I guess some time after setting the rocket to automatic, the girl passed out, and then we go back to the present, and learn that the last tape might have the Martian's message on it. Also, the doctor explains that an amoeba infection is eating the pilot's skin, so maybe we can save him.
The pilot wakes up in a cast and starts thrashing in his hospital bed, so the nurse gives him drugs.
"All right, all right, it's okay, you don't have to overact anymore, you'll be fine..." #Monsterdon
Like a jerk, he takes the top bunk too.
The 50s audience gasps as they realize the only way back is for a woman to drive. #Monsterdon
the professor just gave up and died?
#monsterdon Ship? ... Out of Danger?
lol, listen carefully
The woman passes out immediately.
Well the message was for the MEN of Earth...
is this guy having a heart attack in space???
#monsterdon Electricity is LOUD!
that's some very angry jello out there.
He's going to electrofy the ship, isn't he? I'm sure it will be fine. #monsterdon
"well we gotta do something?"
just sit here waiting to die? that's about the speed of the rest of this film.
Salt. Throw some salt at it.
You're sure it's a single cell organism?
That beast as big as a city block?
You determined that just by looking?
I can't actually tell what's happening to the colonel, but I see that it's very red. And very angry.
Poor Sam is consumed by…a gelatinous cube?
Anyway, the astronauts start rowing toward the martian city, which consists of minimalist looking spires coming out of the water, when a big sea creature that is also a tentacle monster surfaces in front of them and rotates its eyes like a radar, so the astronauts say "Nope!" and row their boat back to land, but the tentacle monster is chasing them, so they run into their rocket, but the monster grabs one of the boys and eats him by inserting him into its jello pouch.
Blobfish
we're gonna need a bigger boat #monsterdon
lol @rotating eye
#monsterdon When they just showed the bubbles, I thought for a second we were going to see a weather balloon like from The Prisoner.
Knowing what the astronauts know now, I would assume that the Martians want to keep the rocket trapped on Mars for investigation purposes and would expect some kind of probe to analyze them.
We turn off the rocket to not waste fuel, then the professor does a science and determines that they're being held by a gravitational force field, and we conclude that means aliens are keeping us her.
So we pull out an inflatable boat and use it to paddle across the lake and after some paddling we see some aliens in our funnel binoculars.
No seatbelts or nothin
We go back to the rocket and then decide to leave, instead of staying the full five days. I'm not really sure why they made this decision, since they haven't encountered any danger that they couldn't get out of. But I guess they got some information and they're scared, so they decide to leave.
But when they try to leave their rockets blast off but the ship does not move and instead just vibrates there like a massive upright vibrator.
ah fuck, forgot the parking brake was on #monsterdon
Another little Martian peaking at them when they head back to the ship
Aww! They playing hide and go seek with the alien. #monsterdon
Prepare for liftoff, strap in
@plaidtron3000 Busselblad cameras?
OMG they said rat/bat/spider/nightmare
OMG someone called her by her actual name. #monsterdon
"Tomorrow we'll bring the boat"
Oooh yah, bring the fishin' rods, see if they're bitin' up by Round Lake. Get some crappies maybe, oh yah #Monsterdon
the BOAT?!
We have 2 named female characters!
1. Iris aka Irish
2. Cleopatra the gun
Will they have a conversation about something other than a man?!
The squeak rifle is having no effect captain!!! #monsterdon
YAAAAAAAAAAS!!!
I'm giving her as many high pitched beeps as I can!!!
#Monsterdon
make that noise stop now
It's a low bar, but Iris *not* screaming in terror is nice
wait it had a bat face the entire time???
...Okay so you didn't look UP at any stage here? #Monsterdon
I like the trippy Martian landscapes in this movie with the pointy mountains and bulbous vegetation.
In the anime Irresponsible Captain Tylor, there was a pipe on a spaceship, but it was like... a ghost pipe that did ghost things. Also, it was like the far future so space travel might be easy enough to accommodate ghost pipes, as well as space ghosts.
Anyway, in this movie the professor has a pipe on Mars, but maybe he doesn't smoke it. maybe it blows bubbles.
OH GOD NO! I'm back in the movie!
#monsterdon #angryredplanet
#Monsterdon My partner: Yes, light your pipe in an oxygen rich atmosphere.
Me: Well… the movie would be over.
My Partner: LIGHT YOUR PIPE IN AN OXYGEN RICH ENVIRONMENT.
Bulova clocks. Burroughs in-wall computers. Only company names starting with "BU" were permitted product placement rights in this film.
lol, we get it, the planet is 'angry' and with good reason I feel, the fucking misogyny....
Shout out to HF DXers! Ionosphere mirroring mentioned!
lol, that grin is called "Sexual Harassment"
Well, we've had a big first day on Mars. Let's go take a break. #monsterdon
OMG. The chemistry between them is like sour milk.
#monsterdon
Clearly, (sigh) the aliens want to have sex with the Earth women. It's the same plot in about every other monster movie....horny, horny monsters!
There's almost some Science Fiction happening in this scene!
MARS ANTS!
"It takes a brave man to admit he's scared. And an even braver man to laugh at that man!"
#monsterdon #angryredplanet
There must have been some news items about ultrasonics back then.
A lot of SF had sonic weapons in the early to mid 60s (including Star Trek).
We explore the bright red jungle and nothing happens, until the girl is attacked by a tentacle plant monster; the boys rescue her with axes and the weird freeze gun.
The girl uses her science officer skill to determine that the plant digests people, and they find another plant that has eaten an animal of some kind. Then they go back to the rocketship.
This is the worst science ever
![[empty]](/media/avatars/287224a269fbaefbc7e94920b207f9dca8b6e0415d818373c9f1528359b6a0e8.jpg){kind=small}
The existence of a carnivorous plant implies the existence of animals or bugs to eat
#monsterdon
Comedy Brooklyn guy
Remember in 2000 when one clled just 'Red Planet' came out at the exact same time as Mission to Mars? Red Planet was a cure for insomnia and Mission to Mars was a huge waste of talent. #monsterdon
Mars needs indie pop now
@floatybirb the british mission would be making a brew right now
Okay, so Mars in this movie looks super trippy, by which I mean the spectrum goes from "black" to "red" and there are no other colors. There are weird, super trippy mountains outside and also plants everywhere in the background. After testing our microphone, we shoot a science gun at one of the plants and then shatter it, then wander into the jungle.
#monsterdon I wish the captain would be a little careful with that gun
it makes no sense but honestly I kinda like the effect
The girl tells everyone she saw a thing. The boys decide they don't believe her, which makes her mad. Then the boys decide to go outside, and the girl is going too because she doesn't want to be left out. So they add hats and go outside.
FYI the image isn't actually red. It's angry.
I’m going outside to look at the murals
WE HAVE REACHED CINEMAGIC!
there's nothing inside this rocket either, and yet here we are watching the movie anyway.
The Martian
#monsterdon She remembered the COFFEE.
We decide that Mars is quiet outside... too quiet. That must mean that aliens are watching us. So we put on our space suits and decide to go outside.
Our space suits look more skiing onesies? Two boys tease the girl because they think the spacesuit will hide her womanly curves. Then the girl sees a glowing bug looking thing outside the window, screams, and the trauma cuts out the flashback.
"Sodium Luminol."
...You want to see if she's glow in the dark? #Monsterdon
After landing we putter around the rocket doing science and bantering. We learn that in this universe, Mars has a thin atmosphere with oxygen, but not enough oxygen to support humans, but maybe it supports other animals.
We landed near the equator and decided that means that means that if there are aliens on mars, they also live near the equator for some reason.
GO. THE. FUCK. OUTSIDE.
@ramsey yes Mars changed color. I'm not actually sure why. Maybe the red was the sunset. #monsterdon
Having landed on Mars, we open the window and determine that everything is Red. Also there is some kind of vegetation outside. We learn that the Pilot's defining character trait is that he tells weird stories that go nowhere.
Red planet is now blue, the Terraforming has worked!
#Monsterdon They think she's being cute but they smell, and she's deploying it in self defense.
No measurement is actually true unless two different people say it
(it's more fun to ignore that there are legitimate reasons to do that)
gross, this movie is gross. what was that one where they had to promote the dude at the end just so he'd outrank his wife? yeah, gross.
This movie predates the Bulova Accutron electronic watch by about a year. So no tuning forks.
Angry Red Hairdo
stolen still applies kill that man
Title drop
"Discovered"
eyes camera
The rampant sexism and harassment on board this ship is making me ill
They have been flying ONE day and he's already kissing the equipment. #monsterdon
#monsterdon Space makes Broadway look like a dark alley?
Ah yes. That famously bright place : Deep space.
"I remember when I got my first dog. Dogs are neat. That is the point of this story. Also, I am horny. lets go to a dark alley!" - Rocketship Guy
"I'm also horny!" - Rocketship Girl
eww, kinda gross...
Of course the only female crewmember is in charge of feeding the boys
okay that's it next space mission 100% lesbians
My favorite thing about space travel is the chest hair
"my family would ban me from sleeping with my dog"
They should have checked this out before the mission
The flashback takes us to the inside of the spaceship, which looks like the inside of an old mainframe computer, but with wacky chairs and a window that points to space.
We learn that they took off and then they saw a meteor, which looked like a red dot that missed them. It takes them no time to reach Mars. One of the boys hits on the girl, because there's a girl in this movie, then we go back to work.