Another little Martian peaking at them when they head back to the ship

#monsterdon

Aww! They playing hide and go seek with the alien. #monsterdon

Prepare for liftoff, strap in

#Monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 Busselblad cameras?

#Monsterdon

OMG someone called her by her actual name. #monsterdon

"Tomorrow we'll bring the boat"

Oooh yah, bring the fishin' rods, see if they're bitin' up by Round Lake. Get some crappies maybe, oh yah #Monsterdon

the BOAT?!

#Monsterdon

We have 2 named female characters!
1. Iris aka Irish
2. Cleopatra the gun

Will they have a conversation about something other than a man?!

#monsterdon

The squeak rifle is having no effect captain!!! #monsterdon

make that noise stop now

#monsterdon

It's a low bar, but Iris *not* screaming in terror is nice

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

...Okay so you didn't look UP at any stage here? #Monsterdon

okay I like the giant spider with a face

#TeamGiantSpiderWithAFace

#monsterdon

I like the trippy Martian landscapes in this movie with the pointy mountains and bulbous vegetation.

#monsterdon

In the anime Irresponsible Captain Tylor, there was a pipe on a spaceship, but it was like... a ghost pipe that did ghost things. Also, it was like the far future so space travel might be easy enough to accommodate ghost pipes, as well as space ghosts.

Anyway, in this movie the professor has a pipe on Mars, but maybe he doesn't smoke it. maybe it blows bubbles.

#monsterdon

OH GOD NO! I'm back in the movie!
#monsterdon #angryredplanet

#Monsterdon My partner: Yes, light your pipe in an oxygen rich atmosphere.

Me: Well… the movie would be over.

My Partner: LIGHT YOUR PIPE IN AN OXYGEN RICH ENVIRONMENT.

Bulova clocks. Burroughs in-wall computers. Only company names starting with "BU" were permitted product placement rights in this film.

#monsterdon

lol, we get it, the planet is 'angry' and with good reason I feel, the fucking misogyny....

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon
#TheAngryRedPlanet

Shout out to HF DXers! Ionosphere mirroring mentioned!

lol, that grin is called "Sexual Harassment"

#Monsterdon

Well, we've had a big first day on Mars. Let's go take a break. #monsterdon

OMG. The chemistry between them is like sour milk.
#monsterdon

Clearly, (sigh) the aliens want to have sex with the Earth women. It's the same plot in about every other monster movie....horny, horny monsters!

There's almost some Science Fiction happening in this scene!

MARS ANTS!

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou

There must have been some news items about ultrasonics back then.

A lot of SF had sonic weapons in the early to mid 60s (including Star Trek).

#Monsterdon

We explore the bright red jungle and nothing happens, until the girl is attacked by a tentacle plant monster; the boys rescue her with axes and the weird freeze gun.

The girl uses her science officer skill to determine that the plant digests people, and they find another plant that has eaten an animal of some kind. Then they go back to the rocketship.

#monsterdon

This is the worst science ever

#Monsterdon

The existence of a carnivorous plant implies the existence of animals or bugs to eat
#monsterdon

Comedy Brooklyn guy

#Monsterdon

Remember in 2000 when one clled just 'Red Planet' came out at the exact same time as Mission to Mars? Red Planet was a cure for insomnia and Mission to Mars was a huge waste of talent. #monsterdon

Mars needs indie pop now

#monsterdon

@floatybirb the british mission would be making a brew right now

#Monsterdon

Okay, so Mars in this movie looks super trippy, by which I mean the spectrum goes from "black" to "red" and there are no other colors. There are weird, super trippy mountains outside and also plants everywhere in the background. After testing our microphone, we shoot a science gun at one of the plants and then shatter it, then wander into the jungle.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon I wish the captain would be a little careful with that gun

The girl tells everyone she saw a thing. The boys decide they don't believe her, which makes her mad. Then the boys decide to go outside, and the girl is going too because she doesn't want to be left out. So they add hats and go outside.

#monsterdon

FYI the image isn't actually red. It's angry.

#Monsterdon

I’m going outside to look at the murals

#monsterdon

WE HAVE REACHED CINEMAGIC!

#Monsterdon

there's nothing inside this rocket either, and yet here we are watching the movie anyway.

#monsterdon

The Martian

#monsterdon

#monsterdon She remembered the COFFEE.

We decide that Mars is quiet outside... too quiet. That must mean that aliens are watching us. So we put on our space suits and decide to go outside.

Our space suits look more skiing onesies? Two boys tease the girl because they think the spacesuit will hide her womanly curves. Then the girl sees a glowing bug looking thing outside the window, screams, and the trauma cuts out the flashback.

#monsterdon

"Sodium Luminol."

...You want to see if she's glow in the dark? #Monsterdon

After landing we putter around the rocket doing science and bantering. We learn that in this universe, Mars has a thin atmosphere with oxygen, but not enough oxygen to support humans, but maybe it supports other animals.

We landed near the equator and decided that means that means that if there are aliens on mars, they also live near the equator for some reason.

#monsterdon

@_L1vY_

Ah.
1 Goatee
1 Woman

Also 1 pipe. Really? In a spaceship?!

#Monsterdon

GO. THE. FUCK. OUTSIDE.

#monsterdon

@ramsey yes Mars changed color. I'm not actually sure why. Maybe the red was the sunset. #monsterdon

Having landed on Mars, we open the window and determine that everything is Red. Also there is some kind of vegetation outside. We learn that the Pilot's defining character trait is that he tells weird stories that go nowhere.

#monsterdon

Red planet is now blue, the Terraforming has worked!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon They think she's being cute but they smell, and she's deploying it in self defense.

No measurement is actually true unless two different people say it

(it's more fun to ignore that there are legitimate reasons to do that)

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

This movie predates the Bulova Accutron electronic watch by about a year. So no tuning forks.

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

Angry Red Hairdo

#Monsterdon

stolen still applies kill that man

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

"you'll know it"

eeeeuuugh eugh gross i need a shower.

#monsterdon

Title drop

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

"Discovered"

eyes camera

The rampant sexism and harassment on board this ship is making me ill

#Monsterdon

They have been flying ONE day and he's already kissing the equipment. #monsterdon

#monsterdon Space makes Broadway look like a dark alley?

Ah yes. That famously bright place : Deep space.

"I remember when I got my first dog. Dogs are neat. That is the point of this story. Also, I am horny. lets go to a dark alley!" - Rocketship Guy
"I'm also horny!" - Rocketship Girl

#monsterdon

eww, kinda gross...

#Monsterdon

okay that's it next space mission 100% lesbians

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

#monsterdon

My favorite thing about space travel is the chest hair

#Monsterdon

"my family would ban me from sleeping with my dog"

They should have checked this out before the mission

#Monsterdon

The flashback takes us to the inside of the spaceship, which looks like the inside of an old mainframe computer, but with wacky chairs and a window that points to space.

We learn that they took off and then they saw a meteor, which looked like a red dot that missed them. It takes them no time to reach Mars. One of the boys hits on the girl, because there's a girl in this movie, then we go back to work.

#monsterdon

Is that guy doing the comedy routine actually going space mad?

#Monsterdon

Okay, so we wheel out one of the astronauts a gurney and he's mutating or something. All the records on the rocket ship were erased, but the girl is alive but unconscious, so we hope that she can tell us what the deal is.

She's like sitting in a hospital bed but stirs enough so the doctor can ask her "what happened there?" and she's like "I can't remember!" So the dudes ask her to tell us everything that happened, triggering a flashback sequence...

#monsterdon

"...the girl!"
"To hell with radiation, let's go!"
"But sir!"
"Didn't you hear. It's a GIRL!"

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

To hell with radiation, there's a GIRL there!

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

In an actually kind of convincing VFX scene, the rocket does a retro burn and lands. I think I saw palm trees in the foreground, which I doubt there are many of those in Nebraska. My headcanon is that they are fake palm trees, because the airforce guys wanted to pretend they were in Hawaii.

#monsterdon

We go to Nebraska and at the air force base some army dudes are looking at the landing rocket with their cool turreted telescopes. Which are super cool. Everyone on the fediverse wants a turreted telescope.

#monsterdon

Ahhh, they did a rocket taking off in reverse to depict the landing.

#Monsterdon

Zero people have ever stood on the sidewalk watching the TV news in the window of a high street shop.

#monsterdon

I miss giving a shit about Countdowns, something else Elon Musk has destroyed

#Monsterdon

Wait, X-1 or MR-1?

Also, that's a rather short period of time for it to get so close to Earth

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

This Angry Red Planet has been brought to you by Angry Red Washington

#Monsterdon

Exciting new fonts, now available in Washington!

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

So this was a feature film
#monsterdon
#monsterdondoublefeature

@diazona the analogy has some flexibility

#monsterdon
#monsterdondoublefeature

Wait so how did anyone know these dudes needed rescuing?

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleFeature

This is the Monsterdon version of James Joyce’s Ulysses

#monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature

@diazona Well, she finished him off so she wasn't fooling around
#monsterdon
#monsterdondoublefeature

@klu9 OK so maybe the ancient ninja scrolls have unleashed the spirits somehow... I missed it

#monsterdon
#monsterdondoublefeature

man's got Fus but does he have Roh and Dah?

#monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature

I don't get the ninjas though

#monsterdon
#monsterdondoublefeature

Th guys who found the scroll are trapped in a reality where they are forced to live the fantasy as Kaiju in rubber suits and everyone is seeing it, but it's all a mass hallucination

#monsterdon
#monsterdondoublefeature

@paco @combatwombat @SnoopJ @anarchademic One wonders what happened right after this frame 😛

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonMemes

@moira

Wait, if none of this is showing up on camera, does that mean we're having a mass hallucination?

#Monsterdon

It's a mass-hallucination
#monsterdon
#monsterdondoublefeature

@ohiofi
One of the producers is named Sid Pink, and this music feels like it's by his garage swing band.

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

“Smooth” by Rob Thomas ft. Santana begins playing

#monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature

I can't work out if the kaiju is made of construction paper or failed dreams

#Monsterdon

@combatwombat @SnoopJ @anarchademic let's not forget that you posted the original screen capture that I always use for the memes, thanks for that!

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonMemes

That’s no projection mapping!!!
#monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature

I’ll reiterate that, while I’ll make fun of Cinemagic even to my dying days, it was pretty creative. I kind of like the look.

And, with that, Mars fucks off into the vast void of space…or it doesn’t because it is bound to Sol and will orbit until it’s gobbled up by Sol’s expansion to a red giant in ~5 billion years.

Thanks, as always, to @Taweret for hosting, @cherizilla for #MonsterdonBingo, @ryan for hosting the livestream, and to all of you, for making it awesome!

#Monsterdon

@strangefour "Sorry" (not sorry) "for eating on the train", they say. THEY WILL PAY! #WrongFrogs #Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleFeature

The hep closing music sounds more like we just watched MARS A GOGO, not ANGRY RED PLANET.

#Monsterdon

Counterfactual War Of The Worlds by Either/Orson Wells.

#Monsterdon

Now I’m hungry… #monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature