Tory fucking bastards....

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon this whole section with the cheating dude feels very Twilight Zone. Rod Sterling would be proud.

@CactuarJoe children should be ignored and loathed! like I was! #monsterdon

WE HAVE PETER CUSHING ❤️

#monsterdon

You can tell this movie is British because of the way it is

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Maybe get a larger enclosure for those dogs?

"I love you Susan. Seriously. THIS time I'm serious. Not like with that last chick. YOU. Not her. Honestly." #Monsterdon

so is the core conceit of this movie that they all died and each story is how they died?

I'm gonna guess that's what's going on here

#Monsterdon

Joan Collins in an elf hat, blandishing a bloody sword while the kid is upstairs waiting for santa is… a sight. #monsterdon

SHE STOLE HIS FEZ!?!?! #Monsterdon

Wait are we seriously opening with a Sinister Dracula Organ? WE'RE supposed to do the riffing, movie. #Monsterdon

RE: https://mastodon.murkworks.net/@moira/115761072018027708

Anyway, in conclusion:

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@paco 🦋 is this a die hard?

#monsterdon

@aburka 😂 but I kinda feel like Devil Girl would not leave that ambiguity - she'd just be like "You will be vaporized now."

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

@CactuarJoe Ah, na, this one was actually pretty good! It deserves a third option. :D

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

SEE WORLD WE DON'T JUST WATCH BAD MOVIES

just when we get to _vote_ on them

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

So this is what the Cryptkeeper looked in his younger days? #Monsterdon

"Where are we?"

...Tory still a little slow. #Monsterdon

the razor blades are quite a surprise

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon @devilgirlbot YOU'LL SEE SOON ENOUGH

this blind carpentry sequence is making me wonder how actual blind carpentry works, will have to look that up later

#Monsterdon

arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf

#Monsterdon

This whole thing might come off better if anyone involved had actually ever met a blind person

#monsterdon

TAKE HIS EYES! TAKE HIS EYES!

#Monsterdon

The first few vignettes in this film were supernaturally goofy, but this one about vicious institutional mistreatment and contempt is getting to me a little bit.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon so that was the tale of karen feminism wanting every privilege without thinking of the consequences, right?!?!?

I like how this tale just starts without any establishment with the character whose tale it is. Great faith in the audience to keep track of these characters in the outer plot.

#Monsterdon

"I don't want him to die , ever"

Have you ever seen the Assphix lady?

#Monsterdon

Eeeeeverybody thinks they can outsmart the djinn. Good luck dipshit. #Monsterdon

WHAT DID I JUST SAY #Monsterdon

So can the other people actually see these visions too or are they just sitting silently in queue for their own vision in proper british fashion? #monsterdon

A house so big it has it's own village as a gatehouse...

#Monsterdon

Quick note:: we're going to be doing Rob Reiner's 4 year run from 1984-1987 at #sundayfunnies in Jan. Maybe the greatest 4 year run in history. #monsterdon

He'll rise again but this time he'll be a thrifty and kind ZOMBIE and the neighborhood will really have a problem with him

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@CactuarJoe It takes a while for the revenge pumpkin to ferment as you know #monsterdon

@amyfou #monsterdon

does the dog framer die.com

If his wife comes back and kills the NIMBY I'm gonna cheer :D #Monsterdon

I quite like the frame of each of them sitting on stone seats. Surprisingly good cinematography and staging for 1972

#Monsterdon

the purpose of a cryptid is what it does #monsterdon

#monsterdon The makeup guy really needs to check what shade of red blood is.

that time loop episode of Star Trek TNG

#Monsterdon

Eh, that wasn't scary enough. He shoulda had a bare skull. #Monsterdon

he crashed so hard he crashed himself out of existence

#monsterdon

🎵 chestnuts roasting on a wrecked car fire

#monsterdon

We've had to replace our wallpaper with a Windows 3.1 tiled background

#Monsterdon

Good foley work, at least. That 70's parking brake <3 #Monsterdon

Kinda blew The Big Tweest™ on the first story there. #Monsterdon

lol, ok 'lady macbeth'

#Monsterdon

I appreciate their commitment to playing the same song without interruption through this whole story

#monsterdon

so Joan Collins is the sexier Elizabeth Hurley, amirite??!?!?

#monsterdon

WAIT! as usual, i only judge the #Monsterdon movie by, not even it’s poster but the title and the year. made an exception for Tales from the Crypt. y’all mean to tell me Peter Cushing is in this thing?

also, that organist was 🔥🔥🔥

Sooooo we're just getting a tour of the graveyard, huh? #Monsterdon

Ah yes! The greatest #Christmas film ever made! #Monsterdon #TalesfromtheCrypt 🪦🧟

MONSTERDON BEGINS! :D

Joooiiiin uuuusssss

It's (edit: ALMOST but not quite) the final donning of monsters in 2025!

https://tubitv.com/movies/499222/tales-from-the-crypt

#Monsterdon

@moira This week’s word cloud: one giant “arf”

#Monsterdon

There was a lot in #TalesFromTheCrypt1972 that didn't make a lot of sense, especially the frame story. The third and the fifth stories were pretty good. All good viewing for the vengeful.

Peter Cushing was a delight, even as a zombie.

Thanks @Taweret for a good #monsterdon and @cherizilla for the heavy duty bingo card.

@bk1e #monsterdon

my greatest sin is watching B-movies.

like, over the weekend I started watching a quality first-run movie and I couldn't handle it.

@Mikal oh hells no

most were WAY worse

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

RE: https://mastodon.social/@devilgirlbot/115761088011923436

lol, oh boy, did he! #Monsterdon

Alright, Thus Ended The Extremely Confusing Lesson. As always, one last question before you leave the theater:

Was TALES FROM THE CRYPT (1972) the WORST MOVIE EVER on #Monsterdon?

And that's how Charlie Brown saved Christmas!

#Monsterdon

awww, that was some proper Christmas Carol style fun!
#MOnsterdon

And they all fuck off into hell.

#monsterdon

"Now you may go."

TO HELL

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon @devilgirlbot they better not harm the goggie

oooo, they ARE going to feed him to his own dog!

#Monsterdon

Tory turning towards the camera like, "Wait... I think... I think I might be in... Trouble?" #Monsterdon

@SnoopJ bark bark bark bark bark
#monsterdon

"Does he like pork?" #Monsterdon

"You can't do this to me! Margaret Thatcher said I was a good man!" #Monsterdon

Naming a dog Shane was the real crime

#Monsterdon

I wonder what Evil Santa is up to

#monsterdon

oh good, the dog is trapped but not harmed

#MOnsterdon

Never before have I seen a plate of bacon scraps wielded with murderous intent so clearly telegraphed.

#monsterdon

Is that, uh, LONG bacon? :D #Monsterdon

lol, these are the same lies they use on us now....we should be eating them.

#Monsterdon

"Do you know anything about blind people?"

"Pff, of course not. Ha, what an idea." #Monsterdon

This is how the Tories envision the NHS.....

#Monsterdon

Lunch/Dinner is a North/South thing here

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon ok, that red car is The Look. is that an Aston Martin?

okay yeah this one is fucked up. I remember this one

#monsterdon

Or will the conceit be that only characters who have read "The Monkey's Paw" are the ones who get killed

#Monsterdon

I don’t understand #monsterdon but the things people are posting are funny af

You know the monkey's paw story lady. Why are you following it exactly?

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

...Wait if HE'S dead already because of a wish SHE made, why is HE going to hell? #Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe Hell Biker summoned #monsterdon

lol, oh the bike guy works for ICE!

#Monsterdon

"Remember when we bought that cursed tot- I WAS JOKING!! #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Ouija boards are a real cultural phenomena among y’all euro-americans. am fascinated by how people were obsessed with them and spiritism during the 1st half of the 20th century; especially the interwar era.

@CactuarJoe meanwhile they probably just ignore actual pedophiles, just like real life.

#monsterdon

yes this suddenly became the best of the sketches so far

#monsterdon

"think of the children", 70s edition #monsterdon

I guess there's a practiced calligrapher in on this plot…?

#Monsterdon

Using a oujia board to contact your dead wife? Can't you just use an AI app like a normal person? #monsterdon

Man, why doesn't this guy just start an HOA like a *real* Tory would. #Monsterdon

what is it these movies with hot, big-eyed, young women falling for ashy, balding guys with marginally good teeth?

#monsterdon

Peter Cushing! Yayayyyy! He's like Santa to us here at Monsterdon. Come to bring us joy.
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@moira Goundhog deathface day?

#monsterdon

Omg that was all a dream, and happens again... well that was dumb but I can say it's better than a whole movie I saw with that basic premise. Better done in 10 minutes.
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

This was a terrible idea last time. Let's do it again.

#Monsterdon