Resolving this by scanning what I missed quickly. 4:40ish seems like a record for time-to-boob?

#Monsterdon

Wait, why was the _schoolmaster_ unclothed too?? Is that why the village of Stetl is fated to die, because its clothing industry has somehow decayed to the point where no stitches hold fast? Is that the curse?

#monsterdon

lol, despite killing so many people the Count still looks goofy

#Monsterdon

Wardrobe malfunction in the Forest Castle

#monsterdon

*vampire suddenly appears between one frame and the next, immediately under his 1:1 scale portrait mounted on the wall* Ah I see the special effects this evening are going to be of a particular calibre, then.

#monsterdon

Monsterdon starts soon! Watch along (Vampire Circus), or mute the hashtag for peace of mind. Let's go!

#Monsterdon

what if fizzgig was a vampire

inspired by @moira 's avatar

#monsterdon

@moira @Bluedepth The studio could have done that with what Stephen King turned in too but no #monsterdon

I miss bog witch.

#monsterdon #vampirecircus1972

@_L1vY_ @msh @Taweret accurate

#Monsterdon

@Bluedepth @Terencio
Only thing I noticed missing was the student boarder massacre upstairs. 🤷‍♂️

#Monsterdon #VampireCirus

The characterization for half the cast was "is X's child"

Like, the most complex and interesting character in the film is the schoolmaster's ex-wife and we get NOTHING about her!

"She's in love with the Count" okay why? What made her become his Procurement Officer? What is she to HIM? But no, we get nothin'. #Monsterdon

I saw this early in the film and saved it to pretty much summarize my whole viewing time tonight.
#monsterdon

A CROSS-bow... omg the main vampire is defeated by a pun.
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

@diazona @Terencio @ramsey I think we had fewer posters than normal this #monsterdon .

Ooh. That's a impressive simple little trick. WHoever was on the effects crew of this movie deserves some extra credit. Lots of great little things in here.
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

trying to figure out who survived and realising eh, don't care, next movie

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

Holy crap this has one of our higher body counts for Monsterdon. Short of a sci-fi movie blowing up space stations and planets, this might be near the top.
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

I love #Monsterdon, and not only because every Sunday is like a barrage of flak for any cops that have to root around in my toots.

I love Hammer movies and will vote for them every time they appear on the poll.

#Monsterdon

And now the surviving couple have to repopulate the town, or at least have fun trying to do.

#monsterdon
#VampireCircus

The clown is actually a weredropbear!
He just fell out of nowhere onto that guy.
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

@Crazypedia @skatem Oh that was a classic 😂

#Monsterdon

Indistinguishable characters, vampires that defy all logic, completely unclear rules surrounding crosses and deaths... that was sure some good old classic #Monsterdon nonsense

Thanks as always @Taweret for hosting and everybody for posting! Same time next week!

@Taweret Oh neat, the strongman was played by David Prowse, the guy who (physically) played Darth Vader.

#Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON Goodbye!

❤️ Thank you @Taweret for hosting this lurid lunacy.

🅱️ and thanks @Cherizilla for the Bingo card! "A Messy Eater" 😆

🎪 And to all the members of the Real Time Film Analysis Squad: I hope you appreciate that I did not bring up the NIPPLE FETISH so as to prompt someone to post the Yeti meme. Because I love you all!

OH YEAH! PROWSE SMASH!
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

#Monsterdon wait i thought all the children had to die for him to get life?

#monsterdon So Dave Prowse and Adrienne Corri were in Clockwork Orange.

I don't want to call this a good movie, but it seems fairly close to that. I still feel lost about a lot of the characters, though.

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Sadly, that isn't even the worst vampire movie we've watched, BY. FAR.

Thanks @Taweret for hosting, @miru for the stream, @Cherizilla for the bingo card, and all of you for suffering along with me.

I'm gonna go take a walk and look for Night Skunks

#Monsterdon

That… was not Hammer studio's best work. But, hey, Lalla Ward!

Anyway folks, that was a lot of fun. Same time next week? Try to bee kind and spread love.

Owlbear OUT!

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Wow. Unsurprisingly bad!

Thanks @Taweret and all the #monsterdon folk for suffering together though another gem!

For some reason I thought the vampire's lair was further away than...right next to the circus.

Oh well, bat escapes, sequel hook, Anton the Twink and Dora the Explorer live.

That was fun 😀

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon clown little person vs dandy fight

ty for joining, everyone!!!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Crossbow with a bow cross. Nice trick movie. Real good.

So they had to kill ALL the town, specifically including Dora, to bring Dracula back— but now he's back anyway and she's fine and half the town is still alive? Ok it's your movie

#Monsterdon

Don't unplug one vampire to take out the other one. It's just shifting your problems dude.

#monsterdon

The cross doesn't work on him because he's a Unitarian

#monsterdon

The remaining townsfolk burst into the crypt with pickaxes! Emil takes a crossbow bolt to, uh, I'm going to say the liver! The schoolmaster rips the fifteen year old stake out of Mitterhaus's lifeless chest and shoves it entirely through Emil! Someone is waving a lantern around at a bat or something, it's all very disjointed. Dora needs more trauma counselling.

#monsterdon

Emil's death performance almost makes up for how boring this ending is.

Almost.

#Monsterdon

SURPRISE CLOWN DROP!

#monsterdon

@nev me, to spouse: "Yeah, I know we're not Christians, but if we get stuck in this scenario we're getting tattoos of crosses EVERYWHERE." #Monsterdon

I'd buy the dead dancers if the dead guy would stop breathing so heavily.

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

All that's left is Strong man, Panther boy, lady with mole on boob and stale drac

#monsterdon

Take this action cross with collectible power stones

If a big purple guy named Thanos asks to hold it, say no

#Monsterdon

"Kill all The Others, then our town will be free of the Curse"

Fuck this town

#Monsterdon

That's a very effective cross - poke one and they all suffer the consequences. They might want to bring that along for future use.

#monsterdon

You know the small cross is extra effective because it has gemstones in it.

That's how this works.

#Monsterdon

Now, suddenly, the village has crosses galore?

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus1972

@Terencio Dora rolled a 20 on that cross toss #Monsterdon

Dora had a nice shot with the cross but I'm still not convinced it really follows the laws of physics

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Let me feel your beautiful head of lice Anton! YES! Crawling with LICE! OH SO HAWT!

#monsterdon You should only join a church with a crucifix big enough to properly gore a healthy vampire.

#monsterdon Didn't notice the giant cross until it was waggled at ya? Really? The cross requires waggling to work? WAGGLE WAGGLE.

That was a well-aimed giant cross.

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

#Monsterdon 🧛 🎪 😱

wut?

*Emil and the Vampires gather outside Dora and Anton's merry household where the boarding students are playing piano raucously and inexpertly upstairs*

Hey, how did the vampires just pop inside? I expected they were going to have to come up with some kind of inventive solution for the must-be-invited-in thing.

*sounds of chaos and screaming from the other room* Monster chomp, I think? Sounds like the boarding students are now vamp snacks?

#monsterdon

ah, you split up

THAT WAS THE WRONG MOVE ASCOT BOY

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Emil needs a flea dip and to have his murder mittens trimmed.

Convenient that room already had door barring brackets installed. #Monsterdon

Y'know, if you're a circus vampire you really *don't* have to like sacrifice kids to bring a dead vampire rockstar back to life. Why would you want to do that? Why not just like... um... hang out and sometimes eat people like a normal vampire?

Maybe the villains' motivation for this is that they're all simps.

#monsterdon

YOU ARE DENIED THE MIRROR, ASCOT BOY.

#monsterdon

an extremely menacing threesome

cockblocked by jesus

#monsterdon

MONSTER CHOMP

Emil tooth-stabs Rosa! Alas.

#monsterdon

WOULD YOU STOP JUMPING BACK TO THE DAMN ACROBATS

#monsterdon

@floatybirb it's like the angry boners they get over Trans people....

#Monsterdon

@wohali i'm sure this will come to a satisfactory and narratively coherent conclusion and not just kind of end #Monsterdon

@steggy And we remember all the boobs there, too! Must be something to do with the set...
#monsterdon

#monsterdon The animals respond just like you'd expect. Being BORED with too FEW VAMPIRES. Come on! More unlikely demonstrations of fang-evolution!

It's a fact! Burgermeister is a term for a local official, similar to a mayor.

But we all want him to be real good at grilling.

#monsterdon

@allanb
"This scene depicts the dicotomy between humans and monsters."
"Shut up. This scene depicts two naked titties."
#monsterdon

APE MUST NEVER KILL APE

#Monsterdon

They're really doing it. You know what? They deserve this vampire curse thing.

#Monsterdon

Wait, what did the chimp do that merited death? #monsterdon

That cap

#monsterdon

Mirror People are always weird around kids, that's why they have to be trapped in those mirrors....

#Monsterdon

That one guy's hair looks like if Dee Dee Ramone had gotten old

#monsterdon

Romana the Romani #Monsterdon

As usual, no one can smell dead bodies

#monsterdon

Those corpses decomposed pretty fast

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Anton isn't wearing a bow tie as much as a fellatio napkin.

Fun Fact: Dora here was married to Peter Sellers!

#monsterdon

If goths were serious they'd wear maroon velour jackets and spotted ascots

#monsterdon

30 to 50 wild boars

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

@paco Lol, yeah, they were counting on the blurring to cover it up, but MAN it was bad!

#Monsterdon

What was the fern budget for this movie? #Monsterdon

Continuing their plan to destroy the sad village, the little person in clown makeup leads some ladies into the woods, then a panther puppet eats them. A spooky voiceover explains that this will scare the villagers into not leaving.

Next, we learn that Mayor Burger is not dead, he's just sick from seeing too many mirrors, but he probably will die because he giggled too much.

#monsterdon

Blood is not that colour or texture, is that for the Censor?

#Monsterdon

So the strong-man is like actually mute or they just *really* didn't want him to have any lines? #Monsterdon

Always save a child before you begin feasting upon the townsfolk. That a classic Vampire Circus rule.
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

My response to everything: "Don't worry... I arranged it with the circus people."

#Monsterdon

Characters in this #Monsterdon so far, sorted by team

Team Vampire Circus:
Vampire Rockstar (RIP)
Announcer Lady
Circus Fuckboy
Village Girl
Dwarf
Strongman

Team Provincial Village:
Mayor Burger
Little Girl (RIP)
Village Girl's Mom
Other Indistinct Characters

Team Science:
Doctor Mustache

captain kangaroo just had a stronk

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

Okay, funhouse mirrors are just not that funny.

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

#monsterdon Papa! Wean yourself off the whippits and the nitrous! Stop it with the morphine abuse! Like a politician!

The count still looks goofy

#Monsterdon

It seems risky to have a mirror that alerts the townspeople

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

@amyfou For Sure!
#monsterdon