LOL THE FUCKING GUINEA PIG!

#Monsterdon

Don’t worry honey… this guillotine is only for chopping wood

#theasphyx #monsterdon

I need a guillotine!

#monsterdon #theasphyx

#monsterdon It would be totally hilarious if this is the start of the entire vampire lore chain. Sure he's immortal, but to maintain his bodies new state, he needs to *feed on blood* in order to maintain his non-goopy state, his static immortality. So, we might have a through-line to the entire Dracula movies.

"You must understand what compels me!"

Yeah, duh, the pursuit and continuation of your own power. #Monsterdon

His coffin was air-tight, just like his logic.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

@Zerofactorial

Even an Aztec mummy would liven this film up

#Monsterdon

feels like the pace of developments has picked up, I guess with 20 minutes left they realized that a movie usually has like, events in it

no way they can pay this one off

#Monsterdon

Ikea hex nuts on the coffin #Monsterdon

None of us was meant to be immortal. And that's why vaccines are bad! *starts licking doorknobs* #monsterdon

"Tighten the straps across my thighs...."

"This is why you were asking me about programming socks, isn't it?"

#monsterdon

Nothing can go wrong. The plan is foolproof. For eternity. #monsterdon

if you experience an asphyx lasting longer than 4 hours, please contact a doctor

#monsterdon #theasphyx

My two tests for immortality are "what happens if you're in a nuclear blast" and "what happens if your spaced"

#Monsterdon

"Are you afraid of facing everlasting life with me?"

Well, you do suck, so

#Monsterdon

THRILL! TO the exciting Deleted Wax Sealing Scene!

#monsterdon

Why would she put a domesticated rodent outside in an English winter? Alternatively, why would she snuggle a wild rodent? Either way is fucky. #Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

"This seems like ssomething I could be arrested for. You need to sign a statment saying your cool with it." #monsterdon

That's an "oh shit did I leave the oven on" look on the assistant's face if I ever saw one

#Monsterdon

Y'know, it occurs to me that trapping the Grim Reaper follows the same basic rules as Pokemon. #Monsterdon

Not rooting for this guy to achieve immortality. The guinea pig, fine.
This guy, nope.
#monsterdon

Bunnicula! Well, guinea pig-ula. #Monsterdon

It's quite an achievement to write dialogue this boring, I don't know how you'd do it #monsterdon

He's going to profess his undying love for Giles in the back of the carriage, isn't he?

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

Why that puppet mfer low key look like Darkstalker Kaathe
#monsterdon

lol, walking in your husband and FiL doing fuck knows what to some sickly man in the lounge

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon He's got a fever for the flavor of Pringles! GET MY CAMERA!

"bury me in the Earth, so I feed the soil, my life has been worthless"

drama queen, just go to bed...

#Monsterdon

This is how the Posh get away with avoiding taxes and things, they take some bureaucrat out for dinner and then the problem goes away...

#Monsterdon

"Find me a guinea pig"

See, that how far behind this cut is :)

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

In victorian times, upper class people could just take whatever lower-class people they wanted, it was their right

#Monsterdon

Don't worry, asshole landlord guy, they're not gonna cure him, they just wanna watch him die.

VICTORIANS! #Monsterdon

Fun fact: it was originally Schroedinger's Asphyx

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

Ghostbusters (1984) totally ripped off this idea

#Monsterdon

You know how much I care about these theories? No much is how much

#Monsterdon

Yeah yeah, just pull the spotlight out of the TARDIS and get to it #Monsterdon

who up using they light booster

#Monsterdon

...Why is it always torturing cats with these movies? :/ #Monsterdon

"Open Science" mutherfuckers, share that shit!

#Monsterdon

Victorian Steve Coogan #Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

I wonder what the smudge is up to

#Monsterdon

They convicted the guy of pinching pies from windowsills. #Monsterdon

Maybe "snuff film" is just a mispronunciation of "smudge film"

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

@diazona the inbreeding of the upper classes #Monsterdon

Oh right it takes time to develop film in bumfuck times

#Monsterdon

Stop smirking, Clive, you're supposed to be dead. #Monsterdon

"So," the director asked the actor, "How do you feel about spiders?" #Monsterdon

"Look at him, he's behaving just like a school boy!"

"Yes, he appears to be reading letters from some Forum. It must be on the very top of a tall building, perhaps in a Penthouse..."

#monsterdon

That smudge is the murderer!!!

#monsterdon #theasphyx

"To see the rest of the manga, please support my Kickstarter!"

#monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

"Sir, we're not interested in your amateur manga!"

#monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

#Monsterdon They didn't even try to disguise this one: Fake Medvedev proposes killing the monster with Polonium.

this was a Team Rocket-level plan.

#monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

@Configures @klu9 #monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

the British politician's actor is from Tennessee USA lolz

oops got caught up in the second #monsterdon feature (which looks really good!) and pecan pie, here now for #Whiteshadow with #Catitstu.

I remember The X-Files 6X10 “Tithonus” being similar to The Asphyx in some ways, besides the mythological connection.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

OOOH i get it. that lil kid had a Guilalipop!

#monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

I'm still trying to figure out how I even felt about this movie. Like... Every single aspect of the process was just them bumbling instead of just using their heads like the supposed scientists they were pretending to be.

Who's first thought in a literal life or death situation is "you know, that first thing worked pretty well, but let me try something a little more complicated next instead?"

And then to do it again...

And why did the death of everyone he loved and cared about (except the guinea pig he never even bothered to name) mean "yes, I definitely want to live forever now"?

And I still need to know why his face melted with age, but the guinea pig's did not...

#Monsterdon

No coffee, but we did have smoking!

Really bad old age makeup.

Immortal guinea pig. Bow down before them.

Giles flambe. Decapitation, Death by drowning (and being sucked over the weir) and by branch-to-the-head-bonk. And tuberculosis.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

they forgor to show the French person going: "Sacre Bleu!" and the German person going: "Mein Gott!"

#monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

I made it! I'm free of the Asphyx! AHAHAHAAAA 🚘💥🪦

(Big thanks to @Taweret for hosting these madcap adventures and all of #Monsterdon for making it hilarious.)

Film summary clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4ofaP4rDxY

Bananas kaiju alert! Raaaaaaar
#Monsterdon

I actually kind of enjoyed The Asphyx. It had a decent story, reminiscent of 19th century sci-fi; decent acting, albeit a bit melodramatic, as was the custom for the period; and good, simple practical effects. It was rough around the edges, but overall, not bad.

As always, thanks @Taweret for hosting, @cherizilla for bingo, @JoeWynne for drinks, @ryan for the stream, and all of you for making it awesome!

Cheers!

#Monsterdon

I want you all to know that I had "autoerotic asphyxiation" queued up for that end scene for DAYS and then like three of you go and ruin it by throwing "asphyxiation" out early xD

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

Wow, he aged really badly. Undead guinea pig still looks pretty good though. Must be diet.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

"meanwhile, back at the G8 Summit...."
#monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

new challenge. we must all learn to do this dance.

#monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

@nev @Taweret @JoeWynne @ryan It's so rude, his last words were such bangers, too

and this guy just sets fire to them unread

asshole

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

I wonder how many time an Asphyx sauntered off pissed and muttering because the person was just a magician

#Monsterdon

@Ranjit Yes, it's a Final Destination prequel #monsterdon

That film didn't bring us immortality.... it just FELT like it!

As someone who voted for it (eventually, just to make it stop appearing in the polls), I accept full responsibility and will now retire to my drawing room guillotine

#Monsterdon

The renders and viewings on https://miru.miyaku.media/ are always amazing. Currently Japanese insanity. #monsterdon

@jonny Also, he's a man of science with fancy mechanical and chemical equipment. The worst case is what, a matter of days?

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

@diazona @CactuarJoe There’s no way it’s the worst #Monsterdon.

Well that was a real squeaker of a film

(Honestly though, the variety of deaths was kind of impressive)

Thanks everyone for the laughs! Thanks to @Taweret for hosting! :)

SMUDGE YA LATER

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

Seriously. You could have done that 80 minutes ago movie. #monsterdon

We asked for this movie. I asked for it. We got what we deserved. Another bad movie. Not the worst, but still pretty damn bad.
#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

What a waste of those sets and props and costumes and character actors! Classic #Monsterdon

The guinea pig looks great for being like 150 years old

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

The movie ends with the most ridiculous implausible traffic accident.

#monsterdon

How can we ensure the glass reads on camera? Let's smear it with white shoe polish. #monsterdon

@Bluedepth

British, so Heath Robinson

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W._Heath_Robinson

#Monsterdon

The moral of the story is being too enthused about taking pictures of people at the point of death may have unintended side effects which you should discuss with your mental health provider #monsterdon

...Wow, that was an abrupt ending even for #Monsterdon.

He shoulda gone with Death by Orgasm instead.

#monsterdon

"We made sure that nothing can go wrong." Heard that before.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

Dude was at ground zero for thermonuclear devastation. And then he's under the debris.

#monsterdon

This time we have a failsafe. We learned from yesterday’s death. #Monsterdon

@Taweret variety?

#Monsterdon

@klu9 @Taweret Or was it Temu? Oh God... #Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

He's gonna take it up the ass

phyx

#Monsterdon

... and Giles grew up to be David Bowie, the end

#Monsterdon

RELEASE MY ASS

fix

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

#Monsterdon🧐🏡🤵‍♂️ 💀 👻 🧴 😱

so it only took i.e. two days and one guillotine accident to get Sir what's his what to renounce his immortality?

What is UP with these Victorian Gentlemen and coming up with novel ways to die? #Monsterdon

"release your asphix" is a metaphor for farting

#Monsterdon

so if you're trying to guillotine someone but don't want to actually kill them, make sure there are no guinea pigs in the room

that's the message of this film

#monsterdon

They interned her in two coffins, one big, and one about the size of a bowling bag

#Monsterdon

Honey, I Guillotined The Kids!

#monsterdon #theasphyx

This movie is an allegory about AI, isn't it?

#monsterdon