Unfortunately this bar is very quiet and we can actually hear the actors speaking

#monsterdon

C’mon y’all!

Loaded with love tonight!

#Monsterdon

I'm pretty sure that if this were edited from 80 to 40 minutes, and with a focus on the plot, it would be interesting. At least it's not offensive the way some films have been.

#Monsterdon

the only thing anyone in this movie is loaded with, sir, is drugs.

#monsterdon

i wonder what those wooden stakes and garlic are up to right now

#monsterdon

please end this scene now, it's basically watching a karaoke bar

#Monsterdon

@trixter I'd say they went to college together if I thought anyone in this movie went to college.

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

worst episode of night flight ever

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

are there still vampires? we've being doing tourist spots and bikinis and hair bands for a bit now

#monsterdon

Meanwhile in YET ANOTHER entirely different movie...

#Monsterdon

this guy is singing here we go round the mulberry bush. they put a different track on in post. FACT
#Monsterdon

I really get the feeling a bunch of kids aimed a camera at each other in all their favorite places, including some of their parents' houses, and somewhere along the way someone told them the easiest way to make money is a horror film, so every now and they remember to improvise the next scene in the vampire plot.

#Monsterdon

Oh no, I have to go put the laundry in the dryer and miss more of this cinematic masterpiece.

#Monsterdon

LIP-SYNCHING TIP: the mic should be at your mouth *before* the lyric begins.
#Monsterdon

I WISH THE MUSIC TO STOP

PLEASE

#monsterdon

Watch carefully the bikini shop is VERY IMPORTANT

(I hope.. Like why else would they not edit this out?)

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

HOMFG he cant even mime to his own track. this gets classier.
#monsterdon

@SnoopJ lol fair point

If I were one of them I wouldn't admit it though

#Monsterdon

Oh for fucks sake. From skeezy beach montage to stupid music. This never ends. #monsterdon

Oh good, more of their music. I had been hoping we'd explore more of their catalogue...

#Monsterdon

Oh hey, it's Eddie from Stranger Things!
#Monsterdon

There is a surprising lack of vampires in this portion of the movie.

#Monsterdon

or maybe someone needed a 80 minute music video

#monsterdon

I think they blew all the budget on that one scene with the really terrible mask and swords #monsterdon

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Oh I love a bikini montage.. at least its something interesting to look at. If I didn't have to listen to the vocals..

The sequence was brought to you by the Hollywood chamber of commerce.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

#Monsterdon
So, was there actually any sort of script written for this movie...?

It's just kind of random...

A famous anime film, Project A-ko, started life as a softcore "ecchi" film. But the comedy was good enough that they edited the nude bits out and focused on action comedy.

This film I'm sure started as a softcore porn, but they edited those parts out so they could make an absolutely better.... what?!

#monsterdon

Cameraman can't get enough of those scrawny bikini-clad pelvic bones #monsterdon

@Taweret Murders? Who cares. Surf's up!

#Monsterdon

So THAT'S why it's called Bikini Beach!

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

I'm counting this as a dance-off, wretched as it is.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini #MonsterdonBingo

Just your typical bikini store afternoon.

#Monsterdon

(49 minutes in) I'm pretty sure there were no green lights within 30 miles of this film

#Monsterdon

Wow we are SO concerned about vampires. Let's go to the bikini shop!

Is that a shop or a strip club?
#monsterdon

MOAR BUTT :blobastonished: :blobastonished: #Monsterdon

And now for the bikini portion of this movie #Monsterdon

even more ass! like even more of this movie! #monsterdon

are people being murdered still?

#Monsterdon

Oh, please, movie, no. No. No no no no no no no. Not this stupid band again. No.

#Monsterdon

Finally they're shopping for bikinis

#monsterdon
#VampireOnBikiniBeach

Gratuitous butt floss scene.

#Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach

"We've got to help my friends! They're into some seriously weird stuff. But first, let's stop at some landmarks for fun photos!" #Monsterdon

Now if they would only have kissed with mouthfuls of greasy half-chewed hamburger and mayonnaise
#monsterdon

red lights here, guys, red lights all around.

#monsterdon

Can we come around and mess around in your bikini shop? We're filming a movie. We really are big movie producers.

#Monsterdon

This movie sponsored by Joe's. Eat at Joe's. #monsterdon

Script level: late 80s high school kids trying to write sketch comedy without ripping off Saturday Night Live. #Monsterdon #VampiresOnBikiniBeach #VampiBeachieBikini

I wonder what Woodstock is saying on his shirt

#Monsterdon

Business on the sides, party at the back.

So much denim....

Why is this scene?

#MOnsterdon

Music: well engineered, good dynamics, great synths.

Speech and sounds: recorded via hand camera in a public park at night.

#Monsterdon

This is a masterclass in how to not make a movie. nothing makes sense!
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon
Me, watching this movie

I have more respect for Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper at this point.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

(44 minutes in) lolwat

the most pathetic vampire battle ever

#Monsterdon

In some other universe, there's a dead serious version of this movie starring Michael J. Fox as Weird Harold. #Monsterdon

Everywhere you look

Buddada dat dat daaaah

#Monsterdon

Oh, it's a lurve story

#Monsterdon

Oh good, more montage.....

#Monsterdon

Now I want to meet Kim at the bikini shop!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 🧛‍♀️ 🧛‍♂️ 🏖️ 👙💪 🫣 😱

'bikini shop'????

I don't know if even Junior Mints can get me through this

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

food helps him release

#monsterdon

I have to meet Kim at the bikini shop… What?

#Monsterdon

It's a good thing this is so low-res so you can't see just how fake that sword is.

#monsterdon

she is ready to MAIM with the sword from Spirit Halloween!

#monsterdon

Y’all, there’s a movie they showed us in church youth group called “No Reservation” with similar lighting and better actors. And it was scarier

#Monsterdon

I went to get a snack with bluetooth headphones on. This movie is a weird audio mess.
Dialog. Silence for a minute. Cheap musical queue. More silence.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon Odd to bring a scimitar to a vampire staking…

They couldn't even get the rights to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor.

#monsterdon

This movie looks like a porn studio hired a porn director and porn actors to make a non-pornographic movie for tax purposes.

#Monsterdon

...and Ronald Reagan as the Vampire

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Every so often they tease a little “TOP GUN” synth, but never deliver.

I dig it.

#Monsterdon

[steps through a door] [ORGAN STRIKE]

actually lolling here

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

The tradition of nifty sweaters in vampire movies continues.
#monsterdon

why do they keep wandering alone in alleys when everyone is being murdered

#monsterdon

FINALLY! Vampire lair action!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Hmm. A rockoon. That's an interesting little canard. Are we going to see that again, or nah..?

@patioboater I prefer "metal shaped hook hand!"

#Monsterdon #VampireOnBikiniBeach

My gorgeous 80s hair will save me #monsterdon

Grafitti: "gay"

I wish! #monsterdon

That's some realistically terrible grafitti

#Monsterdon

Has anybody brought up the, "is this movie going to pass the Bechdel test?" question yet?

I can't care enough to figure it out.

#Monsterdon

why are the main couple walking on some back alleys?
#monsterdon

@davesdogmaggie We've got a good 45 minutes, my friend. #Monsterdon

spoiler alert, bob will not be okay.

#monsterdon

Oh wow it really was man car hook hand car door! And it was such a bad story it summoned Eastern Orthodox Goths to punish the unrighteous!

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

IMHOTEEEEEEEP #monsterdon

That's GR-OOooos
#monsterdon

why do the vampires look like mutants from omega man

#monsterdon

We should get out of here, the goths are showing up #monsterdon

Can you input strange symbols with a qwerty keyboard?
#Monsterdon

Worse telling of the urban legend The Hook ever!! #monsterdon

"Then what?"
"Man car hook hand car door!"

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

Fortunately, we have a second nerd

#Monsterdon

Weird Harold didn't get into Stanford, despite actually being able to drive a six-inch spike into a board with his penis.

#monsterdon #VampiBeachieBikini

#Monsterdon 🧛 🧛‍♀️ 🧛‍♂️ 🏖️ 👙💪 🫣 😱

Do these vampires not have super strength?