#Monsterdon

The flesh colored moodandis make him look like a Ken doll.

If I had a nickle for every movie where the moon flies off or towards earth and causes a disaster, I'd probably have enough money to buy a coke.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Hercu-- who? Never heard. #monsterdon

Hercules divided the continents and set the constellations. He yeeted a cow and log into space. He’s invincible, but he’s really weak when it matters.

#Monsterdon

Does this ephemeral conversation pass the Bechdel test?
Oh, nope. They mention a man (Hercules). dammit
#Monsterdon

She has nice teeth at least
#Monsterdon

Please play the intro again

#Monsterdon

Man, Zoom was way better when you had to stare into a flame for the duration of the call. #monsterdon

Hercules has knockoff Mothra fairies

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

So if 4 Gods stole 7 bolts and split them evenly, how many bolts do each of the gods have? #Monsterdon

is Hercules gonna fight Mothra?

#monsterdon

This call to action could have been an e-mail to action. #monsterdon

technically it was a Bechdel pass, though? so that's… something.

there's plenty of runtime left for the male gaze

#Monsterdon

"Oh Mothra, hear me..."

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

it's the Small Stonehenge from Spinal Tap

The mothra twins these guys aren't

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

It's the Italian sisters of the Mothra twins!

#monsterdon

Cool animated sunrise / bird, though

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

I wonder what Hercules is up to #Monsterdon

Not quite passing the Bechdel-Wallace test so far.

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

TORII! TORII! TORII!

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

#monsterdon Ilya isn't dead, she went to a big beautiful farm upstate, to play with other greek heroines... a big happy farm, free range, lots of grass to chew. Moo.

OMG do I detect the barest semblance of a plot

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

#monsterdon

Me 5 minutes ago: I don't think someone fearing for their life in a human sacrifice situation is horny

Me now: oh this is definitely horny

For a moment, with that posing, I thought these two were in lesbians with each other. Alas, the film lacks courage.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Get out of town girl!
#Monsterdon

Had the monster been female this scene could have almost passed the betchdel test. #monsterdon

This concludes our contractually obligated mention of the betchdel test for every #monsterdon

Fire monsters? Eating MY destiny?!

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

“What the?? This isn’t Forbidden Planet! Where’s Leslie Nielsen??” #Monsterdon

Oh they chose these actresses for looks, not ability, didn't they?

#Monsterdon

Drawn electric monster looked cheap. but that soul burned to a crisp statue face was kinda neat.
#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Real Xena-level costume quality here. #Monsterdon

That is the creature from Forbidden Planet, right? #Monsterdon

My brain is saying the dude sacrificing the lady is kinda Alice Cooper but red #Monsterdon what is wrong with me

well it's a bechdel pass straight up and right away, okay, not expecting that

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Anteaus is a fire monster?

Or did the monster of the Id escape the Forbidden Planet?

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Reminds me of that singing lady on the wrecking ball

#Monsterdon

Oh, hey it's the monster from Forbidden Planet.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Forbidden Planet vibes!

Monster on vacay from Forbidden Planet

#Monsterdon #TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

It's a 雷獣!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

“I am Zuul.”

#Monsterdon

"Ohm Nom Shiva!"

#Monsterdon

That pokemon is evolving

#Monsterdon

Asphyx, is that you?! #monsterdon

This time it was right, it would work, and no women would have to get chained to anything. Oh, strike that last bit. #monsterdon

behold the Spherical Altar

#monsterdon

#monsterdon “Gods stole the thunderbolts, in fact, these assholes.”

Thunderbolts go pew pew… that’s just science

#monsterdon #theadventuresofhercules1985

@whiskeysailor #monsterdon

ALL Cules Matter.

"the fires await her silken flanks"

ok, dude, you didn't need to make it weird

#Monsterdon

A thunderbolt of seven parts. Four evil (probably elemental) gods. This sequel is felling like am RPG from the 80s.
#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

I heard that chain jingle, and thought my cat was playing with a toy

#Monsterdon

Thunderbolts and Lightning!

#monsterdon

@cd0 I think this *was* a DVD player screensaver from 2002

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

"silken flanks" boy this movie has some writing

#monsterdon

Are we serious about these sound effects? Did they leave production placeholders in by mistake? #monsterdon

If your lightning bolts make that noise, call the company and demand a replacement.

Thunderbolts*
The New Avengers?

#monsterdon #theadventuresofhercules1985

7:48 worth of opening credits.

#Monsterdon #AdventuresOfHercules1985

What is this, Silent Night Deadly Night 2?

#Monsterdon

Why isn't there a HIScules‽ Uh‽
#monsterdon

"one, two three, ...."

#Monsterdon

@klu9 I somehow doubt an AI could regurgitate something this cringe.

#Monsterdon

you know, this wouldn't be a bad format for a whole movie. just short action scenes with the credit roll. cut out all the pointless filler
#monsterdon

Guys I was already sleepy and Watch This Shit You Saw Already But In Five Second Clips is *not* helping. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Oops, huge hercules, drat... that reminds me, gotta pick up more kleenex at the market. ;)

it's the return of gay lightsaber

#Monsterdon

Well so far it's about as entertaining as a DVD player's screensaver from 2002. #monsterdon

Actors from the first move: Do we get paid again ... or ...?

#monsterdon

Lou looks pretty good. He must have been so relieved not to go through that Hulk makeup every day. #monsterdon

what the fuck did the credits song just end and they started it again that is such an awesome move #monsterdon

Show me space Log right now, movie, or so help me I will go back and rewa... okay no I think everyone knows that ain't happening. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

He battles badly-made robots!
#Monsterdon

Ah yes, the three moons of Earth...

#Monsterdon

this is like a mashup between Superman and Star Wars for music.

#monsterdon

we're STILL recapping?

#monsterdon

That's the king of Africa, on the shore there with his men - easy to miss that

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon oh good, I'm glad we're getting a recap on the creation of the universe in case we missed the first one

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

💸 Low Budget Film School 👿🎎

Save money by using footage from other movies.

Like The Adventures of Hercules where most of its footage (65%) came from the previous Hercules film.

#TheAdventuresOfHercules1985

@amyfou, any time a horse appears during #monsterdon

you're telling me we could have just watched Herc 1's Greatest Hits last week and be done?

#monsterdon

The strings section is earning their money early

#Monsterdon

none of these count for #monsterdonBingo this is not the movie yet and double counting is cheating #monsterdon

#monsterdon What are Italians without the letter I? talans.

I grow increasingly concerned that they were proud enough of the special effects from the first one, that they thought they would show them again. #monsterdon

Clearly REALLY wants to be a Superman movie with these credits.

#Monsterdon

Face it. LASERBLAST had better miniatures work!

#monsterdon

I was going to say that Star Trek: TNG was clearly an inspiration to these opening credits. BUT NO, this came out first! I... I don't know what to feel, now.

#Monsterdon

The budget for the sequels is a lot less when 1/3 of the movie is repeating the original. #monsterdon

John Williams has a lot to answer for.

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Having a little trouble starting the movie but I've got my #monsterdon fuel!

Hercules 2: The Search For More Money

#monsterdon

marcy "fig" newton

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Hercules Composer: I have a great idea! If we change like 2 notes in the superman theme, we won't get sued! #Monsterdon

Surely there was at least ONE other body builder somewhere in the US with more on-screen charisma. Why the heck did Lou get this gig twice??

#Monsterdon

So are these like recaps of the first movie, which I missed last week?

#Monsterdon #AdventuresOfHercules1985

#monsterdon MST3K Moon... ahem.

@OldRustBucket the recap montage makes it feel like the opening for a tv series

#monsterdon

Previously, On X-Men...

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

So it's a clip show episode? Was there a writers strike? #monsterdon