There’s another movie about the moon coming to earth and it’s also very bad (Moonfall) #monsterdon #hercules1985

@flowerpot The way I've always heard it, it's whether the conversation is *about* a man, not whether one is mentioned (although it probably doesn't matter for the point the test was supposed to make)

Anyway there was an earlier conversation that would probably qualify, when the two women were near the fire talking about Ilia's sacrifice

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Trimming the lawn clipping Wookie: the 13th labor of Hercules
#monsterdon #Hercules1985

#monsterdon "I am a giant dick. I only interfere for sweet ...uh... meow…”

@hollie@social.coop I thought he just had a thing for fleshtone thongs tbh

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Oh no wait the moon is coming towards earth (even though it's moving away?!?)

So is this like a Don't Look Up moment, or

#Monsterdon

Where did the horse come from? No backstory? c'mon!

#Monsterdon

why do they keep establishing hercules as kenlike and dickless i don't understand why that's so important to the story #monsterdon

Instant Lou Ferrigno. Just add skin oil.

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

Watchmen (1985) or Ken (1985)?
#Monsterdon

I like Zeus' funky yamaka.

#Monsterdon #AdventuresOfHercules1985

Those are some serious space travel sound effects.

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Meanwhile, back on Earth we are abiogenetically incarnated. Which is convenient. W/ a horse, which is even better. #Monsterdon

What does Hercules do when he’s hanging out in space, arms akimbo?

#Monsterdon

In his down time, Hulkules just hangs out and does poses.

#Monsterdon

Um, if the bolts are to blame for the moon closing in, maybe just look for the gigantic solenoid? #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Wait, if Zeus is deploying Hercules, what was the prophecy needed for?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Ta-da!!! #Monsterdon

I'm not even flexing #monsterdon #hercules1985

Do we care about the plot here? No, no we do not. #monsterdon

lmao he just floating up there all gigaChad-like

#monsterdon

A little late, but the intro of the movie was a big "On the last episode..."
#monsterdon #hercules1985

@trixter Cheese thief lamenting recent fromage-based crime wave #Monsterdon

Is that where MST got their moon from? #Monsterdon

The same Ken doll shot as the 1st film

#Monsterdon

The moon is WIIIIIIILD, baby! Time to summon Dolph Lundgren? Brock Lesnar?

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

Robocop...
Robocop...

Return to duty!

#Monsterdon

ah yes, kendoll herc. someone really thought we needed to see that again, huh?

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Who Ken Doll'ed Hercules

#Monsterdon
#TheAdventuresOfHercules

What's he going to do with thunderbolts out in space? And only seven of them?

#Monsterdon

Seven shall be the number of the thunderbolts, and the number of the thunderbolts shall be seven...

#Monsterdon
#Hercules1985

This looks like a job for Kal-El! #Monsterdon

Gods stealing thunderbolts causes the moon to change its orbit?

... because of electromagnetism?
... and they're electricity?

Yeah, that scans.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Why is Urania wearing half of Ariadne's (Sybil Danning) sexy blue dress from the last movie?

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules

Why does no one have a phone number for Hercules. #Monsterdon

Hercules traveling by space sperm

#monsterdon

🌟 💪 ▶️ 🌏

#monsterdon

I know man, thunderbolt cables are expensive #monsterdon #hercules1985

THREE DAYS REMAIN.

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

Oh no, it’s the actor who stole Santa’s hair & Gandalf’s beard #Monsterdon

Olympus is wicked because they've been listening to Rock and Roll.

#monsterdon

The moon, like a testicle, hangs low in the sky...
- Robin Williams #Monsterdon

I'M A GWIMWALD WARRIOR

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Hey, Zeus. New perm? Looks good. #Monsterdon

The film audio normalization forgot!

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

I don't care who you blame Zeus. I blame you. It's always starts with your nonsense.

#Monsterdon

And the score falls back on Superman envy.

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

If I had a nickle for every movie where the moon flies off or towards earth and causes a disaster, I'd probably have enough money to buy a coke.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Wait, where we going? Oh, Olympus. Sure. It's probably pretty far from Earth as atmosphere goes. #Monsterdon

Lou F: Alright, I'll do you dumb movie but I can only be on screen fo 15 minutes.

#monsterdon

@moira Last labor was to give himself a nuclear wedgie. #Monsterdon

Twins in the flames, okay.

It worked for Mothra, without the fire . . .

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHerculesIi1985

Uh, camera 1, You've zoomed out too far again. #Monsterdon

"We must summon the fairies"

"They're not available"

"oh... well, guess hercules will do *shrug*" #monsterdon

A bit generous calling Minos' domain a "vast empire." As I recall it was one island that was sometimes green, sometimes wasn't.

#monsterdon

"No one has heard from him in ages! Like, two whole years!" #Monsterdon

Instance hicup but I'm back. So when is Mothra arriving?
#monsterdon

THE MUSIC SWELLS

#Monsterdon #AdventuresOfHercules1985

I feel sorry for the Commodore 64 that had to composite this scene.

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

Wasn't that the same monster from forbidden planet?
#monsterdon #hercules1985

Glossia is the woman who makes everyone's lips so shiny

#Monsterdon
#TheAdventuresOfHercules

Yea, about that. You gonna have any Hercules in your Hercules movie?

#Monsterdon

"Nothing has been heard from him... since those allegations of misconduct!"

#monsterdon

Uh, the moon is flying away? That can't be good for the planetary ecosystem.

#Monsterdon

Yes, thank you, we saw the recap, can we move on? #Monsterdon

Dang, passed the Bechdel test already

#Monsterdon

Zeus should have forged one bolt to bring them all, and in the darkness bone them. I said what I said. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

@GeoffWozniak Just you wait, just you wait

#monsterdon

#monsterdon
#Hercules1985
Seriously, this movie makes much more sense as part of the 1Q84 universe.

Pixies. The little people are pixies, under the spell of a bad video filter.

#Monsterdon #AdventuresOfHercules1985

OH CHRIST MORE CREDITS NOOOOOOOOOOOO

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

#Monsterdon🧔‍♂️ 💪 ⛰️⚡ ⛈️ 🌌 😱

this must be where what's his name got that idea for that one movie about the moon inevitably approaching the earth and it had Kirsten Dunst

yes, that's right

hercules yeeted _himself_ into space

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

What if Superman was tawdry & greased up. #Monsterdon

Oh I see Hercules is about to get another babe

Who will be RIVETED TO HIM hahahAHAhhahah

get it

#Monsterdon
#TheAdventuresOfHercules

Noticeable lack of Lou Ferrigno in this one. #monsterdon

And now the Mothra twins #Monsterdon

Why does this floating uterus have a face
#Monsterdon

Mothra fairies??? #Monsterdon

#monsterdon 7 mighty thunderbolts? Well you know what they say. If you've got no power when the power's out, you ain't got no real power.

Is that the twins from Mothra?

Are they gonna sing now?

#monsterdon

I see the costume director is still mostly working with swimsuits.

#monsterdon

These otherworldly twins kind of resemble uteruses.

#Monsterdon

Hercules II: the Quest for Hercules. #Monsterdon

They’re just gonna cheap out with one single actress for the Little People?? #Monsterdon

Moons are coming to Earth... sure

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Seeking the help of Spinal Tap #Monsterdon

Things must be hard up for the Mothra twins to need a side gig.

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

Fire oracles clearly rejects from the Star Wars Holiday Special.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Sing the Mothra song!

#monsterdon

Hercules! Herculai! Herculaaaaaaa! Hercu-lalalalalala

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

The Adventures of Hercules

Written by Roland Emmerich #monsterdon

The visual effects are in a category of their own - a low one #monsterdon #hercules1985

So Space:1999 in reverse?

#Monsterdon
#Hercules1985

Hey! Mad Planets! I've played this video game. #monsterdon #Hercules1985

I WAS JOKING O_O

#Monsterdon

the... fire twins? this movie would be improved by a summoning of Mothra.

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

HOLY FUCK why are the mothra twins here?

#monsterdon

@jonny Well, that’s something, anyway #Monsterdon

What is this tattle tale twin? Two burning chickens? #Monsterdon