THE COMBAT ROD.

Who writes this drivel?

#Monsterdon #ThePhantomPlanet

Frank talks to the mute fancy girl who was offered to him as a wife, and they walk by his spacesuit. He asks why she is different from the other Rayton girls, which she seems to appreciate. Then from out of the spacesuit, another Rayton guy sneaks out and complains that Frank is seducing the mute girl and the other fancy girl at the same time, which is against this planet's bro code. Naturally, he challenges him to a duel.

#monsterdon #ThePhantomPlanet

"Here, stand on this hotplate so we can vaporise you, it's our culture"

Bollocks to that

#monsterdon

A DUEL OF BEYBLADES

#monsterdon #ThePhantomPlanet

#monsterdon I see that the micro planet Rayton has developed technology to control gravity and physical size changes but not doors? Awkward

Awwww, Jackchapman gets to spend a little time with Veronica instead of Betty all the time!

Back on Rayton, Frank complains that work is hard and so the fancy necklace guy gives him a tour of his gravity control center. He explains that their planet is super dense because atoms are different here and this is very scientific. He also explains there's a danger that if their planet gets too hot they all might disintegrate, information that I'm sure he will not regret telling the visitor from another planet.

#monsterdon #thePhantomPlanet

Sir, your description of the sun is from before we understood any nuclear physics

#monsterdon #ThePhantomPlanet

"I came here to discuss gravity... and for your daughter's hand in marriage. She's the appropriate size and hair color." Cap'n McHappy Chaps

#Monsterdon

Walkin' the mean streets of Rayton. #Monsterdon

"The atoms of our planet are special and don't behave like the rest of the Universe"

Well of course

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👨‍🚀 👩‍🚀 🚀 ☄️🪐 😱

"I can't work under these conditions" <-- what I'm gonna say all day tomorrow as I stomp around

@paco Too hot not to credit, too dumb to give a line to?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon He’s gonna be killed by snu-snu.

The way the Belt is, it might just become the realm of crazed cults on rooks abducting Earthmen for their shrinkage fetishes.

#monsterdon

"Go now and learn our ways. Utilize our squash court, listen to our college radio station." #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon I knocked out a boy… can I have him? Hurr hurr hurr.

They are people who have a fetish for being shrunk and forced to be subservient to an alien culture.

Not Frank Chapman though. Somebody is gonna get punched!

#monsterdon

I was hoping death by snu-snu #monsterdon

"This is no time for explanations."

Yeah, we've got miles of dry legal banter to get through! #Monsterdon

Of course breathing the asteroid's air would make you shrink, that's just how Science works

#monsterdon

aaaand now with the naked man grappling 🙄

#monsterdon

The locals could move into the now-empty space suit and rent out rooms in the arms and legs.

#monsterdon

@yatsu did you not hear them say 'homoerotic' earlier?

#monsterdon

Are they going to explain why it shrinks people and not spacesuits/ships? Cool effect, though.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Uh, 22 minutes is kind of early for a flashback of events *we* have seen

#Monsterdon

uh-oh there is ominous Orientalish music playing after he landed on this mysterious asteroid.

release the space Fumanchus!

#Monsterdon
#ThePhantomPlanet

Rather than space popcorn, the chosen asteroid looks like a KFC chicken thigh.

#monsterdon

Loving the space hardware on the control panels and such.

#monsterdon

So basically one thing happened in 20 minutes. Well done.
#monsterdon

so much great 50s b movie imagery. imagine if It had a plot too

#monsterdon

oh he did go spinning off into the nightmare void

ah well

#monsterdon

See all those bullet things striking the rocket?

That'll be why we can't go into Space for a decade because of a Kessler Syndrome.

#monsterdon

So NOW there is no gravity #monsterdon

Take a ride.... a space ride.... on my flying hitachi.... it's a vibe vibe vibe

#monsterdon

This is just like a 1960s car engine compartment. Enough room to lie down inside between components. #monsterdon

Spacewalks from before anyone had really done it are great.

They look like wing-walking.

#monsterdon

OHSA Space is not going to be happy
#monsterdon

This whole movie reminds me of the time in 9th grade when my best guy friend had to blushingly explain to me what "homoerotic" meant

#monsterdon
#ThePhantomPlanet

I've worse Space scenes in Monsterdon, the special effects are terrible

#monsterdon

I like how there is gravity on this spacewalk #monsterdon

#Monsterdon what’s with the bananas piping on the outfits?

@diazona 'Kiss my Azimuth, Space monsters!"

#monsterdon

Is the plan just to blast out into Space and hope for the best?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon very very gay all of a sudden kids…

Gotta say, excellent worldbuilding right out of the gate. Clearly, space is well inhabited, the military is large and has many bases and ships, and the 50s are alive and well.

#monsterdon

Chapman doesn't have time for this shit, he's all about the Mars Project.

But he'll try anything once.

Once.

#monsterdon

"If you don't behave there won't be any Mars Project, or any television after supper time!"

#monsterdon

Looks like this movie is about space popcorn so far!

#monsterdon

I love the big questions they throw out in these movies....

#monsterdon

launching my thread for #ThePhantomPlanet, a movie that I'm excited to watch because I wonder how planets can also be ghosts!

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie every week and make fun of it. Those of you who you don't want to see 9999+ posts about that on your timeline may want to mute the #monsterdon hashtag now.

Wooo... ghost planets... woooo!

GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO

#Monsterdon
#ThePhantomPlanet

I will toot the analysis tomorrow, but I am finally ready to share "mastoscore" with the world. This is the python-based analysis tool that I created so I could analyse #Monsterdon. It's a bit of a hack, and it can probably be built better.

It fetches a bunch of toots from my home server, then it looks at all the servers mentioned in those toots. It fetches as much as it can from every server it hears about, using public APIs. Eventually it figures out the most popular, most boosted, most replied, etc.

I'm open to suggestions and improvements to the code. Keep in mind I'm an old-school system administrator. I write code like a sysadmin, not like a software developer. Happy to have my work improved upon by people more skilled in the art.

https://mastoscore.johnmastodon.me/

#python #hashtag

@jsadow @amyfou Beware those planets that play out your 'unconscious erotic life', sounds cool at first but oh dear......

#monsterdon

I think the rescue ship should have made Frank fly his own ship back to Earth solo so he could spend time thinking about all the ways he effed up #monsterdon

@floatybirb @FirstFish On the matter of "Why Have Space Pilots" I've seen discussing elsewhere that the human pilots are essentially hostages, that shooting at crewed ship is a whole different world of pain than shooting at a drone.

#monsterdon

Maybe it was a dream and he just had a rock in his pocket because he was sleeping in the dirt. #monsterdon

Thanks to @Taweret for this little gem. I'll say this - the filmmakers were very earnest (though their vision was ... odd) and the sets and VFX got a lot out of a small budget. Don't think the "tell, don't show" mechanic was quite what they wanted, though it *does* fit pulp sci-fi of the 50s.

#Monsterdon #PhantomPlanet

@ColesStreetPothole @amyfou I'm sure that happened in the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy and everyone was eaten by a dog

#monsterdon

Zetha’s scream unfortunately didn’t fix her gaydar, poor child.

#Monsterdon

anyway good job team and thanks as always to @Taweret for hosting

#monsterdon #ThePhantomPlanet

@floatybirb brb writing the fanfiction where zetha and blonde space butch leave together at the end, and space butch goes back to normal size but zetha stays the same and they have to figure out how to make that work

#monsterdon

@ranjit I was hoping that Zetha would sneak into his pocket to be with him. Then when she got exposed to oxygen on the rocket ship, she'd grow to our size and burst out of his pocket...naked.
@anne
#monsterdon

@FirstFish I guess they could be something like planetary probes with a crew (and presumably a tiny modular instrument package in their nose).

I'm not sure where there would be a small fleet of them though; maybe they also move small relief crews of 1-2 astronauts around to other bases.

#monsterdon #ThePhantomPlanet

Well, I am all set to be absolutely unproductive for the rest of the night. Thanks #Monsterdon 😅

#monsterdon So we only get one monster in the entire movie? And its name wasn't even the movie title? That's not right.

Meanwhile Lt. Makonnen patched up his suit and is off having adventures with the Solarites, who also are willing to offer up a wife of his choice for the taking #monsterdon

Did the rock grow?!

#monsterdon

@floatybirb Everything they were doing seemed to be automated originally. So, it must just have been 'men in suits' to justify the 'human factor' for the deployment or logging of the real science going on during the 'exploration.' No one would have watched a 'manless mission' in 1961. Not like we do today. lol
#Monsterdon #ThePhantomPlanet

Excellent #Monsterdon everyone! And by excellent I mean this was, in my opinion, the worst one by far, so far (keeping in mind this was only my third).

#ThePhantomPlanet

Well, that sure was a movie, huh. Mostly I'm just reminded that movies from this era would go to *remarkable* lengths to ensure they didn't accidentally endorse interracial relationships. Even between white people! Sorry, Zeta, maybe in the remake. #Monsterdon

Huh. An ending. Torn between "thank fuck" and "well, that's not normal"

#monsterdon #ThePhantomPlanet

Were they seriously hoping for sequels from this movie? "Only the beginninginginginging..." #PhantomPlanet #Monsterdon

and so they left the fried chicken planet of tiny people and fucked off into the nightmare void

ty for joining, everyone!

#monsterdon

Another #Monsterdon is in the can!

As always, huge thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

Tonight’s feature , #ThePhantomPlanet, released in 1961, was full of tiny action, including:

"this story is only the beginning"

A bold sequel hook, bold.....

#monsterdon

It was real, it was ALL REAL! This pebble PROVES it! I was tiny! #Monsterdon

@gnomon They're smart. They used a lot of lube #monsterdon

Did you check your pocket? She could be in there

#monsterdon
#ThePhantomPlanet

@whknott I love how they might have cut her lines when they realised her acting is bad, love that thinking on the fly.... #monsterdon

"Is that a rock in your pants or are you just happy to be rescued?" #monsterdon

Please stand on this gravity plate for at least 10 gravity seconds.

#monsterdon

Whenever you see this tiny, tiny rock, like a kidney stone...think of me

#monsterdon

That's the heroin needle the writers were sharing. #monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👨‍🚀 👩‍🚀 🚀 ☄️🪐 😱

Kids, that's not how love really works, OK? This is just a movie. Keep that in mind.

Have you dreamt this Solarite

#Monsterdon

This is some Austin-Powers-Steamroller-level danger.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon The motivations of this escaped Solarite lugging around a passed-out Zetha are baffling. What is the bug monster hoping to accomplish here? They're not using Zetha as a hostage..?

Ok. I don't understand. She sleeps with the lights on. When the lights go out, she wakes up and has to walk around aimlessly in the dark.
#monsterdon

@jsadow "It's the air we breathe, obviously. Universal gravity!"

#monsterdon

Who let the Tiny Rubber Alien out?

#monsterdon

Our space battle consists of the glowing poop darts zooming in circles around #ThePhantomPlanet and shooting it with their guns; several hits end up freeing the Solarite from its jail, but no one has noticed yet.

Eventually, the planet gets tired of this and zaps them all with some gravity wave that reminds me of the ripple guns from Gradius.

#Monsterdon

Some weird Dolores Faith facts:

-She's naturally blonde, but it didn't match her olive complexion well, so she died it black.
-She went deaf as a child but regained her hearing about four years later.
-She married the heir to the Maxwell House fortune, divorced him and then remarried him.
-It is unknown whether she is alive or dead. She supposedly died in 1990 in Florida, but others claim she was still alive and well as of 2006.

#monsterdon

Honey, I'm home!
#monsterdon

@Taweret SFX really not bad (makes Obama meme face)

#monsterdon

The guy in the monster suit has the best job in this movie... because nobody sees his face. #monsterdon

Feel like if the Solarites and the Phantom Planet team up they could take over Earth

That was a very precise shot from the Solarites there, but sadly it was to no avail.

Whitey rationalising Genocide VERY easily there....siding with the Last Solarite now.

#monsterdon

Director: Just hover your hands CAREFULLY over the broken wine bottles

#monsterdon

Expecting the command for "RAMMING SPEED" to be given to their homeworld

Unwise, but hey ho..

#monsterdon

@fluffy when you've been in gravity jail for years

#monsterdon