“Now, forever!”

Dang it woman, haven’t you ever read your Greek mythology???
#Monsterdon

It's very simple. You need to take a living person's blood, my dude. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

FOREVER....

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon I don't think anyone does the "Three wishes rules lawyer" routine better than Nandor in What We do in the shadows but this is a solid effort, for 50 years ago.

While typing, that must be the chicken cutlets the guy on doesthedogdie was referring to...

"I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener" #monsterdon

"Forever" no, Enid.
#monsterdon

WHAT'S IN YOUR HEAAAAAAD IN YOUR HEAAAAAAAAAD ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE BIE BIE BIE #monsterdon

Listen, you silly twat! You are bad at wishes!! #Monsterdon #TalesfromtheCrypt 🪦🧟

#Monsterdon🏛️💀🔪🪞💝🧙😱

ENID!

you mustn't wish him back

why not?

I think he just told you, didn't he?

#monsterdon

I wonder if he's going to be right outside that door when she does a dumb thing here and he gets up out of that casket.

#Monsterdon #TailsfromTheCryp1972

Do something! Kill me!

#Monsterdon

Eternal life without eternal youth!!!

#Monsterdon

Wait, sell off my things to pay my debts, like The Poors? #Monsterdon

And that's now you make a zombie. Great job hon. Watch more movies.

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

i keep thinking the reveal is going to be that people are secret gay lovers and that keeps not being it #monsterdon

Enid, ask for a cheeseburger or a nice lamp. Stop playing with death.
#Monsterdon

Her devotion is commendable but really, you have to know when to cut your losses #Monsterdon

Should have pasted that Ringu face on him....

#Monsterdon

#ChristmasPartyAFilmOrShow is now trending across Mastodon

#Monsterdon is now trending across Mastodon

So this is a story about a story of gaming the system of the Monkey's Paw ironic wishes?
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

I wish... that my wish be used up without purpose or effect! #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

And he's now immortal and in eternal pain, I bet

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

Man, you just can't get 30 minutes or less service from Corpsedash any more.

#monsterdon #talesfromthecrypt

but he's the guy being told this story by the crypt keeper

he literally did nothing

his wife made a wish and then he had a heart attack

#monsterdon

That was the weirdest twist. He had already died just before the accident!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon🏛️💀🔪🪞💝🧙😱

Enid.

gawd this "story" :blobcat_angry: #monsterdon

How many years did they have this statue and Enid never once said "Ralph, I wish you'd stop whistling?" in its presence #monsterdon

Uber Stiffs. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

So are these guys like ghosts, or just undertakers who don't question a work order? #Monsterdon

#monsterdon I assume the writing appeared on the statue at the most ironic time, and that it appears in the language of the owner it wants to fuck with

That doesn't explain the stereotypical fake brushstroke font though huh

I’m confused as to why this is Ralph’s story for the crypt

#Monsterdon

let us make an entirely NEW MISTAKE

#Monsterdon

I'm seeing double. four Tallmen! "Boooooy."
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@blogdiva oh no, they never try fire! #monsterdon #iMayBeAbot

What kind of car was Ralph driving? #monsterdon

who invited the local goth mime troupe?
totally not cool, bad timing
#Monsterdon

More human reaction than Erica Kirk, just saying.
#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972 this is a really relaxed car chase

if it's one thing that monkeys paws love it's when you try and outsmart the monkeys paw #monsterdon

@screwturn Mission accomplished, then 👍

(It's a weekly movie watch party; this week we're doing Tales From the Crypt)

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

Second story where someone died because of a car accident.

Do British people suck at driving or just writing? #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon🏛️💀🔪🪞💝🧙😱

um - NOT IMMEDIATELY BEFORE, lady

"...mutilated, mangled, torn." 😻

#Monsterdon

He should've kept the delta-V and come crashing through the living room, destroying everything.

#monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Well actually no the couple never sees their son because they cancel the wish before the person knocking on the door comes in.
#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Whoops, never mind.

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

You see, if you lampshade the monkey's paw parable, it's ok! #monsterdon

um, ma'am, i've seen this twilight zone episode, and those two had a better class of tchotchke, and it still didn't end well for them.

#monsterdon

Oh wow, someone learned something from the Monkey's Paw?

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

#monsterdon

It's a good thing they didn't ACCIDENTALLY wish for something when they were in the room before...

Well this is surprisingly meta. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

So.... now hes immortal? #monsterdon

Wishing for dead people to come back *always* works so well
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon🏛️💀🔪🪞💝🧙😱

Dude, you could have just said 'yes'

"Now I'm going to wish for Ralph back!"

Yeah, that never ends well.

#Monsterdon #TailsfromTheCryp1972

No no don't wish for him to come back, haven't you seen-- ah, nevermind.

#Monsterdon

zombie ralph appearing in the next scene?
#Monsterdon

Be careful what you wish for Enid #Monsterdon

why didn't we just do the monkey's paw for this segment instead of a story where we talk about the monkey's paw

#monsterdon

It's not a pretty picture. I don't like doing it! #monsterdon

Oh, fate is not done with Ralph yet! #Monsterdon

Enid suddenly stopped crying when she heard that Ralph’s death made her very rich.

#Monsterdon

Double-ended indemnity

#Monsterdon #MonkeysPaw

I'm beginning to distrust the skid performance of British motorcars #monsterdon

This isn't going to end well...

#Monsterdon

Nooooo! That's the "came back wrong" trope! #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Stop, Enid, and read The Monkey’s Paw. Take your time with those wishes. #monsterdon

"Ralph, dead? :("
"This makes you a very rich woman"
"Oh :)"

#monsterdon

I suppose he *had* to be killed, as the character who read "The Monkey's Paw". Would rather spoil the story otherwise.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon🏛️💀🔪🪞💝🧙😱

Enid, this may not be the best moment to talk about this giant flipping pile of money you've gotten out of your husband's death

These English pricks made him blow up Alderaan!

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Oh, she's going to wish him alive again, isn't she.
#Monsterdon

Oh, this is the Monkey's Paw story...

#Monsterdon

You get a death! and you get a death! Everybody gets a death! #monsterdon

I don't know where this was filmed, but these are NOT British roads.

#Monsterdon

I think I'd like to have gotten to know this guy a bit better before he was killed. Like tell me more of the evil rich shit he did. #Monsterdon

welp. you wanted to be rich, lady.

#monsterdon

Standard practice, inform the solicitor before the next of kin.

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

PLEASE let that bike helmet have a monkey decal-
#Monsterdon

@diazona but they did liquefy the dead man walking's eyeballs. So they tried. Just not consistently
#Monsterdon

Ralph: *suddenly appears going 80mph hovering above the road* "What the fu---" *splat*
#monsterdon

"At least nothing untoward can happen while I play my 'All Car Chase Jazz Edition' mixtape."

#monsterdon #talesfromthecrypt

so the lesson in this one is don't let your wife wish for money on a statue

#monsterdon

Skeletor's out for a joyride #monsterdon

With that face? Of *course* the talisman was going to screw you over

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCryptmas

#Monsterdon🏛️💀🔪🪞💝🧙😱

that skull mask would not be out of place in a 2025 bike helmet honestly

(Are we not supposed to notice the person's face clearly visible behind the mask? Legit not sure if we were supposed to believe that was a skull.)

#Monsterdon

He clearly made millions off of doing driving montages

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

These schmoes obviously never got the advice to retain a wishing lawyer before engaging the services of a limited-quantity wishgiver. #Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

@strangefour
But the music is WILD

#Monsterdon

That was a very chill car chase #monsterdon

It's Ghost Rider!

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972 wait, this fucker was a british arms dealer in colonial southeast asia? fuck him i hope he dies

#monsterdon btw, is Tales from the Crypt a Hammer movie?

extremely fuckwithable Detective Woodwinds soundtrack #monsterdon

I might find this more suspenseful if it made some kind of sense…

#Monsterdon #TalesFromTheCrypt1972

Dig that crazy soundtrack man. Like cool dadio. #Monsterdon