Like a jerk, he takes the top bunk too.

#monsterdon #theangryredplanet

The 50s audience gasps as they realize the only way back is for a woman to drive. #Monsterdon

the professor just gave up and died?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Ship? ... Out of Danger?

lol, listen carefully

The woman passes out immediately.

Well the message was for the MEN of Earth...

#Monsterdon

is this guy having a heart attack in space???

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Electricity is LOUD!

that's some very angry jello out there.

#monsterdon

He's going to electrofy the ship, isn't he? I'm sure it will be fine. #monsterdon

"well we gotta do something?"

just sit here waiting to die? that's about the speed of the rest of this film.

#monsterdon

Salt. Throw some salt at it.

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

You're sure it's a single cell organism?

That beast as big as a city block?

You determined that just by looking?

#monsterdon

I can't actually tell what's happening to the colonel, but I see that it's very red. And very angry.

#Monsterdon

Poor Sam is consumed by…a gelatinous cube?

#Monsterdon

Anyway, the astronauts start rowing toward the martian city, which consists of minimalist looking spires coming out of the water, when a big sea creature that is also a tentacle monster surfaces in front of them and rotates its eyes like a radar, so the astronauts say "Nope!" and row their boat back to land, but the tentacle monster is chasing them, so they run into their rocket, but the monster grabs one of the boys and eats him by inserting him into its jello pouch.

#monsterdon

Blobfish

#monsterdon

we're gonna need a bigger boat #monsterdon

lol @rotating eye

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon When they just showed the bubbles, I thought for a second we were going to see a weather balloon like from The Prisoner.

Knowing what the astronauts know now, I would assume that the Martians want to keep the rocket trapped on Mars for investigation purposes and would expect some kind of probe to analyze them.

#monsterdon

We turn off the rocket to not waste fuel, then the professor does a science and determines that they're being held by a gravitational force field, and we conclude that means aliens are keeping us her.

So we pull out an inflatable boat and use it to paddle across the lake and after some paddling we see some aliens in our funnel binoculars.

#monsterdon

"Once we abandoned Capitalism, we built glorious cities and homes for everyone!" - the Martians

#Monsterdon

No seatbelts or nothin

#Monsterdon

We go back to the rocket and then decide to leave, instead of staying the full five days. I'm not really sure why they made this decision, since they haven't encountered any danger that they couldn't get out of. But I guess they got some information and they're scared, so they decide to leave.

But when they try to leave their rockets blast off but the ship does not move and instead just vibrates there like a massive upright vibrator.

#monsterdon

ah fuck, forgot the parking brake was on #monsterdon

Another little Martian peaking at them when they head back to the ship

#monsterdon

Aww! They playing hide and go seek with the alien. #monsterdon

Prepare for liftoff, strap in

#Monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 Busselblad cameras?

#Monsterdon

OMG they said rat/bat/spider/nightmare

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

OMG someone called her by her actual name. #monsterdon

"Tomorrow we'll bring the boat"

Oooh yah, bring the fishin' rods, see if they're bitin' up by Round Lake. Get some crappies maybe, oh yah #Monsterdon

the BOAT?!

#Monsterdon

We have 2 named female characters!
1. Iris aka Irish
2. Cleopatra the gun

Will they have a conversation about something other than a man?!

#monsterdon

The squeak rifle is having no effect captain!!! #monsterdon

YAAAAAAAAAAS!!!

#Monsterdon

I'm giving her as many high pitched beeps as I can!!!
#Monsterdon

make that noise stop now

#monsterdon

It's a low bar, but Iris *not* screaming in terror is nice

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

wait it had a bat face the entire time???

#Monsterdon

...Okay so you didn't look UP at any stage here? #Monsterdon

okay I like the giant spider with a face

#TeamGiantSpiderWithAFace

#monsterdon

I like the trippy Martian landscapes in this movie with the pointy mountains and bulbous vegetation.

#monsterdon

In the anime Irresponsible Captain Tylor, there was a pipe on a spaceship, but it was like... a ghost pipe that did ghost things. Also, it was like the far future so space travel might be easy enough to accommodate ghost pipes, as well as space ghosts.

Anyway, in this movie the professor has a pipe on Mars, but maybe he doesn't smoke it. maybe it blows bubbles.

#monsterdon

OH GOD NO! I'm back in the movie!
#monsterdon #angryredplanet

#Monsterdon My partner: Yes, light your pipe in an oxygen rich atmosphere.

Me: Well… the movie would be over.

My Partner: LIGHT YOUR PIPE IN AN OXYGEN RICH ENVIRONMENT.

Bulova clocks. Burroughs in-wall computers. Only company names starting with "BU" were permitted product placement rights in this film.

#monsterdon

lol, we get it, the planet is 'angry' and with good reason I feel, the fucking misogyny....

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon
#TheAngryRedPlanet

Shout out to HF DXers! Ionosphere mirroring mentioned!

lol, that grin is called "Sexual Harassment"

#Monsterdon

Well, we've had a big first day on Mars. Let's go take a break. #monsterdon

OMG. The chemistry between them is like sour milk.
#monsterdon

Clearly, (sigh) the aliens want to have sex with the Earth women. It's the same plot in about every other monster movie....horny, horny monsters!

There's almost some Science Fiction happening in this scene!

MARS ANTS!

#Monsterdon

"It takes a brave man to admit he's scared. And an even braver man to laugh at that man!"
#monsterdon #angryredplanet

@Lazarou

There must have been some news items about ultrasonics back then.

A lot of SF had sonic weapons in the early to mid 60s (including Star Trek).

#Monsterdon

We explore the bright red jungle and nothing happens, until the girl is attacked by a tentacle plant monster; the boys rescue her with axes and the weird freeze gun.

The girl uses her science officer skill to determine that the plant digests people, and they find another plant that has eaten an animal of some kind. Then they go back to the rocketship.

#monsterdon

This is the worst science ever

#Monsterdon

The existence of a carnivorous plant implies the existence of animals or bugs to eat
#monsterdon

Comedy Brooklyn guy

#Monsterdon

Remember in 2000 when one clled just 'Red Planet' came out at the exact same time as Mission to Mars? Red Planet was a cure for insomnia and Mission to Mars was a huge waste of talent. #monsterdon

Mars needs indie pop now

#monsterdon

@floatybirb the british mission would be making a brew right now

#Monsterdon

Okay, so Mars in this movie looks super trippy, by which I mean the spectrum goes from "black" to "red" and there are no other colors. There are weird, super trippy mountains outside and also plants everywhere in the background. After testing our microphone, we shoot a science gun at one of the plants and then shatter it, then wander into the jungle.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon I wish the captain would be a little careful with that gun

it makes no sense but honestly I kinda like the effect

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

The girl tells everyone she saw a thing. The boys decide they don't believe her, which makes her mad. Then the boys decide to go outside, and the girl is going too because she doesn't want to be left out. So they add hats and go outside.

#monsterdon

FYI the image isn't actually red. It's angry.

#Monsterdon

I’m going outside to look at the murals

#monsterdon

WE HAVE REACHED CINEMAGIC!

#Monsterdon

there's nothing inside this rocket either, and yet here we are watching the movie anyway.

#monsterdon

The Martian

#monsterdon

#monsterdon She remembered the COFFEE.

We decide that Mars is quiet outside... too quiet. That must mean that aliens are watching us. So we put on our space suits and decide to go outside.

Our space suits look more skiing onesies? Two boys tease the girl because they think the spacesuit will hide her womanly curves. Then the girl sees a glowing bug looking thing outside the window, screams, and the trauma cuts out the flashback.

#monsterdon

"Sodium Luminol."

...You want to see if she's glow in the dark? #Monsterdon

After landing we putter around the rocket doing science and bantering. We learn that in this universe, Mars has a thin atmosphere with oxygen, but not enough oxygen to support humans, but maybe it supports other animals.

We landed near the equator and decided that means that means that if there are aliens on mars, they also live near the equator for some reason.

#monsterdon

@_L1vY_

Ah.
1 Goatee
1 Woman

Also 1 pipe. Really? In a spaceship?!

#Monsterdon

GO. THE. FUCK. OUTSIDE.

#monsterdon

@ramsey yes Mars changed color. I'm not actually sure why. Maybe the red was the sunset. #monsterdon

Having landed on Mars, we open the window and determine that everything is Red. Also there is some kind of vegetation outside. We learn that the Pilot's defining character trait is that he tells weird stories that go nowhere.

#monsterdon

Red planet is now blue, the Terraforming has worked!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon They think she's being cute but they smell, and she's deploying it in self defense.

No measurement is actually true unless two different people say it

(it's more fun to ignore that there are legitimate reasons to do that)

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

gross, this movie is gross. what was that one where they had to promote the dude at the end just so he'd outrank his wife? yeah, gross.

#monsterdon

This movie predates the Bulova Accutron electronic watch by about a year. So no tuning forks.

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

Angry Red Hairdo

#Monsterdon

stolen still applies kill that man

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

"you'll know it"

eeeeuuugh eugh gross i need a shower.

#monsterdon

Title drop

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

They have been flying ONE day and he's already kissing the equipment. #monsterdon

#monsterdon Space makes Broadway look like a dark alley?

Ah yes. That famously bright place : Deep space.

"I remember when I got my first dog. Dogs are neat. That is the point of this story. Also, I am horny. lets go to a dark alley!" - Rocketship Guy
"I'm also horny!" - Rocketship Girl

#monsterdon

eww, kinda gross...

#Monsterdon

Of course the only female crewmember is in charge of feeding the boys

#Monsterdon

okay that's it next space mission 100% lesbians

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

#monsterdon

My favorite thing about space travel is the chest hair

#Monsterdon

The flashback takes us to the inside of the spaceship, which looks like the inside of an old mainframe computer, but with wacky chairs and a window that points to space.

We learn that they took off and then they saw a meteor, which looked like a red dot that missed them. It takes them no time to reach Mars. One of the boys hits on the girl, because there's a girl in this movie, then we go back to work.

#monsterdon

Is that guy doing the comedy routine actually going space mad?

#Monsterdon

Okay, so we wheel out one of the astronauts a gurney and he's mutating or something. All the records on the rocket ship were erased, but the girl is alive but unconscious, so we hope that she can tell us what the deal is.

She's like sitting in a hospital bed but stirs enough so the doctor can ask her "what happened there?" and she's like "I can't remember!" So the dudes ask her to tell us everything that happened, triggering a flashback sequence...

#monsterdon

@aburka i dunno. do traditional gender roles mutate when exposed to radiation? #monsterdon