#monsterdon It took him three weeks to attach a model rocket to three trash bags of helium?
He might not be the genius these other kids think he is.
haha! Reagan. #monsterdon
Weird Harold's drone bomb is horrifyingly contemporary, yayy!
yeah, TAMMY π‘#Monsterdon
βThis is a job for Weird Harold!β
Because WHY?!? Because he has an old car with radiator issues?????
"This is a job for Weird Harold" OK that line is sample-worthy #monsterdon
@Lazarou the take where the vampire flubbed a line ππ
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@paco Well that's encouraging!
Weird Harold is a cryptographer?
#monsterdon "They'd throw us in the loony bin."
Yeah, you tell the cops you were visiting a priest and found him dead, they'll think you're completely nuts.
Who would ever visit a priest?!?!
(28 minutes in) Yup, it's the real MacGuffin
i mean uh you CAN still call the police about a dead body. like acab but you still should do that with dead bodies
Is Siri the narrator?
At the priestly beach house, the old priest is doing research, then the evil book starts smoking, and then a vampire breaks in and kills him, probably stealing the book.
In some other priest house, a girl gets up at night and walks to the balcony, giving us a Butt Scene (TM). She explains to her boyfriend that a page fell from the book and it has scary symbols on it, and that's why she woke up. Ok.
As is standard for #monsterdon they just knocked once and then let themselves in.
Did they just break into the priests house? Why?
@diazona the movie is bad, but in all fairness, that was an awesome smash cut.
"There's something wrong here."
"Yeah, there's no DX7!"
synth starts playing
"Oh there it is, good."
The timing of these scenes is incredible.. I like lingering on the priest's body while the dial tone sings out..
Doctor doctor tell me the news. I got a bad case of nosy narrator.
#monsterdon
#monsterdon At the very very least I need to see some beach vampires rocking out on guitars and synth. Please, someone tells me this happens. I don't know if I can last all the way to the end.
Priest didn't hold up his cross in time.
Otherwise, this has definite "student film" vibes, where you recruit your dorm mates.
#monsterdon Ahhh, the princess phone. 1988 is marked.
...she's actually flashing the city?
#monsterdon I really like this scene, the audio is all right there in your face telegraphing that they're going to cut to a different room where they're continuing the conversation, and a lot closer to the camera. We've all seen it, it's like a staple for getting from scene to the next. There's probably even a tv-tropes dot com name for it.
Only that never happens, it's just a bunch of shouting on the staircase or something.
#monsterdon He gets jeans, she gets tasteful crack.
(21 minutes in) OK I can't help but appreciate the cut from the sex scene to the applause
This movie is waaayyyy more invested in this couple than I am
More vampire, less boring couple in bed scenes, please movie!!!
Thank God they still have the energy for sex
Worse vampire attack ever!!! #monsterdon
Vaping kills.
So vampire is literally just a hoodie kid, eh? #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini
"Look Bob, I'm scared out of my mind! We're dealing with something supernatural here, how SHOULD I be taking it?!"
Uh, did we miss the beginning of this conversation
what the hooded fuck? was that a vampire?
#Monsterdon
awww, the priest got nuzzled to death
Priest: β¦so you see kids, this is what happens to people that read anything other than the Bible!
Take the Necronomicon to Father Neil Young #Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach
Whew! A jean wedgie looks so uncomfortable. #Monsterdon
Bob, comfort me with your blandness #monsterdon
#monsterdon Priest in a cloak with a collar just is the final word on everything huh? Does anyone know why all the paperboys keep disappearing?
(20 minutes in) I definitely cannot tell which of these characters are having sex
I bet there's just a World Book Encyclopedia or something in the background, though.
omg for a sec I thought that cut was an ad break
i'll bet $10 this guy's an actual priest.
clearly none of these people are actors, anyway.
#Monsterdon
This narration... π€¦
Sorry, was off doing laundry. Checking in late to Vampires on Bikini Beach (1988). Just saw Temu Buffy and Great Value Spike consulting with no nameβ’ Giles about a "book of the dead" #Monsterdon
God everything in this movie happens so slowly, except for the interesting stuff, then it happens in a split second.
#Monsterdon
Welcome to McMansion Hell
That book is worth a lot of money. It's Dungeons & Dragons supplement called Deities and Demigods, but this is the special edition that has Cthulu in it. Those are rare.
#monsterdon
The surfboards stand like standing stones in the early morning before dawn, just in time to become a bedtime snack. #Monsterdon
I think this is the first Monsterdon where I want to say "I wonder what the monster is up to" when the monster is on screen.
#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini
#monsterdon One of them there necronomicons. Pretty rare, limited print run.
The most fascinating part of this erratic plot is they decided to include a voice over that also doesn't clarify anything. #monsterdon
Yeah β Consulting the Lore
@SnoopJ the unappreciated Blade Runner Valley Girl aesthetic.
"book of the dead"
I WAS JOKING ABOUT IMHOTEP D: #monsterdon
"...it's what you call a book of the dead."
"And?"
"That's it."
"Oh."
I thought that might be Leslie Nielsen for a moment but then he said he was going to take it in the back and turns out he's just a pervert. #Monsterdon
@roque Is that next week's #monsterdon ?
that girl feels creepy on any day with a Y in it.
eeeew lasagne on a Tuesday that is soooo creepy!
#Monsterdon
#Monsterdon You know, a little squishy foley would really have sold that knifing a lot more.
Instead of, you know, complete silence...
In someone's house the Tome of Vampire Knowledge decided to make some Daft Punk noises and light itself on fire.
This woke up the girl, so she called a boy for help. The boy touches the book and confirms that it's hot. He uses this as an excuse to get the girl to come over to his place, a classic seduction technique that only works if your Romance Target has an exothermic Tome of Vampire Knowledge.
#monsterdon I need to take it in the back and then... touch it, but I can't do that in the open, we have to do this under a blanket, with the lights off.
I love how the narration was clearly an afterthought, it's so beautifully amateur.
This is how Buffy started though, so....
@davesdogmaggie @jivens Itβs Orson Wellesβs unfinished magnum opus. #Monsterdon
#monsterdon Oh, that's actually a cool juxtaposition. The surfboards set up like the headstones we saw earlier. Must be an accident, right?
@jivens Kind of exactly, it's close enough to good that I can bother making fun of it xD
This narration reminds me of Burl Ives narration of Rudolph, itβs that well done.
Why does this feel like it's an FMV game? Did this started out as a game that got canceled and they just filmed a little bit more to make a half a plot?
#monsterdon
In So Cal, used surfboards are recycled as tombstones. #monsterdon
Anyone can tell you that a burning book is nothing for two fools to deal with.
Gotta be honest, I've never actually had this come up in conversation before.
Whadda ya expect if you make out in the Surfboard Graveyard?
this "plot" oh my god #Monsterdon
proto-buffy
Better go back to Bob's place and have more soft lighting filtered sex with Bob just to be safe
Sandy vagina.....
If their acting improves enough, they might be able to break into pornography.
Picks up book sitting right next to fire
"OMG IT'S LIKE FIRE."
NO SHIT.
Yeah, I think a book feeling like it's on fire is a good sign that it's evil
#Monsterdon
OH I GET IT, THE SURFBOARDS ARE LIKE TOMBSTONES, IT'S ART!
#monsterdon I'd like to teach them both about radiative heating.
The Nerconomicon? A book of the deadites?
#monsterdon
"Can you come right over?"
"Sure."
[Shows up in the morning]
Lord have mercy. This movie is so ver bad I think I am going to go get my laptop so I can watch some soccer on the side.
use your ultra flammable 80s nightwear to snuff out a mystical book fire. Great idea.
#Monsterdon
He smushed their heads together. Is that the same as biting them?
#Monsterdon
"We don't usually get weirdos like that around here. Law enfrocement is pretty good about hearding them away for the real touristy beaches and into Inglewood." #monsterdon
Lamest fight scene ever. Was he stabbing the chick or the dude?
@moira Too many unanswered questions!
No sell. Come on, buddy, the audience is watching us! #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini
Dude is very stabby.
That's not a knife. This is the biggest effing flick knife in the world
is he stabbing him? I cant tell
What kind of knife was that? #monsterdon
wow okay they muted... bitch and fuck?
Is this _actually_ TV-MA? Was there _actually_ a porn cut?