Seems like all the paintings of saints and angels would have the same effect as a cross

#monsterdon

*circus himbo grabs the cross out of the schoolmistress's hand and crushes it in his mighty grip*

No no no no no, crosses repel vampires! That one's a gym bro, you repel him with carbs

#monsterdon

tuned back in to see this inscrutable hunk crushing the gingerbread cross. if only the movie could have been only that and nothing else #monsterdon

@SRLevine @nev In fantasy role playing games any sort of holy symbol can turn undead, but in movies like this one I prefer to think that any plus sign could repel vampires, but no one thinks to just hold open a math textbook to repel them, so they just use the religious crosses instead. #monsterdon

Fortunately it was a pre-sharpened crucifix

#monsterdon

good thing there aren't any crosses in here though

#Monsterdon

Don't they need to be invited in? They're breakin the Vampire code.

#monsterdon

@allanb "My wife and I were watching you from across the bar and liked your vibe..."

#Monsterdon

protect him from that ascot maybe

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

@SRLevine @apLundell #monsterdon

not European? So what is their air-speed velocity?

wait you can stop them with a cross?

...and this conveniently never came up until an hour into the movie

#Monsterdon

Dora is saved

SAVED

BY THE POWER OF TITS AND JESUS

#monsterdon

Anyway, two men appear and shoot all the animals, making the audience hate them. Then the burgermeister who is mind controlled by mirrors or something tries to stop them, and they are accosted by the Announcer Lady.

Elsewhere, the village girl is running off to makeout with the Circus Fuckboy, who leads her down spooky tunnels into the Boob Fortress Basement, where she is sacrificed to the Vampire Rockstar to resurrect him.

#monsterdon

I still don’t get how Pedro Pascal is in this movie. #Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Here we have a very, very stoned tiger.

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

big kitty :blobfoxfloofcute:

#Monsterdon

“Needs more trucks” -Stephen King

#monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

💸 Low Budget Film School 🎪

Nobody remembers recent movie sets, so reuse them.

Director Robert Young used the set of Twins of Evil which we watched recently on Monsterdon.

Does the castle look familiar to you? Really?

#VampireCircus

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus #TheSafetyDance

WE CAN DANCE, WE CAN DANCE, EVERYBODY LOOK AT YOUR HANDS

Little fella gives the Burgermeister head in that tent....mirrors everywhere....it's like David Lynch

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon face behind a face

TRIVIA: This film used the same sets as Twins Of Evil (1971)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067924/trivia?tab=tr&item=tr4919541&ref_=ext_shr_lnk

#monsterdon

It's naked watermelon lady. Popular with the villagers no doubt.

#monsterdon

I'm starting to think this circus isn't kid-friendly
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

#Monsterdon KITTIES

Absolutely counting this as "Surprise Attack" for #MonsterdonBingo. The attack is allowed to be targeting the audience.

#Monsterdon

How starved for entertainment would I have to be to voluntarily attend this circus in real life? #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 🎪 😱

Burgermeister and Meisterburger?

#Monsterdon forest signs: "i'd turn back if i were you"

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

"we make our own luck!" *lets his son ride into the shooting range*

I'm a bit confused about what era this is supposed to be - Victorian or Dark Ages?

#monsterdon

"It's a disease. Something that can be stopped."

Weird thing to say before the modern medicine age.

#Monsterdon

"Animal Advisor" is the job I want. I could give timely finnacial advice to bears and skunks

#monsterdon

Her husband naturally objects to having her locked inside as the Boob Fortress burns down, saying "but she's pregnant!" but the angry mob is unmoved.

Inside the basement of the boob fortress, the lady wanders around and meets some cool skeletons, then drinks blood from her dead rockstar vampire boyfriend to I guess become a vampire, then the castle burns down I guess.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Financially destroy the count in a series of loan-default swaps and subprime mortgages!

This is a Stetl of Emergency

#Monsterdon

So far this movie has the worst sex scene and the worst fight scene i've ever, uh, seen.

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

Rated R for British teeth

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon the vampire guy looks so BORED with all this sex he's having

ooof, his wife took the kid and ran off with a vampire?

Maybe if you had listened to her more dude...

#Monsterdon

@littlemiao "Why the drops of blood appeared and disappeared on the Count’s chest."

I think they were suggesting the blood drops were being absorbed by the count's skin.

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

actually another good thing about this movie

while the vampire mythos stuff was kinda random there was some _lack_ of the usual particularly tired tropes and i appreciate that part

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

Earth Girls Are Easy (1988) was on Svengoolie last night. Stars Geena Davis, Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans.

It’s on Tubi.

Might be good for #monsterdon

#svengoolie

@_L1vY_ @diazona @msh @Taweret
The boobs were prologue heavy in this movie, so you didn't miss much.

#Monsterdon #VampireCirus

That was a Hammer film!

Thanks, as always, to @Taweret for hosting, to @Cherizilla for #MonsterdonBingo, and to all of you for making it fun!

#Monsterdon

This concludes my #monsterdon thread for #VampireCircus, a movie where a circus full of vampires comes to resurrect a dead vampire rockstar for some reason, and then is killed by an angry mob and the power of religious geometry.

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

Jaime & Cersei Vampire. #Monsterdon
@lytta @trixter

@trixter it took me seeing someone say they were siblings to realize they were supposed to be siblings and not a romantic couple

#monsterdon

WHEW!! We survived, we made it through that one. I think.

#Monsterdon

@bunnyhero it was a weak cross, very poor attempt #Monsterdon

@lytta Every time they looked at each other I was pretty sure they were about to start making out.

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

That gets a 6.3 on imdb. I need to get better drugs. Thanks #monsterdon gang. Take care. See ya soon.

but hey, the hetero couple ended up together, so it must be a happy ending. congrats, i guess.

#monsterdon

Bat flying off like, "Screw it, I'm movin' to Acapulco." #Monsterdon

You guys, IT’S A CROSS BOW!!!

#Monsterdon

Is that stake a little low??? Can you kill a vampire with a stake through the diaphragm?

#monsterdon

Once more walks the living Romulan #Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

💸 Low Budget Film School 🎪

Don't fret over minor production issues.

Director Robert Young ran out of time to shoot several important ending scenes, so just wrapped it up with what he had.

Critics still liked the result more than many other well-known Hammer films.

#VampireCircus

Well, that's cheaping out - the skulls are on the walls, but the rest of the bones are just painted on :/

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

You can't CHOKE A VAMPIRE #Monsterdon

*circus himbo is shot in a rather shockingly kinetic fashion, then beaten to death by the townsfolk with torches*

F in chat for the perforated villain

#monsterdon

"Twink vs Dwarf"

I've not seen that one...

#Monsterdon

Fun fact: Strongman is David Prowse, aka the guy in the Darth Vader suit

#Monsterdon

"Locked Door" in the chapel gives me #MonsterdonBingo. I probably could have marked off "Argument" earlier in the movie but I call 'em like I see 'em

#Monsterdon

They're vampires. It's a vampire circus. Jeezus, it's not that complicated

#monsterdon

I don't understand how crosses work in this movie

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Don’t play with your food, guys. #Monsterdon

@JoeWynne "If you'll just sign this waiver please...." #monsterdon

Foley artist is killing someone in the other room!

#monsterdon

Okay, so Doctor Mustache is back from the Capitol and he thinks this is rabies and not vampires. Dora is recovered from her kidnapping but doesn't remember exactly what happens; I guess her and twink boyfriend are the "good" wholesome couple and the village girl and the circus fuckboy are the "bad" horny undead couple.

#monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

💸 Low Budget Film School 🎪

Save money by hiring cheap labor.

For #VampireCircus, a real circus provided some performers and even artists for circus backgrounds and equipment.

Not even invited in, it’s like this movie doesn’t know the first bit of the lore. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon emil takes all his girlfriends to the vampire sex dungeon, sooner or later

Perhaps they're just waiting for the King Arthur of Vampires to pull the stake out.

#Monsterdon

Wait... The Mirror of Life tent is like 10x10 on the outside and like 10x that on the inside.

Is this Romana's own TARDIS?

Why did she turn to the dark side?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Her arterial spray was going the wrong way. Down to his feet. So, I guess, what? Vampire Line Dancing?

Literary Hot Take:

This #monsterdon is strange, because its both Pro-Moral Panic (in that the angry mob that wants to persecute the strangers is pretty much always right all the time), but also Pro-Showing-the-Audience-Lots-of-Tits, which is generally a thing that Moral Panic people like to... um... panic about.

Murder animals in cold blood and lose the 2025 audience, fully on team Vampire now.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon aaaaaand that's how you get abducted into a vampire cult, boys

Omg the "monster eyes" coming into focus as jewelry on the boots is fantastic. Love that shot.
Man was the real monster all along.
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

It's interesting how this mirror sequence plays on the trope of vampires not appearing in mirrors by having them first appear in the mirror (but not real life) but then not appear in the mirror.

Anyway, the vampires are Rockstar Guy and Village Girl from before, and the mirror teleports the boys to the Boob Fortress basement, where they eat the boys; the voiceover says "ur children will die to give me life!" so I guess the Vampire Rockstar is getting more alive.

#monsterdon

I feel like if they want to restore him to unlife after him being stabbed with a wooden stake, wouldn't removing the stake that can re-(re-)kill him maybe be the thing that should be done first rather than I guess apparently last?

#Monsterdon

Later that night, the village girl and her twink boyfriend are visiting the circus and getting a live demo, where one of the circus girls lets a tiger bite her and then shows that she has no injury, proving that the animals are harmless, or that she is a vampire.

#monsterdon

Back in the village conference building, the village people think some men killed the bodies they found. Also the plague is getting worse. Also, there's another village girl with a twink boyfriend, and the twink boyfriend thinks that the circus is good because it's a fun distraction, even though everyone else is suspicious of the circus.

#monsterdon

So another village man, whose job I forgot, wanders into the circus and casts Speak with Dead, or at least Speak with Circus spirits. A disembodied voice says something ominous in reply; just imagine your own ominous reply here because it was probably more interesting than whatever the movie said.

Like "Beware! I am the skeleton king!" or "im gonna eat ur face u losers!" or just "Mwahahahaha!"

Then the village guy is kidnapped by the circus people or something.

#monsterdon

we now return to Le Cirque Existentialiste...

#monsterdon

The panther puppet doing all the killing has teeth at least twice as large as the real panther ... and really, really fake eyes.

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

#Monsterdon i know what you did last summer, burgermeister!

The burgermeister is a cross between the Wizard of Oz and Captain Kangaroo.

Oh, he's not quite dead yet.

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

The Black Panther prequel that the MCU buried.

@Taweret Well, there was a lot of boob in parts of Bee women

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

*Rosa shows up naked in the next scene* OK I would like to double down on my theory about the stitching in the town of Stetl being catastrophically unreliable

#monsterdon

remember to spay or neuter your panther men

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

@Terencio

#Monsterdon

The Roma lady announces the main act, in which a tall hobbit battles naked woman in tiger striped body paint. By battle I mean "dance erotically with", giving this film Additional Nudity. She rips some clothes off of him, kisses him, then pretends to be strangled, to the delight of the probably horny villagers.

#monsterdon

We then go to the circus people doing a circus, in which the strongman lifts the short man in clown makeup. The strongman is bare chested, meaning this movie technically has two genders of boobs in it.

#monsterdon

@overholt I guess, uh, living in some tiny village out in the middle of nowhere and quarantined with the magical vampire plague pre-Internet I guess I can't blame them for being bored out of their skulls.

#Monsterdon

"Why have you come?"

"To steal money from dead men's eyes! HAHAHAHAHA!"

A bold tagline but memorable

#Monsterdon

"If it's an illness, why don't you cure it?"
"Why don't you?"
#monsterdon

That's how religion works bud

#Monsterdon