So... What exactly is supposed to be going on here anyway? The mad monk just... makes of stories of them doing terrible things then dying and they just stand there and listen because there wouldn't be a movie otherwise?
Does anyone understand anything at all about what is going on?
Pictured: graphic movie violence.
#Monsterdon
I hope story number two has an amusingly retro telephone in it too #monsterdon
I like to hang wrought iron gates in my kitchen..
#TalesFromtheCrypt1972
#monsterdon Oh. It's a girl.
I find your lack of three point seatbelts disturbing. #monsterdon
Yep. Mistress. Daddy's an unfaithful prick. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
He's got a garçonnière
#monsterdon
#TalesFromtheCrypt1972
#monsterdon
Social contract breach cascades a lot. Moral 1.
@fabio Pork chop sandwiches?!
Susan Blake - I knew it!
#monsterdon this is definitely a Christmas movie!
Good thing both their first names started with C, saved on the sign writing.
@pngwen Look, _somebody_ has to get the milk. And if it takes a while, _it takes a while_.
ah yes, the famous... Hillside.
@RobynGoodfellow Was it the sexy music that gave it away?
#Monsterdon
What. We're back in the catacombs but was that a flashback or flash forward? #monsterdon
Slight distraction here as the competing screen has just come to "Hans, bubbe, I'm your white knight!" #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
#monsterdon so "once you leave here" is Christmas Eve for Joan Collins, but just a random weekday for this guy?
@Taweret@timeloop.cafe Oh no! You know what this means, of course.
...
You have to eat them all.
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
Goodbye, darling - I'm off to my psychiatric practice and better wife in New York.
βAnd thatβs why Santa isnβt real. And yes kids, anyone in the suit could be a homicidal maniac.β #Monsterdon
@pngwen They do seem to be coming pretty quickly tonight!
@Taweret Well, guess you gotta finish um. #Monsterdon #TalesfromtheCrypt πͺ¦π§
Death by Buster!
He's not coming back, is he? #Monsterdon
Add then?
I officially want to die that way. Massaged to death. Death from sheer comfort.
Is this one of those movies where they're all already in Hell? #Monsterdon
#monsterdon I lost the lid to the cookies. I tossed it aside in the dark and its gone?
Oh wow, the christmas party next door (literally) just got a live band that sounds like maybe Mariachi music? It is very much clashing with the soundtrack to this movie.
AND THEN
is that Carol again?
#monsterdon they hadn't yet learned the "And No And Then" trick from Dude, Where's My Car, could have ended this movie at the first reel...
Ok, nooooow I can call 999. #monsterdon
How many bands does that radio have?
(*class mocks him*) And then? And then? And then? #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
That basketball is not regulation
Okay. Less then a minute in this guy totally has a mistress. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
Sure, why wouldn't you want a snot green shag carpet in your entryway?
They may've called that pattern "Carrots and Peas" but it still looks like something that got puked back up
i wanna know which detergent she used to wash that blood away
I can smell the rugs in this film. They all reek like damp old dog.
Fact.
#Monsterdon
More 70s homes, I'm enjoying the kitsch and toxic materials...
He's going to go home and repot that fern in something other than a strawberry pot is what he's going to do
Evil Santa, check. Honestly, I was expecting more supernatural shenanigans. A few more stories to go so we'll see. #Monsterdon
Ralph Richardson's voice is so damn fine. #monsterdon
@amyfou I think he might have used a little too much force. #Monsterdon #TalesfromtheCrypt πͺ¦π§
oooooo the swanky sexy music
#Monsterdon
And then along came JONES #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt #MonsterdonSavesChristmas
And then along game Jones...
@Taweret Pass
Best #Monsterdon soundtrack so far πΉ
Homicide Detective: βLooks like she was shoulder massaged to death.β
Santa gives a heck of a neck massage
You will be visited by three "And Thens". Or maybe half a dozen of them if you plan on being really, really bad.
Nice callback to Dude, Where's My Car, which will have been made several decades into the future.
"Aaaaand theeeeeen?" #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
Thatβs some real Lady MacBeth scrubbing there. #Monsterdon
AND THE?N AND THEN? And then... and...
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
(( currently suffering the indignity of an instacart ad featuring a stop-motion polar bear with huge abs ))
#monsterdon
Wow that was a shared brain cell moment from Monsterdon! β:floofLol:β
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
#monsterdon oh no she's being shoulder massaged TO DEATH
They missed an opportunity to have Joan Collins AND Santa in the crypt..
We have a Christmas Carol and a Christmas Carl? Such alliteration.
And so many kids not sleeping: they must not have finished their tot of gin. #monsterdon
This is Canterbury Tales, personal crypt edition??? #Monsterdon
No and then!
who is scheduling all of this right after a crypt tour #monsterdon
Her fate is to get shoulder-rubbed to death?
#MonsterdonποΈππͺπͺππ§π±
this homicidal maniac likes giving the ladies a shoulder massage!
"I'm going to shoulder massage you to death!!!"
Do you get it yet? How many more tales must we tell before yall get that you are dead?
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
Hey, she got that brooch for Christmas. #Monsterdon
Sheβs reacting quite odd to a shoulder massage.
Surprise! they're all dead! shocking! #monsterdon
Santa and the Deathly Neck Massage!
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
@wulfric I don't think that was the real Santa
She dies from a shoulder massage from Santa #Monsterdon
DEATH BY OVER AGGRESSIVE SHOULDER MASSAGE
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972 i can't get over the size of that portable radio
Ohhhh the monk is like a ghost of Christmas present #Monsterdon
Wait, sheβs massaged to death? #monsterdon
Well that kid's gonna need some therapy.
WELP THAT'S GRIM
hohoho booty call?
#Monsterdon
It's totally a flashback.
#monsterdon
Killed by back massage.
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80 year old man murders 30 year old woman
#monsterdon
Death by shoulder massage
Santa giving you a nice shoulder rub you die
#monsterdon
lol, atta girl!
Is santa giving her a neck massage?
Calm down lady, it's just a shoulder massage!
Santa knows the Vulcan neck pinch. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972
Death by shoulder massage?
And here I thought I was going to be able to escape Christmas music...
Is there a child named Carol on this because it's Christmas? π€
Wait the kid's name is Carol? Really? #monsterdon
With cleaning skills like that, no wonder he thought she was a great wife #Monsterdon
Blood out of a fur carpet? Winning!