HE MAN

🎵 da da da da, da da-da da da da 🎵

#Monsterdon

"If another danger arises, we are surely doomed, can mankind survive?"
"Why yes, if they turn their backs on the ways of chaos and science. By refusing vaccinations and only drinking unpasteurised milk like Hercules does!".

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

"Chaos has been defeated."

But this entire movie is Chaos. I have no idea what's going on. #Monsterdon

Moonfall!!! #monsterdon #hercules1985

This is why you think ahead a few decades when thinking about where to hide divine artifacts. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

jesus fuck, was Greece built on Gamera's back or some shit?

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

@ricci I suppose it was closer to the 70's

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What
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GODZILLA

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Meanwhile stock footage volcano from a completely different much older movie.
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This is fine.

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Hera why did you hide a lightning bolt in your kid anyway?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

lightened to death by Hera. ow.

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forbidden yuri

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Wow, this is kabuki level ironic conflict of family and duty.
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#Monsterdon🧔‍♂️ 💪 ⛰️⚡ ⛈️ 🌌 😱

'Mother, give me the kiss of death' is literally a thing I have wished for from time to time due to family hijinx

The movie is going to be resolved by two women kissing...

Damn, not what I thought that was gonna be. #Monsterdon

This is why goddesses shouldn't have kids #Monsterdon

Just end please
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@ohiofi omg! #Monsterdon #TheAdventuresofHercules1985

I just referred to Zeus as Sky Santa and I can’t stop laughing.

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You've been ... thunderstruck!

look, pulling the sword from anthy never did her any harm, why is this going to be different?

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Now do battle with these yellow drawings. #monsterdon

Zeus launches back into exposition immediately after the line art space battle

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

"and now mother, you must do what fate demands of you: END THIS FUCKASS MOVIE" #monsterdon

Wait, this was ripped off from the Dr. Who Key To Time sequence.

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#Hercules1985

THUNDERHEART

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The last thunderbolt is love.

CALLED IT. HERA IS THE THUNDERBOLT. FUCKING KNEW IT

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Minos is nonplussed. Sorry..

#monsterdon "His savagery has been canceled."

...but give him a year and he'll be doing the talk show circuit.

"danger still lurks in the skies" after all, if this movie is successful, they might make another one.

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Cancel culture in ancient Greece #Monsterdon

'After that, it's just a knock-off Laserium®.'

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#Hercules1985

welp, someone's having a seizure now

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producer: we lost the film for the final fight!

animators: *drinks from a skull* I got u

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Gotta admit, I'm actually kind of impressed they were able to make a film *less* comprehensible than the original film. I have no idea what's happening right now. #Monsterdon

Someone bought an animation package and didn’t know what to do with it, right? #monsterdon #hercules1985

This just in: Khronos is just a glowing skull. Good to know. Cheap to cast. #monsterdon

There's more silently happening in this animation than there was in the entire rest of the movie.

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The mocap for this must have been off the chain. #Monsterdon

MINZILLA

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You have defeated my science, Hercules, but can you defeat .. EVOLUTION?

Spearmint Gorilla loves Peppermint Godzilla

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Minos, didn't you already use that sword?!

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what
the
FUCK
is
happening
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WAIT NOW WE'RE GODZILLA VS KONG?! #monsterdon

This continuity has Greek gods AND dinosaurs. I'm gobsmacked. #Monsterdon

They rotoscoped a light-sabre fight from a "Star Wars" film.

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#Hercules1985

Tie the girl to a rock and then expose yourself? Creep.

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Wait, rotoscoped warriors now?

OK.

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What! We have kaiju! #monsterdon

Lamest Tron ever. #Monsterdon

[rotoscoping intensifies]

#monsterdon #theadventuresofhercules1985

Shades of Tron. #Monsterdon

animated hercules is a much better actor than live-action hercules

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Pure energy. Okay

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

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It is called CGI, Hercules. It is the future. Your muscles cannot save you.

“I HAVE THE POWER!”

#TheAdventuresOfHercules1985 #Monsterdon

They've put him on the game grid...

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#Hercules1985

... and then we TRON'd #monsterdon

Minos: “Here, Hercules. Fight these cartoons.”

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PEC FLEX

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wuh oh here we go, it's animation time

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

@GeoffWozniak honestly you're not wrong, if Ferringo had been as over the top as this guy, he might've been putting in a something that might read as a performance

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

WHY DOES HE HAVE EYE LASERS

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I guess to be fair Minos did then yeet himself into space so it's cool

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Apparently, much like the number zero, they hadn't invented "not aiming at the shield yet"

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What fetishes are _not_ engendered in the young by this film?

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#Hercules1985

Crush the Earth! Crush the Earth!
🤞
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Minos, if you want to properly flash us, you need to be naked under your cloak.

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Well, Dedalos genital armor has not saved her anyway.
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#hercules1985

This movie is like a fundamentalist Christian, treating science like it's evil magic. #Monsterdon

There are many Doctor Who episodes with better production values than this #monsterdon #hercules1985

Remember this shield you threw away last time? Try not to lose it again, hero. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

there's lots of fun visuals in this but its so much more dull than the last one

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Kind of a MAGA "evil science" theme #monsterdon

I'm sorry Minos your grant application has been rejected by the Evil Science Foundation, you may re-submit next year

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Let's just make anything we want to happen. Sure, Father Time will zap batwoman from chaos and.. wut??

That weird armored codpiece didn't do you any good did it Daedalus?

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Why is the checkerboard floor made of leather?

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So, wait, the spider queen was known to all of them, but had the thunderbolt in her?

So she acquired the thunderbolt when it was stolen from Zeus?

I suppose any amount of thinking is overthinking on this thing.
#monsterdon #hercules1985

Now it's time for Carrie Fisher's life-day song.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

EAT SKULL RAYS!

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

you are the thing, i am the exact opposite of that thing. we are the same.

uh...

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Zeus' man cave has disappointing cheesy art in it
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the skull of father time zapped gender-swapped daedalus?

I am so confused

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Flora is played by Laura Lenzi, who played the mom in Lucio Fulci’s cursed archeological horror film, Manhattan Baby (1982).

I wondered if she is related to director Umberto Lenzi but judging from their bios and an IMDb collaboration search, I doubt it.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Uh, science is an attempt to minimize chaos by creating hypotheses & reproducible experiments so we—

ah, fuck it. Minos ain't listenin'. Dumb Chris Nolan-ass king.

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

Okay Elon reel it in

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This whole plot point was just to show her in a wet top.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that was the most anticlimactic end to a villain speech ever

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

I'm sorry Minos you have to get this evil scheme peer-reviewed

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"ow! glitter in my eyes!"

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"we scientifically altered the course of her destiny"
::chef's kiss::
⋮
"the future belongs to chaos, and to science!"

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wuoh oh, herc's pecs are _pissed_

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

The Mycenaen Candidate (1985)
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Cloneselor Troi! No!

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This exposition could have been an email. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985