spi-DER spi-DER spi-DER spi-DER

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

Okay, so we learned that the glowing bolt caused a lot of radiation, and the science masters are trying to figure out where it landed at.

The dad and I think the milfy mom might have found it in a pasture by accident... which they are wandering around and finding scattered bloody cow parts everywhere. These are the family's cows, because this is Wisconsin, whose economy centers around turning cow juice into cheese curds, so exploded cows are a Problem.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

#monsterdon The problem with your science is you have a vagina. Are you sure you don't have a dildo anywhere, maybe stick it to your forehead, that way we can talk more clearly?

Don't eat at Dutch's Cafe, got it. #monsterdon

Finally! Dr. Jenny Lang (Barbara Hale) is in daylight! with no obstructions #Monsterdon 🕷 #GiantSpiderInvasion https://mastodon.social/@SesameSquirrel/113660084500091358

#TheGiantSpiderInvasion has me very confused as to what plot thread to follow. We got another surprise section where the phone scientist lady was teaching some kids about the big bang in a planetarium, which I guess is her intro. Anyway, the astrophysicist guy appeared to meet her and was surprised that she was a girl instead of a boy.

After the casual sexism, they go for a walk and the astrophysicst talks about how much he likes plants. #monsterdon

Spiders better start killing some of these assholes

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #thegiantspiderinvasion

a WOMAN scientist?!?!?!?!?! *eye roll*

The nearest white dwarf to us is Sirius B....

#monsterdon

She's right about the space stuff, white dwarves are mental, but it gets far weirder after that

#monsterdon

These smash cuts are so jarring... 😵‍💫 #monsterdon

@overholt I understand this means nuclear waste is buried nearby, and it makes lovely jewellery

#monsterdon

Okay we get a cut to a space center with a Saturn V rocket and some new characters drop, including the science phone lady, the astrophysicist who talks to plants, and a tie guy who is telling him about the suspicious things happening in wisconsin now (mostly that a giant glowing beam hit it and explode).

This makes the astrophysicist noticeably concerned and so he is going to wisconsin on the Astrophysics Express to investigate.

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

So writer really liked "little buddy."

#monsterdon

#monsterdon He's going to unzip his pants and give plants even more attention. As I said, 1975 was really heavy in the sexual revolution. Poor plants.

WHY YOU BLOCK Barbara Hale with a LAMP, director?! 🤦🏻‍♀️ #Monsterdon 🕷 #GiantSpiderInvasion

Wow I started on the #TeamSpiders thing sarcastically but now they really should win. #monsterdon

#monsterdon Is that sweatervest-sporting hunk of a moustache model watering a spider plant

Why did the stock footage include a Saturn V? Is that supposed to represent NASA/Science(tm)?

#Monsterdon #GiantSpiderInvasion

She has the proper "lady scientist from the 70s" hair and glasses, just needs a man to steal all her ideas and....

#monsterdon

DAD BAD TOUCH

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

I'd like to think a black hole would scramble NORAD to action, and that they have a 'Black Hole Protocol' but we know they'd be headless chickens

#monsterdon

Love how everyone's depressing lives are welcoming the Black Hole.
I've not seen it but isn't that what Melancholia was about?

Is this movie a sex comedy on the sly?

#monsterdon

Preachers are above the law. You heard it here first.

#Monsterdon #GiantSpiderInvasion

#monsterdon She's a barfly, in the very best tradition. She’s horny and thirsty! God bless her, housefrau, drunkard, maybe sexually aware before the sexual revolution was really chugging away. //Everyone out of bed!!!//

That's some nice 70s space music there.....let's go to the Stars folks!

#monsterdon

543210 ... GO!

click play

#monsterdon

I had to ask him why he has that in 4K and he said, "Because me and Lee (old film school friend) often talk about crap that has been lovingly restored. In my own personal movie library of Congress, it's a part of my "breadth" section."

Lol

#monsterdon

@combatwombat @JoeWynne @jonny @lytta @jgamble Yeah it's hard to imagine that anything we could do with movie rights for one of these old movies would be likely to turn a profit. Otherwise they wouldn't be selling.

#Monsterdon

So let's try to look on the bright side of this movie.

Dan's dead. Ev is dead. Terry's probably alive, so she likely inherits the farm, with all its outer space rocks. She sells it to NASA for an enormous sum and fucks off to Tahiti with her nerd ass reporter boyfriend, never to be seen again. The end. #Monsterdon

@floatybirb @diazona @Newpa_Hasai @justabean

As one great Furnace flam’d, yet from those flames
No light, but rather darkness visible
Serv’d only to discover sights of woe,
Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace
And rest can never dwell, hope never comes
That comes to all; but torture without end
from gross townsfolk who creepily want
to fuck their cousins.

#Monsterdon

How would you feel if you got a bunch of 8mm stag films and a projector, only to find one of them was this slagheap?

#monsterdon

@SordidAmok @RolloTreadway @gerrymcgovern #Monsterdon makes more sense.

anyway thanks as always to @Taweret for hosting this... whatever it was... xD

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

@moira idk i think it's a pretty cool lore they did by accident #monsterdon

it wouldn't be clear why god would be organizing all these planets and imbuing them with a mythology that sorta keeps things in line, except that god seems to use minerals like diamonds. so the extractivist ideology of christianity - "god gave this earth to us as bountiful so we should take everything from it as an act of gratitude" - is the real purpose. we mine a planet's natural resources into a useable form so that after we are used as a plague god can come and scoop up all the minerals neatly arranged on the surface.

in the universe of The Giant Spider Invasion (1975) christianity is an intergalactic mining operation.
#monsterdon

@Cherizilla That right there is the future Jimmy! AI! #SomeTownInTheMiddleOfNowhereJustWentDarkForThatAIsuggestion #Monsterdon

@jonny There's your next Left Behind rip-off novel right there.

#Monsterdon

@kate if you go to Jamba Juice after hours and ask for the "monster style" menu they will give you the secret list of frozen fruity sludge drunk by various #monsterdon alcoholics

and that would mean that earth is just a standing christian army, and when we are used up, the second coming is when we are called to be the plague for another temporarily sinful but still with a longer useful lifecycle than earth's. being a plague must be a terminal event for a christian planet because there is no notion of returning to the planet, and entering heaven is just being obliterated at the end of a planet's useful lifecycle. so the spider universe must have been an empire in decay, and the closing of the nydus portal deprives them of their delivery to heaven. god would have to do some damage control but it's not really out of the ordinary, false prophets are common enough you can just dismiss that one as a fakeout #monsterdon

I think the preacher is not part of the plot, but a necessary element of the setting -- like the polyester shirts, halter tops, and giant cars. It was a time when everyone had just read The Late Great Planet Earth, and you could barely turn on the radio without hearing some preacher telling you to put Satan behind you.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

A thing I did not want to realize: the MST lampoon of this movie is far closer in time to the original movie than it is to our time 😱

#Monsterdon

@ricci Spiderspider, Spiderspider, does whatever a spider spider

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

@YsengrinWolf @jonny "Look, it was a fair, I ate fair food. By which I mean humans."

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

@jonny *Not* a rampage. She was looking for funnel cakes and Polka.

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

and so then the big spider's mission was to protect the spawning portal, and that's why she was wandering around the field the whole time. she just got bored and went through a rampage through the town for awhile and that was the mistake that gave them time to plant the bomb or whatever and left it unguarded #monsterdon

so in that case the meteorite is like a troop carrier that has a fixed number of spider slots in it, and you can only fit in one big spider and a bunch of littler extra spiders even with the ability to compress them down into diamonds #monsterdon

Yup that’s it! Nothing to see here, spider is gone!

Wow, this was something! Thanks everyone for joining, I am going to have a headache. Love the Giant Spider. I need a Giant Spider plushie. So cute. Should enter our gallery of favourite monsters together with Tabanga (remember it?)

Thanks @Taweret for another great one! Now off to bed!
#Monsterdon

That was among the top 50 grossing films of 1975???? #monsterdon

so is the meteorite like a Nydus Worm that takes time to spawn, and NASA prevented it from opening all the way? and so like the spiderverse is just another place in our universe/timeline, and they can fling out scouting parties of compressed spiders as diamond geodes to protect the meteorite portal while it spawns. #monsterdon

@diazona there's like 4 billion humans on the planet at the time to chew through, the Humans will win and the Universe loses! #monsterdon

@floatybirb Alien Food Tourist

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion1975 sherriff starts whipping it with his belt

this is very american

here, people like them, so have other ascii sp00ders

ᄽὁȍ ̪ őὀᄿ
ᄽº｡o‿o｡ºᄿ
ᄽº｡ò‿ó｡ºᄿ
/╲/\╭ºoꍘoº╮/\╱\

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

Why did the flare land on an empty meadow and then the spider caught fire in reverse again #Monsterdon

ok i am struggling with the whole uh christianity angle still. so the spiders were a plague for being sinful? in that case was it just like a very localized plague to wipe out the weird incest family so mission accomplished? because otherwise idk is the message that we can thwart god's will with the power of NASA? nobody seemed to have become particularly righteous or infused with the spirit of the lord or anything #monsterdon

Classic 'abrupt ending' though, can't fault that.

#monsterdon

Well at least no cute jumping spiders were hurt. #Monsterdon

And the preacher believes he has good understanding of what went on.

#Monsterdon #GiantSpiderInvasion

Man. old movies just loved to stop.

🕷️🕷️🕷️ #Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

It did. It just.....ended. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon That's a lot of chocolate cake and melted ice cream. Wah.

lol, is that the giant spider imploding or something?

Just looks tired.....

uh-oh, it's becoming goo now...and sound effects...

#monsterdon

Smoooke on the spider... fire in the spi(der) #monsterdon

interdimensional neutronic warfare something something

#monsterdon

Someone left a spider out in the rain, all the frosting is running dooooownnnnnn

#monsterdon

lol, classic, through the gun when you are out of bullets move
don't reload or owt, just throw it

It's taking that sheriff a while to die....

#monsterdon

Yes, climb in the spider's head cloaca.

#monsterdon

the spider has judged the sheriff and found him guilty, another blessing

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

Now stand still so I can eat you!

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

I love all the random space noises the spider is making, very realistic.

#monsterdon #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

stopped paying attention for a bit to read about social spiders on wikipedia

(there are indeed no eusocial spiders however)

#monsterdon

Fat sherrifs and spiders comin’
We’re finally on our own
This summer I hear the drummin’
Four dead in Wisconsin #Monsterdon

spiders spawning out of the diamonds confirmed!!!!!!!! that was a box of opened diamond geodes before with no spiders and then when she opened it later it had spiders from the diamonds!!!!!!!!! #monsterdon

so was there any point to the diamonds at all?

#monsterdon

@rberlim@hachyderm.io the black hole is spinning the Earth around like a toy, day and night pass by the hour #monsterdon

I say we take off and nuke the whole site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🕷️ 🕸️ 🕷️ 🕸️ 🕷️ 🕸️ 🕷️ 🕸️ 😱 #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

This Skipper Sheriff is the slowest mover in the whole wide world I think

This parade-float spider moves slower than anyone walks, how is it a threat?
#monsterdon

"...I forgot the flares."
"Jesus, Frank, you had one job!"

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

We hired a helicopter and those things are EXPENSIVE so let’s use it goddammit! #monsterdon

#monsterdon #thegiantspiderinvasion

“Did you ever see that movie Charlotte’s Web? Well… it’s basically like that… but with more butts and partial nudity.”

Spider's gone, get outta here! Show's over, folks!

#Monsterdon

and he said unto them, lo, there shall be giant space spiders

#monsterdon

I'm pretty sure that bullets are effective against these spiders. Like just use a bigger gun? Or go full 1950s and get a bazooka?

#Monsterdon #GiantSpiderInvasion

"I've got a man from NASA and he knows what he's doing!"

#Monsterdon #GiantSpiderInvasion

@floatybirb It's part of the grand scifi tradition of stuffing plot holes with all the trendy science they can find.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

Angry gun-toting mob! Yay, America!

#monsterdon

BOO the cops! BOO!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion1975 30-50 feral spiders

#Monsterdon 🕷️ 🕸️ 🕷️ 🕸️ 🕷️ 🕸️ 🕷️ 🕸️ 😱 #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

Wait this community has a Polka Festival that includes Three Days of Polka Fun??

@paco But what we really want to know is what are the makes and models of those two cars...

#monsterdon

Wait, I'm pretty sure that the spider used pyrokinesis to explode those cars

#Monsterdon #GiantSpiderInvasion

"We could feed it so much mass, we could choke it."

"We could shower it with neutrons."

I don't think either of these doctors have a degree in physics.

#Monsterdon

good ol' time splodey cars #monsterdon

Remember, you don't have to run faster than the spider, you just have to run faster than the slowest person being chased by the spider. #Monsterdon

I have to admit, that scene is pretty cool with all the kids running from the spider

#monsterdon

@brooke ...does this mean that the spiders will get plasma guns?

#Monsterdon #GiantSpiderInvasion

#Monsterdon

NASA “you need WHAT? Fine, we’ll chopper it in immediately”