This Is Just To Say
I have trapped
the asphyx
that was in
the light beam
and which
you were probably
saving
for your death
Forgive me
it was transparent
so glowy
and so shrieky
The whole house has been painstakingly molded from rich milk chocolate
yep, that's a fingerprint
that too
also a fingerprint
you're really bad at handling negatives, do you know that, Clyde?
can we watch a spinoff about the newly immortal guinea pig and its adventures?
need to be real careful with immortality. myth of Tithonus I'm tellin ya
Is it too much to ask that this movie just kind of take a left turn and become about the immortal guinea pig
I feel like the last couple decades have conclusively refuted the idea you can galvanize people by showing them the horrifying acts committed in their name. #Monsterdon
...has anyone said "Monsterdonton Abbey" yet
WHAT IS #MONSTERDON ?
it's a weekly watch party
every Sunday at 8PM CT (2AM Monday UTC)
every week we vote on a B movie, usually something with a monster or at least aliens
the movie is always something available on a free streaming site like Pluto or Tubi or such
we all start the movie at the same time and post about it with the hashtag #monsterdon
also follow the hashtag #monsterdonalert for polls, updates and announcements
The guinea pig is okay and that's the important thing.
Still suffering with the Extended Cut of The Asphyx here. I am in agony.
I will do early thanks to @Taweret for running our event, @JoeWynne for the trivia and @cherizilla for the bingo!
Meanwhile..... kill me please. I can't deal with all of these death scenes.
We've replaced the cobalt chloride crystals with Folger's Instant Crystals.
Let's see if our victim notices!
#Monsterdonπ§π‘π€΅ββοΈ π π» 𧴠π±
Look. If you're immortal you can definitely figure out the combination of a combination lock. You literally have all of time to do this. You can try every possible combination.
Okay, I do believe we have fully crossed the line from Troubled Doctor to Mad Scientist. #Monsterdon
Don't think if it as tubercYOUlosis, think of it as tubercOURlosis
Shake yo ass...phyx.
π¦#MONSTERDON Goodbye!
β€οΈ Thank you @Taweret for hosting this deadly dazzler!
π ±οΈ and thanks @cherizilla for the Bingo card! My fave: "Instant regret"
π¦And to all the members of the Real Time Film Analysis Squad: This one really was made significantly better by your commentary. Until next week, keep your guinea pig close!
He turned into a burned sausage. The guinea pig aged like a fine wine. End of film
#Monsterdon
the movie stream crashed and i didn't notice for a couple minutes. it's that exciting
Great, so somewhere out there in the English countryside is an immortal guinea pig. Probably biting people on the ankle and draining the blood from their bodies. #Monsterdon
#monsterdon "But why pursue immortality?"
Fictional characters always say this.
@cd0 I keep waiting for the third Doctor to show up
Itβs all well and good until Dickless shuts down the containment grid. #Monsterdon
#monsterdon "By the way, I also recorded the hanging with my experimental motion picture camera"
"Can I see it?"
"No."
Great. Good thinking telling him at all.
"Darling is something wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I'm sorry, I shoudln't have asked."
"Well, there is one thing. My colleagues... and I.... are rather constipated."
It's times like these I'm reminded of what an excellent scientist I actually am
and I'm not even a scientist
@Taweret flat-pack guillotines were a thing, that was tillmΓΆtesgΓ₯ from Ikea
like did he have someone over to install a guillotine in his house? did he order from a catalogue? how did that work?
also please PLEASE please do not ever put a pet/lab rodent into the wild. they cannot survive there, it's just a painful and generally slow death.
I believe the same holds true for other animals, but it's distressingly common with rodents, probably from families whose children have lost interest and whose parents have no empathy.
...So if they trap his Death, does his tuberculosis go away or does he just have Undead Tuberculosis forever? #Monsterdon
π¦#MONSTERDON ποΈ
π» π TRIVIAPHYX π» π
In South America, there is bone evidence suggesting Guinea pig domestication as early as 11,000 BCE. They eventually became a big part of culture, including use in rituals and healing.
In 2019, archeologists found 100 pigs that were used in a ritual where they were decorated with colorful earrings and necklaces made with string. Some were wrapped in small rugs.
#monsterdon I think the biggest flaw in the film is that none of his ironic fate was the result of immortality OR hubris.
He just had extremely lax laboratory procedures.
@yatsu It's got some stiff competition. I think it was mostly just kind of boring, the CONCEPT was okay. I think we should let Guillermo del Toro take a swing at it. #Monsterdon
well okay, for a movie about immortality that sure did end
@CactuarJoe I feel like there's a wide range between "worst #Monsterdon" and "not that bad"
I guess this guy is not acquainted with the myth of Tithonus
"Before I go, I would like to ask one thing... what the fuck?" #monsterdon
Come to laboratory in next 15 minutes if you want an Asphyx-whoopinβ
Look this is fine if, if he wants to make an army of immortal rodents let the man cook
this scene has all the excitement of watching one person tell another person how to straighten a picture frame
he said the name of the movie and i have never been less excited
#monsterdon
Extremely strong entry for Upper Class Twit of the Year. #Monsterdon
The Japanese prime minister's stomach problems are a jab at PM Abe, who quit in his first term because he had a tummy ache. #Monsterdon
#monsterdon Imagine discovering a chemical process that creates energy, but the only reactant that's consumed is water.
That might have some other uses, even if immortality turns out to be a bad idea.
That was not awful.
High praise for a #Monsterdon movie.
Well, that was fun.
Too bad we were all on different versions, so it kind of broke #Monsterdon.
I think I'm glad I was on one of the shorter cuts, though. It's not that deep of a story. I don't need the extended director's cut.
Actually, that's true of almost all films, really. Directors are the only ones who thing films need to be longer.
#monsterdon You think this really had the combination?
I assumed it would say "Fuck you."
#monsterdon I can't imagine locking the asphyx containment mechanism away.
There's no way that mechanism will work forever.
I like to think that the guinea pig will be chasing him through the world, asking for carrots, forever
my cat is VERY interested any time Guinea Pig noises happen
Boy really wishing I hadn't accidentally picked the extended version, this is brutal
#monsterdon I would have chosen a method of near-death that didn't leave horrible electrical burns.
The ass-fixer has become the ass-fixee!
#monsterdon So many of these movies involve rich people fussing around in their catacombs.
"I see dead people" - these dudes, probably
How come nothingβs ever based on one of *my* original ideas. #Monsterdon
The British should try using the World's Funniest Joke.
@aburka @diazona in 5 min it convinced me we need more comedies about the G8 #monsterdon
If this movie had any people left to kill it would get up to truly Rube Goldbergian levels of complexity. #Monsterdon
So uh yeah that was just as fucking stupid an idea as it seemed
So the last third of this movie is a roaring rampage of revenge for all guinea pig-kind, right #Monsterdon
@glitzersachen but i want the immortal guinea pig to ride a skateboard
#monsterdon
So daddy's been strapped down, shocked, and confined in a coffin overnight. I think that's the bondage triple crown, yeah. #Monsterdon
Oh sure, let's make Victorian Man immortal. Can't wait to see how he reacts to Cheetos, neutron bombs, and Infotainment. #Monsterdon
#monsterdon It's kinda funny. If the Asphyx can't claim his soul, then it's trapped in his body, so it's not really immortality, it's just not-dying. Which is kinda Dorian Gray of him, without the ganky painting.
"If I'm to have ANY chance of getting decent cosmetic surgery for this scarring, I'm going to HAVE to make it into at least the second half of the twentieth century. Now PULL THE GODDAMN LEVER!"
π¦#MONSTERDON ποΈ
π» π TRIVIAPHYX π» π
REVIEWS!!
"...an unrewarding endurance test"
- The Monthly Film Bulletin
"...a mostly intriguing mashup of Victorian ghost story and steampunk revisionism..."
- Budd Wilkins (Slant Magazine)
"...unfortunately marred by a weak script and unimaginative direction."
- TV Guide
the problem for me here is that this movie's premise is fairly interesting but the delivery is VERY BORING
@CactuarJoe This is an excellent question that maybe someone in the movie should stop to consider.
if he starts flipping a coin, Warner Bros gonna sue.
You people voting for a British movie and expecting anything other but a lot of talking and very very little action...
"I want to keep the moving pictures for my own purpose."
Yeah yeah, into the spank bank for the grim reaper. #Monsterdon
π¦#MONSTERDON ποΈ
π» π TRIVIAPHYX π» π
πͺ¦ European artists connected hooded robes, skeletal figures and scythes with death as early as the 14th century, typically associated with the Black Death of the time.
Some cultures associated death with a female character others as a male character.
π Putting all three features above together as the "Grim Reaper" arose only during 19th century.
#monsterdon Neat how he switched to a second camera angle!
"You must never tell Christina!"
Oh come on, you're hardly the first man to be producing suspicious photos in the basement in this era. #Monsterdon
βZoom in. Enhance! Zoom in on the face! ENHANCE!β
Is that Eric Idle in the front row?
She will give him children but she didn't tell him where she'll get them, suspicious
Hot Victorian action! Ankles showing! Buttons undone!
#Monsterdon Take-Majin, the god who comes to save the day is played by comedian Beat Takeshi, better known to non-Japanese as film director Takeshi KITANO. We never see his face, but the paintings we see in Sumireβs βvisionβ clearly show caricatures of Takeshiβs familiar face.
@CactuarJoe it was competent but a little slow, and who among us can't identity with that? #Monsterdon
My feeds are blowing up with #Monsterdon and I have absolutely no idea what's going on.
I love it!
@Taweret so apropos of nothing in particular did you know there is a "Random Swedish Words Generator" that describes itself as "About Random Swedish Words Generator This random Swedish words generator can help you quickly generate Swedish words for free. " You never know when you might need a free random Swedish word
Still going on the director's cut
If anyone sees my Asphyx wandering around, please give it directions
'orrible jus' 'orrible
lol
#monsterdon
#Monsterdonπ§π‘π€΅ββοΈ π π» 𧴠π±
please let the immortal guinea pig be in the car with immortal sir what's his what when they get into that car crash in 1972 and they both survive
#monsterdon It's a Rube Goldberg suicide machine jamboree!
"Giles!?"
Don't worry, he's here. All over the walls. #Monsterdon
why do these guys keep coming up with new ways to kill someone being immortalized when the very first thing they tried worked pretty well?
...So you guys didn't want to do this the way you've already proven works? You wanted to add in an unknown variable? Okay, I can't imagine THAT'S gonna cause a problem, go ahead and lop the head off your ONLY BELOVED DAUGHTER #Monsterdon
Ray, the next time an online entity asks you if you've seen The Asphyx, you say YES
...Or at least until the water stops flowing.
You guys just created a Phylactery is all :/ #Monsterdon
"You've spoken of the debt you owe me. If you mean what you say, there's no turning back."
Now ZAP MY BRAINS OUT, son! #Monsterdon