#Monsterdon🧔‍♂️ 💪 ⛰️⚡ ⛈️ 🌌 😱

Wow I've never seen those constellations

"And you too, Glaucoma, the goddess of getting puffs of air blown into your eyeballs when you're getting your glasses prescription checked."

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

So much for the Olympus Truth and Reconciliation Commission....

#Monsterdon
#Hercules1985

Death becomes her. #monsterdon

keep expecting to hear the mst3k theme on these moon pans

#monsterdon

Hercules gave us the moon and the lunar calendar.
#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

@Lazarou Right! no problems on the surface for anyone at all. #Monsterdon #TheAdventuresofHercules1985

Now... very carefully... yeet the moon into a tidally locked orbit. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

AH FUCK

Big Her done threw the EARTH into space this time

Ain't shit about to stop that thing, Big Her! Ya dun gooft!

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

And now we know why Kansas is so flat.

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

And so begins the long story of Alpha Moonbase and Space: 1999

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Atlas popping back in after an extended coffee break, shouting "WHAT THE SAM HILL HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN DOING?!"

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

The last thunderbolt is in her? They stole that from The Fifth Element. #monsterdon

He'd have an enormous Schwanzstucker! #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

This feat is almost Atlassian.

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

That Tron fight with Minos was bonkers.

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

The thing about the Bechdel test is that the things the women say don't need to make any damn sense.
#monsterdon

And here's the 1-1 pitch to Hercules...

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

@SnoopJ LMBO!!!!! #Monsterdon #TheAdventuresofHercules1985

HE MAN

🎵 da da da da, da da-da da da da 🎵

#Monsterdon

"If another danger arises, we are surely doomed, can mankind survive?"
"Why yes, if they turn their backs on the ways of chaos and science. By refusing vaccinations and only drinking unpasteurised milk like Hercules does!".

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

"Chaos has been defeated."

But this entire movie is Chaos. I have no idea what's going on. #Monsterdon

Moonfall!!! #monsterdon #hercules1985

This is why you think ahead a few decades when thinking about where to hide divine artifacts. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

@ricci I suppose it was closer to the 70's

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

jesus fuck, was Greece built on Gamera's back or some shit?

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

What
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GODZILLA

#Monsterdon

Meanwhile stock footage volcano from a completely different much older movie.
#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

This is fine.

#monsterdon

Hera why did you hide a lightning bolt in your kid anyway?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

lightened to death by Hera. ow.

#monsterdon

forbidden yuri

#monsterdon

Wow, this is kabuki level ironic conflict of family and duty.
#monsterdon #Hercules1985

#Monsterdon🧔‍♂️ 💪 ⛰️⚡ ⛈️ 🌌 😱

'Mother, give me the kiss of death' is literally a thing I have wished for from time to time due to family hijinx

The movie is going to be resolved by two women kissing...

Damn, not what I thought that was gonna be. #Monsterdon

This is why goddesses shouldn't have kids #Monsterdon

@ohiofi omg! #Monsterdon #TheAdventuresofHercules1985

I just referred to Zeus as Sky Santa and I can’t stop laughing.

#Monsterdon

look, pulling the sword from anthy never did her any harm, why is this going to be different?

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Now do battle with these yellow drawings. #monsterdon

Zeus launches back into exposition immediately after the line art space battle

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

"and now mother, you must do what fate demands of you: END THIS FUCKASS MOVIE" #monsterdon

Wait, this was ripped off from the Dr. Who Key To Time sequence.

#Monsterdon
#Hercules1985

#Monsterdon

The last thunderbolt is love.

CALLED IT. HERA IS THE THUNDERBOLT. FUCKING KNEW IT

#Monsterdon

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Minos is nonplussed. Sorry..

#monsterdon "His savagery has been canceled."

...but give him a year and he'll be doing the talk show circuit.

'After that, it's just a knock-off Laserium®.'

#monsterdon
#Hercules1985

welp, someone's having a seizure now

#Monsterdon

producer: we lost the film for the final fight!

animators: *drinks from a skull* I got u

#Monsterdon

Gotta admit, I'm actually kind of impressed they were able to make a film *less* comprehensible than the original film. I have no idea what's happening right now. #Monsterdon

Someone bought an animation package and didn’t know what to do with it, right? #monsterdon #hercules1985

This just in: Khronos is just a glowing skull. Good to know. Cheap to cast. #monsterdon

There's more silently happening in this animation than there was in the entire rest of the movie.

#Monsterdon

The mocap for this must have been off the chain. #Monsterdon

MINZILLA

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#Monsterdon

You have defeated my science, Hercules, but can you defeat .. EVOLUTION?

Spearmint Gorilla loves Peppermint Godzilla

#monsterdon

Minos, didn't you already use that sword?!

#monsterdon

what
the
FUCK
is
happening
#monsterdon

WAIT NOW WE'RE GODZILLA VS KONG?! #monsterdon

They rotoscoped a light-sabre fight from a "Star Wars" film.

#monsterdon
#Hercules1985

This continuity has Greek gods AND dinosaurs. I'm gobsmacked. #Monsterdon

Tie the girl to a rock and then expose yourself? Creep.

#monsterdon

Wait, rotoscoped warriors now?

OK.

#monsterdon

What! We have kaiju! #monsterdon

Lamest Tron ever. #Monsterdon

[rotoscoping intensifies]

#monsterdon #theadventuresofhercules1985

animated hercules is a much better actor than live-action hercules

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Shades of Tron. #Monsterdon

Pure energy. Okay

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

#Monsterdon

It is called CGI, Hercules. It is the future. Your muscles cannot save you.

“I HAVE THE POWER!”

#TheAdventuresOfHercules1985 #Monsterdon

They've put him on the game grid...

#Monsterdon
#Hercules1985

... and then we TRON'd #monsterdon

Minos: “Here, Hercules. Fight these cartoons.”

#Monsterdon

PEC FLEX

#monsterdon

wuh oh here we go, it's animation time

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

@GeoffWozniak honestly you're not wrong, if Ferringo had been as over the top as this guy, he might've been putting in a something that might read as a performance

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

WHY DOES HE HAVE EYE LASERS

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

I guess to be fair Minos did then yeet himself into space so it's cool

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Apparently, much like the number zero, they hadn't invented "not aiming at the shield yet"

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What fetishes are _not_ engendered in the young by this film?

#monsterdon
#Hercules1985

Crush the Earth! Crush the Earth!
🤞
#Monsterdon

Well, Dedalos genital armor has not saved her anyway.
#monsterdon
#hercules1985

This movie is like a fundamentalist Christian, treating science like it's evil magic. #Monsterdon

There are many Doctor Who episodes with better production values than this #monsterdon #hercules1985

Remember this shield you threw away last time? Try not to lose it again, hero. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Kind of a MAGA "evil science" theme #monsterdon

I'm sorry Minos your grant application has been rejected by the Evil Science Foundation, you may re-submit next year

#monsterdon

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Let's just make anything we want to happen. Sure, Father Time will zap batwoman from chaos and.. wut??

Why is the checkerboard floor made of leather?

#monsterdon

So, wait, the spider queen was known to all of them, but had the thunderbolt in her?

So she acquired the thunderbolt when it was stolen from Zeus?

I suppose any amount of thinking is overthinking on this thing.
#monsterdon #hercules1985

Now it's time for Carrie Fisher's life-day song.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

EAT SKULL RAYS!

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

you are the thing, i am the exact opposite of that thing. we are the same.

uh...

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Zeus' man cave has disappointing cheesy art in it
#Monsterdon

the skull of father time zapped gender-swapped daedalus?

I am so confused

#monsterdon

Flora is played by Laura Lenzi, who played the mom in Lucio Fulci’s cursed archeological horror film, Manhattan Baby (1982).

I wondered if she is related to director Umberto Lenzi but judging from their bios and an IMDb collaboration search, I doubt it.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985