I do like this first-person shot, though :D #Monsterdon

I guess the plot device that I didn't pick up earlier is that the Monk is reading their minds or something and revealing each of the trapped people's sordid pasts, and after each vignette we're back in the cave?

#monsterdon

(clam music)

#monsterdon

Ah well, i'm sure the evil santa is gone and we can just forget about him

#monsterdon

Aaaaah the 1970's, when they announced your cause of death on the radio. #Monsterdon

Yeah, lean your head WAAAAAY into the fire to light that ma'am. #Monsterdon

That's an WWE Championship belt
#monsterdon

FESTIVE MURDER

#monsterdon

"And now, for something completely different!"

#Monsterdon

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here tonight..." #Monsterdon

Oh that's an INTENSELY 70s logo. #Monsterdon

🎄 TURN DOWN YOUR LIGHTS 🎄

(where applicable)

#Monsterdon

I'm not in here teaching class to you. You are in here learning from me.
Today we learn about the humble vampire bat. Or was this the devil... wait wrong slide.
#Monsterdon #EvilofDracula

But... but... Joan Collins is too pretty to burn in hell!

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@CactuarJoe That's true. I'd be there with ya, then. lol #Monsterdon #TalesfromtheCrypt 🪦🧟

Just in hell, enjoying a huge milkshake together.

why did they start out on the tour tho

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe I'd do two: best film and best Monsterdon experience because those two do _not_ generally line up

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@log #monsterdon

Wait, Scrooge falls into Hell in a movie?!? I'm there!

#monsterdon they’re going into the light of… hell

@moira Maybe at New Year's I'll make a poll for The BEST Movie On #Monsterdon :D

did ... did he just fall on the organ keyboard?

#monsterdon

So ends another #Monsterdon with the masterpiece, #TalesFromTheCrypt1972. All our thanks to @Taweret for hosting, to @xoagray for helping with the #monsterdonsaveschristmas drive, and to all of you wonderful people for such a wonderful #Monsterdon year and for donating so generously! And remember #Monsterdoners: For reasons of economy, the heating is turned off at 2000 hours.

Shane deserved a better class of snack than Rogers.

#monsterdon

Pretty diabolical punishment plan
#monsterdon

@nazokiyoubinbou Yeah, there's a dog down the street that'll just go like that for ages xD

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

#monsterdon meatcrumbs

@moira yeah they're dropping the ball on subtitling the dog #monsterdon

I like how patient they are in building the gallows/guillotine...

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon ohlawdhavemercy are they eating the dead guy?!?!?

are they building a gallows for him?

Or just feed him to the dog?

#Monsterdon

@diazona Dragging just a little

#monsterdon

this story is a socialist parable or something

#MOnsterdon

take his eyes

#Monsterdon

You turned that dog into an Ableist snitch...

#Monsterdon

@devilgirlbot YOU MUST HEED THE WARNING

#monsterdon

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU JUST DAMNED HIM TO ETERNAL TORMENT #Monsterdon

Okay, the statue is just being a dick

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

OKAY I GUESS THERE ARE OTHER CHARACTERS WHO READ "THE MONKEY'S PAW" NEVERMIND

#Monsterdon

Oooo that's a bad idea. #Monsterdon

This changes tone suddenly and often. #monsterdon

Is it bad if you call out the Monkeys Paw and then just do the Monkey's Paw? Feels cheap.
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Thinks he's a Lannister now does he?

#Monsterdon

Spaffed it all away on crypto, didn't he?

#Monsterdon

Meanwhile, in a different room of the same house all the other stories have taken place in... #Monsterdon

They must've gotten a 2 for 1 deal on red paint.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon that coat that made the lady look like out of the Tudor era? 💯

cyberbullying, snail-mail edition #monsterdon

I don't like bullies and I don't like their cardigans and their puffy eyelids

#Monsterdon

#TalesFromtheCrypt1972
#monsterdon

If the next story doesn't pick up, I'm off to a pallete cleanser. Like, fraggle rock or something.

Oh, right, the alcohol makes bingo #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@samsagreg #monsterdon

does the village die .com

awww, the dog escaped and came back! 💖

#Monsterdon

Amazing how well ketchup and milk go together

#Monsterdon

@flowerpot #monsterdon

if the dog has a TV, do you need a license for both the dog and the TV?

DOGGIES NO! . . . well atleast they get out of the movie and go to live upstate. that's far better fate than many Monsterdon dogs.
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@apLundell

I mean, right? Worst fake blood ever.

#monsterdon

Oh wait the second vignette decided to throw us a curve ball and have the guy be revealed as a zombie but then it was a dream but then it was not a dream and then it happened again. Okay.

#monsterdon

@ricci bro's crashing out

#Monsterdon

The reveal is gonna be he woke up wearing a Barney mask. #Monsterdon

So a car crashed turned into a first person camera view of HP Lovecraft's the Outsider?
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

I'm guessing that all of these characters are dead and they're being judged in the afterlife, which is why this weirdness is set in a catacomb with haunted doors.

#monsterdon

Anyway, I kind of liked the first little vignette? It was horror with an interesting tension of the wife trying to hide the murder and also hide from the Murder-Santa. #monsterdon

Oh he's definitely as sex tourist

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe It's the early 70s. they blew a lot early then.

If you know what I mean. #monsterdon

still don’t understand how we went from guys in business suits touring a crypt with sexier Elizabeth Hurley killing her husband so non-chalantly.

#monsterdon

She already killed one old guy with a poker - why not another?

#monsterdon

#TalesFromtheCrypt1972
#monsterdon

Sometimes you just don't have two kills in one day in you.

Anyway, typical rogue coping: Get situational control.

BAD Santa!

(wait, wrong movie)

#Monsterdon

the decor though...it's so 70s....intense!

#Monsterdon

First kill, just under 10 minutes

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

He's a member of the Shriners, Order of the Tinsel Star. #Monsterdon

OH GOD IT'S THE SAREVOK FIGHT WE'RE NOT LEVELED FOR THIS IT'S THE START OF THE MOVIE #Monsterdon

OMG is that Jackie Collins sister?

#monsterdon

Omg I hate losing my broach in the catacombs. It happens ALL the time. #monsterdon

"Stay with me and do not lose your way"

[outer-story protagonists immediately fall behind]

#Monsterdon

Before we start, just wanted to thank each and every one of you who donated to #monsterdonsaveschristmas.

So… thank you. And you and you and you and you. Thank you, too. And you as well. Thanks. Thank you thank you. Thank you both. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, and all I led you over there. Thanks to the people in the cheap seats. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thanks. Thanks. Thank you. Thanks.

Okay, movie time.

#monsterdon

Thanks for crawling out #monsterdon
Thanks hosts, organizers, announcers, and audience, for building this, and for supporting #mutualaid year round.

what a weak vampire... can't even turn into a bat...

#monsterdon #WrongCrypt

"devil in disguise"... another movie about conservative politicians, huh?

#monsterdon #WrongCrypt

yep. it's all the Western Christian's fault...

#monsterdon #WrongCrypt

@bk1e omg

if that happens i will arf like a hyena :D

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@paco "Coke Face Of Sir Ralph Richardson" #Monsterdon

@apLundell the room probably fills up with lava if you wait too long or something, they've had time to work out all the loopholes...

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon
#TalesFromTheCrypt1972
Cryptkeeper looks like he will create a Bone Temple after the Rage virus decimates the UK

@yatsu saw that one coming... #Monsterdon

@SnoopJ that's just the equivalent of the pearly gates: the tour from (of) hell

#monsterdon

@Taweret cheers, excellent choice for Xmas! #Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe @kshernandez For a *milkshake*? Yes, definitely. If it were, like, liver or kale, you'd be fine

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

five minutes in, and already more use of public transportation than the whole previous movie.

#monsterdon #WrongCrypt

#monsterdon eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

@Mikal Eh, it was just an Age of Generalized Greasiness. #Monsterdon

I wonder what unlucky soul had his hand up that cryptkeeper...

Thank you @Taweret and #Monsterdon for a wonderful Christmas viewing! I'm going to go refuse to jump into the pit for all eternity and make the cryptkeeper wonder what he did wrong.

(organ intensifies)

@LuluHelle because they were pushed to it by Fascism

#Monsterdon

oh noes he broke the fourth wall

#monsterdon

#TalesFromtheCrypt1972
#monsterdon

Ok so that was stimulating and thoughtful..

I feel like these stories should have had title cards?

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Well, let's all just casually walk to the fire pit I guess.

#Monsterdon

and so they fucked off into hell

TY for joining, everyone!!

#monsterdon

these guys

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Don't lick that red paint; it's mostly lead

#Monsterdon