Joachim [signing furiously] "Yours... is the superior..."

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Joachim, undefeated champion of the villages Pantomime contest.

#monsterdon

Yes by all means take the old tunnel

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

The peasants are revolting...

#monsterdon

Heheh, Joachim looks back at the camera like

#Monsterdon

So his corpse dead wife took some time after the fucking to exposit on the strengths and weaknesses of vampires and how best to kill them? #monsterdon #twinsofevil

Joachim this is no time for charades— #Monsterdon

Musicians were pretty much the same in the sixteenth century as they are now, obviously #monsterdon

"...two words? First word...one syllable..."

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Pantomime games in the third act!

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Holy shit the reveal that Joachim is non-verbal in a comedy bit???

#Monsterdon

I like the mantle on his cape. #monsterdon

Oh. My. God!

That pantomime scene was AMAZING!

#Monsterdon

someone should make Joachim a vampire too, or else let him get a head start on running away. that man's gone through a lot of trouble for this movie. #monsterdon

This Weill dude is the worst guardian ever

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Anton drops more exposition about staking vampires saving their victims. Now we have a mob storming the castle, as Tradition dictates.

oooh, he's _mute_ that's the excuse for not paying him enough to deliver lines!

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

any vampire that can't turn into a bat is a scrub ass vampire as far as i am concerned #monsterdon

<taking notes>
Vampires don't burn, they melt.

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Maria is…not the smart one. #Monsterdon

@moira IKR?! #Monsterdon

every so often from the right angle freida looks like princess leia in return of the jedi

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

You could make a steady living selling vampire killing tools in the Middle Ages. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon okay so Antoine McHaircut is convincing them to go after the edgelord Satan Count, which is probably what gets them kicked tf out of Europe in this timeline. Clever!

@strangefour Pretty sure it is just a third act breast reveal

#Monsterdon

Okay, I hear you, no burning, but, you know, why don't we burn him fist and if it doesn't work then stab him?
#monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 A Sound of Music reference. Nice. #Monsterdon

@Taweret In fairness, they didn't have professional sports as an outlet #monsterdon

@cargot_robbie@urbanists.social Anything that doesn't get in the way of their desire to kill people, anyway.

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Where's a Belmont when you need them #Monsterdon

anton is rules-lawyering here #monsterdon

Wait boobs now? Did I miss boobs skipping most of the first half hour? Or is this a weird third act breast reveal?
#Monsterdon #TwinsofEvil

"...hey we're out of budget, can we borrow some of those Klingon swords?"

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

*twin peaks opening plays* #Monsterdon

I dunno about you guys but a steak is definitely the way to my heart

#Monsterdon

no, I need you to repeat back to me, y’all seem pretty set on burning #monsterdon

@SeanAloysiusOBrien i want to KNOW but also if i was a twin then i would definitely want to establish some kind of system for definitely telling one of us apart if we really needed to, it seems like an important part of a twin relationship to take "convincingly framing me for any crime" off the table #monsterdon

Let's get this straight - Fire will not vanquish vampires, and witches don't care about crosses

#monsterdon
#TwinsOfEvil

#monsterdon Also I can tell the priests wife wants a divorce.

@otheorange_tag Gotta hit that witch-burning quota. #Monsterdon

That mob was surprisingly open to new information #Monsterdon

so basically edwin wants to reform the Brotherhood from the inside.

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

#Monsterdon Anton sics Puritans on Count K and Freida with a rousing speech. Will luck they’ll kill each other off and solve everyone’s problems.

Anton taking over this cult with Facts is great news, but i do fear he'll end up in charge of this cult. #monsterdon

@Louisa

*Censors evaluating print*

Ah, there's a boob. Mark that.

Wait! There's a cross burn on it! Maybe we should keep it.

#Monsterdon 👯#TwinsOfEvil

@ramsey It lowers their percentage?... #Monsterdon

@SeanAloysiusOBrien https://law.stackexchange.com/questions/15378/one-identical-twin-proven-guilty

#Monsterdon

wow maybe we should have held up the corss to all those other victims first #monsterdon

How do you solve a problem like Frieda? #monsterdon #twinsofevil

Fun fact: Peter Cushing and the woman who plays his wife are only 8 years apart in age. That’s remarkably age-appropriate for a movie of this era. #monsterdon

WHAT THEY DIDNT MAKE HER A VAMPIRE WHY NOT THAT WAS THE BASIS OF THE PLAN OR ELSE YOUR PLAN WAS TO ASSUME THEY WOULDNT DO ANY CROSS STUFF AT A WITCH BURNING #monsterdon

Sexy vampires find mirrors on the ceiling to be a total buzzkill. #monsterdon

@sean :ai_dance: #MonsterDon

#Monsterdon Anton carried the torch for Maria! And reveals the switcheroo!

"Wow, am I a dumbass." - Count Vile and the incel brigade, probably not

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

anton fighting fire with fire! #monsterdon

@aprilfollies I see what you did there

#Monsterdon

Trouble is you can't convict the vampire count if he acting in his official capacity because that makes him immune #monsterdon

the first victim still being alive truly begs the question like what kind of pleasures from beyond the grave was the count even going for in the first place #monsterdon

gustav should really have just gotten himself a pizza oven seeing as he likes burning stuff so much, all these deaths could have been avoided and he would have had tasty snacks

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

"...dig through the ditches
And burn through the witches
And slam in the back of my Dragula"

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

no no i need to rawdog may way through this myself, it's the incel way

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

@moira I think there may be a go... nuthin! #Monsterdon

So, Frida tells Anton, “No, not yet,” and then she opens her gown, which I guess means, “Yes, now it’s time.” #Monsterdon

the mirror-makeout scene is what having a VR girlfriend is like #monsterdon

PoV camera during the horny fight is very good indeed #monsterdon

@moira yeah I noticed that too

Seems like a very useful bit of vampire knowledge

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon Anton figures it out, has a mean right cross.

In the fight scene, the camera man couldn't get the camera off her boobies #monsterdon #twinsofevil

not so much boobs of evil as boobs of invulnerability I guess

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

BOOBS. WE GOT BOOBS, PEOPLE #Monsterdon

Mmm, naked silhouette.
#Monsterdon #TwinsofEvil

what kind of vampirization doesn't give you at least mildly buffed strength or any power of any kind, rip off #monsterdon

bro doesn't want that vussy 😔

#monsterdon

I thought Anton was attracted to the other sister

well I mean it's actually this sister but he didn't know that

#Monsterdon

so it burns her _palm_ but not her _boobs_.

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

I guess I was wrong about Gustav. #Monsterdon

Okay, the mirror-makeout-double-take was great #Monsterdon

Frieda being so damn horny to bite Anton she can barely resist is very good lol

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon We need more Gustav's in this movie lololol.

BOOBS #Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

It’s not vampire powers, it’s just that so much direct eye contact makes people uncomfortable enough that they’ll do whatever you ask. #monsterdon

Meanwhile, Anton

#Monsterdon

She could have pulled a second cross out from under her pillow after she dropped the first one.
Ya know Mel Brooks should have mad a parody of this for Dracula dead and Loving it. More potential for silliness.
#Monsterdon #TwinsofEvil

#Monsterdon Disguised Freida vamps Anton. He’s into it.

After all the cleavage shots we finally get a nipple!

#Monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Uhh vampire gaze. At least they don't glow in the sun.
#Monsterdon

Annnnnd boobs. #monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

And now, tiddy drop

#Monsterdon

oh they went full boobies for the, uh, film's... climax?

no, too early

#monsterdon #TwinsOfEvil

Cuck! Your! Sister! #monsterdon

:blobastonished: Tiddy Alert! #Monsterdon

@apLundell or being invisible in mirrors, that would be extremely exploitable

#Monsterdon

okay, there's actual boob, i guess they just wanted to save it for later??? #monsterdon

Financially speaking, you really want to be either the black cloak maker or the hat maker in this town.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Anton, no! Maria and Frieda swapped places!

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a wave upon the sand?
How do you solve a problem like Ma-...Frieda?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your haaaaand

Young Carrie Fisher languishing in the jail. #monsterdon #twinsofevil

#Monsterdon Oh, they left Maria to be burned. That’s… harsh.

Row row fight the pow- oh wait we are the power #Monsterdon

@fabio You turn into a vampire instead of dying if you're committed to Satan, apparently. #Monsterdon