We could tell you, but that would end the plot #Monsterdon

If these Little People don’t end up being a troop of ferrets just Redwalling it up in leather bikinis, I’m gonna be very upset.
#Monsterdon

These supernatural forces are super into sudden death.

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

character in the movie *also* being jump-scared by the bad editing-room effects

#Monsterdon

Well, I missed the first half of #monsterdon, but that's OK. I tuned in just in time to see this magic space thing give a re-cap of the plot.

Trivia: Lou Ferrigno played two games in the Canadian Football League (CFL) for the Toronto Argonauts.

He was let go after he broke the legs of a fellow player during a scrimage match. 😬

#monsterdon

Chapter 5: Yourania visits the planetarium

#monsterdon

ayahuasca is one hell of a drug #monsterdon #hercules1985

is it required to stand with your hands on your hips while in interstellar space?

#monsterdon

oh wow they actually bothered to change the lighting on her when the orbs flew nearby

#monsterdon

[triumphant zooming] #Monsterdon

Where do I find a skull table that offers free potions?

#Monsterdon

The "Temple" isn't much more than a dollar store aquarium decoration #Monsterdon

#monsterdon

Xanadu... Xana duu uuu uuuuu

#monsterdon this movie is turning into Xanadu so gradually I almost didn't notice

gotta say, this *is* some cool space footage

#Monsterdon

I didn't realize transmitting my thoughts could only be done in a white bikini top. I've been so foolish!

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

This is just Danzig's living room

#Monsterdon

Special Effects Budget:
30% Glowy Crap
70% Chest Waxing
#Monsterdon

"Transmit my thought? Can't I just talk and stuff?"

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

This girl accepts drinks from strangers too easily...

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

"Why is it always DEATH?"

Oracle of Death implies Amazon of Torture and Meta of… well let’s not go there #monsterdon #hercules1985

ok we're just drinking the potions that glowing skulls give us now huh

#monsterdon

Well, at least he temporarily knocked something into space #Monsterdon

"the temple has always meant a lot to the little people"

and what drugs were being smoked when you saw them.....and do you have some to share?

#Monsterdon

why do they keep splitting up

#monsterdon

They should just put a little lightning bolt chyron on the screen:
THREE BOLTS TO GO
#monsterdon

Gotta admit the women in this movie can hold their own pretty well.

Did we get a Bechtel pass?

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

"Are you certain this is the place?"

"I'm certain it's... A place."

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

#Monsterdon🧔‍♂️ 💪 ⛰️⚡ ⛈️ 🌌 😱

it is pretty impressive how little Lou actually moves

“Ice to meet you!”

#monsterdon #theadventuresofhercules1985

#monsterdon

I guess swords can do anything now. Frost a woman and throw electricity, whatever..

Hyper Dimension Urania #monsterdon

I hope you all that voted on #Hercules1985 are proud of this movie
#monsterdon

I think slide whistles would have made better sound effects

#Monsterdon

These god costumes are wild, did they even bother to sew them or they just wrap some fabric around peoples bodies and that’s it? #monsterdon #hercules1985

Minos just scienced all over Flora.

#Monsterdon

"Why should I be afraid of you? Your lightsaber is clearly straight now"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Minos looks like a playing card

that's cold, bro #monsterdon

Four out of Seven Ain't Bad, Minos!

#monsterdon

@catzilla I thought we rebelled against Zeus so we wouldn't all get deception-raped every week. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

* do two men
* have a conversation
* about something other than a thunderbolt

#monsterdon

"Minos, it is I, the beautiful goddess Flora.
I understand you trust no-one.
If I had been cucked by a cow, I probably would have trust issues too."

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

I bet Hercules could throw all these people into space if he wanted

#monsterdon

No we get it, you don't have to show Forbidden Planet monster again. #monsterdon

this Zeus isn't very convincing. very patriarchal and actually-concerned, and not even the slightest bit "I will fuck anything with a consciousness and several things without"

#Monsterdon

Good thing we've got three goddesses to explain what's going on offscreen -- there's no budget for actually showing it!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

This movie is too dumb to need all this exposition.

#monsterdon

Bingo!

#Monsterdon
#Hercules1985

The Zeus-Free Network.

#monsterdon

Critics: It’s ghastly! It’s hell on earth! Take it away!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

it was bold to choose that actress to be "Ms Exposition"

#Monsterdon

"This is just the beginning" Oh god. It's already been 50 minutes. #Monsterdon #Hercules1985

@allanb yes, very, thanks

#monsterdon

So how your you going to loot the corpse when it's in some ocean half way around the planet?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

@allanb yes, yes we are

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

Yay! Into space then the sea!

#monsterdon

You can't capture lightning in a bottle.

But you can kick its ass

#Monsterdon

it's fine, Hercules punched the monster of pure energy and it exploded

also, a thunderbolt was located. apparently.

#Monsterdon

And he punched off into the sea. #Monsterdon

Fortunately, the monster had one weakness: punching

#Monsterdon

He punched fire IN THE FACE #monsterdon #hercules1985

How convenient that they didn't have to walk back. #Monsterdon

“Don’t let me die! But do let me lie on this ball for a while, it’s doing wonders for my back” #Monsterdon

@ricci #monsterdon

Then they told him his cholesterol level....

#Monsterdon🧔‍♂️ 💪 ⛰️⚡ ⛈️ 🌌 😱

Lou, that was actually a pretty good 'Anteus I'm ready for you' face, there for a moment!

so we got an OM, we got an upside-down 7

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Even when they're about to die the characters are narrating

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

They really just copied that from Forbidden Planet, didn't you.

#monsterdon #theadventuresofherculues1985

"It's GHASTLY!"

Actually I think it's Gengar. #Monsterdon

Just mermaids with pasties chillin.
#monsterdon

Ok movie, not EVERY SINGLE SCENE needs some sort of optical effect. #monsterdon

the LAST daughter of [whatever]?

um, well, that kinda takes the drama out of the earlier prediction that Urania would be the next sacrifice, if she was literally the only choice

#Monsterdon

ghastly is a weird way to describe a cartoon lightning monster

#monsterdon

I bet craft services on this was am/pm level at best. BYO food if you wanted to eat. #monsterdon

i know this shield! this is unix!

#monsterdon

Had this movie been done today I would swear it was written by AI #monsterdon #hercules1985

how is this so much more boring than the first one? he isn't even throwing anything into space

#monsterdon

I know this shield. This is Hernan!
#Monsterdon

In a normally-structured story, this would be the climax

I get the feeling this is not a normally-structured story

#monsterdon

okay why would the moon falling kill the gods tho

you've explicitly *shown* us they live way up in space???

#Monsterdon

HA HA YOU'VE BEEN GONE 200 YEARS, SUCKERS

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

Did you even tell your sister where you were going?

#Monsterdon

This movie is basically a guide about how to beat a game.

#monsterdon

The amount of repetition suggests they thought only five year olds would be watching this.

#monsterdon #Hercules1985

I've totally lost track of what thing they need to gather, to defeat what thing, to stop what destruction.

#monsterdon

oh, so *THIS* is where they got the idea for that Moonfall movie from

#Monsterdon

Here, take this bong #monsterdon #hercules1985

I've played MMOs with better plots than this. Hell, I've played MMOs with fewer FETCH QUESTS than this fucking movie. #Monsterdon

Shout-out to all the rotoscopers who worked so hard on this movie. Genuinely

#Monsterdon

Does this actress get credit for a speaking role or not? 🤔
#Monsterdon

Even the dialogue is exposition

#Monsterdon #Hercules1985

SWEAR TO GODS who decided that "magic" in this movie equals "looking like you're a walking Van der Graaf generator"?

#Monsterdon

Hhhgh. Everything in this movie is The Something OF Something, where Some Guy did Some Thing. #Monsterdon

Losing my mind that the potion FLEW THEM through the water to some point, after which they have to walk. Like the potion was on their way somewhere & just dropped the heroes off at the nearest seahorse statue #Monsterdon

I think those things on the little people are supposed to be wings, but all I can see is this dress Kathleen Battle wore ages ago at Christmas at Carnegie

#Monsterdon

No budget for the whale song this time? #monsterdon

I mean what is the other sister doing during all this? Did they leave a note?

#Monsterdon