This is the size of a USB port in the 1950s.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

#monsterdon

If I had to review tonight's film with a single image, I think it would be this.

#monsterdon

They couldn't resist putting her in a slinky dress in the last five minutes, but I wish to reiterate that Iris saved that entire goddamn mission while also putting up with constant harassment from her colleagues. Give that woman a promotion and a raise and a corner office. #Monsterdon

Ok some good photos here

https://movie-monster.fandom.com/wiki/Martian_Rat-Bat-Crab_Spider

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

This is a terrible movie, but *that* is a cool monster! Truly #monsterdon worthy!

#angryredplanet

And the Martians tell the humans to fuck off back to Earth, because humans suck. Sometimes when humanity is being especially awful I think to myself, "This is why the aliens won't talk to us," and the writers of this movie seem to agree. But man, that bat-spider-thing! A+ monster design.

Goodnight #monsterdon, thanks to @Taweret for hosting, and see y'all next week!

#monsterdon

First sound guy: Um, Mr Melchior? Lasers don't actually make noise. See, it's light amplification...

Ib Melchoir: You're fired! Get me a new sound guy!

Glenn: "Hi Mr Melchoir. I'm you're new sound guy. The name's Glenn. Glen Glenn."

IM: "That's sounds like a dumb name."

GG: What? I'm a little hard of hearing. Can you speak up?

IM: I SAID THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DUMB NAME

GG: Oh! Yes sir! Sound is my domain.

IM: You're fired

GG: I'm hired!? Great! I'll get right to work on these laser gun sounds! Do you think it should be a buzz or a beep?

IM: Oh boy. Beeping!? That's your big idea?

GG: Annoying beeping is a good idea? That's weird, but OK. I'll give it a go.

IM: I give up.

#monsterdon

@saucerlost @flowerpot

Gerald "please no" Mohr

#monsterdon

I award The Angry Red Planet 4 out of 5 tentacle monsters, because it was weird and kept me entertained. I was kind of curious what strange thing was going to happen next.

The best character was the spider-bat-cone creature that the puny earthlings cruelly attacked. The worst characters were the earthling boys on the rocket, except for the professor, who died of sadness. Also, I like that the movie had a boat in it. The red color filter was strange.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 😠 😡 🪐 🚀 🐀 🦇 🕷️ 👾 😱

"technological adults but spiritual and emotional infants" <-- you're not just kidding, Martian. You're not just kidding.

So she flew the ship all the way back to Earth SINGLE HANDED while also treating a man infected with a mysterious space disease.

And I *guarantee* they'll promote HIM first. #Monsterdon

@trixter Cause of death: Sudden intense Plot. #Monsterdon

She is twirling herself into that vine 😂

#Monsterdon

HUH, the countdown sequence was authentic. It's exactly 1 minute of screentime from "T minus 1 minute" to "launch".

#Monsterdon

Lmao yessssssss

Like a fuckin motion-activated batspider from Spirit Halloween lol

I assume it also shrieks "nice to EAT you!"

#Monsterdon

I wonder if when the Earthlings landed on Mars, one Martians was like "oh great Earthlings they'll probably shoot something" and another one was like "wait lets give them a chance dear." and then sure enough, the humans shoot a bunch of things.

And then the first Martian was like "toldya so!" and the second Martian sighed and said "yeah..." and then they decided to permaban the humans from their planet.

#monsterdon

"WE HAVE LISTENED TO YOUR RADIO SIGNALS"

HEE-HAW IS NOT FUNNY #Monsterdon

AND NOW SHE'S GONNA CURE HIS STINKY ASS ALL BY HERSELF

GIVE THIS WOMAN A PROMOTION AND HER OWN OFFICE #Monsterdon

He died as he lived, incomprehensible and drooling. #Monsterdon

I bet it was her perfume!

#Monsterdon

@gnomon

Belatedly, it should work out to some right triangle stuff where the horizon distance is sqrt( (height+planet_radius)^2 - planet_radius^2)

Mars' equatorial radius is ~3396 km, so calling the half-mile building 800 meters, the horizon from it should be ~73.7 km away.

The people on the raft would be, let's see 1-2 meters above the ground, so their horizon would be ~2.6 - 3.7 km.

75 km paddle trip, I guess?

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

#Monsterdon Iris (contemplatively): Tom never eats lime jello at home. @mdhughes

#monsterdon Is the female character in this 1950s movie actually going to save the day by being a capable professional?

Oh good. Another annoying noise. Just what the film was missing. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Nice alien design!

"Suppose this alien infection spreads? To all of us?"

Maybe that was a thought worth considering before you put the other doctor behind an isolation *checks notes* uhhhh curtain? Oh well yolo

#monsterdon

Oh jeez, can you even imagine the horrible consequences of using an electric razor in a zero-gravity craft with recirculated air? That's an out-the-airlock offense for sure.

Uhh also putting on perfume, that would not be great either.

#monsterdon

"When I say your name... you'll know."

"You actually SAID that line? I didn't think the writers were serious."

#monsterdon

Misogyny consumption:
✅ Normal
🛑 Excessive

#monsterdon

@anarchademic The movie did suck, but we really liked Devil Girl's whole vibe. So we keep her arch catty spirit alive.
#Monsterdon

Huh, so that barely-intelligent super-amœba dissolved Sam with incredibly powerful acid? And this movie came out in 1959? And The Blob (1958) came out just the prior year? Interesting, interesting.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon It's the emerald ruby city!

They laugh at what the Woman sees but the Professor's 'vague sense of unease' means they cut the mission short.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon I love when actors have to fight a monster, but they're obviously just pulling the tentacle around themself.

"ultrasonic freeze gun"

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

#monsterdon I'm not an expert on New York City, but from what I've learned from movies, Brooklyn is an entire borough full of lovable comic relief.

SPACE LECH CONFIRMED

please do not try to date your coworkers

especially when you have to share living quarters with them that are about the size of a couple of large phone booths taped together

_doubly especially not right at the beginning of the mission_

#monsterdon

@SnoopJ @anarchademic I may have something to do with that, I made myself a little meme generator and I try to post a Nyah meme every week since we watched Devil Girl

It's just such a weird and kind of pointless movie but a great character

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonMemes

I bet it was that Brooklyn dude being all creepy about his weapon that finally pushed the Martians over into Fediblock Earth

"Oh by the Two Moons, he's kissing it now!! This is how Earth chooses to represent itself?! Ban them all!!"

#Monsterdon

Martian: LISTEN CAREFULLY AND REMEMBER
Girl: Falls asleep
#monsterdon #angryredplanet

That whole 'Oxygen Consumption Arc' was on the cutting room floor then...

#Monsterdon

"Fuck off and don't come back, you childish barbarians!" - Mars

#Monsterdon #Mars

aaaaaand cut to the Birdman soundtrack!

I for one am going to heed the Martian warning and not revisit The Angry Red Planet any time soon. Thanks @Taweret and #Monsterdon for another delightful evening!

🦇🕷️

Guys, guys, guys. Just invert the polarity of the neutron flow and MOVE ON. #Monsterdon

straight up this monster is both gorgeous and 20000% the best part of this movie

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

Aaaand she immediately gets attacked by a tentacle monster, yeah I wonder how this movie really feels about women. #Monsterdon

Gotta have a nervous system if you wanna eat humans!

#Monsterdon

@anarchademic Nyah is something of a #Monsterdon mascot

Really could go for a sushi burrito

#monsterdondoublefeature #monsterdon

@_L1vY_ It gave us the sense that a whole lotta shit happened in this film, even though it did not.

#Monsterdon

The #monsterdon concluded with an abrupt roll of credits as we expect. I was interested to see all the product credits noted at the end, from Hasselblad cameras to ejection seats. Early product placements?

There was some interesting structure in there - cutting between flashback and current day. And the walls of control panels and meters were pretty well done too.

Some weird writing and non-sympathetic characters, but overall an interesting flick.

Well that's it. Will not be watching sci-fi for a little while

Thanks @Taweret and the #monsterdon gang for your funny comments!

I think the Martians are damn right about all this, they do indeed know what we're like.

I'm pleased with that ending, except that Tom survived

#Monsterdon

MEN OF EARTH WE GIVE YOUR PLANET THIS WARNING

(Iris can ignore it)

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

Just when you thought smarmy Colonel Tom couldn't get more slimey - they found a way.

#monsterdon

“Men of Earth, we of the planet Mars give you this warning…“

#monsterdon

I dunno, between the killer amoeba and Tom-of-the-open-shirt, I'm leaning toward the amoeba.

#monsterdon

"I can generate half a million volts!"

Also we have a generator on the ship! #Monsterdon

"No, wait a minute Iris."

You've already been in Peril twice, it's someone else's turn. #Monsterdon

Great, now he's gonna start sexually harassing the gun >_> #Monsterdon

someone needs to go back in time and uninvent cinemagic

#monsterdon

they all seem thoroughly unimpressed with an alien world full of alien plants, this journey has been wasted on them. Should have sent poets

#Monsterdon

“It was horrible! It was like a huge distorted face”

#monsterdon

Jesus, plotting to drug this woman up like she's a pregnant woman in the nineteen fif-...

...Ah.

#Monsterdon

Why do I feel like Sam is the (first) red shirt

#Monsterdon

Can we just

Can we just fast forward to where these people start dying? :/ #Monsterdon

"Mars... the angry red planet."

*twelve dozen geese honk in perfect synchrony*

*train horns honk in the distance*

*ticker tape drops all over downtown*

THAT'S THE NAME OF THE MOVIE

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Ah yes. "The Girl", you know that adult professional scientist who was part of the mission.

I drew it too!

#monsterdondoublefeature #monsterdon

@strangefour @anarchademic I think I liked Devil Girl From Mars better after watching because it, because I learned that the movie was kind of made on a whim to kill some extra filming time and also all the actors were clearly having a lot of fun making it. #monsterdon

I notice a lot of people posting memes made from images taken from the movie that Octavia Butler said made her decide to be a writer, because even at nine years old she knew she could do better than that.

Is there some other reason that Devil Girl From Mars is having a moment?

#DevilGirlFromMars #Monsterdon

@moira The Justifiably Miffed Red Planet (1959) #Monsterdon

Anyway this concludes my #monsterdon thread for the Angry Red Planet, where again humans were the real monsters.

Remember to um... not get eaten by tentacle monsters I guess.

Wow!! I guess the planet really was angry 🤔

#Monsterdon

In conclusion, we learned that the planet was angry because "fuck humans you guys suck go away or we'll kill you." which is at least partly valid.

#monsterdon

This is actually a Martian Christmas carol. #Monsterdon

So

You gave humanity a little taste of a mystery and then told them to fuck off and never try to figure it out.

...Are you guys SURE you're an advanced race? Because that seems really stupid to me.

#Monsterdon

listened to their radio signals for centuries?

uhhhhh

what've you been listening to?

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

“Men of Earth, we have a warning…

“Whatever you do, NEVER activate a Large Hadron Collider. It’ll screw up your timeline and let Nazis come back!”

#Monsterdon

So the professor died of.....
what exactly?

Acute plot tension?
#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe @trixter It's the third most common cause of death in #Monsterdon and yet 80% of characters don't know the risks

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

"Listen carefully and remember!"

*immediately faints*

#Monsterdon

Why I can generate a half-million volts if you rub my chest hair with a velvet cloth

#monsterdon

"I can generate half a million volts!"

From your chest hair Tom?

#Monsterdon

The real monster in this film is a color choice

#monsterdon

Also, I'm giving this movie props for having a literal row boat in outer space. I would 100% want to bring a row boat into outer space.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Good planning that they brought a boat to Mars.

Turn off the external inertial dampers, Chekhov. #Monsterdon

God, why is this movie so BEEPY even the monster is high pitched :/ #Monsterdon

#monsterdon The first plant we encountered was a monster, but don't worry, I'm sure everything else will be fine.

Hot coffee, hardtack, and vitamin pill sounds okay to me. If only I had a ship's cook to serve it up!

#Monsterdon

Thank god that coffee was served. *Something* had to happen.

#Monsterdon

"Then it isn't just me? Because I'm a woman?"

#Monsterdon

...could you please also not smoke a pipe in a spacecraft running an atmosphere of compressed oxygen and recirculated air

...directly next to the two-light alert panel with a green light labelled "NORMAL", a red light labelled "EXCESSIVE", and a panel title that reads "OXYGEN CONSUMPTION"

#monsterdon

The American loves his gun, kisses his gun, gives it a woman's name.....

...it's best Mars eats these people.

#Monsterdon

"Whaddya say we head back to the ship?"

Yeah, the Virtual Boy-vision is giving me eye strain @_@ #Monsterdon