"They are crying for Hercules, oh Zeus."

"Crying is kind of a strong word, isn't it?"

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

"This is just a tempoprary rush job, right? The real movie isn't going to look like this, is it?" #monsterdon

oh, it's the plot to Bring Herc Back.

ok, sure.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Oops, a glolden shower... that's how you get babies from Zeus. Tinkle tinkle little star…

“Mothra’s not here right now but you can leave a message” #Monsterdon

#monsterdon And now the Shinto are utterly confused…

they've lost control! they're playing Universe Pool!

#monsterdon

This escalated quickly!

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

Urania?

#Monsterdon

It's the mothra ladies! #monsterdon

Love the big red arch in the middle of nowhere

#Monsterdon

Meanwhile, in The Land Before Time

#Monsterdon

much writing

very script

wow

#Monsterdon

so far, this could be a medium-budget porn

#monsterdon

Artax?

#monsterdon

Chaining virgins to rocks, the start of so many quality stories

#Monsterdon
#TheAdventuresOfHercules

✅ maiden turned into steam engine

#Monsterdon

DID THEY STRAIGHT STEAL THE MONSTER FROM FORBIDDEN PLANET???!!!

#Monsterdon #Hulkules2

I see that the entire film budget went into the script.

#Monsterdon

She's being attacked by a monster made entirely of scratches on the negative. #monsterdon

"if someone asks if you're a god, YOU SAY YES!"

#monsterdon

I love how Cannon perfected the look of simultaneously spending too much and not enough money

#Monsterdon

If dude's color scheme was black instead of red, that'd be a killer Death Metal outfit.

#monsterdon

"The fires await her silken flanks!"

#MOnsterdon

"Unleashed the forces of chaos and evil"

yeah, we're living in one of those times, thanks...

#Monsterdon

Due to poor procurement planning, Zeus only acquired 7 fully operational thunderbolts from Hephestus

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

#monsterdon

I like how we're 8 minutes into the movie and yet no new footage...

#Monsterdon

I wonder if people who say gen AI isn't creative and just regurgitates old stuff have seen The Adventures of Hercules

Humans can do it too

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Damn bullet-sponge robotic centaurs.

"embiggens"

#monsterdon

Not sure if I can stand watching Luigi Cozzi movies two weeks in a row, but I’ll play it by ear.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

yes yes, on a clear day you can see hercules's nuts

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Scenes from our last episode...
#Monsterdon

I need to pace myself. This is probably as good as it's going to get. #monsterdon

So all you astrophysicists clearly don't understand how the universe was formed. It was:

The other milestones are just not important. If you had to get it down to 3, those are the 3.
#monsterdon

Oh is this gonna be one of those, the first half is recapping the 1st movie deals? Lol

#Monsterdon

LAST TIME ON HERCULES

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Would have guessed Peewee Herman but ok, Hercules is the mightiest of all men

#Monsterdon

How many minutes can we just use the last movie? Just think about how much we can save!
#monsterdon

this better not be a Clip Show....

#Monsterdon

Throw logs at things that sound like screaming babies. Check.

#Monsterdon

Origin story/recap time.

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

MARBLE MADNESS #Monsterdon

Stuff should make phaser sounds again.

#Monsterdon

Narration!

Also, I swear the wind-chime sound is a stock soudn effect

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Now I don't know how to feel bc I don't know which film action is real and which is acting....

#monsterdon #WrongGods

Hey I bet in Japanese they're saying "MIRU"!!!

#monsterdon #WrongGods

Yo they're actually dancing with joy from having kilt Godzilla, huh?

#monsterdon #WrongGods

@paco

😆

#Monsterdon

@paco @bryanhowell So it's the best costume then. The most fun for a viewer up for some excitement and maybe madness. #Monsterdon

@bryanhowell So this is the “Godzilla: Final Wars” of costumes.

#monsterdon

@Newpa_Hasai Yeah, as horny as it could get with the ratings board watching. They might have fallen asleep at some point. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Nope, no teaser.

Big thanks to @Taweret for this classic Italian cinematic treat. I'd never seen this one before!

No smoking, no coffee.
Nearly eight minutes of opening credits. And, a very slow start.
Lots of Lou Ferrigno flexing.
Skimpy outfits all around, except for the gods and Minos (who does indeed look like a playing card).
Pixies handing out drugs and advice.
A lack of cool robot monsters (unlike the prequel).
Trippy animated climatic fight.
Extreme violence inflicted on classical mythology.

Yeah, this was a win.

#Monsterdon #AdventuresOfHercules1985

#Monsterdon bonus

♫♪♫ E-Rotic - King Kong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2op7jWFehP4

Thank you to everyone who makes this happen every Sunday. Y'all so totally rock. I'm getting used to the movies not doing the same. :blobcatmeltthumbsup:

#monsterdon

In this movie’s very very slight defense, it at least had a more coherent plot than last week’s Hercules

#Monsterdon

@diazona @Taweret @miru I honestly expected this to be a little _better_ than last week because more gonzo? but there was too much reused footage so it lost the advantage

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Bingo!

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules #MonsterdonBingo

Yeet it right into space, Hercules!

As always, thanks to @Taweret for hosting, @cherizilla for the bingo card, @randy_s for the drink recipe, @JoeWynne for the trivia, @ryan for the live stream, @paco for data analysis at https://gallery.don.monster, @combatwombat for the replay, and all of you for making it awesome!

#Monsterdon

whatever other qualities it may have lacked that was deeply entertaining.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon @miru When ur solfeggio has like 6 notes to go that's a "doe-ray"

Well, that sure was... a movie... I guess. Thank y'all Fun as always. #Monsterdon #TheAdventuresofHercules1985

I think last week helped me this week: last week I was utterly unprepared for how bad it was going to be; this week seemed to be less painful; but now I can't decide which movie was worse 🤮.

#monsterdon

The special FX in this film are something else. #Monsterdon

o7

#Monsterdon

Okay, that might've been the silliest movie we've watched together yet, and as usual, you folks made it awesome. Love you all. I may have laughed so hard I broke a rib.

Thanks so much to our esteemed hosts and whatnot. The Owlbear is headed to bed. Be kind, spread love, watch hilariously bad movie with friends.

Goodnight!

#Monsterdon

my head hurts

#monsterdon

Okay, put your hands out and there will be planets there, also a lot of really annoying sound effects. #monsterdon

Well, that's was a wreck, huh?
thanks everyone for sharing this crap movie with your great comments in this #monsterdon feature! Have a great monday everyone.

🎶They say Urania’s lights are bright on Broadway.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

too bad about Glauca, then ?

#monsterdon

The Earth is very sensitive to its orbital position.. like, it wouldn't take much to freeze or burn everything on it.. wow...

Well, I think that movie killed more of my brain cells than the alcohol I was drinking during it

#Monsterdon

And Hercules fucks off into space again, joining his bear. Thanks @Taweret for hosting :) #monsterdon

And so they fucked off into space! Again! For the last time!

Thanks @Taweret for hosting!

#Monsterdon

Geranium: “Happy with Glossary, don’t want a job thanks” #Monsterdon

Lack of throwing things into Space IMHO
#Monsterdon

Hercules reward for saving the Earth is being turned into sky decor. He doesn't even get any last words. #Monsterdon

and so herc himself gets yeeting into space. will he return in Herc 3? only time-- your monsterdon vote will tell!

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Well. That made no fucking sense. #Monsterdon

Nando Poggi, as Poseidon. #Monsterdon

I forgive you. And all the rebel gods. So I can trick them into having sex with me in various disguises again. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

#Monsterdon🧔‍♂️ 💪 ⛰️⚡ ⛈️ 🌌 😱

Wow I've never seen those constellations

"And you too, Glaucoma, the goddess of getting puffs of air blown into your eyeballs when you're getting your glasses prescription checked."

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

So much for the Olympus Truth and Reconciliation Commission....

#Monsterdon
#Hercules1985

Death becomes her. #monsterdon

keep expecting to hear the mst3k theme on these moon pans

#monsterdon

Hercules gave us the moon and the lunar calendar.
#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

@Lazarou Right! no problems on the surface for anyone at all. #Monsterdon #TheAdventuresofHercules1985

Now... very carefully... yeet the moon into a tidally locked orbit. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

AH FUCK

Big Her done threw the EARTH into space this time

Ain't shit about to stop that thing, Big Her! Ya dun gooft!

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

And now we know why Kansas is so flat.

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

And so begins the long story of Alpha Moonbase and Space: 1999

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Atlas popping back in after an extended coffee break, shouting "WHAT THE SAM HILL HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN DOING?!"

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

The last thunderbolt is in her? They stole that from The Fifth Element. #monsterdon

He'd have an enormous Schwanzstucker! #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

This feat is almost Atlassian.

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

That Tron fight with Minos was bonkers.

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

The thing about the Bechdel test is that the things the women say don't need to make any damn sense.
#monsterdon