so he crashed into a parallel universe? i didn't think his gf's driving was that bad.

#monsterdon

so the cookie lid is just gone I guess

#monsterdon

Ok. I'm back. What was the end of the Joan Collins story? When we crashed she was wiping up red paint in white shag carpet.

#monsterdon

I've got it! They see through the film in his eyes. The characters perceive all of us watching them and that fills them with existential dread. #Monsterdon

I get the reference but honestly I'm glad this isn't an Italian horror movie

#Monsterdon

Cameras in the 70s had astigmatism #Monsterdon

So am guessing he now looks like HE should be Crypt Keeper.

#Monsterdon

at least this movie isn't using "day for night" filming, but they might have leaned a bit too far into "you can't see any of what the fuck is supposed to be going on" #monsterdon

Every fence along a road is backed by a giant cliff perfectly shaped for cars to fly off it

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

He has *become* the shag carpet.

#monsterdon #talesfromthecrypt

How much of his face do you think is left? #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Can't wait 'til this guy finds a mirror

#monsterdon
#TalesFromTheCrypt

I get the feeling he didn't come out of that crash so well.

#Monsterdon #TailsFromTheCryp1972

The mans rans awayed because of hand hook car door. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

#Monsterdon🏛️💀🔪🪞💝🧙😱

is he headless? Is that it?

Is he a GHOAST
#monsterdon

Nice. Accident victim and you run screaming. Top quality people in this shire, let me tell you

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

OK, here is where he saves her disconnected head and then starts lurking around strip clubs to find a replacement body, right?

#Monsterdon

@flowerpot "Stabby with the douchebag" is a great punk rock name! #monsterdon

Oh, I understand perfectly now.

#Monsterdon

Requesting a gif of that car bursting into the ditch with the caption “Me sliding into your DMs”.
#Monsterdon

"Susan, show me your charred corpse. damn you"

#Monsterdon

Most confusingly shot car accident evar! #Monsterdon now, what happened to the interior? Did I miss something?

@paco

If that don't work, also on Mometu

https://watch.mometu.com/feature/tales-crypt

#Monsterdon

How did he survive this?
#monsterdon

How is he alive, and walking?

#Monsterdon

The Sopranos had much more realistic crash scenes.

(And after-crash nose holding.)

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

The paint-mixer car crash effect looked pretty silly..

baked potato. #monsterdon

You know things are bad when even the road sign is saying "no"

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

I was gonna say, I hope there's more than just "And then he died in a car crash with his mistress. Next!"

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Would have been better with Toonces

#Monsterdon

Well crap. I've been trying to convert from Plex to Jellyfin and the Jellyfin app on AppleTV just crashed. Doing an emergency download to Plex to try to rejoin #monsterdon

Some American driving on the wrong side of the road #monsterdon

She's Toonces the Cat in disguise and they all died in a car crash.
#Monsterdon

That was probably the worst crash sequence in the history of cinema, but it was also the most amazing.

#Monsterdon

so the lesson in the first story was don't murder your husband because then you might need to call 911 and wont be able to

and the lesson in this one is - don't let your gf drive?

#monsterdon

@socketwench especially if it started out WHITE #monsterdon

Ah yes, the Aston-Martin Pinto.

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

WEAR YOUR SEAT BELTS KIDS! #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

See what happens when you drive with your high beams on and blind the oncoming traffic.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon🏛️💀🔪🪞💝🧙😱

ruh roh I don't think that seatbelts were required yet for all passengers in 1972

Also, WELP THAT WAS GRIM * 2

#monsterdon

Wow, two flips. Impressive! #Monsterdon

That's a very low budget car crash

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

that's carma for you #monsterdon

he just had what my drama teacher would've called - the classic actors dream NOOOOO
#Monsterdon

Waking up from a bad dream & insisting that you control the wheel feels like an allegory for something. #Monsterdon

Best. Car crash. Ever!

#Monsterdon

Sorry for the distraction. Is the Pardoner's Tale next? Wrong frame tale? I'll get back on track in a few minutes probably. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

And that's why Santa invented shoulder belts!

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

<wakes up screaming>

NO

oof sorry honey I have a phobia about driving in front of bluescreens

#Monsterdon

Don't worry! He only got a bit of fake blood on his head!

#monsterdon

@Violinknitter only Susan nose! #monsterdon

i think this skit would be improved if Susan turned out to be Death.

#monsterdon

Susan Blake, you ignorant slut. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Is it bad that I can't tell which of trhem is actually driving? I think it's him. Is my screen just that dark? #Monsterdon

Aaaand she opens the car door and pushes him out <3 #Monsterdon

That doll is creepy watching over the kids #Monsterdon

Adultery is so tiring...

#monsterdon

AZIZ, FOCUS #monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972 who's got the time to juggle this many families? the 1970s really were a different time

That car went full Simpsons mode #monsterdon

Now that I’ve seen one, I want a mustard yellow geometric papered wall.

#Monsterdon

Ok, Susan, if he goes into a lake, you'll probably want to try to get out of the car yourself... #Monsterdon

@SRLevine

I've had Icee's that looked more like blood

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon🏛️💀🔪🪞💝🧙😱

Uh oh not Susan Dent she's not worth your kids dude I think she might be evil...

Susan is a homewrecker. Let's hope she gets stabby with the douchebag.
#Monsterdon

The look on Susan’s face when he said, “I love you, Susan. You know that, don’t you?” is one of disgust.

#Monsterdon

what is it with the imagination of the british man that extremely mid balding men must always have a second family with a dark haired unfathomably hot woman #monsterdon

Coming in a little late but I see we already have a murder, Santa, and Xmas stuff
#Monsterdon #MonsterdonBingo #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@randy_s lol that captioning is wonderful

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

The lengths someone will go to to escape a snot green shag carpet...

#monsterdon #talesfromthecrypt

He's such a simp for her. #monsterdon

@Mikal 😂

...aw and now I miss The Muppet Christmas Carol, I gotta make sure to watch that

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

So... What exactly is supposed to be going on here anyway? The mad monk just... makes of stories of them doing terrible things then dying and they just stand there and listen because there wouldn't be a movie otherwise?

#Monsterdon

Does anyone understand anything at all about what is going on?

#Monsterdon

Pictured: graphic movie violence.
#Monsterdon

I hope story number two has an amusingly retro telephone in it too #monsterdon

#monsterdon

I like to hang wrought iron gates in my kitchen..

#TalesFromtheCrypt1972
#monsterdon Oh. It's a girl.

I find your lack of three point seatbelts disturbing. #monsterdon

Yep. Mistress. Daddy's an unfaithful prick. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

He's got a garçonnière
#monsterdon

#TalesFromtheCrypt1972
#monsterdon
Social contract breach cascades a lot. Moral 1.

@fabio Pork chop sandwiches?!

#Monsterdon

Susan Blake - I knew it!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon this is definitely a Christmas movie!

Good thing both their first names started with C, saved on the sign writing.

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt #MonsterdonSavesChristmas

@pngwen Look, _somebody_ has to get the milk. And if it takes a while, _it takes a while_.

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Good foley work, at least. That 70's parking brake <3 #Monsterdon

ah yes, the famous... Hillside.

#monsterdon

@RobynGoodfellow Was it the sexy music that gave it away?
#Monsterdon

What. We're back in the catacombs but was that a flashback or flash forward? #monsterdon

Slight distraction here as the competing screen has just come to "Hans, bubbe, I'm your white knight!" #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

#monsterdon so "once you leave here" is Christmas Eve for Joan Collins, but just a random weekday for this guy?

@Taweret@timeloop.cafe Oh no! You know what this means, of course.

...

You have to eat them all.

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Goodbye, darling - I'm off to my psychiatric practice and better wife in New York.

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@pngwen They do seem to be coming pretty quickly tonight!

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

“And that’s why Santa isn’t real. And yes kids, anyone in the suit could be a homicidal maniac.” #Monsterdon