Don't lick that red paint; it's mostly lead

#Monsterdon

That is way more elaborate than just "let the dog eat him" #monsterdon

#monsterdon they better not harm that googie or i will lose my shit

It's funny how he refers to the military in the beginning, and now they've become an opposing army #monsterdon

@saucerlost 4 means death?

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Door #4 is a theme, innit

#Monsterdon

The major's life is so empty nobody notices he's being walled in

#Monsterdon

I like that the blind guys are highly competent

#monsterdon

So, takin' all bets. They gonna kill the Tory or just blind him? #Monsterdon

"In the interests of restitution the Committee has decided to take your Eyes!"

#Monsterdon

@klu9 @catzilla oh thanks yeah I wasn't sure what year she started. Heath always makes me think of the Beatles' Taxman, which mentions him #monsterdon

#monsterdon why are the interiors in these old British movies various hues of greens? is green paint cheaper?

he ded now
too late
#monsterdon

@catzilla Before I think?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon brits have a weird relationship with death

Ten bucks says he starts marching them around the plaza like a dipshit and kills half of them. #Monsterdon

Oh lord, it's the English jolly-pip what what sergeant major 9_9 #Monsterdon

It's like Enid never heard a single tale about being immortal, or vampires, or anything like that.....fucking Enid!

#Monsterdon

Nice crossover with The Asphyx

#monsterdon

Oh you fucked that one up Enid...

#Monsterdon

LOL amazing horror slapstick

#Monsterdon

Who were those four men? Amazon corpse delivery guys?
#monsterdon

"do you know the story of the monkey's paw? it's not a story the jedi would tell you"

#monsterdon

I don't think I can't count this chase as a "Merry Chase", although the soundtrack *is* quite jaunty.

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonBingo

#monsterdon LOL PCush’s character’s last name is Grimsdale

Oh no, there's a leatherman outside! She told him not to come until dark! #Monsterdon

"I wish for these rules to be ignored for as long as I wish"

#Monsterdon

"That same shop we got the Mogwai...."

oooo, Cursed Monkey's Paw Tale

#Monsterdon

lol "heartless"

get it

GET IT?

And there in the zombie note is his still-beating heart??

Because he's "heart" "less"??

#monsterdon

lol, and that's how you deal with tories!

#Monsterdon

My god, that's the worst case of cardiomegaly I've ever seen! It's a wonder he lived that long.

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Yeah good idea, get your fingers ALL OVER the crime scene. #Monsterdon

Are you not going to show us the zombie eating the Tory?
Just more paint?

boooooo!

#Monsterdon

That zombie is totally gonna wreck this jerk

With his tanks and his bombs and his gons

#Monsterdon

*crypt lingerer #3 in a flashback causes Grimsdyke's beloved dogs to be seized by city authorities*

*also attacks his job*

*also tries to null out Grimsdyke's retirement benefits*

...is this another 70s movie set upon a foundation of acrid misanthropy piledriven down to the core of the earth, where every single human is terrible and miserable? (Why was that such a recurring characteristic of 70s movies??)

#monsterdon

"No work, no children, no one to make toys for. Guess I might as well start on that giant mech suit."

#Monsterdon

"DANGER". Ok, this is not actionable advice. #monsterdon

This is how evil British Suburbia is you know...

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon so what happened to the cheating guy's face?

"That man is too thrifty and kind! Such an asshole!"

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@Mikal @apLundell is it on purpose? like part of the Hays Code? #monsterdon

Grand Moff Tarkin after the Revolution....

#Monsterdon

So the guy walks away from the burning car where his lover died and walks up to people but his appearance frightens them and they run away screaming. He goes to his house and his wife screams at him and also there's another middle-aged man there so I guess he wasn't the only one having an affair. He's probably a zombie or something.

#monsterdon

@paco she got strangled by bad santa

#monsterdon

@SnoopJ I had identical thoughts at the same time. #monsterdon

So, uh, is he a zombie now or something?

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

did the crash merge him and susan?

#Monsterdon

Spoon River Anthology meets Plato's Cave Allegory meets infidelity meets horror?

#monsterdon

"And that's why you're medium rare." #Monsterdon

Aaaand she opens the car door and pushes him out <3 #Monsterdon

sex dreams....

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe that's pretty much the 70s? #monsterdon

@xerozohar Insert exaggerated eyebrow waggle here :3 #Monsterdon

I unironically want this phone

#monsterdon

She is remarkably unfussed about the crazed Santa murderer prowling around outside

First things first, I guess

#Monsterdon

#TalesFromtheCrypt1972
#monsterdon

Listening to the quality blood fans loose it here.

Maybe she can ask Santa for some REAL blood....

#monsterdon

that is not blood.....just stop now...

#Monsterdon

God rest ye that one merry gentleman who got merc'd

#Monsterdon

Okay, they just made it better with "god rest ye merry gentleman" as the body bounces down the stairs. This movie is bringing its A game for music direction

#monsterdon

While the murderess ("Joanne" I think) is moving the body, the radio interrupts its Christmas Carols to tell the audience that a homicidal maniac dressed like Santa has escaped from a mental hospital and is murdering people.

Anyway, while she's hiding the body we see a guy dressed like a Santa sneaking around outside her house. She grabs an Extremely Stylish Rotary Phone and almost uses it to call the cops, but then she realized she has a dead body on her floor.

#monsterdon

this is the most 70s house ever.....

#Monsterdon

oh wow, 70s phone!

#Monsterdon

Love that #FF0000 blood on the shag carpet apparently shorn from a single, enormous, rectangular polar bear.

#monsterdon

"Better lock the door so no murderer gets in here" - the murderer

#monsterdon

She’s so casual in how she handles her husband’s dead body. I have to imagine this isn’t her first murder.

#Monsterdon

look at that tiny radio :blobfox3c:

amazing technology they have these days

#Monsterdon

@catzilla #monsterdon

ikr that is literally a killer outfit.

I mean if you're going to kill your husband at least send the kid to grammas? Have you no decency? #monsterdon

I would kill someone too if I had that wallpaper on my second story

#monsterdon

#monsterdon at least she put on a festive hat!

CHRISTMAS KILL

10 min, not bad

#Monsterdon

Someone please capture that 2-3 second shot of an extremely 70s fireplace and loop it for ten hours

#monsterdon

Morning: Crypt Exploration
Afternoon: Important appointment

#Monsterdon

All in good time. Just shy of 90 minutes worth.

#Monsterdon

That is the biggest baby skull I've ever seen. #Monsterdon

@nazokiyoubinbou lol

Although the Paris Catacombs are a huge tourist attraction so idk, it kinda makes sense

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

This is gonna turn into It Lives By Night, isn't it. There's gonna be bats here any second and then everyone turns into a furry. #Monsterdon

Wow, first act is not staying with the tour group. Welp, time to die! #Monsterdon

I hope my tomb has a chauffer

#Monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for Tales from the Crypt, which is a movie and probably different from the show with the ghoulish puppet host. Oh wait and it has Peter Cushing in this, excellent!

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch a monster movie every week and make fun of it. Join us if you wish, following the hash tag and @Taweret the keeper of the poll. Or mute the hash tag if you'd rather not see a stream of posts about monster movies. Just do the thing you want.

The daylight really adds to the spookiness.

#Monsterdon

How did they clear the goths out of this churchyard?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Tocatta in D was always a great way to charm a pipe organ playing roadie to lose their knickers, and also, every haunted house…

Apparently roses can be too red.
painting the roses red~~ with blood!
#Monsterdon #EvilofDracula

I dig the principal's outfit... kinda a different take on the vampire cape....

#monsterdon #WrongCrypt

Bumpasses!
#monsterdon
@moira @nazokiyoubinbou

"The white man lost his god... lost his mind." White people so crazy they brought brought great horrors to Japan. Like Catholics and Draculas.
#Monsterdon #EvilofDracula

Yeah, Kyoko-chan's sleeping like the DEAD

#monsterdon #WrongCrypt

@SnoopJ @aburka @Taweret @xoagray @ryan oooh nice one, it took me a minute

#Monsterdon

"One or two girls disappear each year" ?!?! wtf?

#monsterdon #WrongCrypt

One Piece guy! He just feels like a 70s gangster anytime he shows up.
#Monsterdon #EvilofDracula

@CactuarJoe He aged terribly. #Monsterdon #TalesfromtheCrypt 🪦🧟

I didn't really get a French Literature kinda vibe from Igor-san...

#monsterdon #WrongCrypt

He's a Wizard, @otheorange_tag

That crypt keeper gets around...I'm sure he'd appreciate a sip or a bottle :)

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon
This is a nice change of pace; ty @Taweret

@ProngSprong_nCloven #monsterdon

I figure if she got him to a lab, to be studied as to why he isn't dying, they'd at least put him on painkillers 24-7...

@blogdiva I wanna name my next dog Shane

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Really, the takeaway from these stories is that British folk have weirdly pink blood, and not nearly enough of it. Otherwise, these vignettes were pretty much just five of the cringier Fesshole posts. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

#TalesFromtheCrypt1972
#monsterdon

Okay, everyone worried about Alive Forever Guy --

His case was loud enough it spend a few decades in paper push before being approved to forward to a small gods' workflow for exception. The queue isn't as bad as the paperpush.

So. His Awareness within the Narative just had a delayed arrival at reconciliation lol.

What remains of his cells is doing Kojima nightmare stuff in a scifi timeline.

/jk