a GREAT START :ablobwobble:

The titling and heavy use of B-roll promises a stinker.

Wreck levels are holding.

#Monsterdon

@arrjay Probably be sick of it by the end of the film though

#monsterdon

I didn’t expect this much synth so early in a late 80s beach movie. I expected beach montages.

#Monsterdon

"Hi honey, I'm home! I found a coffin somebody had left!"

#MOnsterdon

"...I don't know ... just put in some coffin hauling music"

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

@CaptManiac "it was a dark and under-exposed afternoon"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon it was a dark but not stormy evening.

My expectations have never been lower than for a movie called Vampires on Bikini Beach. #MONSTERDON

"There are no such creatures as vampires" Credits #Monsterdon

No vampires to see here, just people walking with coffins on their back on a fake night shot
#monsterdon

The 1st shot is unexpectedly Koyaanisqatsi-ish.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

@moira

They were in Fright Night 1 & 2

EDIT: I think... seen too many such movies lately

#Monsterdon

“Put that garlic back in your spaghetti sauce!” #Monsterdon

#monsterdon If I'm ever murdered I want it to be a mysterious murder. I don't want people to be like "Oh yeah? Well can't say I'm surprised."

#monsterdon Vampires on Bikini Beach, huh? I bet sales on sunscreen will go through the ROOF.

I will not leave my garlic at home smug newscaster!
#Monsterdon

News: some teenagers were murdered.
People: Yup. Vampires
#Monsterdon

wait why would you put the stake back in the tomato plant but... put the garlic back in your pasta sauce???!??! one of these is wrong

#monsterdon

Time for #Monsterdon!

Oh, they think they can slip in their first monster kill in voice over backstory? Nope. It doesn't count, movie. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

JAY STEPHENS!

#MOnsterdon

When the lion roars, you know that means it’s time! #Monsterdon

Venice Beach.

Go go go!

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

LAUNCH PLAYER

WE GET LION

#monsterdon

WE GOT ZERO MARK ZERO ZERO ZERO CAREER-O SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!!!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ...

GO a go-go!

#monsterdon

@diazona i'm thinking about how ironically one fun thing about bad movies is that they're often much harder to predict than a movie like this

#monsterdon #pumpkinhead2

young riff raff
#monsterdon #pumpkinhead2