Apparently, they want to burn young women with large breasts
#monsterdon

@hannah omfg hannah joining us for monsterdon this is the best #monsterdon ever

#monsterdon LMAO what FUCK was that?? They all went slient for two minutes and left like school boys.

they sure used a lot of product in their hair in the 1600s

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil in the next scene, Mr. Oats is at a convention of puritanical inquisitors (also dressed like quaker oats guy) who meet in front of a giant cross like most republicans. They complain about devil worshippers in the community and Mr. Oats says that we should... burn them! They all shout at this statement in celebration.

One guy explains that there's a crazy cat lady in the woods who lives isn't married, so they decide she's a witch and they need to harass her.

Burn the witch! #Monsterdon

scritped for sisters, shot for twincest

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Welcome to the the Saturday night meeting of the Church of the Incels. #monsterdon

Do you think the other old timey church guys sometimes think peter cushing is a Bit Much #monsterdon

"WHAT kind of PLUMAGE is this?" #Monsterdon

They had a surplus of green velvet
#monsterdon

Hrm, stagecoaches would be advanced transportation tech during the puritan era.

#monsterdon

Some unspecified amount of time later... or earlier... or maybe not....

#Monsterdon

Director of Photography: Dick Bush. That guy must have gotten SO MUCH SHIT in school. #monsterdon

They didn't even do the duck test first. Amateurs.

#Monsterdon

Ahhh, a perfectly normal reaction to Peter Cushing.

#monsterdon

It's a bunch of dudes pitching Dutch Boy paint. #monsterdon

Let me axe you a question

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

#Monsterdon This scene is where the film lost me- I thought maybe Anton was going to be the hero but then he goes and tells Peter Cushing you can just stake the pretty sex havers instead of burning them and it's SO MUCH MORE EFFICIENT. Souls directly to heaven, you say? You can almost hear the gears turning at that point.

The name Dick Bush doesn't faze me. Back in the day I learned how to edit tape-to-tape video from a guy who went by Dick Wood.

I mean, nobody's *named* Dick, it's a shortened form of Richard. And before you ask, the videos were of church services, for public access TV.

#Monsterdon #sortOf #sorry

@apLundell exactly why i am like "flee to the next town as soon as you're suspected" because you have eternal life you have a shitload of time to strategize and get buff and make a system of lures and pulleys and trapdoors and whatnot. getting spear javelined to the chest is a rookie move #monsterdon

Please...for goodness sake...stop posting so I can sleeeeeep. Have a heart. I have no self control and the posts are still too funny. 😂 😂

#Monsterdon 👯💀 #TwinsOfEvil

If the Count in tonight's film had been smarter, he probably would have asked if being a vampire is so great, why was the countess laying dormant in the basement waiting for a drop of blood to revive her? #Monsterdon

We should stop here for a breast.. i mean, a rest. #monsterdon

Okay yeah that's pretty good. #monsterdon

Better than I was expecting it to be! Thank you, @Taweret for an enjoyable film!

Most memorable scene: the unexpected decapitation. Woo, Peter Cushing! Nice swing!

2nd place: Count Karstein and Mircalla having sex on a bearskin rug ... she reaches behind her head, gropes for a lit candlestick ... is she going to bash his brains out? Nope, she's stroking the candlestick off.

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

#Monsterdon Grade Report: #TwinsOfEvil:

Script: B-, some good lines & some funny cheesy ones
Plot: D- needed Magical Exposition to proceed.
Featured Characters: A-, a pretty good Rogue’s Gallery, just lacking better backgrounds and motivations.
Featured Features: 38DD
Women: C- for heaven’s sake poison the Puritans’ soup or something.
Schoolmaster: A+/- Teaches both sides to get along. In death.☠️
Twins: 3/10 insufficiently evil
Witches: Hot. 🔥
Puritans: Not.
Vampires: Bite.

🦖 #MONSTERDON Goodbye

Tonight, the Real Time Film Analysis Squad had more comments on 'Dick Bush' than other watch parties' full commentary. And I really don't want to think about whether that is good or bad.

But THANKS to @Taweret for hosting this film that made me double take.
and to @cheribaker for the Bingo card. Got a bunch but no row 😢

🚨 Also, everyone, GET YOUR GEAR if you can!!! Shirts, mugs, more!!

https://thediremushrump.threadless.com/designs/monsterdon-doodles-color

Sales of pocket crosses up 500% in the following weeks #monsterdon

I will have many happy mammaries of this film. #monsterdon

Puritans: "Okay, so that there's what we've been going on about! Everybody's with us now, right?" #monsterdon

I love how these older movies end. They just finish, roll over, and go to sleep. #Monsterdon

Well, we know which 2 things looked alike and were the evil subjects of this film! #monsterdon

Okay, so this seemed … not very good. I will say that they got some mileage out of doing the “no reflection” trick with twins (and the convoluted twin-swapping at the end). The score was a bit aggressive at times (and seemed to think the witch hunters were better people than the screenplay did), but was otherwise decent. And there was some decent scenery chewing.

Really, though, it was pretty forgettable as a vampire sexploitation film. #monsterdon

#Monsterdon Thanks, @Taweret for hosting a fine #Monsterdon specimen! Just enough Plot and Acting to be worthy of our mockery, and a fine set of villains various! And huge… tracts of land!

@floatybirb I feel like Floaty Birb is the re-incarnation of the guy who wrote the most evil condensations of movie premises for the San Francisco news paper TV schedules back in the 70s and 80s. #monsterdon

I think all this movie did was conclusively establish that the "Twins of Evil" were the boobs and not the girls 😕

Well, anyway, the commentary delivers as always. Thanks everyone for posting and thanks @Taweret for organizing!

#Monsterdon

desperately needed more lesbianism, our lesbian queen ancestral vampire just fucked off and we never saw her again I think?

of course that does mean she's the smart one

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Man. Ever since that Godzilla movie with the one boob shot it's like the boob floodgates have opened or something. #monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

That was a surprisingly coherent film. The protagonists read a lot differently 53 years later. Thanks for the fun hang everybody! Here's the bingo card at the end, still only one line complete! #Monsterdon

I think we were supposed to view Gustav as an empathetic character at the end, and by that point, I was waiting for him to realize that he was the baddie (or one of them, at least). He never really had that realization, but I still think they wanted us to view him as the good guy in the end. #Monsterdon

"So what is it you wanted to ax me?" #monsterdon

Theydies and gentlethem, we wrap another #monsterdon with the knowledge that you can tell twins apart by the gooeyness of their lips. The ones on their face anyway.

As always, don't blame @Taweret, this is a functioning democracy, and we fucking did this to ourselves. If you're like me, you voted for the coolest name, and now we all suffer for it. #monsterdon #twinsofevil

i wonder if gustav went to hell for burning all those innocent girls and then getting killed by a vampire #monsterdon

It just goes to show you: name one twin after the mother of Jesus and the other after a word meaning peace, and the peace one will become evil

The moral: name both your twins Maria

#Monsterdon

Well, if you just gotta make a movie about twins and evil, I guess this is the movie you make.

Thanks #Monsterdon folks!

#monsterdon Aton/Gustav wins. And the Intel council remains the same.

And Tubi follows up with Lust for a Vampire, which also has Karnstein characters. #Monsterdon

I miss the days when twins were actually played by twins and not just one person and some special effects. That was fun and now I'm ready for big black cape season to start! Goodnight #Monsterdon!

#monsterdon Never mind, neither of them wins.

Aaand…roll violently magenta credits!

Thanks @Taweret for hosting, as always, and @cheribaker for the bingo!

we should definitely watch more Hammer Horror imo

#Monsterdon

Hands together for Rod Stewart, he nearly made it through an entire 70s horror movie. The odds were not in his favour 🫡 #Monsterdon

Boobs out before first kiss. That's her way. #monsterdon

I think I'll be watching this one again soon, especially with spooky season almost on us
#monsterdon

wow, thanks all for a great #monsterdon and to @Taweret for organizing I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that and it was incredible!

okay, that was legit amazing. great choice everyone. #monsterdon

That's one dead mass murderer. Now someone kill the vampire

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

well, both bad guys died so that's good, genuinely glad Vile didn't get to be the hero

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Gustav! You gotta turn the axe horizontal for decapitation

#Monsterdon

Roll the Pink Credits!

#monsterdon

In this universe, hearts are in the diaphragm #Monsterdon

@yatsu He's a vulcan his physiology is different! #WrongHashTag #TOSSatNight #Monsterdon

He went bald! OMG he went BALD! That’s so brilliant! #Monsterdon

"...the spear killed him?"
"Yeah, I guess they die if you stab them in their spleen too."

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

gustav is starting to like this chopping-not-burning thing #monsterdon

No second final boss form? Ripoff #Monsterdon

Maybe cut his head off too, just to make sure? #Monsterdon

@floatybirb The bad movies do other bad movie things too, which I feel is a more reliable sign as to their badness #monsterdon

in order for vampirism to be a "trade" where you give your soul up to the devil you have to get something in return. they got no powers, it doesn't seem like they are doing any sort of freaky vampire stuff with each other, they just get the teeth and lose their reflection #monsterdon

Why did he need to take an ax off the wall? What happened to the one he had? #monsterdon

@amyfou "One One Ah Ah Ah!" #Monsterdon

Look, Count Karnstein: if you want us to accept you as an adventurer of the flesh, we are gonna need you to have a lot more respect for hot young women.

#Monsterdon

Vampire all backing away slowly and hissing like a cat. #monsterdon

Oh wait, there's a lot of them.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

okay this is great

#monsterdon

These sets are great. #Monsterdon

"...there must be some way!"
"We can only trust in God"
"Oh, okay ... I was thinking maybe using the stairs?"

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

I’ll never understand the desire to use torches in places utterly packed with extremely flammable cobwebs. #monsterdon

@Zerofactorial @floatybirb Well, Wicker Man has slappy ass magic dance. #monsterdon #twinsofevil

@paco Now I'm thinking of someone in the Buffyverse stabbing Spike nowhere near the heart, and he would just sigh, take the stake out, and impatiently explain how you properly kill a vampire before then biting the person

(not a real scene AFAIK but it would be totally in character)

#Monsterdon

Appropriate the house and lands for the People!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Gustav axes his niece what’s happening.

Maria opines that Freida is a pain in the neck.

@Bluedepth By the numbers? count? numbers? --dad #Monsterdon

this movie lulls you into thinking its all atmosphere and there won't be real violence or nudity and then BAM

#monsterdon

Just one ruby slipper? How ever will she get back home?

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Remarkably easy.

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

#monsterdon What the fuck? Fuck the what?

Pretty decent, uncomplicated beheading there

#monsterdon

Oh no, he was carrying a balloon full of Kool aid! #monsterdon

WOW HOLY SHIT OKAY #Monsterdon So now what does the spirit vampire look like

Gusty just wanted a little head. #Monsterdon

"...and it's ... heads!"

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

YIKES, this vampire booby movie suddenly got bloody!
#monsterdon

FLAWLESS VICTORY

#Monsterdon

OOOO! wow, just took that woman's head clean off! damn! #monsterdon

damn, peter cushing

#monsterdon

WOAH OKAY NOT EXPECTING THAT

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Joachim had a real shot at highest body count in this vampire movie, for a second there.

But then he got his ketchup spilled.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Gustav is the professional vampire hunter. I forgot, what's his from Castlevania lmao.