@gnomon > Emil and the Vampires

BAND NAME!

#Monsterdon

Neat church

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Tiny repainted monkey Jesus got his first work here?
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

I guess when you're a vampire but also a cat you don't have to be invited to cross over a threshold #monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 🎪 😱

Bingo!

Really this is gonna have a high body count because the vampires found a town where everyone is genetically predisposed to staring off into the middle distance and ignoring loud noises off-camera #Monsterdon

These two both tried really hard to think. Got frustrated that they couldn't, then canoodled?

so confused
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No! Bad kitty!

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

Bunch of people dying, the town is beset by a plague. Sure, let's go play some jaunty music and laugh and have fun!

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#Monsterdon saved by the cleavage cross

Something to do with the twins... twins of evil?

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

What would bring this Hammer film up to the next level would be a smidge of Vincent Price, you know? #monsterdon

I remember... the Alamo... #Monsterdon #VampireCircus

i really think they are supposed to be brother and sister. wow. big folgers vibes

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#monsterdon We have two plagues to fight. Incontinence and Constipation!

Oh no crucifix boobies. And I'm allergic to organized religion! #monsterdon

Finally! A cross for goodness sake!
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Nobody:

This movie: ( o )( o )

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

#monsterdon Those aren't coins on the dead mans eyes, thats gelt! Grab it, tasty chocolate wrapped in foil!

@Wynter Jesus is always such a fucking cockblock

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#monsterdon Rabies that gives you boils? This guy is a QUACK

Moribund, the burgermeister

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

The power of JEWELRY compels you!!!!! #Monsterdon

♫
doot doot doot-doot-doot dora
doot doot doot-doot-doot dora
♫

#Monsterdon

Oh, I'd never fall for something that obvio.... wait, I get to follow the sexy twins? Nevermind. I'm down. #monsterdon

Dora be explorin'

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#VampireCircus

#Monsterdon ohnooooooo

Why are all the villagers back at the circus? Did I miss something there?

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

NOW YOU FUCKED UP NOW YOU FUCKED UP YOU HAVE FUCKED UP NOW #monsterdon

Carnies flipping through the air and more badly matted-in bats!

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

Vampire films never work

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I suppose it's only natural that a movie with this many exposed breasts would also have a "let me show you how to touch my boobs" moment

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wait, so she knows

so...recorded case of monsterfucker?

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Seems like somebody would've pulled the stake out by now

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The next morning or something, an angry mob is attacking the circus because they think it kidnapped the boys (correctly), who I guess were the mayor's relations. Their angry mob stops when they find the dead bodies of the boys, with vampire tooth marks, and this somehow makes them less mad.

Back in the village conference room, two men decide to put the animals to death for child murder, and everyone else frowns. The guy who casts Speak with Circus Ghosts i back for some reason.

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he reloaded that gun REALLY fast, btw

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death by freeze frame, you hate to see it

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starting with the monkey? that's rude as hell, dude

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oh, these are REANIMATING vampires, the medics of vampirism

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oh god

artsy attempt

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@lytta Yea, I might need to tap out.
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"The animals are quite harmless."

I know a Sigfreid and Roy who would disagree. #monsterdon

"A circus is for the young. But not this circus. Are you kidding me?! We have a naked tiger lady. Hardly PG. Go on, scram!" #VampireCircus #Monsterdon

@nazokiyoubinbou Helga is Romana from Doctor Who #monsterdon

I never thought the caged tiger would eat *my* face. #monsterdon

The music fits the quality of this production

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"Would you like to see inside the mirror?"

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

Honestly, if children keep poking around in other people's space maybe they deserve to be eaten?

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This Helga person seems familiar. I didn't catch the names of anyone in the show though. (Assuming I'd even recognize names if I saw them which I usually don't.)

EDIT: Ah, so it is Romana. I didn't trust myself.

#Monsterdon

Helga is kinky as fuck and this excites Anton....

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#monsterdon The animals have all been dosed with Valium. Vampire Mommies Little Helper.

Laila Ward isn't the only name I recognize in the cast. The strong man would go on to star in a famous space opera trilogy though we never heard his voice. He even has a certain Sith-like demeanor in this movie. #VampireCircus #Monsterdon

Today I learned that forests in England are choked with ferns just like the British Canadian ones that Stargate always filmed in? Apparently?? #monsterdon

#monsterdon I wonder what the plaster toothed papier mâché cat muppet is up to right now

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus Dora the explorer has returned!

in my headcanon the strong man is the guy banging the gong for the rank organisation

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#monsterdon What's the average land speed of an African Swallow? Should I fake my orgasms? Why did the chicken cross the road!?!?

@YsengrinWolf Despite the town name I don't think there are any actual Jews. I have been wondering about the subtext though.

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Dora? Of course she's not here. She's out exploring... her sexuality and gender expression!
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As she lies among the dead in the forest she curses ever coming on this holiday....

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Burger meister is a delightfully dim buffoon. Will he catch on to any of the horror before he dies?
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Just buy one gunshot sound effect, the stuffed panther cost more than we thought

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#monsterdon There's Jawas in those ferns!

@YsengrinWolf asking the really important questions here. #monsterdon

#monsterdon The roadblock was staffed by early Imperial Stormtroopers.

#monsterdon BRING OUT YER DEAD!

Needs more Cat Girl....

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#Monsterdon 🧛 🎪 😱

I think the special effects for the cat attack was just some guy throwing meat

Worst Caturday ever!

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

*Yells* "WE HAVE PASSED THE ROADBLOCK!"

I mean, what could go wrong being really loud as you try to break a quarantine where they shoot anyone trying to get out?

#Monsterdon

Somehow we're on an alien planet from Stargate SG-1 suddenly? #monsterdon

so these people, who lived here all their lives, couldn't find their way through the forest on their own?

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@jsadow lol, extra points for bringing Slavoj Zizek into #Monsterdon

if you've enjoyed fourthmeal, you may enjoy

FOURTHMIRROR

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@Wynter There's a joke about big cats eating faces somewhere in here... I think?

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oh no, not the bürgermeister of Shtetl!

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Just occurs to me the giant is David Prowse and once again you will not hear his STRONG West Country accent...

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I think the Safety Dance video was loosely based on this movie.

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#monsterdon We're gonna need a distemper shot for Emil.

More like… Cirque Du Sanguine, amirite?

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#Monsterdon 🧛 🎪 😱

The Burgermeister looks like Captain Kangaroo

Ed Wood's Flying Circus

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The necklace is pure 1970s glam rock

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I'm more than a little creeped out

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And in three days, Jesus arises with the bats from the bat cave!

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@paco Zalman King's Vampire Circus #monsterdon

#monsterdon Id I'd known there were gonna be naked lizard women, I'd have made more of an effort to watch this one.

This is the breast...I mean best... #Monsterdon EVAR

This director clearly wanted to make a porn film on a budget.
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The choker gives emil a twink vibe...

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Okay, so this is Emil. He's the cousin of the other vampire. He's going to be important

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Man that music is off key...

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Yeah so, if you could NOT peel off your own face... that'd be great.

We've gotten complaints is all I'm saying.

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Accusing Romani of stealing children? Oh boy....

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...

The big finale was him ripping off a layer of makeup? Really? That's it? Am I missing something?

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"you ever seen a man tear off his own face?"

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Yeah. Sure. A bunch of superstitious village people living in the middle of nowhere who believe in vampires would totally not have a problem with a werebeast.

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behind this mask is.... the exact same thing!!! SHOCKING!

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Producer: “Can we get full frontal nudity in here somewhere? People don’t pay to see our shit for the story!” #monsterdon #vampirecircus

aaand the panther eats them all! #yay
#monsterdon