Turn off the external inertial dampers, Chekhov. #Monsterdon

God, why is this movie so BEEPY even the monster is high pitched :/ #Monsterdon

poor creature, savage Earthmen!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon The first plant we encountered was a monster, but don't worry, I'm sure everything else will be fine.

Hot coffee, hardtack, and vitamin pill sounds okay to me. If only I had a ship's cook to serve it up!

#Monsterdon

Thank god that coffee was served. *Something* had to happen.

#Monsterdon

"Then it isn't just me? Because I'm a woman?"

#Monsterdon

...could you please also not smoke a pipe in a spacecraft running an atmosphere of compressed oxygen and recirculated air

...directly next to the two-light alert panel with a green light labelled "NORMAL", a red light labelled "EXCESSIVE", and a panel title that reads "OXYGEN CONSUMPTION"

#monsterdon

The American loves his gun, kisses his gun, gives it a woman's name.....

...it's best Mars eats these people.

#Monsterdon

"Whaddya say we head back to the ship?"

Yeah, the Virtual Boy-vision is giving me eye strain @_@ #Monsterdon

#monsterdon You don't have to shoot the plant.

The crisis is over.

It's not like it's going to uproot and chase you.

I know they're Americans but why do they have guns all the time?

#Monsterdon

This segment must have been so trippy in theaters to '50s viewers

#Monsterdon

"Please, doctor Gordon."

Hit me, doc! Light me up! I wanna be seeing Bigfoot and singing Jimi Hendrix by six! #Monsterdon

#monsterdon I wonder why they thought the film needed this framing story.

Just tell the movie from start to finish. You don't need an excuse to do a flashback.

"I can't say I recommend space suits for lovely young women."

Pfft. Loser. No taste. #Monsterdon

Can't have a '50s sci-fi movie without a goatee in it! But only one.

#Monsterdon

"Claim the planet"

Colonisers

#Monsterdon

"Everyone repeat stuff someone else is saying"
"Everyone repeat stuff someone else is saying"

#monsterdon

#monsterdon If she's so self conscious about putting on perfume, why do it on the flight deck? Doesn't the ship have a restroom?

#monsterdon "When I call you by name ... you'll know it!"

What does that even mean?

I'd rather be lost in the space woods with a space bear tbh

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Flying Coffin? That's a trademark lawsuit from Spirit Airlines right there!

This movie skips any kind of intro and goes to Washington, where some army dudes are chatting with a professor about their magic X-1 rocket that they lost control of and they're trying to land it safely. I guess it went to Mars and now they can't get it back.

I say its a magic rocket because it has like 5-6Gs of acceleration, which implies some super advanced nuclear rocket or something.

#monsterdon

@diazona @SnoopJ @anarchademic She does have a few fun expressions if you pause the movie at the right times :D #monsterdon

@diazona @SnoopJ @anarchademic #monsterdon

Are we sure that this is the same movie as the poster?!?!?!?!

#monsterdondoublefeature #monsterdon

#monsterdon #monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature

She's gonna science the shit out of that jello!

Honestly in the top 10 of fictional women in space.

#monsterdon #angryredplanet

This public access channel kicks ass
#monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature

@anarchademic Because the #monsterdon tonight was set on Mars but had a Distinct Lack of Devil Girls from Mars and monsterdon collectively has a thing for tall women i guess.

For anybody who did not watch this week's #Monsterdon movie, the above clip is honestly one of the most exciting things in the movie.

#monsterdon That was a fun film.

Not bad at all for its time. It managed to skip a lot of the worst 1950s space movie tropes.

Interesting that the movie mostly sticks to gender stereotypical behavior but also has the girl scientist be a very competent scientist who tells the men how to fix the problems.

#monsterdon

The girl decides to help the pilot using the base's science lab, and she concludes that we can kill the amoeba with electricity because its a Water Type Pokemon.

#monsterdon

the martian message was "BE SURE TO DRINK YOUR OVALTINE"

#monsterdon

Please button your shirt
#monsterdon

Oh wait I forgot when we were on the lake we saw one of the weird bug guys that made the girl scream earlier sneaking around in the distance. I don't know if the astronauts noticed.

Anyway, the astronauts have decided to electrify the outside of their spaceship to get the space amoeba to go away.

#monsterdon

"They're almost impossible to kill. You can cut them in half and both halves would survive."

raise the temperature by two degrees

or do a slightly sub-excellent job of cleaning your petri dishes

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

"Iris, what is your opinion of that creature?"

I do not like it, captain, it just ate my crewmate

#monsterdon

"One single cell, without intelligence. Much like you Tom"

#monsterdon

Which kaiju is this?

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

"Did we calculate that the other shore was just over the horizon?"

"Yes, so we should see it momentarily."

They're paddling a single-hull inflatable boat _over the horizon_? Can we get a quick back-of-the-napkin calculation about the distance to the horizon based on the curvature of Mars? I am skeptical of their paddling speed estimates.

#monsterdon

The optimism of packing a boat for Mars

#Monsterdon

"whoever they are, they don't want us to leave"

no one watching this movie, then.

#monsterdon

I guess the flat area is a lake. It's very still, so still that it seems dead to the Girl. We decide to wave a sensor over it, the sensor looks like a geiger counter but works like a tricorder. We swish our hands in it and determine that it is oily.

The girl says it couldn't sustain life (at least life as we know it), but I mean... they already found life and extremophiles are a thing, so I'd assume there are lake creatures too.

#monsterdon

Mars DID have an ocean 3 billion years ago.......and it will AGAIN!

#Monsterdon

This would all look really shit in normal colour so I approve of the style choice

#Monsterdon

This looks like 10% of the planets in No Man's Sky, right down to the monsters

#monsterdon

love the monster design in this movie, it's the only thing that goes well with the CineMagic silliness

#Monsterdon

Chekhov’s gun that he named Cleopatra

#monsterdon

@kcarr2015 @bunnyhero @Lazarou

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonMemes

Back at the rocketship, we return to a normal color palette, and we decide that the planet has a hive mind or something. Also we can't radio Earth, we think because there's ionization in the atmosphere that stops us from radioing, but I am forced to suspect that it is aliens.

Also, their mission is 5 days long. Also, the professor brought a pipe to Mars on a spaceship, because this is the 1950s.

#monsterdon

"i'll take the ants any day" - a person who hasn't participated in #monsterdon

Was kind of expecting a beam of something from that big gun, rather than just ....sound

#Monsterdon

Gonna tell my grandkids this is Mars

#monsterdon

@Lazarou because they're americans. we all have guns all the time. all the guns. america is a pile of smoldering guns. #monsterdon

Also, there is like no gravitas to these people being the first humans to step foot on another planet. No Neil Armstrong "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind!" instead they just bumble out of the rocket and shoot a plant with a gun.

#monsterdon

It's a bright orangey-scarlet on my TV but almost purply fuchsia on Miru

#Monsterdon

Could you not gesture at your crew member with your sidearm while keeping your finger on the trigger please, that would be great

#monsterdon

Oh no, it’s in color. Angry red.

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

You're not supposed to play Virtual Boy this long without a break

#Monsterdon

Back in the present, the doctor is like "the girl is blocking out the memory because of trauma, but we could give her drugs and then she could remember, but that would be painful because trauma." then the girl is like "please give me the drugs, we must know so we can save the one guy who is mutating." then they give her the drugs and the flashback resumes.

#monsterdon

"Intravenous?"

No, just squirt it over her like frosting. 9_9 #Monsterdon

"I'm going out there!"
"Tom, wait!"

You can't go outside, we don't have the budget for another set! #Monsterdon

"I'll twitch with you"

Oh it's THAT kinda film huh #Monsterdon

The world-renowned biologist/zoologist is “The Girl?” Boooo
#Monsterdon

Youre tuned to the exposition channel.
All exposition, all the time.
#monsterdon

I want to call out that the conference room where the army dudes were chatting about the rocket ship had wall decorations included A) a map of the USA, B) the flags of the US and DC (I think) and C) some cool space posters.

As conference rooms go, that's pretty neat.

#monsterdon

Would that all meetings ran so swiftly and conclusively!

#monsterdon

Send the mysterious interplanetary ship to crash into the Nevada desert, it's your only option.

#Monsterdon

The area’s rival clans manipulate them into a fierce battle, bringing chaos to the area. But a righteous female ninja steps up, wanting to stop the destruction and restore the seal. Can she defeat the evil ninjas that stand in her way before Chichibu is completely destroyed by two kaiju?

#monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature

Two men, tired from work, visit the town of Chichibu to enjoy their favorite hobby - exploring caves. But little do they know, the town has been secretly protected by the descendants of the righteous Shinobi ninja since the Sengoku period. The two unlucky friends accidentally break a spell that awakens two colossal beasts, Jaron and Goura.

#monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature

WARNING!!! Unhingedness is reaching unprecedented levels!

▓ ▓ ▓ ▓ ▓ ▓ ▓ ▓ ▓ ▓░ 107%

#monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature

Store-brand Godzilla vs Temu Baragon

#monsterdondoublefeature #monsterdon

This end-credit music is quite a choice. Quite a choice, indeed.

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet #angryredplanet

@jadebees

Oooh, a Russ Meyer Mars movie would so rock

#Monsterdon

Angry Red Planet is not a good movie really, but it is kind of a classic, and I guess good for the time. Iris actually gets to be a character with a personality and she does shit.
The Rat-Bat_Spider is top tier monster design. The RED of the red planet is a col look for the time. Shame the story and other characters are cardboard.
#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

Angy Planet

#monsterdon

"The Painfully Insightful and Misanthropic Red Planet"

#Monsterdon

This #monsterdondoublefeature looks like it was filmed on an iPhone. No depth of field?! Actors looking directly into the camera?

#monsterdon

more like the "done with your bullshit red planet"

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

@paco The loud sound effects were a bit much.
#Monsterdon

Okay, real quick, did anyone find a plot?
#Monsterdon

The camera fucks off into space as a disjointed musical number plays for the credits.

That's a wreck, folks. What a stinker!

No #MonsterdonBingo for me this week.

#Monsterdon

Thanks #monsterdon gang. #MondayActionMovie has a bit of a classic tomorrow at 8 P ET.....Take care. See ya soon.

And now, Dave Ratbatcrab and the MARTIAN SWING BAND #Monsterdon

This one, which looks like macaroni casserole on the table, illustrates the process

#monsterdon

Just once I want one of these scenes to go, "Doctor, I think we've figured out how to solve this problem!" "Oh yes?" "Yes! All we have to do is end the film!" *roll credits*

#Monsterdon

Remember gents, after she's explained the discovery, steal it and right her out of history....

#Monsterdon

eating his tissues. it's too good for him.

#monsterdon

So why was Iris incapable of flying the ship back to Earth?

Did they really send a crew of four people and not train them all to pilot it in an emergency?

#monsterdon

@diazona @trixter Talk to your doctor about Plot, before it's too late. #Monsterdon

They kind of bumped off the old professor without really establishing any life-threatening events. The exertion of flipping some switches?

#monsterdon

Aw, they hurt the giant bat-puppy!!! He was just rompin' and playin' and they shot him in the eyes! MAN IS THE REAL MONSTER.

Also, the Red Planet is red because it has iron in the sand, not because it has a red filter on everything.

"We've found life, but we're scaredy cats so let's abandon Mars after 2 days" said NO ASTRONAUT EVER JESUS FUCK what are these pussies? I want Iris to bet the coward men up.
#monsterdon #angryredplanet

headcanon: iris actually killed them all, and she's making up this story to cover for it

#monsterdon

excuse me I actually mean

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonMemes #TheAngryRedPlanet

Well you've ruined the aspic Tom

#Monsterdon

the worst thing is, while trying to take out my earbuds I turned the volume to maximum

#monsterdon