They were .... double crossed?

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

I'm from bayou country. we got scary woodlands. gators and spanish moss and shit

this birch tree and fern forest is like some cozy game or something

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon So as funny as it seems, Hammer kinda ran out of patience with the director of this silly film. So they just stopped principal photography and he took the entire shebang to an editor and said “Make this into a movie." and well, here we are.

i have eaten the villagers

that were in the clown car

which you were probably saving for breakfast

forgive me

they were so

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

The realism on the panther.
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon that's my CATBOY BOYFRIEND and i LOVE HIM DADDY

OMG IT'S A FRUIT BAT

hi beautiful sky-baby :blobfoxheartcute:

#Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

⏲️ 30-minute poll 🎪🧛‍♀️

CORRECT ANSWER

is #2 Tiger would not bite pork

The director blew through 500 feet of film trying to get the tiger to chomp on a fake arm filled with pork. They had to switch to beef for the Tiger to chomp.

This trivia post sponsored by the Beef Marketing Council.

#VampireCircus

I like the Vampire lore thing that it's religious symbols that remind you of the sin you have committed, but then I do love the Peter Watts 'Vampires can't process Right Angles' thing.

#Monsterdon #PeterWatts

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon i love the acro-bats

#Monsterdon

lol - several of the actors look like they're cast members for the Monkees TV series.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon scientist mocks idea of vampires, goes and researches it, finds he was wrong, changes his mind. that's science at work, bieee-yothces :D

the count will have us all hanged! #monsterdon #VampireCircus

Tonight's #Monsterdon makes me think. There should be a project that finds all the vampires that have been staked with wooden stakes and replaces the stakes with a non-biodegradable plastic.

Wood doesn't last forever even in the best conditions, and crypts are not the best conditions. Wooden vampire stakes are basically a ticking time-bomb.

#Monsterdon this circus is just one big dysfunctional polycule, isn't it

Jellicles are and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles would
Jellicles would and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon guy who believes in germ theory of disease vs the rest of the town council

fuckin hell you're killing me

belatedly ^_^

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

AND THAT'S A WRECK

In a battle of rapid attrition our body count ran through all the vampires before running out of villagers, which I guess leaves them with only the plague to deal with. Nobody fucks off into the sea! Dora lives, some other folks are OK, property values in Stetl take a huge hit, Stetl stitching remains a sore point for decades.

Thank you for hosting,@Taweret ! This was properly #monsterdon cheesy fun.

Thank you and good night!

#monsterdon And a hearty thank you to @Taweret whom we owe all this mirth and merriment! :)

So "Dave Prowse"? You might know him from some of his later work:
#monsterdon

We were promised a Vampire Circus, and we got a Vampire Circus. And boobs.

#Monsterdon

Now we’re just using anything vaguely t-shaped

#monsterdon

if all of us stab him once, then no one's guilty, Poirot proved that.

#monsterdon

According to IMDB, this is the same set used for Twins of Evil

#Monsterdon

we're past the halfway point and things are pretty well set up, but I have a feeling this movie is just going to fuck around for 40 minutes and then end abruptly. odds of additional boobs seem high

#Monsterdon

the choker stays on during sex

#Monsterdon

Devil Girl from Mars woulda loved this circus.

#monsterdon

@JoeWynne @Taweret @Cherizilla Nonsense. Everyone loves yeti nipple!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon well that sorta kept busy through much of the time of the film, and it had a LOT more boobs than i expected, but it also had some great vampire kills

good times people :D

everybody thank our dear host @Taweret for another fun film to riff on <3

#Monsterdon 🧛 🎪 😱

So the 'animal advisor' for this show was Mary Chipperfield, according to IMDB.

Mary was not a good person. She was convicted of animal cruelty for mistreating a baby chimp (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Chipperfield) She also apparently released two Pumas on the moors back when doing that was not explicitly illegal (https://www.devonlive.com/news/history/animal-sinner-saint-infamous-circus-4150288, photo is from this source)

#Monsterdon DAVE PROWSE as STRONGMAN !!!!

I aware #VampireCircus 2 out of 5 Erect Vampire Nipples. It started out good with a snappy cold open, then gradually dragged on and on until it extinguished itself in a somehow boring vampire murder orgy.

PROS:
had a lot of weird shit going on
i could tell some of the villagers apart
credits were neon pink
horny

CONS:
boringness increased as the movie went on
only the villain characters were interesting
weirdly moralistic for a film with lots of blood and tits
horny

#monsterdon

Well.. This was easier to get through than Castlevania 2.

OH GOD THEY FORGOT TO SHOOT THE MGM LION

SAINTS PRESERVE US

(Thanks to @Taweret and the #Monsterdon circus. A wonderful time as always!)

a) does that even count as a cross??? i call foul.

b) welp, nevermind, no head'll do it.

#monsterdon

I want to know what drugs the writers and cast were using, so I can warn my kids about this risk. #monsterdon

Snatching wives since 1653 #monsterdon

Oompa loompa doopety dire
You'll all be killed by a vampire

#monsterdon

Ah, Jeez, I've been watching The Lost Boys the whole time.

#monsterdon

The boys! Come here, quickly! The boys are back in town!

#Monsterdon

Never follow a vampire to a second location through a mirror or otherwise. #monsterdon

@paco #monsterdon

"I got better!"

"How?"

"The movie ended!"

A whole page of script that just says “[crowd gasps]” #Monsterdon

@Taweret I think this may be more boob than we've had in *all* #Monsterdon movies combined (since I've been watching)

Or getting close at least

How come the tiger lady was nekkid, but the panther guy is fully clothed?

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

#Monsterdon
g*psy circus: *weird furry porn dance*
german townspeople: "..."

I picked a good time to start smoking weed

#Monsterdon

Suddenly, CATS

#Monsterdon

Definitely maintaining the level of quality we've come to expect from Hammer

#monsterdon

Sudden ending, as usual

#monsterdon

It's just as well they wrapped it there, 'cuz Anton is going to need to go blow-dry that hair after all the kerfuffle.

#monsterdon

Tubi is autoplaying another hammer production called "Countess Dracula"

GOOD GOD NO. TURN IT OFF.
#monsterdon

And then they all died from the OTHER plague. The end! #Monsterdon

A LITERAL CROSSBOW

🚮

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon AWESOME oh major points for the giant cross falling/stabbing

Things are happening offscreen that are too expensive to show. #monsterdon

Oh! There's a bingo!
#Monsterdon

20 minutes to go. So far my prediction of just kinda fucking around until it's time for an abrupt ending is holding

#Monsterdon

Screams at exsanguinated children

"I VOTED FOR THIS TO HAPPEN TO OTHER CHILDREN!!"

#Monsterdon

Say what you will about the Count but it's refreshing to see a political figure deliver on a promise, yeah?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon The vamp fangs are getting longer and longer. It's the inbreeding. Eventually they won't be able to feed, the same way that modern turkeys can't mate anymore.

Bring out your dead!

Bring out your dead!

#monsterdon

what if this just turns into vampire-flavored PREDATOR

#Monsterdon

Something about this #monsterdon

@nhgeek I think the main drug the writers were using was libido. #monsterdon

Ah so these are our...

*forty five seconds of footage of bats inexplicably interleaved with tumblers jumping and flipping overhead without the aid of any visible trapeze or springboard apparatuses*

...acro-bats, eh?

Eh? Eh?? Because they're bats, like vampire bats, because it's a vampire circus

#monsterdon

Please, mama, I want to get railed again

#monsterdon

oh man that sick guy's got a bad case of crumbled oreo face

#Monsterdon

Okay, I'm caught up. That was either an extremely long cold open, or an extremely short movie.

#Monsterdon

@apLundell Yay! The count is dead!

Movie over. Nice time everyone. See you next week.

#Monsterdon

YOU get a missing child.
And YOU get a missing child.
And YOU.... #monsterdon

#Monsterdon vampire trafficking ring taking underage girls has too much current politics in it

@diazona @Terencio @ramsey YOU FOOLS! YOU FOOLISH FOOLS!

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

@strangefour
#monsterdon

@apLundell #monsterdon

Maybe plastic doesn't work. What we really need are "Stakes of Theseus".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ship_of_Theseus

@RamenCatholic I guess technically it was a better film than The Wrestling Women vs. the Aztec Mummy for that reason.

#Monsterdon

And boom - it's over. Classic deplete the vampires and it's an instant wrap.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon bat-friend knocks the cross out of dandy's hand? yes. yes.

So why does vaguely cross-shaped part of the crossbow overpower the vampire, but the crossed bones on the wall of the tomb don't matter?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon That was a silly film.

I'm counting this one as a pyrrhic victory for the villagers; I guess they beat the #VampireCircus (except for a bat that fucks off into the night sky), but like... also most of them are dead.

Then credits roll. Fortunately they are neon pink.

#monsterdon

Welp

People got paid money to make that

#Monsterdon

well, it wasn't an abrupt ending, but it sure did fuck around about as much as I thought it would to fill that runtime. Dora and Anton fuck off into… the town, I guess.

It wasn't so bad, considering, it managed to do some interesting things and I was tickled to see a fruit bat in a vampire flick.

That's a wreck!

#Monsterdon

I guess because he's been fed enough blood, the Vampire Rockstar comes back to life as his chest wound heals and he ominously rises from his coffin in his blood stained Man Cleavage Dress. The twink tries to torch him but fails and gets slapped.

But then he realizes that a crossbow contains a cross and uses the crossbow to disable him and um... somehow decapitate him with an arrow.

#monsterdon

Putting the cross in crossbow

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

OH COME ON THAT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A CROSS #Monsterdon

Seems like all the paintings of saints and angels would have the same effect as a cross

#monsterdon

*circus himbo grabs the cross out of the schoolmistress's hand and crushes it in his mighty grip*

No no no no no, crosses repel vampires! That one's a gym bro, you repel him with carbs

#monsterdon

tuned back in to see this inscrutable hunk crushing the gingerbread cross. if only the movie could have been only that and nothing else #monsterdon

@SRLevine @nev In fantasy role playing games any sort of holy symbol can turn undead, but in movies like this one I prefer to think that any plus sign could repel vampires, but no one thinks to just hold open a math textbook to repel them, so they just use the religious crosses instead. #monsterdon

good thing there aren't any crosses in here though

#Monsterdon

Don't they need to be invited in? They're breakin the Vampire code.

#monsterdon

@allanb "My wife and I were watching you from across the bar and liked your vibe..."

#Monsterdon

@SRLevine @apLundell #monsterdon

not European? So what is their air-speed velocity?

wait you can stop them with a cross?

...and this conveniently never came up until an hour into the movie

#Monsterdon

Dora is saved

SAVED

BY THE POWER OF TITS AND JESUS

#monsterdon

Anyway, two men appear and shoot all the animals, making the audience hate them. Then the burgermeister who is mind controlled by mirrors or something tries to stop them, and they are accosted by the Announcer Lady.

Elsewhere, the village girl is running off to makeout with the Circus Fuckboy, who leads her down spooky tunnels into the Boob Fortress Basement, where she is sacrificed to the Vampire Rockstar to resurrect him.

#monsterdon