"We imploded a star just to get to Earth, but in the end they defeated us with simple chemical explosives and incest"

#monsterdon

Tubi: Wanna watch Kingdom of the Spiders next?

ha ha no

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #thegiantspiderinvasion

Did anyone else notice that in the spiderweb it said “SOME PIG” ?

lol, that was indeed one of the most anti-human movies we've had on Monsterdon, well done everyone!

#monsterdon

#TheGiantSpiderInvasion pro and con list:

Pros:
giant round spider
way too many characters
horny

Cons:
giant round spider
way too many characters
horny

#monsterdon

"We sealed the black hole/wormhole with some small explosives" is not how any of that works. If that's the best the Spider Dimension can manage then we're safe.

#monsterdon

The spiders are already winning me over and they haven’t even appeared on screen yet. #monsterdon

What did we learn from this movie?
#monsterdon

@_L1vY_ my money would be either on the yahoos or the fuzzy boi normally, but I think #TheGiantSpiderInvasion conclusively proved that the answer was "Neutrons for some reason"? #Monsterdon

I give #TheGiantSpiderInvasion 4 out of 5 screaming round shelob puppets. It was stupid, but had enough weirdness going on to keep the audience entertained.

The best character was the giant round spider puppet, followed by the boobs. The worst character was the annoying preacher guy, followed by the extra creepy dad.

In the end, Wisconsin survived but suffered heavy casualties. #Monsterdon

I love the huge spider soft-footing it down main street. 😃 #monsterdon

We all want to know about the polka festival!

Did you know that polka was once a LOT more popular and that there was a stage awarded Grammy award for Best Polka Album from 1986-2008?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammy_Award_for_Best_Polka_Album

#monsterdon

Destroy this town, it would be a mercy to the women

#monsterdon

Okay, the astrophysicist lady's office is amazing. We have this wood office building in the middle of the woods with goofy stairs going off in all directions and a high-school science lab looking room full of old oscilloscopes, bucket chairs and clunky 70s technology. 5/5 stars. Excellent science space.

It's role in this movie is to let the scientists talk about the weird glowing bolt thing that exploded and ask each other what it is.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

I actually fell asleep for the last 2 minutes and sad to see the spiders lose

#monsterdon

It's over? Did the scenes of the preacher have anything to do with anything? What am I doing with my life?

#monsterdon

The preacher sub plot was really tacked on, wasn't it?

#monsterdon

"Is the Black Hole sealed? "
Is that what you're saying?

Oh wait, there's the end!

#monsterdon

@Cherizilla I feel the spider is a gentle soul really....

#monsterdon

I love how the parts of this film do not seem to be a cohesive whole, bold filmmaking

#monsterdon

Heavenly Spiders... come unto us from outer space to eat our pervs, our abusers, and all thy chucklefucks in the land. Thank you, O Space Spiders. 😌 #Monsterdon

The preacher shouting Hallelujah as that jerk gets eaten. EARNED moment there. 👌 #Monsterdon

BOOB CAMERA zoom and enhance! #monsterdon

ewww, creepy men talking about teenage daughter, the spiders can have this town.

#monsterdon

@kurth ✅ Real Spider!

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonBingo

#monsterdon All right y'all, we're kicking off The Giant Spider Invasion (1975) tonight, surely a seminal monsterdon moment. This whole thread will be content-warned, of course. Get your timed mute button ready. This is going to be a disaster.

@diazona @Newpa_Hasai @justabean@hellsite.site Oh shit maybe #TheGiantSpiderInvasion was actually Milton's paradise lost, only the Giant Spiders were Satan being cast into a hell full of sleazy townsfolk?

#monsterdon

@jonny the real Christian god was a vengeful space empire the whole time, punishing planets with giant animals like Rita Repulsa from the Power Rangers.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

#monsterdon Why is the giant spider changing into last month's yogurt in the back of the fridge

OH GOD THAT'S A WRECK, ROLL CREDITS

That beggars belief. Uncomfortably horny, awkwardly un-spine-tingling. Nobody fucked off into the sea or another dimension. No character should've lived, they were all loathsome.

Thank you @Taweret@octodon.social for organizing! Thank you @Cherizilla for the bingo card! "Thank you" everyone who voted for this disaster! Good night, Gracie!

I'm also not sure why the giant spider is bothering to keep eating people... I assume its a normal spider grown to evil size by the space magic, in which case it would probably just eat one person then go hide in a web for a while. Maybe the radiation made it mad. Or maybe it's an alien spider?

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

#monsterdon I really resent calling a weapon a gadget. A gadget is a convenience, a weapon is a weapon. Ah whatever, the spiders are going to win, Wisconsin will improve because of it. This entire cast must be eaten.

Now that the spiders have had a chance to learn more about these people, they’re mostly just shunning them. Makes sense to me. #monsterdon

I got at least one Bingo. 😁#monsterdon #monsterdonbingo

The impact area of the black hole? What?

#monsterdon

Meanwhile, at a local pub the sconies are planning their own community defense initiative, and a bunch of white boys grab rifles and board trucks to go hunt the spider.

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

50 foot spider? I thought they only had 8! #monsterdon

Woot! The ✅ Spiders Make Noise! #monsterdon #monsterdonbingo

So Terry is wandering around her house doing basically nothing when she is also attacked by spiders, including a giant spider that sticks arms through the windows and starts knocking the house down. She responds to this by running about in her panties and screaming, then resorts to hiding under a table and screaming.

Tactics Score: 2/5

#monsterdon
#TheGiantSpiderInvasion

This film is proof women would rather meet a giant spider in the woods than a man

#monsterdon

After being taunted by denim ensorcelled boobs, we now see actual boobs, as Terry wanders out of the shower as the jewelry store guy is creeping around her house, probably trying to steal the diamonds which are more valuable than he was letting on.

He stops to hit on her because everyone in this movie is horny but is quickly rebuked, and a large (but not gigantic) spider sneaks into his getaway car.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

Cousin Dan is dead, thank the Lord and if there is justice you are next

#monsterdon

"Well, you're not eleven anymore."

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

#monsterdon #ᄽºὁȍ ‿ őὀºᄿ

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

🕷️ GIANT TRIVIA INVASION 🕸️

#TheGiantSpiderInvasion was filmed mostly in Merrill, which is know as 'The Hollywood of North Central Wisconsin'.

#NotReally

I would like to report that while this #monsterdon movie is called #TheGiantSpiderInvasion, so far all the spiders we've seen have been large but not surprisingly so.

The kind of spiders that, if you saw one in real life, you'd say "hmm that looks like a big spider, like a tarantula!"

Not one that you would see and then say "hmm that looks like a big spider, like Shelob, child of Ungoliant, who menaced Frodo in the mountains of Mordor."

The dad tells this to his wife, who has my reaction that you should just tell the cops there's a body there. He explains that he can't tell, because he's growing Weed and the cops might find it; this movie was made when weed was illegal. Also, the cops might find the space diamonds.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

Are the spiders a metaphor for alcoholism?

#monsterdon

I'm completely distracted trying to identify pinball machines.

#monsterdon

Just look at that hat!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Is it the Sherriff's Hat, or IS IT CAKE?

Nice oscilloscopes, ma'am.

My eyes are up here, plant boy.

#Monsterdon

FORESHADOWING WITH SPIDERWEB

LENSES AGAIN

so much effort went into this movie to begin with, but what went wrong?

Oh yeah, the incest sex comedy

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Katie, not watching the screen but listening to the dialogue between Moustache Dude and the astronomer, where the gag is that he tries four different ways to pretend to be surprised that a woman could hold a PhD: "The 70s were just a vile time, I think."

"Wait, the Science Doctor is......A LADY!!!"

#monsterdon

ewwww. incest and abuse....as comedy......

#monsterdon

Okay, so um the teenage boy and terry go off to makeout, and the husband goes off to makeout with the helpful harlot while pretending to visit the church revival, and the milf orders booze. As the horny bearded guy is being chewed out by the milf, our enemy, THE SUSPICIOUS GLOWING BEAM makes a blooping noise and approaches the earth from space, then hits the earth and explodes.

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

#monsterdon Teehee... Chemtrails at Strategic Air Command... wheeeee someone left the toilet void doors open.

"just give me a motorcycle stunt, no context"

#monsterdon

Spiders find Jesus
#monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON Goodbye!

GO TEAM SPIDER!

Thank you @Taweret for hosting this low-rent lecherous loser of a film!

🕷️ and thanks @Cherizilla for the Bingo card! My fave: "Sideburns".

🕸️ And to all the members of the Real Time Film Analysis Squad: You created a web of absurdity upon which we could dine on the likes of pervs and phone-preoccupied police. Again, great commentary!

Everyone, next week, let's unbutton one extra button and post a pic!

@justabean@hellsite.site Spiders (from the spider dimension) are god's punishment. Maybe.

#Monsterdon #GiantSpiderInvasion

Afterward, we hear the annoying preacher guy spout some biblical nonsense, comparing the giant spider to the plagues sent to Egypt in Exodus. Which might have been more appropriate if it tied into the themes of the movie at all.

I guess you could get all biblical by saying that the characters were sinners, but they weren't like... particularly Pharaohonic?

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

Since mortal weapons have not availed us, the science masters come to our rescue and shoot the spider with a flare, which I think signals that the neutron gun should shoot it, which it does, causing it to melt into gross spider pudding. A victory for team humanity?

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

Should we start a GoFundMe for a better ending? #monsterdon

#monsterdon *sheriff deputy firing an entire handgun clip into a moose-sized giant spider, then spends like five minutes trying to punch it* Look, you're not winning this fight, you should walk away. This is like trying to kick a small whale. You're not going to... oh never mind, you finally got yourself eaten, good job.

#monsterdon ACAB, and now we learn that ASAH. All Spiders Are Heroes.

@Cherizilla "Spiders are our friends" #monsterdon

Explain the origin of the monster in #TheGiantSpiderInvasion :

#Monsterdon

I appreciate how the makers of this movie needed the giant spider to make a high pitched wailing noise whenever its wandering around looking for people to eat.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

I feel like this is what the Godmonster would be if the monster(s) were actually dangerous

#Monsterdon #GiantSpiderInvasion

The Monolith Monsters doesn't seem so bad now

#monsterdon

The scientists keep snooping around like the main cast of scooby doo, and eventually find the black hole, smoldering in a corn field, where you expect black holes to be. They also find a dead body and then panic and wander back to their car. They call the sheriff, who complains about mobs of people running around trying to destroy the spider.

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

Also Meanwhile, a state fair is happening and people we haven't seen before are having a nice time, until a Giant Spider wanders in and starts chasing and probably eating them. We get a nice Panicked Chase Scene of a bunch of people running away from a giant spider puppet.

The Rotund Sheriff hears about this and does a sensible thing and calls the national guard.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

Lol, I bet all the extras had a grand time filming that spider scene, there's perhaps a whole school of kids in there

#monsterdon

Think you'd probably need a big more than a truck full of explosives to close a wormhole, I've heard 'the rest mass of Jupiter' being mentioned on such things

Ah, the colonisers have organised an armed mob, pickup trucks and everything.....

#monsterdon

We take Terry to the hospital, and the scientists tell the rotund Sheriff (who has since found at least one body) that a giant spider is about and that they have no phial of Galadriel with which to combat it. He shows them the rock nodules that he found and hands them to the scientists so that they can investigate them.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

I guess being the nominal hero, the boy who is sadly not wearing a horse shirt drives up to Terry's house, finds it in a ruin, and shoots the spider with a shotgun to little effect, then rescues Terry and drives off.

The scientists are out for a walk when they hear this gunshot and investigate, also seeing the giant spider crawling along. Because it's a spider, it is screaming, which is a noise spiders are famous for making.

#monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

#monsterdon Jack and Jill ran up the hill, only to meet THE SPIDER, and then ran away. Like scientists.

Oh no, there is an interesting watch and now I have to identify it.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Important news, folks! Geiser’s potato chips is an extinct Milwaukee-based potato chip brand. The Geiser family started the company in the 1930s. They built up a factory operation on West Burleigh Street in Milwaukee, and expanded distribution across southeastern Wisconsin. A balloon-holding bear and an erupting geyser were the main icons of the brand, along with their “Be wiser, buy Geiser’s” jingle.

We now return you to giant spiders.

#monsterdon

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

GET HIM!!

#monsterdon

I hope the town Prostitute is one of the survivors, sex workers should not be expendable, incest farmers should be

Ewwww, boob shot with the creepy diamond dude....ewwww, run girl, RUN!
#monsterdon

The giant spider has some sort of cable going up? Was it operated like a giant marionette?

#monsterdon

We are saved from this scene when the Rotund Sheriff arrives, asks the Dad if he's seen a missing motorcycle guy, and he lies and says "no". We then cut to the science masters, who are hanging out with the 20-something teenage boy for reasons that are unclear, and they explain that, they have just discovered a space warp! That seems like a big deal.

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

#monsterdon This stepdaughter flirting scene is interminable and intolerable. Spiders, please, go do your thing. Forget about editing and pacing, just get to the chomping.

"Now, I'm .... "

[zoom in on cleavage]

KILL EVERYONE NOW PLEASE

#monsterdon

Oh and because this movie wants to prove me wrong, Immediately After I posted about how the spiders in #TheGiantSpiderInvasion are merely large and not gigantic, we finally get some verifiable giant spiders.

The milfy mom stumbles about at night and finds a spider of unusual size in her dresser drawer, and then is attacked by another one that jumps on her for a shelf. I hope she was okay because she seemed pretty nice actually.

#monsterdon

Sketchy dad then goes for a walk and a large but not gigantic spider crawls on him and bites him; he retaliates by killing it with his shovel, and then goes to see his mistress, the Medically Helpful Harlot. Meanwhile the milfy mom is grumpy and brushes her hair.

Also, while all this is happening more of the dirt nodules are hatching and large spiders are crawling forth menacingly.

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

#monsterdon #thegiantspiderinvasion

Spiders poop diamonds… it’s physics.

Meanwhile, the sketchy dad and the milfy mom have found some little dirt nodules in the crater. They crack one open and a big but not gigantic spider craws out, then wanders away to spooky music. This starts a trend in this movie where whenever a spider appears a spooky music happens. Undeterred, they crack open another one and find some jewels.

the milfy mom assumes that the dad will share this wealth, but he doesn't want to, because he's a jerk.

#Monsterdon #TheGiantSpiderInvasion

A DEAD MIME

#monsterdon

Spiders are surveying their new home. Taking measurements & considering what to redecorate & what just needs to be demolished. #monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🕷 #GiantSpiderInvasion NASA, Nassau... yep, I am losing brain cells watching this

Because of all the weird shit, I forgot to mention that unlike most #monsterdon movies, #TheGiantSpiderInvasion is set in the 1970s, as best demonstrated by the 20-something teenage boy's shirt, which is made of horses, by the widespread prevalence of 70s mustaches, by other fashion choices, and by stock footage of Saturn V rockets and other 70s technologies.

@Taweret@octodon.social no jury would convict you
#monsterdon

This movie is rotary phone porn.

#monsterdon

The real horror movie is that room decor. #monsterdon

A mysterious hieroglyph from the ancient past.
#Monsterdon

okay I want these people to die horribly

#monsterdon

....kill me. Do it now. #Monsterdon