ah, pouring colored liquids into beakers, now that's Science.

#monsterdon

Is it getting darker or are all the red pixels in my TV just tired? Or am I losing my ability to see red? #monsterdon

well, shit, the protagonists are in charge of the plot again

#Monsterdon

That counts as teamwork, right? #Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

#monsterdon "Aim for the eyes, Sam!"

I wonder where he was aiming before.

Okay, so we farted around more in the spaceship and the girl was like "I'm scared is that because I'm a girl?" and Colonel Pilot is like "no boys can be scared too."

Then we go outside, wander in the redworld and find a giant alien monster, which we piss off by hitting it with a Machete. It looks like um... a conical tripod with a bat's face in its bottom. Anyway its mad at us, and we shoot it with our science gun but nothing happens.

#monsterdon

Clearly it can only see redheads #Monsterdon

I would have said she was targeted by the plant for her red hair (since they made such a big deal out of it), but wasn't she wearing a helmet?

#Monsterdon

okay, fair is fair, if i saw that thing coming at me in a video game i would be backing up quite loudly.

#monsterdon

never get caught in the jungles of Mars without your machete

#Monsterdon

STOP SMOKING A PIPE ON THE SPACESHIP

(Angry Red Viewer)

#Monsterdon

oh god, every time these two are on screen together i wanna curl into a ball and shut my eyes forever.

#monsterdon

Did he say "jumpy" or "jump me"? >_> #Monsterdon

God I hate when streamers have an echo #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Wait, we just missed a line. There was a line where their lips moved but we didn't get to hear anything.

I wonder what he said.

Why is that plant growling like that, does the growling add to the trapping effect

#Monsterdon

More like, CineTragic.

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

"I know you think I acted like a hysterical female back there, but I can take care of myself. I won't get out of your sight."

"Have it your way, Irish."

*she immediately walks out of his sight*

welp×3

#monsterdon

OH COME ON

this isn't even anime

#Monsterdon

this does feel like the set of an early Star Trek episode....

..ooo tentacle porn!

#Monsterdon

Iris does look good with black lipstick, tho #Monsterdon

i love how these "scientists" are completely uninterested in the alien plant life

#monsterdon

“Check your oxygen gauge.”

“Mine’s in the red!”

#Monsterdon

...Is this the Cinemagic? #Monsterdon

Just get out of the spaceship already you losers. #monsterdon

He refers repeatedly to "seeing" whatever she saw, but there will only be her relating it verbally 🤔

#Monsterdon

I want a #monsterdon movie where the science girl in the spaceship is a bug girl and is just like "woah cool bug! I wanna be its friend!" instead of screaming and passing out.

Which I think would be the more realistic scientist reaction rather than passing out when you see a weird thing.

SHE'S HEARING EVERYTHING YOU SAY
#monsterdon

is any of what they're about to do ethical?

#Monsterdon

the martian

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

@ramsey Turn up the volume… I want the Martians to hear my smooth-jazz vibraphone cover of Oh Canada

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "Orbiting Mars!"

Orbiting? According to that screen you're spinning like a top!

That's not how orbiting works!

@athena_rising They’re being respectful while the Canadian national anthem plays.

#monsterdon

We’re so bored we had to play chess, in our commodious ship #Monsterdon

Crew of Doomed Rocketship:

Girl (main character) - named Iris but called Irish because she has red hair I guess.
Pilot (horny) - likes the Girl, Girl likes him back
Radio Officer (horny) - likes the Girl, Girl does not like him back. reads science fiction magazines in his spaceship.
Professor (smart) - plays chess

#monsterdon

Okay, I was wrong about us immediately getting to Mars, it seems to take a while, so the professor guy has time to play chess in the control room. Also, the rocket has full gravity, presumably from constant 1G acceleration.

Also, the control room has a ladder to a pantry, where the girl and the guy she likes go, so they can discuss Mars as the Roman God of War while fondling the food cans.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Lot of room in this spaceship.

They don't build 'em like that anymore.

If they keep referring to Dr. Ryan as "the girl" I'm going to get a bit ticked off.

#monsterdon

I could never keep up with the hashtag feed. Now I can't keep up with my home feed either. #monsterdon

@paco

Gonna watch the rest of this film in a TV shop’s display window

#monsterdon

We get a press montage where the newspapers were like "OMG Mars Rocket's gonna land! Is anyone alive on it?" and a TV broadcast that is "The rocket will land in Nebraska. here's a montage of the crew. It includes the professor and one girl."

I'm assuming the rocket will land in Nebraska because if it crashes its less likely to destroy anything interesting.

#monsterdon

I think that's a B-36 with the 4 reverse props on it!

#monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for "The Angry Red Planet", which I assume is about Mars being mad.

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie each week and make fun of it in 9999+ posts. Mute the hash tag if you don't want to see that many posts by me and others about it.

@moira I saw the first 15 and feel like I have little to no context. I think the scrolls would completely explain everything

#monsterdon
#monsterdondoublefeature

I missed the start, but this was a far more entertaining movie than THE ANGRY RED PLANET

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleFeature #WrongFrogs

I'm watching the #WrongFrogs second showing on @miru but haven't had much to say about it, but I do like the Legally Distinct Godzilla Theme

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonDoubleFeature

@combatwombat
No no. Do not spoil her. I like her regal and in charge. She's our unofficial mascot, after all.

#monsterdon

@diazona @SnoopJ @anarchademic

@combatwombat @diazona @SnoopJ @anarchademic "Ooo, scratched the paint. Insurance is gonna ding my ass for sure :/" #Monsterdon

There were only two women in this movie, and they were both redheads? This colorization is sooooo sus'.

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

GO NOW AND WARN MAN NOT TO RETURN UNBIDDEN.

And then Republicans killed the space program, and we all died in poverty. The end.
#monsterdon #angryredplanet

In the end, they only had Iris's word for what happened. There were no recordings of the giant space amoeba, or pictures, or anything. (We have pictures of Sam shagging his gun, but no pictures of woman-eating plants or space-ship sized amoebas).

What actually happened was she got tired of Sam shaving at his desk and kissing all the equipment. She got sick of the professor smoking at his desk.

So she knocked the one dude out and put some jello on his arm. Then she killed Sam and the Professor. She put them, the razor and beard clippings and pipe out the airlock.

Then she makes up some bullshit about a giant amoeba, and flies home with they guy who refused to say her name right. I mean, if those are your 3 choices, I think she picked the best of the 3?

#monsterdon

i'm sorry for all the people who have issues with sound and stuff and couldn't deal with the red planet visuals but for me this was exactly the right kind of utterly terrible 1950s group watch fodder

great job voters, for real

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

@moira oh whoops I forgot about the prompt, I was thinking of the "where's devil girl" option

Though I'm sure Nyah has been called worse and has shrugged it off

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

#monsterdon Yeah, keep your "plot” and your “coffee”

@diazona my queen is not a space douche!

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

@moira #Monsterdon #MonsterdonMemes

#monsterdon So, we're going to make cotton candy out of the maritian goop huh? Yummo!

@moira "The Pompous Red Planet" just didn't play as well to test audiences

#Monsterdon

Time for Wrong Frogs with... Ninja Monsters?
https://miru.miyaku.media/
#Monsterdon #WrongFrogs

@_L1vY_ yeah if "angry" means "standoffish and weird"

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

@Louisa But when you're walkin' down that street and the amoeba's had you to eat

#monsterdon

Ugh. That was horrible. But jazzy ending music. #Monsterdon

oh cool, the spaceship seats were designed by actual airforce contractors? lol

they looked wack as hell but better than the fuckin office chairs in some of the other movies 🥴
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet Final high score, sort of.

a little smooth jazz to soothe the mind. thank you @ryan (-_-)

#monsterdon

@Crazypedia they did! Colonel Tom did I think #Monsterdon

i think they just figured "well nobody's left in the theatre at this point, may as well use my own jazz quartet for the end credits, get an IMDB listing"

#monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

TLDR: Mars is sick of our shit and has put a restraining order out on us.
#Monsterdon

*sudden outbreak of jazz*

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

Ib Melchior & Sid Pink are such 50s Hollywood names

#Monsterdon

What in the John Adams is this outro music?

(The composer, not the founding father)

#Monsterdon

@klu9 @moira yes!! #Monsterdon #CaptainScarlet

@amyfou I don't think we can argue with that assessment. #Monsterdon

After curing the guy of his amoeba off camera, we find the tape of the martians, where the Martian says "We have been studying you since forever, but we think you are a childish civilization because you war against each other, but don't come back here, because you don't want you touching your planet and if we come back we'll destroy your whole planet."

Then the title card drops.

#monsterdon

Did anyone pass this along to Elon?
#Monsterdon

For many episodes have we viewed your "I Married Joan"

#Monsterdon

"We'll subject Tom to an electric shock, just short of being harmful."

"Well, no reason to hold back."

#monsterdon

"Any electric shock strong enough to kill the amoeba will kill Tom."

"I know."

#Monsterdon

Women in STEM for the win!
#Monsterdon

Please note the Lady saved the day, and the misogynist

#Monsterdon

I guess some time after setting the rocket to automatic, the girl passed out, and then we go back to the present, and learn that the last tape might have the Martian's message on it. Also, the doctor explains that an amoeba infection is eating the pilot's skin, so maybe we can save him.

The pilot wakes up in a cast and starts thrashing in his hospital bed, so the nurse gives him drugs.

#monsterdon

"All right, all right, it's okay, you don't have to overact anymore, you'll be fine..." #Monsterdon

Like a jerk, he takes the top bunk too.

#monsterdon #theangryredplanet

the professor just gave up and died?

#Monsterdon

lol, listen carefully

The woman passes out immediately.

Well the message was for the MEN of Earth...

#Monsterdon

is this guy having a heart attack in space???

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Electricity is LOUD!

He's going to electrofy the ship, isn't he? I'm sure it will be fine. #monsterdon

"well we gotta do something?"

just sit here waiting to die? that's about the speed of the rest of this film.

#monsterdon

Salt. Throw some salt at it.

#Monsterdon #TheAngryRedPlanet

You're sure it's a single cell organism?

That beast as big as a city block?

You determined that just by looking?

#monsterdon

I can't actually tell what's happening to the colonel, but I see that it's very red. And very angry.

#Monsterdon

Anyway, the astronauts start rowing toward the martian city, which consists of minimalist looking spires coming out of the water, when a big sea creature that is also a tentacle monster surfaces in front of them and rotates its eyes like a radar, so the astronauts say "Nope!" and row their boat back to land, but the tentacle monster is chasing them, so they run into their rocket, but the monster grabs one of the boys and eats him by inserting him into its jello pouch.

#monsterdon

Blobfish

#monsterdon

#monsterdon When they just showed the bubbles, I thought for a second we were going to see a weather balloon like from The Prisoner.

Knowing what the astronauts know now, I would assume that the Martians want to keep the rocket trapped on Mars for investigation purposes and would expect some kind of probe to analyze them.

#monsterdon

We turn off the rocket to not waste fuel, then the professor does a science and determines that they're being held by a gravitational force field, and we conclude that means aliens are keeping us her.

So we pull out an inflatable boat and use it to paddle across the lake and after some paddling we see some aliens in our funnel binoculars.

#monsterdon

No seatbelts or nothin

#Monsterdon

We go back to the rocket and then decide to leave, instead of staying the full five days. I'm not really sure why they made this decision, since they haven't encountered any danger that they couldn't get out of. But I guess they got some information and they're scared, so they decide to leave.

But when they try to leave their rockets blast off but the ship does not move and instead just vibrates there like a massive upright vibrator.

#monsterdon

ah fuck, forgot the parking brake was on #monsterdon