"You've spoken of the debt you owe me. If you mean what you say, there's no turning back."

Now ZAP MY BRAINS OUT, son! #Monsterdon

"Father? OH MY GOD I am SO sorry, I had no idea you were into leather like that D:" #Monsterdon

okay but what if the house gets torn down or something, with the asphyx locked in the room?

#monsterdon

oh no he is going to be jokerified

#Monsterdon

the noise of the ass fix is unbearable #monsterdon

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[bullshit dialogue]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

#Monsterdon

Ask not for whom the ass fixes, it fixes for thee

#Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️
 
  👻 💀 TRIVIAPHYX 👻 💀

Guinea pigs evolved to live in the harsh mountain environment of the Andes. They are social and live in burrows as "herds". They communicate via squeals, chirps, purrs and other vocalizations.

The chubby fuzzbuckets we know today are shaped from thousands of years of domestication.

#TheAsphyx1972

I hope no rodents or other animals were abused in making this, but 1972 is… not a *great* sign for this

#Monsterdon

Guinea pig staring at the camera like "Yeah, fuck you too." #Monsterdon

@moira #monsterdon

iirc it was done to help people die faster.

Aaaand then spontaneous crocodile attack. #Monsterdon

This Movie makes me feel like I'm in the process of dying.

#monsterdon

I’m not sure “preposterous” is my first reaction to someone saying “I photograph the dead.” #Monsterdon

forensic smudge analyst

#Monsterdon

Strong HUH?? opener so far. A train, an automobile, and "oh my god, an alive guy!"

#Monsterdon

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF ASPHYX

#Monsterdon

Unexpectedly upbeat music. #Monsterdon

@Zerofactorial @Taweret @SnoopJ why does it dance? the closing monologue suggested their control over immortality had to do with mastery of time. are looping rhythmic movements the way their communication appears to us since they are intertemporal beings? like we can only see the full gesture by scrolling backwards and forwards through time, but the gesture is a four-dimensional construct natively #monsterdon

@SnoopJ @Taweret do they take people? where do they go? can you come back? is it friendly like a guardian, or malevolent? #monsterdon

@Terencio @ricci 100 years later and every car is powered by an Assphix while Immortals walk the Earth. #MOnsterdon

@Lazarou @ricci #monsterdon

not only that, but what is the Asphyx? Where does it go? what is it made out of? can we communicate with it? etc.

The look, the touch of velvet... the lapels of our lives

#monsterdon

@ramsey @diazona It had an immortal gerbil, it CAN'T be the worst. That little guy was delightful. #Monsterdon

Hugo plans, and Hugo schemes

Hugo bites, Hugo chews it

#monsterdon

Nice, he ended up looking like shit but the guinea pig was still fab!

#monsterdon

I do wish we coulda seen what Giles wrote cause I'm sure it wasnt the combo

well that wasn't too bad. Bit slow, but then it's 1970s Britain so we couldn't afford fast plots. Have pity.

#Monsterdon

this movie better end with the Guinea Pig saying: "Th- th- th- that's Ass, phix!"

#monsterdon

And the guinea pig waits, and watches. #Monsterdon

This why we have a strict “no rodents in the guillotine room” policy

#monsterdon #theasphyx

#monsterdon
I hope the envelope he gave him has a note that says "eat my asphyx"

@SnoopJ like wouldn't... asphyxiation... be a pretty controllable and abortable method for catching... your asphyx... #monsterdon

You wouldn't think a movie about outsmarting death itself could be so frickin' dull. So many long conversations, so many lime green rooms. #Monsterdon

Very slowly release the blade to stretch out the terror

#Monsterdon

Just because something never dies, doesn't make it wrong. Why, look at disco

#Monsterdon

I cannot get over how intensely stupid using a guillotine for this is. I _can't_. Jesus fucking christ.

I mean, they could do anything. They say autoerotic asphyxiation is a terrible way to die. Let's find out.

But no. Guillotine.

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

On the other hand, that's a helluva origin story for the girl with the green ribbon. #Monsterdon

Extended cut watchers: “If *only* this incredibly slow film could somehow be longer”

#theasphyx #monsterdon

#monsterdon I like how they use a different death method each time.

No point sticking with what you know works.

The last third of this film is just people grabbing this woman and dragging her around :/ #Monsterdon

Fun fact: one of the Cenobites in the 2022 remake of Hellraiser was named for this movie.

#Monsterdon

Introvert asphyx is happy to finally be left alone in its little box

#theasphyx #monsterdon

He's immortal now, but he kind of smells like a pork roast. #Monsterdon

@trixter @CactuarJoe I guess they don't make movies about people who stop to consider things

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

“But why pursue immortality?” I would have said it’s pretty common for people to not want to die. #Monsterdon

Who wants to live foreveeeeer #monsterdon

what's worse, the noise of the ass fix or the sound of these guys talking #monsterdon

"One day I will explain."

You see, women in Victorian England were basically considered very tall children, my dear. That's why I'm such a condescending prick to you *pats hand* #Monsterdon

#monsterdon "Turn the box towards the Asphix! But not really, that's not how this special effect works!"

"I went into the laboratory."

I saw your muppet, did you rob Jim Henson? #Monsterdon

There was a big jump from "taking pictures of the Assphix" to building an immortality machine, wasn't there?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #theasphyx

#monsterdon A hanging? Ghastly! Mmmmm... can I bring my camera, maybe a box of kleenex… a pot of... coffee…?

"Photograph a hanging?"

C'mon doc, it'll get a million views on TikTok! #Monsterdon

"Unspeakable torment!"

*inexplicable flute in the background*

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon “I’m sad, but my barely disguised fetish is about to be stroked so it only looks like I'm constipated…”

Wow, you got a zoom lens on that caveman rig? #Monsterdon

Honestly surprised we didn't get a spurt of ketchup when he hit the branch. #Monsterdon

DO sit down, don't stand on ceremony! The ceremony can't take your weight...

#monsterdon

I’ve been playing Blue Prince all week so I keep wanting to check the prints on the wall for one-letter differences. #Monsterdon

My god, this man's still alive! We expect all men to be dead!

Immediately goes into.... romantic theme music???

#monsterdon

oh no.... The Germans are gonna...

#monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

@RobynGoodfellow goddamn this is a hard choice, because asphyx guy blew up pretty good

but bear definitely blew up funnier, and that's important

#monsterdon #theasphyx

that is the worst English accent I have ever heard.

#monsterdon #WrongAsphyx

I didn't know this was going to be proto-Ghostbusters

#Monsterdon

@jonny Are you suggesting that this movie has some gaps in logic #monsterdon

@CactuarJoe i mean, it WAS that bad, but i'm not sure it was The Worst.

#monsterdon

INCREDIBLE IMMORTALITY PROSTHETICS ALERT #MONSTERDON

Alright folks, one last question before you flee the theater:

Was THE ASPHYX (1972) the worst #Monsterdon movie EVER? Vote, and immortality can be yours! (Guinea pig not included)

@amyfou Good(?) news

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

Surely in 100 years there is no way to figure out how to get through that door

#Monsterdon

Okay, that's an ending.

But it leaves me with more questions than answers. Like, couldn't you just go and put in the long term search/demolition work to find that coffin with your asphyx?

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

Death by snu-snu would’ve been a lot more fun, but whatever

#theasphyx #monsterdon #futurama

the movie ends with a shockingly dangerous stunt that has almost no payoff

that's a wreck, for sure. what a snoozefest!

have a nice week y'all

#Monsterdon

Just him and the guinea pig now, walking the Earth, solving mysteries............

#Monsterdon

I actually kind of dig the immortal torment they are building up to for this guy, not bad

#Monsterdon

HA HA HA

HE WENT UP LIKE THE BEAR IN GRIZZLY :D :D :D #Monsterdon

Rock salt? He's plotting to give the asphyx high blood pressure! #Monsterdon

That was actually amazing

#Monsterdon

LOL THE FUCKING GUINEA PIG!

#Monsterdon

Don’t worry honey… this guillotine is only for chopping wood

#theasphyx #monsterdon

I need a guillotine!

#monsterdon #theasphyx

#monsterdon It would be totally hilarious if this is the start of the entire vampire lore chain. Sure he's immortal, but to maintain his bodies new state, he needs to *feed on blood* in order to maintain his non-goopy state, his static immortality. So, we might have a through-line to the entire Dracula movies.

"You must understand what compels me!"

Yeah, duh, the pursuit and continuation of your own power. #Monsterdon

His coffin was air-tight, just like his logic.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

@Zerofactorial

Even an Aztec mummy would liven this film up

#Monsterdon

feels like the pace of developments has picked up, I guess with 20 minutes left they realized that a movie usually has like, events in it

no way they can pay this one off

#Monsterdon

Ikea hex nuts on the coffin #Monsterdon

None of us was meant to be immortal. And that's why vaccines are bad! *starts licking doorknobs* #monsterdon

"Tighten the straps across my thighs...."

"This is why you were asking me about programming socks, isn't it?"

#monsterdon

Nothing can go wrong. The plan is foolproof. For eternity. #monsterdon

if you experience an asphyx lasting longer than 4 hours, please contact a doctor

#monsterdon #theasphyx

My two tests for immortality are "what happens if you're in a nuclear blast" and "what happens if your spaced"

#Monsterdon

"Are you afraid of facing everlasting life with me?"

Well, you do suck, so

#Monsterdon

THRILL! TO the exciting Deleted Wax Sealing Scene!

#monsterdon

Why would she put a domesticated rodent outside in an English winter? Alternatively, why would she snuggle a wild rodent? Either way is fucky. #Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

"This seems like ssomething I could be arrested for. You need to sign a statment saying your cool with it." #monsterdon

That's an "oh shit did I leave the oven on" look on the assistant's face if I ever saw one

#Monsterdon

Y'know, it occurs to me that trapping the Grim Reaper follows the same basic rules as Pokemon. #Monsterdon

Not rooting for this guy to achieve immortality. The guinea pig, fine.
This guy, nope.
#monsterdon